


Like an Arrow Through Time

by ToTheStarsWriting



Series: The Time of Shadows [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Child Murder, Curses, Deruning, Discrimination Against Downworlders, Downworlders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Like, M/M, Magic, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Murder, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Seelie, Sidhe, Slow Burn, Spells & Enchantments, Trials, Unseelie, Use of legends, adapted to suit my needs, but again, but not graphically, dark themes, discussion of, minor flashbacks, not graphic, selective mutism, very slow, where it concerns the seelie/unseelie/sidhe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 177,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25208878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToTheStarsWriting/pseuds/ToTheStarsWriting
Summary: At nineteen years old, the life Alexander Lightwood had been building for himself was ended in one fell swoop. Convicted of a crime he didn’t commit, Alec is left deruned and banished, with no one to stand at his side. Not even his sister or his ex-parabatai. He’s stuck living a life on the run, constantly trying to avoid the demons who hunt after his angel blood, and the Downworlders seeking revenge, all while trying to figure out a way to clear his name.But it’s not something he’s going to be able to do alone. Alec's going to have to learn how to trust the very people he was raised to believe were less than him if he wants to have any hope of finding out what’s going on.Before it’s too late.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: The Time of Shadows [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901407
Comments: 881
Kudos: 1623





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Families of Choice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18214691) by [MonPetitTresor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor). 



> This is kind of different from what I usually write, so I hope you guys still like it. It's a long fic, and there's a mystery to solve by the end of it. Hopefully you like the slight twist I throw in there. Be sure to let me know what you think!

This couldn’t be happening. It felt like a dream. No, not a dream – a nightmare. One from which he couldn’t wake up.

Alexander Lightwood knelt on the cold stone floor in the middle of the Council chambers and stared up at the members of the Council spread out in front of him. It was a sight he’d faced off against before, in various pieces, but never like this. Never in this kind of situation or with such blatant animosity directed his way. As a whole, each and every one of the people in front of him was glaring at him. Yet, at the same time, not one of them could meet his eye. They all looked away the instant Alec tried to catch their gaze.

All Alec could do was stay where he was and look at the faces of people he had once respected more than he probably should have. He didn’t bother trying to turn around. Couldn’t stand the thought of what he might see there.

Or what he wouldn’t.

Early on, back at the beginning of this farce of a trial, Alec had tried to look to the people behind him in the hopes that he could find someone there who would believe him. Someone who would stand up and say that they knew better, that Alec couldn’t have done this. Hell, he would’ve settled for having someone silent but there for him, on his side. Instead, all he’d been met with were hard stares and more averted eyes by those present.

The empty seats that marked the absence of those meant to be there, those Alec wanted there more than anything else, spoke louder than any words the others said.

The nineteen-year-old once-heir to the New York Institute, trained since birth to become the next Head, knelt alone on the ground with his wrists cuffed behind him, facing down a group of people who looked more than ready to grant him death for a crime he didn’t commit.

At the center of the Council seats was Imogen Herondale, the Inquisitor. She was the one responsible for arresting him, for telling him his crimes, and for this whole excuse of a trial. Others were involved, but it was all done by her order. Alec tried not to let himself hate her for that.

Her gaze was impassive now as she stared at a point just over Alec’s shoulder. “Alexander Gideon Lightwood, you have been brought before the Clave and this Council on the charges of murder. Evidence has been presented, and the injured parties have spoken.”

It was hard not to shiver as the memories of those ‘injured parties’ washed through him. The agony on their faces, the tears on their cheeks, grief that was so real it was palpable. Alec had felt his heart break for them even as they’d stood there and accused him of the vilest of things.

“Do you have any last words before we read your verdict?” Imogen asked.

Though he doubted it would do any good – knew, in fact, that he’d already been sentenced in their eyes – Alec couldn’t keep from lifting his chin and squaring his shoulders. He projected as much confidence and strength as he could while on his knees. “Yes, Madame Inquisitor.” Slowly, steady, Alec drew in a breath that he refused to let tremble. When he spoke, his voice echoed to all ends of the chamber. “I did not do the crimes you claim I committed. I don’t know why I’m being accused of them, or what happened to make these people so sure I killed their children, but I have never once harmed a single child in my care. If you would put me under the Soul Sword, you’d know the truth of my words.”

He didn’t understand why that hadn’t happened yet. Why they hadn’t taken him to the Silent City and put him under the Sword. The whole thing could’ve been cleared up then. It was his right to request a trial by Sword, and it was their duty to grant it. Even Valentine, at the height of the war, could’ve claimed the same and been granted it. It was his right – their right – as Nephilim. Yet not once had Alec been given that. He’d demanded it early on in his trial, and it’d been ignored then. Just as he knew it was going to be ignored now.

Sure enough, no one batted an eye. Imogen didn’t look away from the spot over Alec’s shoulder. She stayed calm and impassive while he spoke. When he was done, she shook her head, and Alec knew with that gesture, there was no way he was going to get out of this. They were going to judge him and sentence him without giving him any of his rights.

He’d always pictured himself ending up here one day. For not controlling his siblings, taking the fall for whatever they’d done, or because the Clave had found out the truth about him. Alec heard the whispers; he knew what happened to gay Shadowhunters. There were quite a few valid reasons why Alec didn’t come out, no matter what Isabelle had to say about it. But this? If it weren’t for the witnesses brought in, Alec would’ve been so sure this was a way for them to get him out without openly admitting he was gay. But the witnesses they’d brought in, the crimes they said he committed, those were so much more.

Imogen’s expression was one of ice. Disgust. Her eyes were cold and clear. “You shall not be taken to the Silent City. The Sword is for Shadowhunters, of which you are no longer one.”

Those words sent an icy chill down Alec’s spine.

“By the power of the Clave, I, Imogen Herondale, Inquisitor of the Clave, do find you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, guilty of the murder of seventeen Downworlder children. As such, I sentence you to deruning and banishment, to be carried out immediately.”

The sound of a gong echoed loudly through the room. It drowned out everything else until Alec could hear nothing else. He felt frozen, unable to do anything as guards swarmed him, taking hold of his arms and pinning him in place.

Alec looked around, frantic to find one member of his family, someone here on his side. Someone to save him. His fierce little sister, always there to defend the underdog, always ready to fight for her family. Or his parabatai, bound to him soul-to-soul, meant to fight side by side and back to back against any and all enemies. Yet, Alec found nothing. There was no one there. No one to stand up and speak out against it. Just the Council, and the parents of the accused.

They stood by as the only witnesses as Alec was uncuffed and pinned down to the ground right there in the Council chambers.

Alec didn’t scream, didn’t fight. There was no way out of here, and he knew it. All he could do was grit his teeth and hold back his screams as something pressed against his neck and began to strip his life away from him.

* * *

When all was said and done, they didn’t even give Alec time to recover before he was carried out of the Council chambers and through a portal. The whole world was a wave of pain that Alec couldn’t even begin to think past. He’d been warned that having runes removed like this was painful. But no amount of words could’ve prepared him for the absolute agony of having them all stripped away one by one. Nor could they have prepared him for what it would feel like as that piece of his soul he’d long since labeled Jace was torn out of him without a care.

Alec was dumped down onto the cold, hard ground like yesterday’s garbage. Immediately he rolled to his side and curled into a ball in some instinctive need to cradle where it hurt. Only, _everything_ hurt. He couldn’t think, could barely even breathe through it all. But it wasn’t the pain in his body that hurt the most. What did it matter that his body was aching when his very soul was bleeding?

Every part of Alec was screaming out for the bond that was no longer there. He couldn’t help grabbing for it over and over again despite knowing that it was gone. That the presence of his brother inside him that he’d come to rely on so much, the steadiness of Jace’s emotions, the strength it gave Alec, the comfort of knowing his brother was there and alive, all of it was gone.

Parabatai weren’t meant to outlive one another. Their bond was deep, and it was meant to be eternal. For as long as one lived, so would the other. _Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried. The Angel do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me._ They were meant to guard one another’s backs, to fight together and die together in service to the Angel. It wasn’t meant to end like this, with a piece of Alec ripped out of him and his soul left bleeding.

Another promise echoed up in his mind. A low, steady voice, so very sure. Confident in that way that Alec never quite managed, and that made it so easy to believe him. _We’re brothers now, Alec. Not by name, but by choice. I’m always gonna have your back no matter what happens to us. We’re parabatai. That means you’re stuck with me._

If only that had proved true. Alec curled in tighter and fought back a sob as the pain in his chest grew. He didn’t hear the words the Shadowhunters spat at him after they dropped him. Not even their parting kicks were enough to stir him from the agony that was running inside and out. Alec lay in that cold alley and felt like his life was bleeding away from him with each passing moment. He didn’t have the energy to get up, to try and fight. What was the point? They’d already killed him. They’d taken away everything that mattered and left Alec alone. His runes, his parabatai, his family, his life. Alec had nothing left.

How long Alec laid there, he didn’t know. Slowly the pain began to fade away, at least on the outside. The pain on the inside only seemed to grow.

“Oh, _Nitii_ ,” a voice murmured softly, so close to him it was a wonder Alec hadn’t heard them come up.

Alec felt a fresh wave of grief run through him. With his runes, he would’ve heard the person. He never would’ve been caught off guard like this. But he didn’t have his runes anymore. He didn’t have anything.

There was a soft whisper, and then movement right near his head. Opening his eyes felt like the hardest thing Alec had ever done. They were weighted down, fighting him every step of the way, but eventually he got them open. Who he found in front of him was honestly the last person he would’ve expected to see.

Dark grey skin was the first thing Alec saw. Then, a familiar twist of something white streaked with red and black and held together by a single black ribbon. The sight of that sparked something in Alec. It broke through the haze just enough to trigger a memory and put a name to the body that was now crouching down beside his head. Rimni – one of the fae, sidhe, the head of the Guard at the Unseelie Court. Someone that Alec had met years ago on a training run when Alec had been separated from his team and had ended up saving the life of a sidhe who’d been trapped by demons and badly injured.

Alec hadn’t reported what he’d found. He never quite knew what had possessed him to break protocol like that, but he’d gotten Rimni out of there, helped him to a place where he could leave on his own, and he’d never reported the man to the Clave. Nor had he reported the demons he’d slain.

They’d met up together off and on since then. When Alec was out on patrol, and his siblings were running off at the end to go and play, leaving Alec to walk home alone and do reports, Rimni would sometimes appear and walk with him. Other times, he’d come up on Alec while he was getting coffee or eating somewhere that wasn’t the Institute, and he’d invite himself to join Alec. They were like… Alec wasn’t quite sure what to put on it. Rimni was like this strange mix of a friend, a stalker, and occasionally a babysitter, depending on the mood he was in. Was friend really the right word?

Whatever it was, friendship or stalking, it likely wouldn’t look like much to anyone outside of them. Yet Alec had always found a strange comfort in it.

He didn’t feel any of that now.

Rimni knelt there in front of him looking down at Alec with soft, sad eyes. He didn’t ask what happened. Didn’t try and offer Alec any platitudes or make any demands. Rimni just let out a soft sigh and reached out toward him with a soft, “Come, _Nitii_. Let’s get you out of here before it gets fully dark.”

Later, Alec would have barely any memory of Rimni helping him up off the ground and mostly carrying him out of there. Nor would he really remember the next couple days spent lying in a soft bed fighting off a fever as his body processed the violent change it’d gone through.

Alec would only carry vague memories of heat and pain, and a need for his parabatai that never once faded. He’d remember Rimni there with him, those cool, gentle hands wiping the sweat from his face, or holding him up when Alec got sick and his own arms were too weak to hold him.

By the time that Alec finally surfaced once more, his body was exhausted, but the fever had finally broken, and his head was clearer. Enough that he felt like he was finally able to think.

That great, gaping hole inside of him wasn’t gone, and part of Alec knew how easy it would be to fall back into that and never come back. To just let go and sink down into the grief of it. But, he couldn’t do that. He knew he couldn’t. There were far more important things than his own pain to think about.

Alec shifted, intending on trying to get up, only to startle when his movement brought to his attention the softness of whatever he was lying on.

“Good to see you finally awake. I was beginning to worry.”

That voice sent Alec from half-asleep to alert in an instant. His eyes snapped open, only for him to end up blinking them a few times in surprise as he looked at the man standing at the foot of the bed in a room Alec didn’t recognize. The only thing that kept Alec from tensing all over again was the fact that Rimni was with him – even if it took his brain a second to catch on that the man standing there and Rimni were on in the same – and Alec trusted him. More than he did most, right now.

Rimni was dressed down from his uniform in a pair of tight pants and a loose white tunic. His long mane of striped hair was loose from its braid and left free to hang down so that the tips of it sat bare inches above the ground. Alec had been fascinated by his hair from the first time he’d met him. It was a bright white that was striped with streaks of red and black that went from scalp to bottom.

He was taller than Alec by a good foot, and though lean, Alec knew he had more muscle and strength than one would assume by looking at him.

Either Alec had been staring for too long, or Rimni was just able to read his face well enough, because his smile gentled into something much kinder, and he moved to come sit on the side of the bed. In a slow, steady drawl that wasn’t quite expected from him, thick as molasses, Rimni asked, “I know it probably feels like a dumb question, but I have to ask. How are you feeling, _Nitii_?”

The nickname was one that Rimni had given him after they first met. He’d yet to tell what it meant and Alec had given up on asking.

Alec took a second to answer him. His brain and body both felt slow. “Um, tired. Sore.”

“I imagine you will feel both of those for quite a while. Your body has gone through much these past few days.”

With those words came the memories of what had sent him here. What had happened to lay him out this low. Alec drew in a deep, shaky breath, and his eyes closed. The ache inside his chest grew stronger. He didn’t know what part hurt more – being deruned and cast out, or the emptiness of the bond still pulsing angrily inside him.

When Alec opened his eyes, he had to look, had to see for himself. Even knowing what he would find wasn’t enough to prepare him for the sight of his bare arms. Skin that had been covered for years now with runes was as bare as a child’s.

Lifting his eyes, Alec found Rimni watching him, bright red eyes not flinching from Alec's gaze. There was no anger there, no hate. None of the things that Alec half expected to see. Just the same kindness that he’d always found there, and a sadness that made Alec's chest ache even more.

“I didn’t do it,” Alec found himself whispering. It bubbled up from inside him; words he’d been saying to everyone, only to have none of them believe him.

Yet Rimni looked right at him and simply said, “I know.”

Alec stared up at him with wide eyes. The words had come so easily for Rimni. He’d said them without thought, without hesitation, and without any qualifiers. Just a simple ‘I know.’

It was more than anyone else had given him. More than his own people, his own _family_ , had been willing to say.

Though Alec wasn’t the most tactile of people with anyone who wasn’t family, he didn’t flinch when Rimni reached out and took hold of his hand. The contact felt nice. Safe. Comforting in a way that reminded Alec of coming into his siblings’ rooms at night and petting their hair or holding their hand to soothe them down from a nightmare. Rimni held Alec's hand and offered him more strength and support with that single gesture than Alec had felt from anyone in a long time.

It meant the world to Alec. He found himself curling his fingers tightly around Rimni’s and hanging on. Somehow, that made it easier for him to keep sitting there, keep breathing. Alec anchored himself on the sidhe. “Someone set me up,” he told Rimni.

“Who do you know that hates you so much they would do this?” Rimni asked.

Alec pressed his tongue against his teeth and tried to think. Who did he know that hated him this much? Enough to set him up for deruning and banishment? Or, honestly, for execution. Alec was damn lucky that the Inquisitor hadn’t chosen to do that.

He knew it was due to the kids being Downworlders. A disgusting fact that brought Alec a sense of shame. He wouldn’t be alive if any of those children had been Shadowhunters. The Clave would’ve had him executed. But because his people considered Downworlders so below them, while claiming they didn’t, the murder of seventeen children earned Alec a punishment far less than it should’ve been.

He hated that he was grateful for it.

“I don’t know,” he said, finally answering Rimni’s question. There was no one Alec could think of that hated him or his family enough to do something like this.

Would he ever find out? A chill ran down Alec's spine at that thought. He knew the stories of what happened to banished Shadowhunters. Without their runes to protect them, and no Institute to back them up, they were on their own against demons who would sniff out their angel blood. In every sense of the word, they were mundanes, even if they still carried angel blood in them.

Demons would come for Alec as soon as night fell and he was outside whatever wards Rimni had him under. They would scent him, and they would hunt.

Alec had no doubt he was protected so long as he was here with Rimni, but he couldn’t stay with him forever. Rimni only made occasional trips up to earth. He spent most of his time in the Unseelie Realm as most of the sidhe did. As head of the King’s Guard, he was a busy man, and his free time was sporadic and limited. Alec couldn’t ask the man to give up his life and stay here so that Alec would be safe.

Especially since it was likely to be more than just demons coming after him. Once the Downworld got wind of this – Alec's supposed crimes as well as his sentence – there was ever likelihood they might be after him, too. Families of the lost children, seeking retribution. Revenge.

In that moment Alec didn’t feel very much like an adult. He felt like a terrified child trying to keep from breaking down. It felt like all his strength and courage had been taken away right alongside his parabatai bond. He’d always known that the piece of Jace he carried inside him was the best part of him. It was where Alec found his strength, where he found the courage to keep on going in the face of whatever life threw at him. Jace had been through so much, and he’d come out stronger for it in the end. Bonding with him had allowed Alec to lean on that strength.

Now, without it, he felt like one of those fine china cups that Isabelle liked to use when she was feeling ridiculous and fancy. The ones that Alec was always worried he was going to accidentally shatter if he touched them the wrong way.

Alec felt stripped down, every part of him so fragile and raw, and it should’ve terrified him to be that way in front of anyone, let alone someone who was only a passing acquaintance. Barely even a friend. Yet Alec looked up at Rimni, and he found himself wanting to act like the child he’d never got to be. To beg, to plead, for Rimni to tell him what to do. To tell him how to fix this. Only, the words dried up in his throat, and he couldn’t force them out.

Rimni’s red eyes darkened. He didn’t need Alec to say the words; one look and he understood. “We will figure out something, _Nitii_. Our first priority is making sure you are safe. The rest can be figured out from there.” He gave Alec's hand another reassuring squeeze. “For now, you need to rest. I will reach out to some friends of mine who know people in the warlock community. If we can perhaps find someone not of the area, we should be able to get you protection. Something to hide your angel blood from the demons. Then, we can plan.”

Alec cast him a grateful look. It took more effort than he would’ve liked for him to murmur the words, “Thank you.”

“Your thanks are not needed, though they are appreciated.” Sighing, Rimni shifted himself so that he better faced Alec, one leg drawing up on the bed with him. He looked sad, and there was an apology written all over his face. “This help is the least I can offer. I cannot offer much more, Alec. I will have to return to my Realm by tomorrow, under orders of my King, and I do not know how long I will be gone for.”

The urge to protest rose up in Alec and he quickly squashed it down. He wasn’t going to make Rimni feel worse than he clearly already did. Whatever help the man could offer him would be more than Alec had expected. Likely more than he deserved. But, selfishly, he’d take it. He wasn’t so proud that he couldn’t admit he didn’t stand a chance against any demons that would hunt him down. He needed whatever protection he could get in whatever form it came in. How he would pay for it was a different story, but Alec would figure out something.

Then… well, then they’d see. Alec needed to get himself some kind of protection first so that he wouldn’t die within hours of Rimni leaving. Once he had that he’d be able to take the time to think about all of this and figure out what needed to happen next. He had to come up with some way to clear his name. If he didn’t, he was going to have to spend the rest of his life hiding not just from demons, but from anyone who was a part of the Shadow World. A defenseless child-murderer would stand no chance against powerful beings who treasured their children.

Having a clear goal helped settle something in Alec. It didn’t take away the fear, or the pain, but it gave him an anchor. One that was easier to hold to than his friend’s hand. Rimni would have to leave eventually, and Alec didn’t blame him for that. Alec needed something to be able to hold on to and work toward once Rimni was gone.

Caught up in his thoughts, Alec missed the grief that flashed through Rimni’s eyes. Grief at what the young Shadowhunter was being forced to endure, and what more waited for him in his future. A future Rimni knew he wouldn’t be able to play a part in until much, much later, no matter how much he ached to spirit the boy away now and hide him from the cruelty he was going to face.

Fate was a fickle mistress, and nothing out there could stem her for long. Even when someone dared mess with the natural order of things, fate always sought a way to rectify it. She would sort things out. Rimni only hoped there was something of the sweet boy he’d first met that remained when she was done.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow the reception for this has been amazing! Thank you all so much for showing your love. You're all wonderful!!! :) <3

“Order up!”

The call rang through the small coffee shop, echoing off the walls and around the room. From his place back in the kitchens Alec was easily able to hear it. It was a sound that he heard countless times a day inside the small little coffee shop where he worked. The call of orders mixed in with the pop and hiss of the coffee machines, the clang of dishes in Alec's small space, the hum of the dishwasher, and the gentle murmur of music playing quietly from the nearby radio.

Those were the sounds that made up Alec's day. There was a strange sort of peace in them. One that the twenty-one-year-old could hang on to when the nights got long and the quiet was too strong.

Alec’s hands were steady and sure as he gathered the last of the trays and slid it over to the sink. Though the dishwasher sanitized the dishes, he still had to wash them out first, and the process had become almost automatic in the seven weeks since he’d started here. Wash, rinse, fill up the tray, load in the dishwasher, take the dry load out to refill the cups out by the counter.

This was just another skill, another job, in a long line of them. Each one more unremarkable than the last.

In the two years since his banishment, Alec hadn’t managed to stay in one place longer than two months. This place was coming up on the longest so far at nine weeks. Nine weeks he’d been here, and seven weeks since he’d found himself another job that didn’t require much in the way of mundane paperwork.

Surprisingly, providing the paperwork wasn’t an issue. Thanks to one of the few people Alec was still able to call friend, Alec had mundane paperwork and ID on the off chance that he ended up in some sort of trouble with the police. His lack of using them was more a matter of not wanting to leave a paper trail – something he’d had to learn about the hard way. Alec hadn’t even been aware that was a _thing_ years ago when he’d first started this journey. He hadn’t known how mundanes could track someone with their computers and a little bit of information. But, oh, he’d found out.

Alec had been a fool back then. Young, stupid, and idealistic. So sure that he could conquer anything if he just put his mind to it. He’d taken Rimni’s help, albeit reluctantly in some ways – too much pride, a folly of youth – and he’d forged ahead like he could make the world fall in place with the sheer force of his will.

Rimni’s contacts hooked Alec up with a warlock willing to make the amulet Alec needed to keep himself hidden. Alec had gone ahead, sending Rimni off to do whatever his King had requested of him, reassuring the man that he’d be fine. He’d had a goal in mind and a purpose – to get protection and then to clear his name. The first step in that had been seeing a warlock. Alec had been so sure he could handle it alone. While he didn’t have runes anymore, he was still a shadowhunter. That wasn’t something they could take away from him. He was strong, and he could withstand anything.

It didn’t take long for life to beat that lesson out of him.

Being a shadowhunter didn’t make him any stronger than anyone else. Alec learned where a shadowhunter’s true strength lay. Without runes, he was nothing more than a slightly unique mundane who was less likely to be sick, and who healed faster than most. Alec wasn’t special – and without his runes, he didn’t stand a chance against someone bigger, stronger, and much more powerful.

Corbin taught him that.

By the time Alec finally fled, he had his protection in the form of a necklace he never took off, but he couldn’t help but wonder some nights if the price had been far too high. Corbin took a lot from Alec while he was there. Not the least of which was any delusion Alec might’ve had about himself and his current place in the world.

While that warlock was the first to teach Alec that lesson, he wasn’t the last. The next few years were full of moments like those. Alec had left New York a bit broken but still idealistic, hoping that a different location might offer him some anonymity. A sense of protection. But it seemed like everywhere he went word of who he was and what he’d done would eventually spread, and Alec would be forced to flee yet another place, often barely making it out.

It made it hard not just to live but to put in any effort into trying to prove his innocence. The times that Alec was caught by a downworlder or even random Shadowhunters, and he tried to plead his case, he’d been met with derision and scorn. Or worse.

With each passing year, each town Alec got chased out of, each beating to ‘show you what happens to scum like you,’ Alec could feel himself beginning to give up hope. What was the point of trying to prove his innocence to people who were so dead set convinced that he’d done it? Who wouldn’t even give him the chance to try and speak his case?

Even the whispers of information he was able to get sometimes about things back home didn’t lend him any hope. There was no word of anyone in Alec’s family trying to find him. No sign that they wanted him back home, or that they were looking for him. The most Alec got was that Isabelle was proclaimed heir to the Lightwood name and that she was soon to be placed as Acting Head of the New York Institute.

Alec was ashamed to admit he’d locked himself away that night in a small motel room with minimal protections and drank himself into a stupor. If any Downworlder looking for revenge or a demon had found him that night, he never would’ve stood a chance, and he hadn’t cared.

Some days he still didn’t.

Sighing, Alec shoved those thoughts back with a skill he’d had to work hard to earn. Right now definitely wasn’t the time to be thinking about those kinds of things. Now was the time to focus on work. The rest of it could wait. It wasn’t like it was going anywhere.

For a little while, Alec lost himself in the monotony of his actions. Washing a cup, putting it in the tray, grabbing another cup, and repeating the procedure. It was easy, mindless work, and he hummed a little to himself as he did it.

Alec had gotten lucky finding this job, and he knew it. There wasn’t a lot of work for people like him – people who needed to hide.

The owners of this coffee shop, Sheryl and her husband Len, were amazing people, and even though Alec likely looked suspicious to them, they’d hired him anyway.

Sheryl and Len owned and ran the shop mostly on their own. They only had a few staff members to come help round out the shifts here and there, but for the most part, the two of them happily spent their days running their coffee shop together. Alec had no idea what it was that had made them want to do this. But it was clear that they loved it. Even at their most exhausted, they still smiled as they worked, and they looked honestly happy to be here.

Out of all the people Alec had met since he’d left home, these two were definitely some of the nicest. They’d given Alec a job without requiring more than ID as proof of who he was. He was paid ‘under the table’ so there was no paper trail to show he’d ever been here. Alec did the dishes, occasionally bussed tables, filled in to make drinks on occasion, and recently they’d started having him clean up and close down the shop for them while they took their daily money to the bank.

It was a big deal, them letting him stay there alone and lock the doors. Alec still couldn’t believe they let him do it. That they trusted him not to rob them blind. Not that the thought would’ve ever occurred to him to do. Despite what people might think, Alec had his honor. He would never do something like that, let alone to two people who had done so much to help him.

The door to the kitchen opened, and Alec immediately turned, shifting his weight to his right foot so that his body was braced, ready for trouble. But it was only Len sticking his head in. The older man didn’t comment on Alec's reaction, though he no doubt saw it. He just offered Alec a faint smile. “I’ve got to run down to the store and grab some more of that hazelnut flavoring. I told Sheryl we’d run out before the day was done. You mind watching the front for me while I do? We got Steve up there doing the register, but he’s still too new to handle the register _and_ making drinks.”

That was an understatement. Steve hadn’t quite figured out how to do all the drinks this place did. For being run by two people in their sixties, this wasn’t a plain little coffee shop. They specialized in those unique drinks that a lot of the trendier places did while still offering it all in a cozy, homey atmosphere.

Alec nodded, already setting down his current dish before Len was finished asking. Quickly drying his hands with the towel hanging over his shoulder, Alec made his way across the room toward the door.

Making drinks wasn’t exactly Alec's favorite part of this job. He didn’t like working the front and being forced to interact with customers. But it was preferable to working the register. There, Alec _had_ to talk to customers, and that was something that he tried to avoid doing at all costs.

To be honest, Alec tried to avoid talking to _anyone_. Words had never come easy to Alec when he was upset. As a child, it’d frustrated his parents constantly that Alec would go almost completely mute when he was upset or too stressed. Sometimes it took hours, maybe even days, for his voice to come back. They’d consulted with the Silent Brothers to find out what was wrong with him.

It was something that Alec would always remember. Up until that point, the Silent Brothers had terrified him, though he hadn’t admitted that. They were like something from nightmares with their stitched-together lips and the eerie way they could speak into someone’s mind. The thought of anyone being able to see inside his mind had terrified a young Alec.

After that meeting, Alec had walked away from the whole thing with a vastly different view of them. There was no way he could be afraid of them. Not when he could remember the gentle way they’d sat him down, the way they’d been so understanding as they explained to Maryse and Robert that there was nothing wrong with Alec.

Of course, neither of Alec's parents had agreed with them. No child of theirs was going to be so weak as to lose their voice every time they got upset. Within a few years, he’d learned to control his emotions enough to cut off moments like that before they happened.

Then everything had happened, and Alec lost any control he might’ve had over anything in his life.

Most of his time since his deruning had been spent in a silence he hated. Fear, stress, pain, those had always made his speechlessness worse in the past, and most of Alec's life consisted of those emotions anymore. Half the time Alec wanted to speak, he couldn’t, and the rest of the time he made a choice to be silent. What was the point in speaking when no one listened to a word you had to say?

Not everyone was tolerant of someone who couldn’t talk. But Len had been far more understanding than Alec had expected, and Sheryl hadn’t batted an eye. They made sure that whatever Alec did, he was forced to speak to the customers as little as possible, and he was always welcome to get them if a customer got too pushy in trying to get answers.

Thankfully, the shop wasn’t too full today, which meant Alec didn’t have to worry all that much about customers. Len left with a promise to be back in twenty minutes, and Steve was caught up in talking to the customer in front of him, which meant that Alec didn’t have to say a word as he went to the coffee machine and began to fill the order he heard the woman placing.

For a little while, it was just simple, easy work. Alec made drinks as they were ordered, taking a break only long enough to go grab the now clean dishes and bring them out so they’d have more cups.

But just as he was finishing off a woman’s order, a familiar voice came from behind him. The sound of it had Alec fumbling a little with the cup he held. He watched half the drink as it went over his hand and down into the overfill tray. The rest of it almost spilled as well as Alec quickly set the cup down and yanked his hand back. He quickly pulled the towel off his shoulder and pressed it against his hand while ducking his head down. Hopefully no one had seen that. Raziel, talk about embarrassing!

When Alec snuck a look over his shoulder, it looked like he was in luck. No one seemed to have seen him fumbling around like a fool.

Or, at least, that was what he thought. Right until the very voice that had startled him before suddenly spoke up right behind him, far closer than it should’ve been. “Are you all right there, darling?”

Alec spun around, grateful that he’d already set the cup down. No doubt it would’ve gone flying. Which, to be fair, probably wouldn’t have surprised anyone. Because Alec never failed to make a complete ass out of himself anytime this customer came in.

In Alec's defense, he was one of the single most gorgeous men that Alec had ever seen. He was close to Alec in height, just a few inches shorter, but carried much more muscle to him than Alec did. More, maybe, than Alec had even back when he’d been in shape and eating regularly. Warm brown eyes always seemed to be smiling or laughing, though never in a way that made Alec feel like he was the butt of the joke. More like he was the only other person in on it.

With spiked up hair, enough jewelry for a few people, and all the tight, flashy clothes done out in bright colors, he always looked like he was about to go to a club or walk down a runway somewhere.

The man was just as unique as the name he gave for his orders – _Magnus_.

Alec abruptly realized that he’d been staring, and he felt his cheeks heat all over again. Dammit!

The soft sound Magnus made was almost a _coo_. “You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”

Looking down at where he still held the towel around his hand, not that it was really doing much, Alec fought back the urge to blush even more. _Quit being an idiot!_ With a deep breath, he calmed his pounding heart and drew the towel off his hand. “I’m fine.” The words came out sharp, a bit more clipped than he’d intended, but at least they came out.

Magnus never seemed bothered in the few times the two of them had interacted. Nor did he look all that bothered now. He leaned in against the counter and beamed at Alec like him speaking at all was the greatest thing to ever happen. “I imagine you get used to burns of different kinds in this line of work. I don’t think I’d ever have the talent or grace to handle hot beverages the way you do. Now, mixing drinks, that’s an entirely different story. I can mix a drink like nobody’s business. But something about making different coffees, especially of the variety you sell here, always seemed like an art form to me. One that I’m sadly lacking any skill at.”

The steady stream of Magnus’ words washed over Alec. He didn’t seem to have any issue carrying on a conversation all by himself without any real sign of input from the other person. It was a nice contrast from all the people who worked so hard to get Alec to speak up. Like maybe if they pushed hard enough or insisted a few extra times that it was _okay_ for him to talk, that he was _safe_ , he might suddenly open up and start rambling at them like half of the idiots out there Alec met in this stupid coffee shop.

When Alec turned around with Magnus’ drink in hand, as well as the drink for the woman behind him, he found Magnus smiling brightly. It was almost enough to make Alec fumble the cups again. Thank the Angel, he kept hold of them. Though the amusement in Magnus’ eyes made it clear he’d seen that half-slip.

The woman took her drink, rolling her eyes a little before huffing and walking away, leaving just Alec and Magnus at the counter.

Magnus looked more than a little amused by her reaction. “Don’t mind her. I’m sure she’s just jealous of the attention I’m getting from such a handsome young man.”

Before Alec could stop himself, he snorted. He looked down at his body, which had lost quite a lot of the definition it’d once had. At twenty-one, he looked more like seventeen, and an unhealthy seventeen at that. Food wasn’t always easy to come by. What he did get wasn’t anywhere near as healthy as it probably should’ve been, and the workouts he did to try and keep himself as in-shape as possible only seemed to combine with his poor diet in making him fall more toward lean than muscled.

Alec looked back up at the man across from him and raised a brow. Magnus didn’t even miss a beat. His grin grew, and he let his own gaze travel over Alec from head to toe and back again. Then he winked.

A blush filled Alec's cheeks. Thank the Angel the moment was interrupted by Steve calling his name to make three new drinks.

By the time those were done, Len was back to make drinks, Magnus was long gone, and Alec was free to slip back into the kitchen and avoid people for the rest of the day. He was much more comfortable in there away from pretty men who flirted with him.

Unfortunately, Steve apparently had a big mouth, and Len and Sheryl were grinning when Alec joined them to help close up once the day was done.

“So…” Sheryl said slowly, drawing the word out. She looked up from where she was wiping up tables and offered Alec a cheeky grin. “I heard Magnus stopped by again today.”

Alec looked up from where he was cleaning the machines and cast a quick look to her, then over to Len. He found the older man grinning shamelessly at the till as he counted the money. “Don’t look at me. Steve’s the one that pointed that out.”

“Don’t you go harping on them none, they were just making conversation,” Sheryl said. She gathered up the garbage from the table she was at and brought it over to the garbage can. “Besides, I think it’s nice. That boy’s clearly sweet on you, my dear. And why shouldn’t he be! You’re a lovely young man, and good looking to boot. Any boy or girl would be lucky to have you.”

“Unless that’s not your thing,” Len chimed in, casting a look Sheryl’s way that spoke of conversations they’d had before when Alec wasn’t around.

Sheryl waved her hand almost dismissively. “Nonsense. I’ve seen the way you blush when he looks your way.” She paused, winking at Alec. When it had him blushing, she laughed. “Exactly – just like that!”

Ducking his head down, Alec tried to hide his cheeks and finish cleaning up the machines. He didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want to even think about the warm feeling that got in his stomach sometimes when Magnus threw flirty remarks his way.

One benefit of living out in the mundane world, and being faced with so many other problems, was the realization that being gay was by far and above the least of Alec's worries. Some mundanes hated it probably as much as Shadowhunters did, that was true. But for the most part, it carried so much less stigma out here. And what was a little homophobia compared to everything else Alec faced?

Not that that meant he was ready for any sort of dating. Even if Alec stuck around in one place long enough, he’d just have to end up leaving eventually. Or they’d walk away from him when the relationship progressed in the direction all relationships went, and they wanted Alec to do something as simple as take his shirt off. Or let them touch him. Just the thought of either one of those was enough to leave Alec feeling sick.

He shivered a little and gave the machine in front of him an extra polish. Behind him, he heard the soft sound of movement and felt the heavy weight of the silence that had fallen over them. Then, to his relief, Sheryl spoke up on a completely different topic. “Would you mind staying late for us tomorrow night, Alec? I know it’s short notice, but our daughter came to town and she’s brought the new grandbaby. We’d like to get out of here quickly and meet up for dinner.”

“It’ll just be the cleaning and such,” Len chimed in. “I’ll be here till closing, and I’ll take the money to the bank.”

Alec was already nodding even as he turned around. “It’s no problem.”

Both of them beamed at him. Sheryl reached out and lightly patted his arm as she went past, thankfully saying nothing on the slight flinch he gave. “Thank you, my dear. You’re a lifesaver.”

* * *

The rest of the place was easy to finish up. Once Alec got the garbage in the dumpster, he gave the couple a wave goodbye and set out for the current place he called home. It wasn’t much, but it was abandoned, which meant that he didn’t have to worry about paperwork or anything like that, and for the most part the other squatters nearby left him alone.

Alec climbed his way up the fire escape on the side of the building and wished, not for the first time, that he could use a stele and draw a few runes on the building itself to keep it hidden. But, if he could use a stele to keep a place hidden, he’d be able to use it to keep himself hidden, too, and he wouldn’t even be out here anyway.

It was a fruitless train of thought. One that did nothing but depress him. With practiced skill, Alec shoved it away and focused on the last bit of stairs. There, pushed up on the broken window just enough that he could fit himself through the gap, and he slipped down inside.

The room that he was staying in was part of an old abandoned apartment complex. One that housed a few junkies on the bottom floors. But this room was one that Alec could easily barricade off to keep them from creeping up on him at night. The window was locked with a few well-placed metal bars, and some cinder blocks and a piece of plywood had helped make sure the door wouldn’t open.

Alec didn’t keep much in here. A sleeping bag, some weapons hidden here and there that he’d gathered in his time away, and a bit of food. Not much, because leaving it lying around in a city like this meant rats. Alec _hated_ rats almost as much as he hated the spiders that tended to live in places like these.

Sometimes when Alec sank down into his sleeping bag, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of longing for the warm, hard beds at the Institute. They hadn’t been the best, true, but they’d at least been a bed. Better than a sleeping bag on the ground.

Alec closed his eyes and sighed as he sank down onto his sleeping bag. Some of the tension he’d been carrying with him through the day relaxed a little in the privacy of this room.

It felt like it’d been a long day on top of years of long days. He was tired – so fucking tired. Each day felt like it was taking what little hope he had and was draining it away. Two years had gone by since Alec’s banishment. Two years of living on the streets, in shady buildings, in inexpensive motels. Two years of running for his life as he was chased out of town after town. No matter what happened, no matter what he did, someone always found him, and Alec was always forced to leave and move on.

Sometimes Alec felt like he was cursed. Like he was being punished for something. Only, he had no idea what he’d done that was so bad as to deserve _this_. He’d never harmed a hair on those kids’ heads! He wouldn’t hurt an innocent – especially not a child!

But that stigma was always going to follow Alec around everywhere he went. Downworlders must’ve spread the word out amongst them to keep an eye out for him. It was the only logical explanation as to how and why people always seemed to know who he was and what he was supposedly guilty of.

Either that or he really _was_ cursed.

That had Alec shaking his head. Dark thoughts like this weren’t going to get him anywhere. He blew out his breath and ran a shaking hand over his face. He was hungry, exhausted, and his right hand ached something fierce. For a moment, he let himself indulge in rubbing at it despite knowing it’d do nothing to ease the pain of an injury that had healed wrong.

When the pain finally began to settle down into a dull roar, he lowered both hands and then reached out for the nearby bag and its carefully wrapped food. A little bit of dinner and then a night of whatever sleep he could get, and he might be ready to face another day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's a long one. I almost split it in two but decided it went better this way :D
> 
> Warnings for some violence in this chapter, vomiting, panic attacks, mentions of past physical/sexual abuse

Most of Alec's days in this city seemed to blend together, one after the other. In some ways they blended in with all the other towns he’d been in. After a while they all started to look the same. It wasn’t like he stuck around long enough to really notice any differences in them.

This was the closest Alec had come in a long time to ‘settling in’ somewhere, and he didn’t trust it. He’d been here long enough that he was starting to think maybe he should go ahead and move on, just to be on the safe side. Staying in one place never worked out for him. Maybe leaving before someone actually found him would save Alec the pain that always came when he was inevitably discovered.

But, he _liked_ _it_ here. Sheryl and Len were nice. They treated him well, let him work for them without too many questions, and so far Alec hadn’t spotted a single downworlder. Not that he could tell all of them by sight. They could just as easily blend in as he could. Still, he generally found out pretty quickly once _they_ caught sight of _him_. However, that hadn’t happened yet, which made this place almost like a little glimpse of paradise. A life Alec knew he couldn’t keep yet couldn’t stop himself from stealing a taste of.

If it meant he got to see Magnus a few more times, well, that wasn’t the reason he was staying but what harm was there in enjoying it while it lasted?

It wasn’t like his coworkers weren’t all for it helping him with that.

Alec knew for a fact that Sheryl could’ve manned the front on her own today with how dead they were. There was barely even a handful of customers in the store, which wasn’t surprising since it was the lull before the end of the day – that last hour before closing when people started to taper off. Almost all the dishes were done except what was being used out here. So when Sheryl said she was going to join Len in the office for some paperwork, it meant that Alec had to step out to run the front by himself, something she didn’t usually ask him to do.

He realized why a moment after he was out there. Two customers were at the nearby table, clearly too focused on one another to really pay attention to their drinks – and Magnus stood at the counter by the register, wallet in hand.

Alec mentally swore at the sight of him. He was going to get Sheryl for this. _So much. Damn her!_ After last night he’d thought she’d let it go and stop teasing him about it. Apparently, he was wrong.

Walking forward, Alec had to swallow a few times to get his voice to work right. It made him sound a bit stiff as he bluntly asked, “What can I get you?”

If Sheryl didn’t want him being gruff with the customers, she never should’ve left him here alone.

Magnus chuckled softly. “Always so to-the-point, darling. I’ll take the cinnamon vanilla mocha with almond milk, please. Large.” He handed over the money and took the change, though it didn’t escape Alec's notice that the change ended up in the tip jar.

As was usual when Alec was out, Magnus didn’t go to a seat or stand back while he waited. He leaned against the pickup area and settled himself in for a chat.

He was dressed in yellows and blacks today in a bright color combination that should’ve looked ridiculous and yet didn’t. Alec wasn’t quite sure how the man pulled it off without looking like a bumblebee. But, then again, somehow Magnus managed to make _everything_ he wore look good. Alec had come to that realization after his third visit.

“This place seems a bit quieter today,” Magnus said casually, leaning in and offering Alec an unfairly charming smile. One that, once, might’ve meant more to him. It might’ve stirred a sense of something in him that – well, to be honest, probably would’ve terrified Alec into running away.

Now Alec just felt an ache inside for the possibility of what he knew could never be. His life wasn’t his own anymore. He wasn’t free to settle down in a little city with a pretty boy even if he’d felt brave enough to.

The reminder wiped away any chance of smile. Alec didn’t say anything as he began to make Magnus’ drink.

As usual, that did nothing to deter the other man. “I imagine that days like this are easier for you. I’ve worked in a bar or two in my time, so I’m quite aware of what it can feel like when it gets busy. How it makes you long for the moments like this where things go quiet. Though sometimes you get the crazier ones in those moments. I remember once…”

Despite himself, Alec found a small smile curving his lips as he listened to Magnus detail a story about someone who’d brought a duck into the bar he’d worked at and insisted it be seated next to him and served right along with him.

By the time Alec brought the drink over, he couldn’t quite keep back his smile.

The minute Magnus caught sight of that, he was smiling as well, bigger and brighter than ever. Like making Alec smile was the best thing he’d seen all day. Their eyes met, and for one brief moment Alec felt a flash of _something_ he couldn’t name. It hit him right in the chest, hot and hard and fast, stealing his breath away. There was an echo of it in Magnus’ eyes. Eyes that, for just a moment, looked _wrong_. Like they were missing something. Something so very important.

Then the bell over the door went off and both men blinked. In that instant, the moment was lost, and Alec was left with a sense of confusion. What the hell had just happened?

He looked up in the direction of the door almost absently, half of his focus still on Magnus, only for everything in the world to go still as Alec caught sight of who it was that had come in. His moment with Magnus was forgotten under a wave of terror that locked his body down in an instant panic. All Alec could hear was the pounding of his own heart. It was so loud it was a wonder no one else was looking his way.

Not that Alec would’ve noticed if they were. All his focus was on the man on the other side of the room.

Alec watched as those bright blue eyes went straight over to him. There was no hesitation – he’d come in here knowing what he’d find. That more than anything else sent a coil of fear curling through Alec's stomach.

For a moment Alec forgot about the fact that they were in public. He forgot that there were people around. That _Magnus_ was standing right there beside him. All of it was lost on Alec right up until fingers lightly brushed over his arm and the world came rushing back in with a cacophony of noise that was almost deafening. Alec jerked back from the touch, and he knew his eyes were wide, knew that he was visibly panicking and causing a scene, yet it didn’t stop him. Not even the realization that it was Magnus who’d touched him was enough to calm Alec.

More than anything, Alec wanted to tell Magnus that he had to go. He wanted to _run_ , far and fast, only he knew there wasn’t a point in that. All Alec could really do was stand there staring as Corbin Duvall, the High Warlock of Seattle, came straight for him with a bright smile that haunted Alec's nightmares.

All of a sudden, Magnus shifted his stance just enough that it subtly put him between Alec and Corbin. Then he turned and brightly greeted the newcomer. “Well now, if it isn’t Corbin, actually leaving his city for once.” Light teasing layered through Magnus’ words, along with something just a bit harder.

Corbin didn’t falter. He walked right up to them, still beaming, and stuck a hand out Magnus’ way. “The same could be said for you, old friend. I wasn’t aware you left Brooklyn much anymore, what with all the recent whispers of trouble coming from your way.”

For a brief moment Alec felt stunned. He stared at the back of Magnus’ head as tiny little things came together. Things that he’d brushed off up until now. From the moment he’d heard the customer’s name – Magnus – he’d found it strange, because that wasn’t a common name, and he’d only ever heard it once before. But as time went on and Magnus continued to show up, and to flirt with Alec when he saw him, for the most part Alec had ignored it. Until now.

Corbin and Magnus knowing one another was one thing. But teasing each other about leaving their cities, when Alec _knew_ Corbin was High Warlock of Seattle, and then mentioning Brooklyn…

 _Oh, Raziel_ , this guy wasn’t just some attractive mundane named Magnus. This was _Magnus Bane,_ the _High Warlock of Brooklyn_. The High Warlock of the very area Alec was accused of committing murder in. The children that had died, they’d been under this man’s protection in a sense.

How the hell was Alec still alive? Out of anyone, he would’ve pictured this man right here wanting to kill him. And yet not only was Alec alive, Magnus had spent time talking to him. _Flirting_ with him. Sure, maybe he did it out of some weird pity for the scrawny, nervous guy, or maybe it was just how he talked to everyone. But Alec couldn’t believe he’d do that if he knew who Alec was.

If he hadn’t known before, one look at Corbin was all it took for Alec to realize he was going to know now.

Unaware of just how much Alec's panic had increased, Magnus was smiling up at the other warlock, who stood almost a head taller than Alec. “Just a little time away to help out another friend. You know how that goes.”

“I do,” Corbin said easily. Then his eyes drifted over to Alec, and there was a dark light glittering there, one that Alec recognized. “I’m actually here for a friend as well. Hello there, Alec. You’re looking… well.”

Any hope Alec had of finding his words was lost to him the minute Corbin had walked in here. There was no way in hell that Alec could speak in front of him. It was always so damn hard to talk around him. If fear stole Alec's words, Corbin took them and wrapped them up in spikes so that they tore at Alec each time he tried to use them.

Corbin’s smile grew a little wider. “Still as quiet as ever, I see.” To anyone else his words probably sounded teasing. To Alec, there was an undertone, one that left him wanting to jump backward and run.

He hated himself a little more for that kind of cowardly feeling.

“I was hoping to catch you for your lunch break, sweetheart,” Corbin said, stepping closer.

A strangled noise tore itself out of Alec's throat. He jerked back, unable to stop himself. It slammed him back into the machines and sent some cups clattering to the ground.

Everyone turned to look at them. Alec knew that all eyes were on them, though, granted, there weren’t many. He’d be grateful later that there were only a few people there to witness him being so _weak_.

Then Alec's view of it all was blocked. Between one blink and the next he found his vision of everything blocked by dark, spiky hair and the back of a shimmering jacket done up in sunshine yellow. _Magnus_.

Magnus had once more moved between the two of them. He’d leaned back so that he was that much closer to Alec, and though Alec couldn’t see his face, his voice was hard. “I think it’s time you leave now, Corbin.”

The laugh Corbin let out had Alec shuddering. He hated it – hated how hearing it had his body locking up and his throat going tight. Hated the way that this man could terrify him just by _existing_. Once, Alec wouldn’t have been terrified. He’d been younger and stupider back then. So sure that his skills and his angel-blood would always protect him.

He knew better now.

“You’re protecting him?” Corbin asked, his laughter still easy to hear in his words. “ _Him_? Seriously? I wasn’t aware you’d sunk so low, Magnus.”

“I won’t warn you again.”

Those words were somehow even harder than before. Without raising his voice or lifting a hand, Magnus made it clear that he meant business. Corbin must’ve recognized that too because he didn’t try and push. Though, to Alec's surprise, he also didn’t do the one thing that would’ve undoubtedly gotten Magnus on his side – revealing who Alec was.

In fact, Corbin took a step back and raised his hands in a gesture of peace. “No need to get so angry, old friend. I’ll go.” He moved, sliding into Alec's view again as he backed up toward the door. Magnus went to move with him, to continue to block him from Alec's sight, only he didn’t move quite fast enough. Corbin winked at Alec and blew him in a kiss in the brief moment their eyes locked. “I’ll see you later, baby.”

A shiver ran down Alec's spine. His hands were shaking, and it felt like it was going to spread to the rest of him. Like it already had.

He didn’t realize that he’d closed his eyes as soon as the door shut and Corbin was _gone_. Not until Magnus spoke to him and Alec found himself snapping his eyes open once more.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Magnus said softly. The gentle tone was such a far cry from his previous fury. His eyes were soft, full of so much worry. Worry for _Alec_.

 _He shouldn’t be worried for me. If he knew who I was, he’d hate me_. The thought only made Alec feel sicker.

Some of that must’ve showed on his face. Maybe Magnus didn’t understand the extent of it, but he obviously caught some of it. He made a soft sound and it looked like he was gripping at the counter to keep from leaning across it. “No, no, you’re fine, darling. You’re fine. I won’t come over there, and I won’t let anyone else over there. I just need you to breathe for me – can you do that?”

What little breath Alec felt like he could catch was whistling its way out his throat. He needed… he needed to go… he needed to get out of here. Before Corbin came back.

Memories of those early days tried to swarm up and take him over. Alec remembered how young he’d been when he’d first met Corbin. How _stupid_. Just because Rimni had hooked Alec up with someone who knew warlocks didn’t mean that the warlock was going to automatically be trustworthy. Rimni trusted his friend, and his friend had trusted the warlock, but that didn’t mean that Alec should have. He’d learned that the hard way.

Unconsciously drawing his arms in tight, a self-soothing gesture Alec hated himself for sometimes, he pressed even further back against the machines.

Magnus went still for a second, and then he leaned back, giving Alec that much more space. “Okay, Alec. Okay. I’m backing up. I’ll give you plenty of space. No one’s going to come close to you unless you want them to.”

More than anything in the world Alec wanted to retreat to the kitchen. Somewhere he could shut the door for a bit and get himself calm and under control. Then he might be able to figure out what he needed to do. The angel must’ve heard his prayer because a second later someone came to answer it.

The sound of a nearby door opening had Alec jolting and smashing once more into the coffee machine. He tried to scurry toward the kitchen while his eyes darted to the side, so sure that Corbin had come back.

Only, it wasn’t him. It was Sheryl. She’d come out of the office and was hurrying over toward them with a worried look on her face, her husband right on her heels.

To Alec's surprise, Len caught Sheryl’s arm and stopped her before she could get close. Then he held her there right near the register and looked over her head at Alec. There was a look to the man’s eye that Alec recognized from some of the older Shadowhunters. Ones who’d been through wars and had seen far more than the rest of them. Few Shadowhunters lived that long.

“Go to the kitchen, son,” Len told him calmly. “Sheryl and I have this. Go to the kitchen, get yourself together, and then take the rest of the day off.”

That wasn’t a suggestion. It was an order, delivered in a clear voice with the kind of strength that something in Alec responded to. The urge to give a ‘yes, sir’ rose up in him. It wasn’t a response he’d had to an adult in a long time.

Alec didn’t let himself really think on it. He pushed aside his embarrassment and did exactly as Len said – he shoved away from the counter and, once he was sure his legs would hold him, fled into the kitchen away from everyone’s eyes. In particular, one pair that didn’t leave him until the door was safely between them.

The instant door clicked shut behind him, Alec swore he could breathe easier. Just knowing that he was alone, that no one was there to watch him as he came apart, was enough. It let Alec relax at least some of the tension that was holding him together. He pressed his whole body against the door and closed his eyes, his breath tearing raggedly from his chest.

Embarrassment started to creep in. _Angel-dammit_! This wasn’t supposed to happen! He wasn’t supposed to panic like this! Alec closed his eyes and tried not to bang his fists against the door. He’d made a fool of himself out there in front of everyone. More than that, he’d wasted precious time panicking when he needed to get the hell out of there, _now_ , before Corbin came back. If he wasn’t already waiting outside.

Alec was under no delusions that Corbin was really going to go. He wasn’t the type to just walk away from something he wanted. Magnus might’ve gotten him to leave the shop – it didn’t mean he wouldn’t come back. Alec needed to get the hell out of town before that happened. His body had just barely healed up from the events that had caused him to leave the _last_ town. Knowing what Corbin could do…

A shiver ran down Alec's spine. He’d done time with Corbin before. Far more time than he liked to think about. _Even a minute is too long with that sadistic bastard_. Alec needed to go – _now_.

If the choice was between leaving now in broad daylight and leaving in the evening when it started to get dark and demons were out, it was an easy choice. Even with his protection, he didn’t want to risk accidentally running into a demon. Alec’s protection only kept them from sniffing him out on their own. It wouldn’t stop them if they happened to stumble across him because he was careless.

Lifting one hand, Alec reached down the neck of his shirt and gripped at the necklace he always wore against his skin. The one that he’d gone to Corbin in the hopes of obtaining, and that he’d paid such a high price for.

 _Not too high_ , he reminded himself. No price was too high if it meant keeping him alive. No matter what he’d paid, no matter what he had to pay any time Corbin came looking for him, it was worth it if it meant Alec was alive at the end. So long as he was alive, he could keep fighting, keep looking for ways to clear his name and bring justice to those kids.

No matter what else went on, Alec never forgot those kids. He would always remember them. _Always_. He carried the mark of them on his body in so many different ways – a silent tribute to the lives lost that still waited for justice. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept Alec going.

They were what Alec anchored on now. What he held to himself right along with his necklace as he got his breathing back under control. They were what gave him the strength to grab his coat and slip out the back door. Whether Corbin was waiting for him or not, Alec needed to move on, and he needed to do it fast. He’d be lucky if every Downworlder in this city didn’t know that Alec was here by the end of the day. He needed to be out of here long before that happened.

* * *

Of course, life couldn’t be that simple nor that kind, as it’d proved to Alec so many times these past few years. It was as if he were cursed so that everything that possibly could go wrong – _would_.

He’d almost made it back to his building. Almost. Just a few more blocks and he would’ve made it.

Corbin at least waited until they were in the seedier part of town before he struck. Unfortunately, Alec made it too easy, too caught up in his thoughts of how he was going to get out of town that it made his focus less than it should’ve been. Not that it would’ve made any difference in the long run. A mundane didn’t stand a chance against a warlock.

Alec was jogging down the sidewalk when something grabbed him around the waist and yanked him into an abnormally shaded alley. The force of the tug pulled Alec in hard and slammed him up against the side of the building with enough force to knock the breath out of him. Burning bands of magic pressed against him and pinned him in place.

The force of hitting the wall wasn’t enough to really stun Alec. His head struck enough that he knew he’d have one hell of a headache later. But adrenaline raced through him, setting his heart pounding and dulling down any pain.

Alec couldn’t even summon up any surprise when he looked up and found Corbin lounging against the wall on the other side of the alley. He wore that same smile as before, sharp and just a bit dangerous at the edges, and that sadistic light in his eyes that promised so much pain.

“You know, it took you longer to get here than I expected, Alec,” Corbin said casually. He flashed a bright smile and pushed up off the wall. “Thinking of me, were you?”

Fear was like a living thing inside of Alec's stomach. Yet he didn’t struggle. Didn’t try and force out any words that they both knew wouldn’t come. Instead, he stayed where he was, held tightly against the wall by a force he wouldn’t be able to fight, completely at the mercy of someone who took far too much joy out of his pain.

Corbin walked closer, grinning when Alec went utterly still. “Did you miss me as much as I missed you, baby?” When he got close the warlock reached out and pressed his hand palm flat against Alec's chest. There was barely any weight in that touch and yet Alec felt it like a cinderblock had been placed there. Corbin was close now, far too close, and he only leaned in closer. “It's been a long time, hasn't it? For you, at least. Time works differently for me. But, I happened to see someone the other day that reminded me of you, and all I could think of was my pretty little bitch. I just knew I had to find you.”

“ _Get your fucking hands off him_.”

The alleyway suddenly lit up with a blindingly bright flash of reddish orange light. Alec closed his eyes against it. As it struck, he felt the bands pinning him to the wall fall away and his body sank down to the ground.

Survival instinct kept Alec from just curling up like he wanted to. Whatever that was, it'd given him a chance to get free and like hell if Alec planned on wasting it. He looked up and let his eyes scan all around him while his mind quickly analyzed the best route. Going further into the alley would only risk trapping him. But going out would run the risk of passing whoever it was out there. Sure, they’d rescued him, but that didn’t mean they were safe.

With not much safety in either direction, Alec did the next best thing. He shoved up as soon as he had control of himself again and grabbed hold of the nearby dumpster. There was a fire escape up there he’d be able to reach if he could just get on top of the dumpster.

Alec got halfway up before a hand curled around his ankle and yanked him back down, sending him tumbling hard into the ground. A sharp hiss tore from Alec when he felt something slice open the skin of his side and back. He rolled away from whatever it was in just enough time to miss Corbin's foot.

“Leave him alone, Corbin,” that voice called out again. This time, Alec was able to catch it better, even through the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears. When he did, he went still in surprise. _Magnus_?

Corbin let out a laugh that was far more bitter than amused. He moved himself deliberately into Alec's path, blocking him from the dumpster and putting Alec between the two of them. “You're really gonna protect him, Bane?”

Out of the corner of his eye Alec could see Magnus standing at the mouth of the alley, a ball of furious looking magic in his hand. His eyes were hard and trained right on Corbin. “I'm not going to keep telling you. Stay away from him.”

“Do you even realize who it is you're protecting?” Corbin asked, and Alec's blood went cold. _Here it comes_. Laughing again, Corbin shook his head. “I would think that you out of anyone would want this man dead. Yet here you are stopping me from having a little _fun_.”

“No one deserves the kind of fun you were giving him.”

“Not even a child murderer?”

The whole alley went silent. Alec froze where he was, one shoulder pressed into the wall and a hand wrapped against the bleeding wound at his side. He couldn't stop himself from looking up at Magnus. Alec watched as those dark eyes shot over to him. He swore he could _see it_ as Magnus made all the little connections. “Alec,” he said softly, not calling out to him, just confirming. “Alec Lightwood.”

Another of those painful laughs bubbled up from Corbin. “In the flesh! So you see, this isn't anything you need to worry yourself on, Bane. Just turn around and walk away.”

It hurt more than Alec had thought it would to watch as the softness he'd gotten so used to seeing in Magnus' eyes was washed away under the familiar anger, hatred, and disgust that most Downworlders viewed Alec with. Gone was the flirty man from the coffee shop. In his place was someone who looked like they'd be very, very happy with leaving Alec here.

A wave of grief flooded Alec. He closed his eyes, unable to watch as Magnus left him to his fate.

Which made it a huge surprise when Magnus suddenly said “Why don't you turn around and walk away, Corbin, and I'll forget I ever saw you harassing anyone out in public like this where any mundane could see.”

Alec's eyes snapped open in shock. He looked up, but Magnus wasn't looking at him anymore. He was staring at Corbin.

“You can't be serious,” Corbin said slowly. “You're... you're going to _defend him_?”

“I suggest you don't press your luck with me. You've got thirty seconds before I help you leave here, Corbin. What’s it going to be?”

It was no real surprise when Alec heard the sound of a portal opening. Corbin wasn't the type to risk his skin in a situation he wasn't sure he could win. He would run until he got the chance to regroup and come back stronger. Against someone like Magnus, someone clearly more powerful – if reputations were to be used to judge – there was no way someone like Corbin stood a chance.

With him gone it left just Alec and Magnus alone in the alley. Alec was still staring at the High Warlock, not quite able to bring himself to move. Had he just traded out one abuser for another? If Alec stood little chance against Corbin, he stood no chance at all against Magnus.

Alec held himself still and waited to see what it was Magnus was going to say or do.

“Can you get up?” Magnus asked him abruptly. His tone was flat. Cold. None of the warmth that Alec had gotten so used to hearing was present anymore. Even his gaze had shifted into something that left Alec wanting to shiver.

He didn't know if he could actually get up or not, but there was no way Alec could do anything but nod his head. He reached out and braced one hand against the wall while the other stayed clasped on his side. Slowly, carefully, he shoved himself up to his feet, ignoring the pain as he did. Never once did Alec drop his eyes from Magnus.

Once Alec was on his feet, he kept hold of the wall, not sure if he was going to be able to stay upright otherwise.

The two men stared at one another for a long moment. Alec stayed where he was, fighting back the urge to start trembling. He’d stayed so strong against Corbin. Yet the minute he was alone with Magnus it was like all the strength he’d had just faded away.

 _Knock it off,_ Alec scolded himself. _What do you think he’s going to do – save you just to kill you himself in here?_

 _He didn’t know who I was before_.

Alec pushed those thoughts away and forced himself to focus on the here and now. What was going to happen was going to happen. He couldn’t defend against magic that even Corbin was weak against. He barely held his own against Corbin, and sometimes he was sure the only reason he did was because Corbin had more fun with Alec alive than dead.

Still, there was a part of Alec that was stuck in survival mode. That part of him couldn’t help but look beyond Magnus to the entrance of the alley, or over toward the dumpster and fire escape he’d been trying to get to before. Magnus would be able to stop him before he got anywhere near either one.

Almost as if the warlock were reading his mind, Alec watched Magnus shift, eyes darkening a little, and then he spoke in a voice dangerously flat. “I wouldn’t recommend trying it if I were you.” The threat behind that was clear. Magnus would stop him if he tried to leave.

Resigned, Alec slumped down a little. There was no getting out of this. He just hoped to an angel who didn’t deserve his worship that he made it out of this alive. Not uninjured – that was inevitable – but _alive_.

Alec drew on every ounce of control he had as he nodded his head and straightened up once more. Clearly Magnus wanted to say or do something more. He wouldn’t have just stayed here otherwise. Whatever it was, Alec was going to face it head on, just as he’d faced everything else. Whether Magnus wanted to talk to him, hurt him, or angel-forbid, kill him, Alec would face it on his feet.

Alec wondered absently if anyone would report him missing. Or would the rest of the staff here just assume he’d run away? Would there be anyone to even tell that he’d died? Would anyone even mourn?

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Alec lifted his eyes and met Magnus stare for stare and said not a word.

The two stood in silence for a moment. If Magnus was waiting for him to speak, he was going to wait a long time. He must’ve realized that eventually because his expression grew a little tighter. The brown of his eyes flickered until they were gone, sharp cat eyes in their place, narrowed and so very dangerous. The sight of them made Alec's breath quicken.

“You’re Alexander Lightwood,” Magnus finally said.

It wasn’t a question, yet Alec nodded anyway. There was no point in trying to lie. He gathered himself enough to dare testing his voice in the hopes that it might work. Somehow, he managed to get out a, “Yes.”

“How did you hide that from me?”

Again, Alec didn’t bother lying or even pretending like he didn’t know what Magnus was talking about. From under his shirt Alec pulled out his necklace and held it up for Magnus to see.

A little tendril of magic curled around the necklace. Alec flinched when he felt it unhook at the back of his neck and tried not to cry out as his only protection from demons was taken from him and floated over to Magnus’ hand.

“Quite an expensive little trinket.” Holding it aloft, Magnus gently ran a sparkle of blue magic over the necklace. He studied it for a moment, humming as he looked it over. Then he looked up at Alec through his lashes. “I’d ask how you paid for it, but judging by the energies I feel off it, I’m pretty sure I already know the answer. Though I am surprised to find a shadowhunter, even an _ex-_ shadowhunter, willing to pay it.”

Alec pressed his tongue against his teeth and battled back the protests that wanted to swim to his lips. He could only imagine what Magnus was sensing by touching that thing. Considering how Corbin had made it, Alec could easily guess. But what point was there in speaking it out loud? Or in telling just how much of a _price_ Corbin had demanded? It’d been worth it at the time to keep hidden. To stay alive.

A little furrow built in Magnus’ brow for just a moment. Then it was quickly smoothed away, and his face was an impassive mask once more. Empty, save for some amusement that looked too perfectly displayed to be real. “I guess Corbin wasn’t lying when he called you _friends_.”

The extra little curl Magnus put on that word had Alec's stomach twisting in disgust. The way Magnus said it, the slight sneer to his lips, painted an image that didn’t match at all with reality. The thought made Alec want to throw up. Yet he swallowed down that and the bitter words that wanted to come free. Alec knew better than to argue it. It would get him nowhere.

“What are you going to do with me?” Alec asked as calmly as he could, the words forced up through the tightness that still gripped his throat. The fact that he could speak at all to Magnus right now was something that would’ve amazed him if Alec had had the room to think about it.

Magic flashed in Magnus’ eyes. His tone lowered into something silky – something dangerous. “That eager, are we, darling?” He took a small step toward Alec. “I wouldn’t be, if I were you. I’m having a very hard time remembering why I shouldn’t simply execute you on sight. Rightfully, you should’ve been tried by _downworlders_ , not by your precious Clave. We wouldn’t have let you off so easy.”

 _Easy, right._ Grief was a living, painful thing inside of Alec. Would it ever get easier to bear? Alec hadn’t killed those kids, but with each passing day that he couldn’t find who did, he felt like he might as well have. “I know.”

“Tell me why I shouldn’t take justice into my own hands and kill you right here and now.”

Exhaustion washed over him. Sighing, Alec closed his eyes. “Would it matter?”

For the second time that night Alec found himself on the receiving end of magic. Only, this was far more powerful, and had a higher likelihood of actually killing him.

Alec didn’t even get a chance to breathe when a band of something hard and hot circled around his neck and he was once more flying backward. His back connected with the wall, sending the bruises Corbin had given him earlier and the cut on his side screaming back to life. The pull on Alec's throat tugged him higher, lifting him up until his feet were hovering just above the ground. Then it held him there, pinned against the wall with no way of breaking free.

The furious warlock stalked forward, the air growing heavier and more static with each step closer he took. “Don’t toy around with me _, boy_ ,” Magnus snarled at him. His eyes were lit up with the kind of power Alec had never seen in a warlock before. “I hold your life in my hands right now. Unless you’re really that eager to lose it, I suggest you watch your mouth.”

The press of magic was what finally overrode any sense of false safety Alec might’ve felt around this man. In that moment he was nothing more than another warlock seeking their pound of flesh on the deruned Shadowhunter. Alec wanted to speak, wanted to try and defend himself. No one had believed him so far, but he still could’ve tried. _Should’ve_ tried. If he hadn’t wasted his time before, he might’ve been able to get his story out.

Now it was too late. Magnus was right there in front of him and there was nothing Alec could do but dangle there at the warlock’s mercy. Something which his expression said would be in short supply.

“I don’t know what kind of game you thought you were playing with me, but it ends now,” Magnus swore lowly. He leaned in close until he was glaring up at Alec, his body close enough for Alec to feel the heat coming off him. Cat eyes were locked right on him as if Alec were the prey he felt so very much like. “You’ll get _nothing_ from me, Lightwood. I’m not Corbin, to be swayed by an easy fuck.”

Alec flinched from those words like they were a physical blow. His heart began to pound louder – so loud it was a wonder Magnus couldn’t hear it. The heavy edges of a panic attack were creeping closer and closer and Alec knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. Not with the magic pressing so insistently against his neck and the furious warlock right there.

Once again, Alec was being held in place by magic and he couldn’t fight it, couldn’t get free, couldn’t only stay there and take it. _‘You know you like it.’_ The words rose up out of Alec's memory. They made his stomach _churn_. _‘Come on, baby, show me how much you love it.’_

Without realizing it, a low whine had begun to build in Alec's throat, growing louder as he tried to fight against the bond holding him in place. His hands came up, abandoning his side to try and tug at the force around his neck. He didn’t notice the way that Magnus took a step back. Nor did he see the stunned look on the other man’s face at his so-clear panic.

All Alec knew was that he was pressed up against the wall one moment, and the next he was crashing down onto the ground, wheezing and gasping. The fear and pain combined together and had Alec bracing one hand on the ground and just barely keeping himself upright as his stomach decided to eject everything in it.

By the time Alec's head cleared and he got his body under control, the alley was empty.

His necklace lay on the ground next to him.

Alec stared at it for a moment while he tried to gently lower his hip down to the ground. Magnus had left. He’d left Alec there, and left his necklace as well. Alec had no idea what that meant. But he wasn’t stupid enough to stick around and wait to see if the warlock was going to come back and change his mind. With a shaking hand he reached out and grabbed the necklace. Once it was back on, he focused on standing up and getting the hell out of there.

Shaky legs only carried Alec a little ways forward before sending him crashing into the wall. He didn’t let it stop him. He just pressed his hands against the wall and braced himself as he kept moving.

No one looked askance at him as he walked. Not in this part of town. They assumed he was high or drunk and just went on their own ways.

Alec did his best to not draw too much attention otherwise. He needed to get the hell out of here and being stopped by someone would only delay that. Who knew if Magnus had stuck around somewhere nearby, or if Corbin had waited, watching to see what Magnus would do, and was now ready to strike with Alec so vulnerable and alone.

Going back to the place he’d been crashing at was out of the question. Alec wasn’t going to risk it. Instead, he steered himself off in another direction. One thing Alec had learned these past few years was to always keep a go-bag hidden somewhere so that he could pick up and leave at a moment’s notice. In it was some clothes, money, paperwork, all in the trunk of a car he’d done everything he could think of to keep hidden so it wouldn’t get stolen.

There was also a pay-as-you-go phone in there, just in case, and for the first time since he’d gotten it, Alec knew he needed to use it. His side was bleeding steadily and his head was spinning. He needed to get somewhere safe, fast, and there was only one person he trusted.

They hadn’t talked much since those early days. Alec had been too proud at first, and then too ashamed afterward. Even when Rimni had come to seek Alec out just a year after they parted, when his job for the King was finished, Alec had pushed him away with the insistence he was _fine_. The last thing he’d wanted was the man’s pity.

But there was no room left in Alec's life for pride or shame anymore. Not in this. Alec needed to get out of there, and he needed medical help, or he was never going to make it to the next town. Not before someone else caught up with him or he bled out on his own.

When Alec finally reached his car, he was just barely hanging on. He had enough strength to get the keys he’d hidden in a cut under the backseat and to get the trunk open. Then he had to rest there for a moment, sitting on the back of the beat up car, and catch his breath.

He didn’t bother moving his hand or looking down at it. The warm wetness dripping there told him all he needed to know.

With his free hand, Alec reached out and dug the phone out of the bag in front of him. There was one number in there – the only number programmed in when Rimni had pressed the phone into Alec's hand and insisted that he call if he ever needed him. “I’ve spelled it so it’ll reach me no matter where I am,” he’d promised. “If you need me, Alec, please. Call.”

So far Alec had resisted that urge no matter how much he’d wanted the sight and sound of someone familiar – someone who he knew believed him.

Now he didn’t let that hesitation keep him from pressing the button.

Alec's breath shuddered out of him as he lifted the phone to his ear. Two rings in and the call was answered. “ _Alec. Are you okay?”_ Rimni asked instantly, not even bothering with a greeting.

Drawing in another shaky breath, Alec closed his eyes. “Rimni, I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't kill me? IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief peek at Magnus' POV for all those who were wondering what the hell is going on in his head

Though Alec didn't know it, he wasn't the only one who walked away from that alleyway feeling strangely... odd.

It took maybe an hour after Magnus left Alec lying in that alley before he calmed down enough to start thinking clearly again. Instead of just reacting out of anger – and a sense of betrayal that he didn't like thinking about – Magnus' mind finally calmed down enough to _think_. As he did, it left room for something else to creep in.

Guilt.

Just the thought of it made him want to squirm a little. It wasn’t like he actually had anything to feel guilty about! Magnus huffed at even the _idea_ of that. Pouring himself a new drink, his fourth since he'd portaled out of there and into his loft, Magnus then carried it with him over to the balcony. It was his favorite place to go to think when things were bothering him. This? This was definitely bothering him.

Magnus took his glass with him and went to lean on his arms on the balcony wall, staring out over Brooklyn. His city. A city he'd failed when he hadn't been around to protect it from being stalked and the precious children under his care _murdered_. A city he'd failed once again tonight when he hadn't brought justice down on the one guilty of doing it.

Last time Magnus hadn't been here when his people had been murdered. Nor had he been notified when they found the killer and had his trial, though his role as High Warlock of Brooklyn, where most of those murders had taken place, should've demanded that they notify him. It wasn’t like he’d been unreachable. He'd been with a friend at the time, helping with some minor ward problems.

By the time Magnus had come home, the trial was over and done with, and the accused had already been punished. Stripped of his runes and banished from the city. Too soft a punishment in Magnus' eyes, but he'd consoled himself with the fact that it was highly likely the shadowhunter was dead. Very few deruned shadowhunters lasted long without some sort of protection on them. Their angel blood was too potent. Demons found them quickly, and without their precious runes or their weapons, they didn't stand a chance.

Yet Alexander Lightwood had survived two years. Two whole years.

Thinking of the necklace that had made that possible had Magnus' hand clenching down on his glass.

The fact that Corbin had made that necklace for the nephilim was something Magnus was having a hard time wrapping his brain around. Corbin wasn't the type to help a Shadowhunter, _ever_ , let alone one that was accused of murdering Downworlder _children_. What on earth had possessed him to do so this time?

Magnus remembered the energy around that necklace and grimaced. He was pretty sure he knew _exactly_ why Corbin had agreed to it. The man wasn't fit to hold his office, not with the tendencies it was whispered he had. The only reason he did was that there was no proof of what he liked to do in his spare time. But what better outlet for those desires than a nephilim who couldn’t risk not paying the price for the only thing that might keep him alive? Especially if Corbin made it clear how no one else would grant the same favor.

The energy surrounding the stones in that necklace had made it clear what Corbin had used to create it. What kind of payment he'd demanded. Blood, sweat, semen – it'd practically dripped in sex magic. Which, yes, was a powerful thing, especially when creating a protection charm for someone. Something personal like that always worked best with those elements in it. It made it easier to tie the item to the person, which in turn also made it more powerful. But there were other ways to do it. Corbin could've chosen a dozen others. Instead, he'd picked that one, and it said quite a lot about him.

Almost as much as the other spell Magnus had found on there.

The tracking spell had been tiny, barely even noticeable amidst everything else. But Magnus had felt it when he'd looked the item over.

Why he'd removed it, he had no idea. Nostalgia for the sweet, shy boy he'd been flirting with the past few weeks, maybe?

Thinking of that boy he’d been flirting so heavily with had Magnus clenching his jaw and fighting back a surge of magic. How much of that had been an act? How much had Alec played him?

As soon as he had the thought, he shook his head. That hadn’t all been an act. It couldn’t have been. Why he was so sure of it, he didn’t know. He just _was_. Alec hadn’t been pretending with him. In fact, Magnus was willing to bet the loft that Alec hadn’t even known who he was at first.

Looking back over everything, something Magnus couldn’t seem to stop himself from doing, he was pretty sure he could pinpoint the exact moment that Alec had realized who he was. Right after Corbin had come in and Alec had realized that the two of them knew one another. That had been when Alec's behavior changed. Sure, it could be chalked up to fear that Corbin might tell Magnus who Alec was, since it was clear Magnus hadn't known. But it just felt like... more. It felt different.

Everything about Alec felt different. That was the problem. Even now, even with everything that he knew Alec had done, everything he'd been tried and convicted of, there was a small part of Magnus that was _worried_. A part that reminded him that he'd left Alec alone, defenseless, and bleeding in that alley.

A furious sound tore its way up Magnus’ throat. As if he should be worried about him! Alec was a _killer_. It didn't matter that Magnus had thought him someone else these past few weeks! Whatever happened to him in that alley wasn't anything Magnus should worry about. He'd left the man his necklace. That was far more care than he deserved.

Yet despite all of that, Magnus couldn’t get the image of those wide, terrified hazel eyes out of his mind. The way Alec had looked at him at the very end with the same kind of fear he'd worn when Corbin came into the coffee shop. That unadulterated terror. To see it turned his way, especially after weeks of doing everything he could to get the pretty, scared boy to smile at him, left a sick feeling in Magnus' stomach. One not even the burn of alcohol was getting rid of.

Even so, Magnus lifted his glass and finished it off like a shot, wanting nothing more than to have that burn chase away everything else. Maybe if he drank enough he could ignore that skittering up his spine and twisting in his stomach that felt far too much like guilt.

* * *

His plan to get drunk worked far more spectacularly than Magnus had planned. He wasn't quite sure how much he'd drank or what exactly he'd done. But he woke up half on his couch with a pounding in his head that he was far too familiar with. Tiny little marching bands were playing the drums against his temples. For a few minutes, Magnus could only lay there and groan as he waited for them to bust their way out of his skull. At least if they did that it’d relieve the pressure.

He was more than content to lay there in his hangover and pray for unconsciousness, but when he went to roll over and curl up, he found that not only was there no warm body next to him to snuggle up to – a _crime_ – there was also _no bed_. Magnus let out a sharp yelp as he rolled straight off a couch and down to the floor.

“Good morning to you, too,” a fond, evil voice said nearby.

Magnus clenched his eyes shut and drew his blanket in closer around himself. He knew that voice, and he knew he’d get no sympathy. But maybe he’d be able to get her amazing hangover cure. That is, if he hadn’t done anything while drunk that pissed her off. There was no telling with Catarina. She could be vindictive when she wanted to.

He heard her chuckle, and then the soft sound of her bare feet on the ground as she got closer. Magnus just stayed where he was on the floor as she took a seat on the couch.

“You planning on staying down there?” she asked.

“Just until the marching band finally makes its way out of my head.”

Her laugh was a little louder this time, and it made him wince. She ignored the groan he let out and reached out to pat his arm. “I feel absolutely no sympathy for you whatsoever. You were spectacularly drunk last night, and insisted on getting more so even after you called me to come over.”

He didn't remember calling her. Nor any of the events leading up to it or afterward. The fact that he couldn't only made Magnus wince all over again.

Catarina must’ve been following along, or at least just waiting for the chance to bring this up, because her voice took on a stern edge as she said his name next. “Magnus...”

“I know,” he said quickly, cutting her off. The pounding in his head grew, and Magnus turned to push his face in against the blankets a little harder. “Can we please hold off on the lectures until my head isn't trying to destroy me?”

She let out a low huff. Yet she also moved around, and then something was being pressed into his hand, and Magnus gratefully took it, not even bothering to open his eyes as he brought the cup up and downed the contents in one huge swallow.

The effects were almost instantons. Magnus sighed in relief as his headache retreated to a more manageable level. His nausea faded until it was barely a twist in his stomach, and the light became much more manageable on his eyes. The only thing it _didn’t_ cure was the feel and taste of something nasty in his mouth. But a quick spell took care of that and left him feeling minty fresh.

Unfortunately, getting rid of his hangover meant that Magnus had no excuses now to put off the lecture Catarina was clearly so ready to give. He looked up at her after setting the glass on the coffee table and found her staring down at him, arms crossed over her chest and a stern look on her face. Magnus let out a heavy sigh and tipped forward so that his forehead rested against the outside of her thigh. “I'm not going to get out of this lecture, am I?”

“Absolutely not,” Catarina agreed easily. However, she did unbend enough to reach a hand down and thread it in his hair. Her touch was gentle as she ran her fingers through the strands, banishing hair gel as she went until she was free to stroke at his hair without anything in the way. “You know what you did last night was risky. After the last time you got blackout drunk, you promised us you wouldn't anymore. Yet I showed up last night to find you so out of it you were barely able to make coherent sense. If it weren't for the wards Ragnor and I put up for a situation just like this, I might not have been able to keep you here.”

Magnus winced again. He'd helped Ragnor and Catarina set up that extra layer in his wards. It was one that only they could access, no one else, and it was only for emergencies. If he was too sick, too injured, or too drunk to think straight. They could pull those up and it would prevent Magnus from being able to portal out of there. Those wards were a safety net he’d given his friends after one too many drunken escapades.

The fact that she’d had to pull them up last night only made Magnus feel worse.

“I'm sorry,” Magnus murmured softly. They weren't words he said easily, or often, but he meant them now. He really hadn't intended to worry her so much. Or to get to that point.

Catarina let out a soft sigh. “Magnus, what happened?”

How on earth could he explain it to her? How could he make her understand what exactly it was that was bothering him? He wasn’t even sure how to put it into words without sounding like an idiot. Magnus closed his eyes and focused for a moment on the hand in his hair and the comfort of his friend. With no one else save her or Ragnor would Magnus actually allow himself to be vulnerable like this. He had a level of comfort with them that he hadn’t been able to find anywhere else. They loved him like no one did, and they stuck by him through thick and thin, even when he was an idiot.

“I don’t really know,” Magnus finally said. He paused, trying to gather his thoughts, and Catarina gave him the quiet in which to do it. She didn’t push now that he was actually opening up. Just stayed where she was and pet at his hair, giving him the quiet and comfort to piece together what he wanted to say. “I... you know how I was out in Dallas recently to help with a small demon problem Penelope was having?”

“Yes, of course.”

“While I was there, I happened to find a coffee shop with absolutely delicious coffee, and the most adorable boy I’ve ever seen.”

Even knowing who Alec was now, it didn’t take away from the thrill Magnus had felt the first time he’d seen him. The way the man had drawn his eye right from the very first moment he’d stepped out of the backroom. His height, that gorgeous messy mop of black hair, the too-thin body that was mostly hidden by a baggy sweater, and the haunted look in wide, sheltered eyes. Alec had been a tantalizing mix of beautiful and broken that Magnus hadn’t ever been able to resist. He’d felt drawn to him. Not just because he was a pretty face, but because he felt like so much more.

Looking at him had felt like looking at everything Magnus had never known he’d wanted.

“Of course this was about a boy,” Catarina said, her eyeroll audible in her words.

Magnus pinched at her leg, though he didn’t bother to move to glare at her. “It’s not just that. I mean, yes, part of it was that. He was so... he was beautiful and so very broken, my dear.”

“And you wanted to fix him.”

“I did.” He’d wanted to chase the shadows out of Alec’s eyes. Wrap him up and protect him from whoever had put that kind of fear in him. Someone in his past had broken him, that much was clear. Magnus had seen trauma victims many times in his long life. He’d seen survivors of abuse, violence, war. Had suffered through some of it himself. He knew what kind of scars it could leave on a person. Alec had shown so many signs of it. It was there in the way he held himself, always drawn inward like it was the only way he was going to be able to keep going was to physically hold himself together. It showed in the way he shielded his eyes so they were blank, not a hint of emotion peeking through. Or in the way he flinched when people got too close, and how his voice seemed to dry up occasionally.

Oh, he was still strong. Of that Magnus had no doubt. A person had to be to bear whatever he’d been through and keep on going. But life had knocked that boy down hard.

Magnus closed his eyes tightly and tried to push away the sympathy that kept creeping in. He couldn’t feel sorry for Alec. He wouldn’t!

“What went wrong, then?” Catarina asked, unaware of how Magnus’ thoughts had spiraled briefly. “Did he not want you?”

A low, bitter laugh tumbled up Magnus’ throat. “Oh, no. I’m quite sure he wants nothing to do with me. And for his sake, he’d better hope he never has to deal with me again.”

He felt it as Catarina startled. Her hand went still in his hair. “Magnus?”

Keeping his eyes closed, Magnus let out a shaky breath. “I only knew his name from his nametag. It wasn’t until someone showed up in the shop yesterday that I realized who he was.” He tightened his hands in the blanket until it felt like he was going to risk tearing through. “It was Alec Lightwood.”

Catarina let out a soft gasp of surprise above him. That clearly hadn’t been what she’d been expecting, and Magnus couldn’t blame her for startling the way she did. “Wait a second... you mean to tell me the boy you’d been flirting with for weeks, the broken boy you wanted to fix, was Alexander Lightwood? The same Lightwood...”

“Who murdered seventeen children? Yes.” Magnus’ voice dripped with bitterness.

The loft went quiet for a moment while she processed his words. Magnus tried not to squirm as he stayed against her leg. his thoughts were churning all over again – the very thing he’d tried to get to stop last night by drinking himself into a stupor. Apparently, he’d done too good a job at that. But the effects had also been temporary. Sober all over again, Magnus’ thoughts were right back to where he’d started.

Catarina’s hand started to move through his hair once more. “How the hell you manage to stumble into these kinds of things is beyond me.”

“It’s not like I _try_ ,” he felt compelled to point out.

“No, I know.” She huffed out a laugh, and Magnus could easily picture her shaking her head at him. “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse, honestly, but that’s off topic. I get why this bothers you, Magnus. No one would blame you for being upset at finding out that the kid you’d been flirting with was a Lightwood – _that_ Lightwood especially. But... I haven’t seen you that drunk in a very, very long time. What else is going on?”

Leave it to Catarina to cut straight through the bullshit and right to the point. While most people would probably think of Ragnor as that type of friend, he was honestly more willing to let Magnus go on and on and tie himself up in knots until Magnus unknowingly started spilling everything, or poke at him until he did. Catarina was the type to cut straight through everything and refuse to let Magnus hide. They were both amazing, and Magnus loved them with everything in him.

That didn’t mean it was any easier when he was confronted like this. Magnus drew his blanket a little more tightly around himself and sighed heavily. “I don’t even know, my dear. It’s, I’m furious. I’m absolutely furious that the boy I liked turned out to be a child murderer, and I’m furious that Alexander Lightwood is still out there living his life after what he did. But, at the same time it’s as if a part of me can’t…make it all match up.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know that crazy wears many faces, and sometimes it’s the people you least suspect, but the person I’ve always painted Lightwood to be in my head doesn’t match up at all with the one I got to know these past weeks.” That was it – down at the very crux of it all. Magnus couldn’t mesh those two images together. He couldn’t picture Alec doing anything to harm anyone.

Hell, Alec flinched when the volume of the coffee shop got too loud, and sometimes even started ducking his head and looking around like he was waiting for someone in the crowd to attack him. And when he dealt with customers, he kept as far back from them as possible. What little he did speak always came out blunt and gruff, yet with a gentleness to it that had drawn Magnus in more. How was it possible that this was the man who’d committed such atrocious crimes?

“He was tried and convicted by his own people, Magnus,” Catarina reminded him.

That didn’t exactly help Magnus any. “I know that.”

She huffed and gave his hair a tug for the tone he’d used. Then her fingers started to card through his hair again. “You always were bothered by the trial,” she murmured.

“Weren’t _you_?” Magnus shot back. “Nothing about it seemed right. They called in witnesses, parents of the victims, and a few others besides, yet they didn’t send a fire message to me about it. Which, legally, they should have, as a good half of them were my people. The werewolf Alpha received a summons, as did Camille, and even the Seelie Queen.”

“Wait, what?” Catarina’s voice took on a heavy note of surprise. “I wasn’t aware of that.”

Sighing, Magnus finally forced himself to move away from her a little. He sat up so that his back was pressed into the couch. Then he lifted one corner of the blanket and wiped at his face. “Mm. Everyone else was invited, and yet for some reason they excluded me. That never felt right. Nor did it feel right that they did a public trial. Since when do nephilim put themselves on such public display like that? By my understanding, their trials are usually done by their precious Sword in the Silent City, and then they’re jailed until the Inquisitor decides their fate.”

“Maybe they were trying to appease the Downworld. Seeing as how all the victims were ours,” Catarina said slowly. She didn’t sound like she believed it, though.

Magnus didn’t bother answering that with words. The snort he let out summed up his opinion on that rather nicely. They both knew it was surprising that the Clave had been willing to try one of their own _at all_ with the victims being downworlders.

There were so many different things about all of this that made no sense. But, after his initial annoyance over it all, Magnus had just sort of... ignored it. Pushed it to the back of his mind and went on with his life. After all, it was all said and done, what could he do about it after the fact? He couldn’t change the past.

Only now that Magnus was confronted with it all again did everything come rushing back to him, and he was left wondering how the hell he’d ever forgotten about it all in the first place.

“This is really bothering you,” Catarina said slowly.

Magnus laid his head back on the cushion. It let him look at her upside-down. Her eyes were worried, brows drawn down and lips pursed. Looking at her, the only thing he could say was the truth. “It is.”

For a moment longer, Catarina just stared at him. Then she shook her head like she was trying to shake off her thoughts. Her eyes were much more focused when she opened them once more. “Then do something about it.”

Surprise had Magnus’ eyebrows going up. “I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me. If something about this bothers you, then do something about it. When have your instincts ever steered you wrong? Some part of you is telling you that there’s something fishy going on here. So, look into it and figure out what it is. You’re not going to find any peace until you do.”

It was such a simple answer. Yet also the very last one Magnus had ever expected her to give. He’d thought for sure that she would tell him to let it go, quit worrying about it, or any of the other countless logical answers. He should’ve known she’d surprise him.

And yet... just thinking about looking into this settled something inside of Magnus. It felt right, though he had no idea why that was so.

Determination filled him and took the place of that uncomfortable feeling that had been there since he’d walked away from Alec and left him throwing up alone in that alley.

Something so very strange was going on, and Magnus had no idea what it was, but dammit, he was going to find out. First and foremost, that meant cleaning himself up. Then Magnus was going to go to his study and refresh his memories on the Lightwood case. He was going to dig a little deeper – something he should’ve done two years ago, instead of just accepting the Clave at their word.

Magnus was going to dig, maybe even go and speak with the families. And if by the time that was all done, he didn’t have his answer, he was going to track Alec down again and actually talk to him this time.

Magnus had no intention of letting it go this time until he’d figured out what the hell was going on.

He pushed himself up off the ground, dropping his blanket onto his couch as he did. Then he stooped down and gave Catarina a swift kiss on the forehead. “Thank you, my dear. You always have such wise words for me.”

“Try to remember that next time instead of going for the bottle, huh?” she said dryly. “Or I’m leaving you to Ragnor.”

Magnus laughed at her and gave her another quick kiss. “Deal.”


	5. Chapter 5

Calling up Rimni had been both easier and harder than Alec had anticipated. His friend answered, of course, and he came to help out, because that was just the type of person that he was. Alec hadn’t doubted that Rimni would come if it was within his power. But that didn’t mean it was any easier to slump there and look up from the trunk of the car as Rimni slipped out of the nearby shadows.

He’d taken one look at Alec and the hard lines of his face had softened into something so much gentler. “Oh, _Nitii._ ”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Never apologize for calling me,” Rimni assured him. Then, with strong yet careful hands, he’d not only put a poultice on Alec's side made of some herbs he swore would help, he’d also wrapped it up and then helped him into the passenger seat of the car. He’d even laid the seat all the way down so Alec could stretch out. Then he’d climbed behind the wheel himself.

At Alec’s soft protests, Rimni had smiled. “I assure you, mundane things are not that strange to me. Part of protecting my King and kingdom means being aware of the changing world. I am more than capable of driving a car.”

That was just what he’d done, too. He’d driven them for hours while Alec slept in the seat next to him. Better to sleep than focus on the pain in his body, or the one that had settled deep down in his chest in places that Alec had thought he’d long ago guarded better than this. Places he hadn’t realized he’d been opening up to a pretty man with a warm smile and eyes that made Alec feel like he was being _seen_ for the first time in his life.

It wasn’t until they’d driven through the night and most of the day that Rimni finally pulled them over into some small little town out in the middle of nowhere. Alec had no idea what state he was even in. Just that Rimni was there at the passenger’s door, encouraging him to get up. “Come on, little one, I have a room for us to sleep in tonight. You will find a bed much more comfortable than the car.”

Rimni had to help far more than Alec liked. But when Alec tried to rise and stand, his limbs didn’t want to cooperate. Napping in the car hadn’t given him the rest his aching body so clearly demanded. He ended up only half-alert, tucked against Rimni’s side as they made their way into a motel room.

Alec didn’t get much of a glimpse of it all. Not that it mattered. He’d discovered the past few years that most motels looked the same. A little bit different in decoration on the inside – and some of them rather ridiculous looking – but for the most part all motels were the same. They even carried the same simple amenities inside. Something which Alec was happily going to take advantage of when he didn’t feel like he was going to fall over if left to stand on his own too long.

Rimni steered Alec toward the queen-sized bed in the middle of the room. It was the only one in there. Once he had Alec seated, and was sure he wasn’t going to fall over, Rimni turned and set about securing the room. The door was shut and locked by mundane means and then Rimni was pressing his hands to the door and murmuring under his breath. Whatever he did, Alec wasn’t sure, but he trusted Rimni to keep them safe.

Alec was grateful that Rimni took the time to do that and left Alec free to sort himself a little. While he was busy, it left Alec free to scoot himself back a little so that he could sit slightly propped up and tilted sideways against some pillows by the headboard. That allowed him to stay up while also keeping off the wound on his side that was slowly healing. Whatever herbs and such Rimni had put over it before bandaging it were clearly helping. It felt so much better than it had earlier.

In the time it took Alec to settle, Rimni had finished whatever he was doing to ward or protect their room. He walked over and grabbed hold of a chair from the small table against the wall, knowing without having to ask that Alec needed space at the moment more than he needed a hand to hold.

Any other time and it might’ve been amusing for Alec to watch the giant man fold himself down into that tiny chair. He looked like he was lucky the chair didn’t break underneath him.

Rimni looked so very out of place in the small motel room. Dressed in his guard uniform, dark black metal and leathers – armor and weapons included – with his beautiful hair braided back and dangling behind him, he looked like a warrior. One ready for any sort of trouble. It was such a contrast to the worry written all over that sharp, angular face.

It was the grief in his eyes that really got to Alec. Seeing it there had the younger man curling in a bit more and ducking his head down to the bedspread. He hadn’t wanted Rimni to see him like this. Yet now he sat here feeling completely and utterly exposed.

Licking his lips, Alec kept his gaze focused down on the bedspread. There was a little ball of fabric or something that he poked at with his thumbnail. It was easier to focus there than up at his friend. Still, he couldn’t stand the quiet, not like this. Normally Alec could stay silent with the best of them. Even when it was by choice. But something about the way that Rimni sat there watching him, waiting so patiently, had Alec wanting to shift around like a kid just about to be scolded by their parents.

Now he knew how Jace, Izzy, and Max felt all those times that Alec had stared them out after they’d done something wrong.

“I, um, I’m sorry for calling you away from work like this,” Alec blurted out. It likely wasn’t what Rimni wanted him to say, or what _needed_ to be said, but it was what came out.

Rimni didn’t make a sound for a long second. Alec was tempted to look up at him, only he resisted, not quite sure he was ready to see whatever expression was on the other man’s face.

When Rimni finally did speak, there wasn’t any anger in his tone like Alec had half expected, nor any condemnation. “I asked my second-in-command to step in for me for the day.”

Biting his bottom lip, Alec dared a quick look up, eyes darting toward and then away from Rimni. He didn’t _look_ angry. Or upset. But Alec had learned a hard lesson these past two years. He wasn’t stupid enough to judge everyone by what they looked like. Not even people he was so sure he could trust. “Is… is everything okay?”

“We have been dealing with a bit of trouble lately,” Rimni said, surprising Alec with the admission. It was enough to have him finally looking up at. Rimni hadn’t moved. He was still in the chair, one long leg crossed over the other, and his attention fixed fully on Alec.

“You’re okay?”

One corner of Rimni’s mouth twitched upward. “I am well, _Nitii_. The veils between realms have been thinner lately. As our realm is the one more closely connected with darkness and death, we are also more closely connected to the hell dimensions. When the veils are thinner, things begin to seep through. It has not worsened enough yet to begin happening in the mortal realm, but our realm is feeling its effects. More and more demonic beings are slipping through by the day.”

All of Alec's previous tension was forgotten in the face of this information. He sat up straighter, wincing only a little and curling his hand over his wound in response. The rest of his attention went to the man sitting across from him. Whether it was just concern for his friend or the last dregs of the Shadowhunter he’d once been, hearing those words sharpened Alec's focus. A hint of his old strength showed through in his voice. “That doesn’t sound normal.”

“It is not,” Rimni agreed. “For something like this to happen, it means that someone has either been deliberately casting spells, of which we have found no evidence. Or…”

“Or?”

“Or someone inside the hell dimensions is gaining the kind of power that we should worry about.”

That had Alec sitting back a little. His brain was already pulling up all the information he knew about the various hell dimensions and the beings inside of them. Granted, he didn’t know a lot about demonic power levels and the like, not beyond what it meant in terms of being able to kill them, but having a being becoming so powerful that they were pushing at the walls of their dimension hard enough to thin the barriers? Any idiot could see how dangerous that would be.

“Important though this may be,” Rimni said, breaking Alec from his thoughts. “I did not come here to discuss the problems of the Unseelie Court. I came tonight to offer aid and care to a friend.”

Alec swallowed down the lump that built in his throat at the simple kindness behind those words. It was a kindness he hadn’t been shown by anyone who truly knew him in what felt like so very long. People had been nice to him, sure, but they didn’t know him. They didn’t know his name and the history behind it. And when they did… Alec thought of the way Magnus had looked at him once he’d found out, how the flirtation and kindness had gone out of his face.

A friend like Rimni was a rare commodity. One that Alec didn’t intend on squandering. “I’m okay, Rimni.”

“You are far from okay,” Rimni countered softly. His voice was so gentle it almost brought tears to Alec's eyes. “I knew your path would be hard, but I thought that getting away from the city would make things easier. Yet I see in your eyes that it did not. You carry the weight of grief on you, _Nitii_ , in a way I never wanted to see on you.”

Just the thought that Rimni might actually be able to _see_ the things that Alec had been through was enough to have him once more dropping his gaze. He didn’t want to see that on Rimni’s face. Didn’t want to have to face the look that might be there if Rimni realized just how broken, how _filthy_ Alec had become.

The soft sound of movement and then light footsteps warned Alec that Rimni had risen and was coming toward him. He made noise Alec’s benefit, of course. Rimni didn’t make sound when he moved unless he _wanted_ to make sound. It worked perfectly to warn Alec that he was coming so that he didn’t startle when Rimni knelt down on the floor beside the bed, right in Alec's eyeline.

Rimni didn’t reach out for him, didn’t push too close or try to touch in any way. He just knelt there between Alec’s feet and looked up at him with earnest, sincere eyes. “Seeing your pain does not make me think less of you. Nor, as I know you fear, does it make you a burden, Alexander Lightwood. It is the joy and pleasure of those in your life to love you and support you through your best and your worst.”

Alec shook his head in denial before Rimni was even done.

Not that the sidhe let him get away with it. He didn’t let Alec get a word in edgewise, cutting him off with a sharp “ _Yes_. I consider it an honor to be a part of your life, no matter what is going on in it. My duty may keep me away, but do not doubt I would come for you or send someone I trust in my stead were you to need me.”

He lifted one hand, holding it out palm up, and Alec hesitated for a long moment before reaching out to take hold of it. Rimni curled their hands together in a loose yet supportive hold. Not once did he break eye contact.

The two stayed like that for a long moment. He didn’t ask Alec about what had happened to him, not now and not in the past few years. What he saw on Alec was clearly enough for him. He was content to stay where he was and offer the silent comfort Alec needed. He kept where he was, holding Alec's hand and humming lowly, a soothing tune that worked its way through Alec like hot chocolate on a cold day, warming him and lulling him down toward sleep.

* * *

After the hints Rimni gave about what was going on back in the Unseelie realm, it was no surprise when he told Alec that he needed to go the next morning. As much as Alec hated to see him go, he understood. Rimni had a lot going on at the moment that he needed to be home for. He couldn’t afford to stick around and help Alec out right now.

Rimni took one look at Alec after telling him he had to go and let out a huff. “I am not just going to abandon you, _Nitii_. While I may have failed at helping you before, I will not do so now.”

“You didn’t fail me,” Alec tried to reassure him.

However, Rimni shook his head, brushing Alec's words off with a wave of his hand. “I have, though it is kind of you to say otherwise. I trusted that a friend of mine would lead you to a friend, and that you would be safe without me. I sought to offer you independence and your own choices after having so much taken from you, and to allow fate to work her path, knowing as I did that it may not be an easy one. In doing so, I allowed you to be hurt, and I will bear the guilt of those mistakes.” He offered Alec a soft smile. “I will do better this time, little one.”

Though it wasn’t easy – a part of Alec was always trembling anymore whether he initiated the touch or not – Alec reached out and lightly brushed his fingers over Rimni’s arm. This was important enough that he needed to touch, to say the words. “I don’t blame you. You couldn’t abandon your life to stay with me, Rimni. What happened to me…” Pausing, Alec swallowed hard and shook his head. He didn’t blame his friend. How could he? Rimni had a life to live. “I don’t blame you.”

“Because you are a far kinder soul than the world deserves, Alexander Lightwood.” Bending forward, Rimni placed a soft kiss against Alec's forehead, and the touch felt both terrifying and yet like an absolution. When Rimni pulled back, he was smiling. “Either way, I will not simply walk away from you this time. Nor will I leave you to the care of someone I do not know, solely on the word of another.”

“Where are you taking me, then?” Alec asked curiously. He drew his arms in around himself as he looked up at Rimni with a hint of worry.

If Rimni was offended by the doubt, he didn’t show it. “If you would allow me, I would take you to Boston where some of my people live. As you know, some seelie and unseelie choose to live periods of their lives in the mundane world. Some by choice, some by force. There are those who want a chance simply to see the mundane world and experience it for themselves. Others still who go there as a part of their training for the guard. I require my men to spend five years in the mundane world, living in it, experiencing it the way mundanes do. Afterward, they return to me and, depending on how those years went for them is how their placement within my ranks shall go.”

“That’s – really smart.” Alec could see the benefits of it. Just as he could see the benefits of it for shadowhunters as well. To experience other cultures and see what their lives were like would breed a better understanding. To have the unseelie go out and live for five years in the mundane world would not only help them understand mundanes, it would also likely help them understand other downworlders, too.

Rimni dipped his head in acknowledgement. “So I always felt. The people I send out are good people, otherwise they never would have made it this far in their training. If you are comfortable in a house with five unseelie, they have agreed to take you in.”

There was an almost instant sense of panic that hit Alec square in the chest at the idea that he was going to be in a house full of downworlders. Granted, Rimni was saying that he trusted them, and that did count for something, but what if they only had agreed to this because Rimni asked them? What if they still hated him? Living in a house full of people who wanted nothing more than to see him suffer, who might even wish him dead, didn’t sound at all appealing. Even if he trusted them not to hurt him, which he didn’t, did he really want to risk living someplace like that?

“They will not hurt you, _Nitii_ ,” Rimni said gently yet firmly. “They have all agreed to give me their word on that with you as witness. You will come to no harm while you are with them. They will, in fact, guard you with their lives.”

The first half of that eased a little something in Alec. The second had him tensing all over again. He quickly shook his head. “I don’t want anyone giving their life for mine, Rimni.” Especially not with how much his life was constantly at risk. Alec wasn’t going to have anyone put themselves in harms way because of him. Nor did he want the people who came after him to be hurt. They were angry and hurt, and they had a right to be. Alec wasn’t going to have them hurt because of it.

Rimni sighed softly, the lines around his eyes gentling a little as he did. There was open affection in the look he sent Alec's way. The kind that once more had Alec feeling young and small. “I want you safe, my little one,” Rimni murmured to him. “How that comes about, I will leave up to you. I will never force you into anything that you do not want. All I ask is that you come with me and meet them. Then make your decision.”

By the Angel. How the hell was Alec supposed to resist that kind of request?

That was how Alec found himself standing in front of a large two-story house that kind of reminded Alec of those dorm buildings that Isabelle had pointed out to him once. She’d said it was where kids lived when they went to college. Kind of like a between point from living with family to living on their own. The idea had mystified Alec. Then again, he’d never understood the mundane idea of going out and getting your own place. That might work for them, but it wasn’t something that would work for shadowhunters. Their job required them to all be in the same place.

Rimni kept a hand on Alec's shoulder as they walked up to the front door. The touch felt both comforting and restricting. Alec wanted to lean into Rimni at the same time that he wanted to tug away from his hold and run, far and fast. His stomach was twisting and turning like it was going to empty itself of the lunch Rimni had gotten him just hours ago.

“Peace, _Nitii_ ,” Rimni said, giving his shoulder a small squeeze. Then, without giving Alec time to say anything – not that he would’ve been able to, not with the way his whole chest felt tight – Rimni reached out with his free hand and rapped his knuckles smartly against the door.

The man who answered most definitely a sidhe. Alec knew without even having to be told. All fae that he’d ever met were beautiful, and the sidhe even more so. Seelie or Unseelie, there was an air of unearthly beauty about them that drew people in. Of course, that beauty could hide something terrible underneath, he knew. That was how many of the fae had become a part of mundane culture and myths. That beauty marked him as sidhe, but the grey skin and white hair marked him as unseelie.

This man was shorter than Alec by almost a half a foot at least, and yet he carried an aura of strength and danger to him that told Alec he’d have no issue holding his own in a fight. Even if Alec still had his runes, he would’ve been hesitant to cross him.

Almost against his will Alec found himself leaning a little more toward Rimni instead of pulling away.

A glance upward showed that Rimni was smiling, though. “Alaion. Well met this day.”

The man, Alaion, gave a small yet formal bow, one fist up to press over his heart as he did. “Sir.” The formality lasted only so long as he was bowing. When he straightened back up, there was a hint of a smile on Alaion’s lips. “You’re earlier than we expected, sir.”

“Yes, well, it took far less convincing than I had planned for.” Rimni shot a half smile Alec's way and winked at him. “Always plan ahead, Alaion. Then you have room for any surprises that may come your way.”

The light teasing between the two worked to ease Alec enough that he was able to put one foot in front of the other when Rimni nudged him inside.

Alec's eyes took in the room with one sweep as soon as he was inside enough to do so. From what he was able to see, they were in a large living room area, with another one through an archway off to his right. At the wall that separated the two rooms was a staircase that went up to a long hallway at the top. Bedrooms were what were up there, Alec was guessing.

The living room they were in was large enough for a massive TV hung up on the wall and three different couches, plus two recliners, as well as a large coffee table in the middle. The peek he caught of the other room showed only two couches, a couple more chairs, and then a bunch of empty carpet.

Rimni led Alec to the couch nearest the window. It backed up to a wall at the corner, which would give Alec a perfect view of everyone and everything and keep anyone from being able to sneak up on him. Whether Rimni chose that because he wanted that kind of seat, or because he knew it would ease Alec, was a mystery. Though, Alec had a feeling he knew which option it was.

Some sort of alert must’ve gone out with their arrival. Alec had barely taken his seat when others started to join them.

Two came in from a door at the far side of the room that, with that brief glimpse inside, showed what looked to be a kitchen. Alec's brain stalled for a second at the sight of them, and it took him a moment of looking to realize that one was male and one female. The two looked almost identical except for the subtle differences at the chest and hips. But otherwise, they matched, from their height to their build – tall, like most other sidhe Alec had met, and leanly muscled, with the same grey skin that marked them as unseelie – down to the single streaks of black in their knee-length white hair that matched the two streaks Alaion had.

The other two came down the stairs, and Alec had to swallow back his fear as they all filled the room. Almost all of them seemed close to Alec in height, save Alaion, though none of them reached Rimni’s height. It was the first time Alec could remember being in a room full of people who so matched him in size. Even without their powers, it made for a formidable looking group, and Alec's heart beat harder and his palms began to sweat. He wanted to go right back out of here yet could only sit there at Rimni’s side and watch as everyone gathered in the living room with them.

It got a little easier to breathe when Rimni gestured them to sit. The twins took one of the couches, while Alaion took a chair and the other two took the couch furthest from Alec. They left a small gap open between Alec and the front door – a fact which he doubted was accidental.

Rimni, thankfully, didn’t touch Alec, though he sat close enough that Alec could feel his body heat.

“Hail and well met, everyone,” Rimni greeted them all formally, each one echoing the words back to him. He sat up straight, a general surveying his troops, and yet there was a fondness in that gaze that was unmistakable. He looked over each person here with the kind of care that spoke as much of friendship as it did of leadership. “I thank you all for taking the time out of your day for this meeting.”

“It’s our pleasure,” said one of the ones sitting on the couch. A male sidhe with short cut white hair that bore only one black strip.

Rimni dipped his head in acknowledgement of the words. Then he turned, looking over at Alec, and his expression softened even more. “Allow me to make introductions. You have met Alaion, the warrior who is in charge of this house, and Captain of this team. On the couch here are Aliri and Virion.”

Aliri was a tall woman who would probably stand eye to eye with Alec. She was the type of woman that he knew Jace would’ve flirted with. Though, to be fair, Jace would flirt with almost any woman. He was a bit broader in his tastes than Isabelle, who tended to prefer her women a bit more on the petite side. This woman’s skin was a lighter grey than the others, and her white hair was only shoulder length and carried two black strips. Silver eyes watched Alec curiously, yet without judgment.

Beside her was Virion, who was just a bit darker than Aliri, and bore a single strip of black on the right side of his hair.

The twins were Alvaerelle – “Please, call me Alva,” she said, smirking – and her brother Pyrravyn, who went by Pyrr, which sounded a lot like _purr_ said in his low, deep voice. Both of them had a strip of black on either side of their head, and one strip of green on the right. The more unseelie that Alec met, the more he was beginning to wonder about those colors. He’d always thought that Rimni’s were natural. Had he been wrong? Was there some sort of significance he was missing here?

They were a beautiful bunch. One thing Alec had always thought about the sidhe, both in the seelie and unseelie courts, was that they were strikingly beautiful. He’d never understood why their looks seemed to separate them so much. Stories labeled the seelie as everything that was good and light, while the unseelie were considered dark and dangerous. But Alec's studies, and his time learning from Rimni, had left him with the impression that both sides were capable of the same. The only things that separated them were their looks, and some of their powers. Those in the unseelie court tended to have personal powers that lent themselves better to the dark and shadows, which no doubt only furthered the stories about them.

Once, Rimni had let slip some things that hinted to the separation being _more_ , something to do with the kings and queens of old. From long back before humans really roamed this realm. A war that had divided the two and created the courts as they were now. But when Alec had tried to press, Rimni had clammed up, and Alec hadn’t pushed. There was no getting Rimni to divulge something when he didn’t want to.

After making the introductions of his people, Rimni turned his smile towards the others and gestured toward Alec next. “And this is the boy I have told you of, Alexander Lightwood.”

“Hail and well met, young Lightwood,” Alaion greeted him formally.

The words were echoed by Aliri, while Virion flashed a blindingly bright grin and winked, chiming in a surprisingly relaxed “Nice to meet you, kid” that was far from the slightly formal speech Alec was so used to getting from Rimni.

Alva and Pyrr had matching smiles on their faces, and they both waved, startling a soft huff of a laugh from Alec.

Alec wasn’t quite sure what they were supposed to do now. Just sitting here with them all was more than he’d thought he was going to be able to manage. The fact that he could do it without panicking was a good sign, right? Especially if he wanted to come stay here.

The logical part of Alec was insisting that this was the smart place to be. If these people gave their vow to Rimni not to bring harm to Alec or allow harm to come to him inside this house, it would be a safe haven for Alec to hide out in. Inside these walls, no one would be able to harm him. The thought of being able to rest somewhere, to sleep without worrying the whole time that someone was going to attack him, that was a prize worth almost anything.

Of course, promising not to hurt him didn’t mean they’d make his life easy. Alec's earlier fears were still there – living in a house with a group of people who hated him, who thought him a murderer, would be its own special kind of hell. But Alec had lived in places like that before. He’d lived at the Institute where everything he did was held under a microscope and was never good enough to please anyone. He’d lived under his parents’ disapproval in almost everything he did.

His siblings had loved him, of that Alec had no doubt. But their love had always felt…conditional. When Alec tried to keep them out of trouble, when he tried to get them to follow the rules so that no one would risk punishment later, he was named _boring_ and occasionally even a _tight ass_. They said it with love and laughter, but love didn’t take the sting out of it. Everything about him was subject to teasing, which he took too seriously in their eyes, or was in need of changing.

Now, years after he’d left, after they’d abandoned him, Alec couldn’t help but wonder if they’d ever really liked him at all, or if they’d only stuck around because of some sense of obligation. Had Jace actually wanted to be his parabatai? Or had something Alec been, something he’d done, eroded away at what should’ve been a solid bond, until they reached a point where Jace didn’t even come to Alec’s trial. They’d left him, just as everyone else had left him.

The downward pull of Alec's thoughts hadn’t gone unnoticed by the room around him. When he blinked his thoughts away and focused on the present, he found everyone watching him, and more than a few looks of concern.

It had Alec wrapping his arms tighter around his waist at the same time that he squared his shoulders, trying to stand up under all those looks the way he once would have. He had no doubt that it didn’t work anywhere near as well as he wanted it to.

He was saved from having to say anything by Rimni breaking the heavy silence that had fallen over the room. “I told you all the situation Alexander is in, and you all know my opinions on it. After having more time to think, are there any here who disagree with me? You will receive no repercussions for speaking your mind.”

A steady “No, sir” was echoed by every single person in there.

Rimni nodded like that was exactly what he’d expected. He turned to Alec next. “I told them what the Downworld knows about your case, and what I know to be true. They made the choice on their own to allow you to stay here, without any pressure from me. Were they to say no, or if you decide that this is not what you wish, I will take you wherever you choose and ward a home for you so that you are as safe as I can make you. But should you choose to stay, they all have agreed to give their oaths.”

Oh, the thought of going somewhere else and staying, alone, in a warded home – it sounded like heaven. No one to deal with. No one to share his space with. Alec would be free to hide out there and just _rest_ , at least for a little while. If he was careful in gathering supplies, he could stretch it for weeks if he wanted, never having to leave for anything.

But… it would be a waste. Eventually Alec would have to leave, and he would be spotted, the same as he always was. Then he’d be chased out of yet another city, and the home that Rimni had warded for him would be abandoned. Wasted.

Better that Alec stay here in an already set up home. Once it came time for him to leave, these people would still be here. He’d be just like a passing stranger for them. One there barely long enough for them to get used to before he was gone again. And with their oaths to Rimni, he’d be just as safe here, even if it was less comfortable.

When Alec looked up at Rimni, the man’s eyes had darkened to the color of dried blood, and the lines around them were heavy. “The choice is yours, _Nitii_. Whatever you may choose, you have my full support. I will not be offended or disappointed no matter what you pick.”

There was a soft sound of surprise from someone nearby. Alec didn’t turn to look and see who it was. He was caught up in staring at Rimni, reading the sincerity on his face. Somehow that actually made it easier for Alec to nod his head and tap one finger against his leg in a gesture he hoped Rimni would understand.

He did. A wide, bright smile lit up the man’s face, and he nodded back at Alec. “Thank you.”

Those words acted as a catalyst for the others. They must’ve realized what it meant. The faint rustle of cloth drew Alec's attention as they all rose to their feet. Alec looked up just in time to watch as, one by one, they all sank down to one knee.

Alaion spoke first, and his voice rang clear through the room, yet heavy with a feeling of power that crackled along Alec's skin and sent shivers down his spine. “Under the darkness that consumes everything, and the light in which it is was reborn, I do vow to allow Alexander Lightwood no harm that it is within my power to stop. I vow to give him sanctuary inside these walls, and to do my utmost to keep him safe so long as I am capable of doing so.”

One by one, the other four repeated the same oath, and the power in the room grew stronger with each one. It was like Alec could feel it on his skin, layer after layer being laid down.

When they were done, Rimni’s voice rang through the room, a steady “Witnessed” that rang like the toll of a bell, bright and crystal clear. Alec felt it reverberate through him. The power that had sat against his skin sank into him in a magical binding that would keep them to their word or, if he remembered correctly what he’d learned, they would forfeit their lives.

The immensity of what they’d just given to him was stunning. Alec stared at them with a sense of awe. He hadn’t expected a promise like that. At most, he’d expected an oath to their commander, one that was a bit more carefully worded than this blanket promise. Yet not only had they made the promise to _him_ , they’d done it in a way that hadn’t put any sort of expiration date on it. Nor had they confined it to within these walls. The vow of sanctuary, yes, that was restricted to these walls, but the rest? They’d left that open to interpretation.

For beings who prided themselves on finding and exploding loopholes, they’d boxed themselves neatly in here in quite a few different ways.

Alec looked from face to face and saw nothing but honesty there. They could be hiding what they felt, he knew, but that oath – that oath made it so very unlikely.

Some of that sick feeling that Alec had been carrying faded just a little at that. How could he not relax? He looked from face to face and wished he had the ability to thank them for what they’d just given him. But no matter how hard he tried, the words wouldn’t come.

Still, as they all rose and smiled at him once more, something in their looks had Alec thinking that maybe they understood.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a nice fluffy little settling-in chapter :) A nice break from the angst, I think! :D

Rimni was only able to stick around long enough to help Alec get settled in the room of his choosing. He made sure to add a few extra magical runes of power carved into the wood around the door that he promised Alec would offer him an extra layer of protection. That, combined with the fact that Alec was able to take a room at the very end of the hall with no one else next to him, and the two different locks on the inside of the door, meant that Alec was free to shut himself inside the room once Rimni left and not come out for the next two days.

It wasn’t a solid long-term plan. Alec was more than aware of that. He couldn’t stay up there forever living off the bit of nonperishable food he’d had inside his go bag. But two days was enough for him to catch up on some sleep, at least as best as he could between the nightmares.

The nightmares were what finally sent Alec out of the room. Sometimes when they struck the very last thing he needed was to sit around in a small space. He needed to move, to go outside maybe, anything that allowed him to feel safe and less _trapped_. That meant that staying inside his little bedroom was not at all going to work. Alec's fear of being trapped there finally overweighed his fear of being around the others and pushed him to finally leave the safety of its walls.

A glance at the clock showed it was still early hours. With any luck, no one else would be up and Alec might be able to get some alone time in.

Alec crept as silently as he was able out of his bedroom. There didn’t seem to be anyone in the hall that he could see, and a peek around the corner at the stairs didn’t show him anyone in the main living room. On quiet feet, Alec made his way downstairs, alert the whole time for the presence of anyone else.

He hated this feeling. Hated that he couldn’t even walk while everyone was likely asleep without feeling like he was tiptoeing through enemy territory. Hated feeling like a _coward_.

Yet hating all of that didn’t keep Alec from almost jumping out of his skin when he turned off the stairs and into the small living room, the one with the most open space and easily accessible exits, and found that there was someone already in there.

It was almost enough to send him scurrying right back up the stairs. If the idea of locking himself in the bedroom once more wasn’t equally terrifying – he couldn’t be trapped in there right now, not there, not anywhere! – he probably would’ve done it. But as it was, Alec’s feet seemed to have rooted themselves in place right there in the doorway. Too scared to go forward. Too scared to go back. All he could do was stand there and stare at the woman sitting on the floor.

He wasn’t sure at first which one of the other houseguests this was. Not until he caught a glimpse of the green streak in her white hair right next to a black one. The streaks were no wider than one of Alec's fingers, with a bit of space between them. From what he could see, they ran from scalp straight down to the bottom of her hair, though it was hard to tell with her hair gathered up into a rather intricate looking bun on the back of her head.

The woman sitting on the carpet was Alva, if Alec remembered their names right. But what she was doing there he had absolutely no idea. The more he watched her, the more his fear began to fade to make room for confusion and curiosity.

Alva hadn’t moved once since Alec had come in. She was just sitting there cross-legged with her hands on her knees, facing upward, and her eyes closed. There was a sort of stillness to her that was strange and yet oddly soothing to see. The woman was still breathing – Alec could see the steady rise and fall of her chest, even if it was slower than what he thought it should be.

With only a faint lamp lit, and the starting light of the rising sun beginning to come through the windows, Alva was almost like a shadow, the grey of her skin seeming to sort of blend in just a bit with the natural shadows of the room in ways Alec hadn’t thought were actually possible. It didn’t make sense. Especially with that shock of white hair that all unseelie had. How did she still manage to blend in the way she was?

Whatever it was that she was doing, she probably didn’t want him standing there staring at her. Alec was grateful that she wasn’t looking his way and couldn’t see the way he grimaced as he realized that he had been staring. Slowly, carefully, he started to back his way out of the room.

“You don’t have to leave.”

The sound of Alva’s voice startled Alec so bad he jumped, his shoulder slamming into the wall as he did. He gave a small hiss of pain at hitting that shoulder and jostling the mostly-healed wound on his back and side.

Alva opened her eyes, and the silver of them seemed to glow for a moment as they met his across the room. She gave him a faint smile. “I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to say, you’re more than welcome to come in here and sit if you’d like. I don’t mind the company.” Then she paused as if realizing something, and then tilted her head, studying him. “Or, you could come and join me.”

Alec arched one eyebrow – a silent _what_?

His response didn’t seem to offend. Laughing, Alva made a ‘come here’ gesture with one hand and then patted the carpet in front of her. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

For a second, Alec thought about just shaking his head and telling her no. He didn’t really want to go and sit down on the carpet with her, especially without knowing _why_ she wanted him to do it. He wasn’t into surprises. Very rarely had they ever ended with something he enjoyed. Plus, he hadn’t come in here looking for company, just an escape from the horrors that waited in his room and in his mind.

Alva’s lips pressed together for a moment, and her eyes went stormy in a way that had Alec bracing for a quick retreat. Then she sighed and lowered her hands to her lap, and she was smiling once more like nothing had happened. “I’m meditating, and I thought that perhaps you might like to join me in it. Nothing more.”

Meditating? Alec hadn’t heard the term before. From what he could see, it involved sitting and breathing, and that wasn’t that hard. He could do that. Not that he particularly _wanted_ to. But if sitting around and breathing kept one of his new housemates happy with him, it was an easy compromise. Besides, he’d wanted a distraction. An escape. Maybe this would work.

Carefully Alec pushed away from the wall and slowly made his way over to the carpet where she sat. He didn’t sit directly in front of her. He couldn’t. Not when it would leave his back open to most of the house that way. But Alva didn’t seem at all offended by the fact that Alec sat down a few feet away and diagonal to her, his back toward the windows. She just turned herself to accommodate him.

“One of the things that we learn early in our training as warriors is breathing exercises. I’m sure you people taught them to you for exercise, yes?” She waited for him to nod before continuing. “I thought so. This is the same theory of controlling your breath, only you do it for meditation instead of combat. Which, honestly, comes in handy later on when you’re fighting. Meditation lets you connect with yourself deep down inside, and it gives you an understanding of your own body. It helps you to find your core, and through that, peace.”

The way she spoke of it struck a chord in Alec. He’d heard something similar to that before, hadn’t he? Hodge had used to teach something like that. Only, he’d had them do it while running through the forms with their swords.

“Follow me if you can, and I’ll show you what I mean. But don’t push your body into a position it isn’t ready for. I know you’re still healing.” Alva shifted her hands, settling one on each knee, her fingers loosely cupped and her palms facing upward. Alec tried to mimic the pose, though he wasn’t quite able to cross his legs as tightly as she could. He couldn’t get his feet up onto his thighs like that.

Alec wasn’t entirely sure what he’d expected to come next. The whole thing seemed a bit strange. But whatever he’d thought would happen, it hadn’t been for her to take some of the very breathing exercises that Hodge had trained them to do and walk him through them.

Doing them while sitting still like this was… odd. Alec was used to doing these things while in motion. It brought back so many memories. The feel of a sword in his hands, his body going from one form to the next, following a pattern that was as familiar to him as walking or breathing.

Alec had attempted to use some of those breathing techniques in his day to day life when he got really stressed, to help him calm down or to bring his voice back, though he’d always coupled them with a motion of some sort. He’d never thought of practicing them like this. Just sitting in one spot focusing on his breathing, listening to Alva’s voice as she talked him through relaxing the muscles in his body one by one from his toes up toward his head.

Her voice was low and easy to listen to. Alec found it calming in a way he hadn’t quite expected. While she didn’t have as deep a voice as her twin, it was still lower than most women would have, and it sank into Alec like warm chocolate, heavy and just a bit sweet. It was a sound he could’ve easily listened to for hours.

 _Had_ listened to for hours, he realized, as Alva calmly told him to open his eyes, and Alec really took in the changes around him. The amount of light that was coming in the room, for one. When he glanced up at the nearby clock on the wall, he was surprised to find that he’d been here for what looked like almost two hours.

When he looked back at Alva, she was smiling. Soft, yet warm. “You responded well to that. I can tell you’ve had _some_ semi-decent training, at least.”

The words were just a bit teasing, and Alec was relaxed enough that he didn’t think before he responded. “Only since before I could walk. But yeah, _some_.”

Laughter bubbled up from Alva. She rocked back a little, almost bouncing in her seat, and her eyes were bright with mirth. “Oh, so there’s some sass living in there. Good to know.”

Realizing what he’d just said, and to _who_ , had Alec flinching. Sarcasm and teasing never ended well for him. Once, Alec would’ve glared at anyone who talked to him that way. He needed people to take him seriously, and being teased wasn’t the best way to command that respect. Especially not with a group of Shadowhunters who barely respected Alec or his family name to begin with. Any remarks they would’ve made to Alec would’ve carried an undertone of something sharper meant to wound.

There was nothing like that in Alva’s tone. It didn’t feel like she was trying to poke at him or suggesting he was somehow lesser because he didn’t fit up to some perfect image that no one could follow. It felt more like… like teasing. Almost the way that Isabelle teased him sometimes. Light and easy, without any hidden meaning.

If Alva noticed his odd hesitance, she didn’t comment on it. Instead, she stretched her arms above her head and then lowered them again with a happy sigh before beginning to unfold her body from the position she’d put it in. “You know, I meant it – you really did do good at this. You’re more than welcome to join me anytime you’d like. I do this every morning. It’s a great way to start the day, and it can be a good help sometimes for the days where it all gets to be too much for you. It might even help your own breathing exercises be more effective.”

The thought of being able to use this to calm himself down when he needed to was appealing. Alec wasn’t quite sure how it would work alone – would he be able to find the same sense of calm as he did when Alva talked him through everything?

It was worth a shot. Anything was worth a chance when he got really stressed. If it would help calm him down, maybe even enough for his voice to turn itself back on or get unstuck or whatever it was it did, it’d definitely be worth practicing.

Still, he gave a hesitant answer, not entirely wanting to commit. “I’ll think about it.”

That seemed to be enough for her. Alva nodded like she’d expected that answer. “No problem! And, you know, for the days it doesn’t work, I could teach you something else that might help.”

Alec tilted his head curiously. Then his eyebrows went up with surprise when she brought her hands up and signed something as she spoke.

“Sign language,” she said, smiling at his surprise. She dropped her hands back down to her lap, but kept talking. “I don’t think you need to learn the whole language, though we can definitely do that if you like. But at least a few basics to be able to help you get your point across? Most of us here speak at least some form of it. My cousin is deaf, thanks to damage to his ears a few hundred years ago. My brother and I both learned, and we taught the others some while we’ve been here. You don’t have to learn, but I thought it might be nice to be able to get your words across even if it’s not in the most traditional of ways.”

Learning new things had always been something Alec enjoyed. The idea of learning sign language because he couldn’t speak, that was a bit… embarrassing. But learning it because he wanted to, that was different. Alec could sell it to himself as the second option. Even if they both knew it was so much more than that. But, being able to speak, to have a way of being heard even if he couldn’t actually be _heard_ , he’d have to be an idiot to pass that up.

Not that he thought everyone out there would be able to understand sign language. Still, there was always a chance that someone would, and that small chance was better than not even having the option at all.

“I’d like that, thank you.”

* * *

Somehow, though Alec wasn’t quite sure how, Alva convinced him to come and join her for breakfast. Alec ended up in the large kitchen/dining room area, seated at a table near a sliding glass door with a cup of coffee in front of him. When they’d come in, Pyrr had already been making food, and the coffee had been brewed. The two of them had banished Alec to the corner with his coffee so they could finish up breakfast together.

“You’re still new enough here, we don’t have you on the roster for household stuff,” Pyrr said, grinning at him and tossing out a wink as he added, “Lucky devil.”

Alva rolled her eyes and shoved past him, bumping their hips together. She grabbed something from the freezer and went to work with a second skillet beside her twin. “Ignore him. General Rimni told us you’re injured and healing. We’re not going to put you on the roster until you’re feeling better.”

The idea of a roster for chores wasn’t an unfamiliar one to Alec. That was the way things ran at the Institute. A new roster went out each month, assigning people different duties. Cleaning, night shift, patrol shifts, ichor duty, KP, guard rotations, and other things like that. Everyone was assigned patrols as well as a secondary set of duties to last them for the month. Then they’d switch out the next month.

“I can help,” Alec said, curling his hands around the mug he held. The heat of it felt good. Grounding. That and the peace that he’d found during his meditation helped him keep steadier than he’d expected when around two strangers who he knew could hurt him without even breaking a sweat.

Pyrr flashed another grin over Alec's way while flipping the pancake at the same time, not even bothering to look to make sure it landed correctly. “I’m sure you can. But why not take advantage of the peace while you can? Alaion will get you working your ass off soon enough.”

Alec had heard footsteps coming, which meant he only jumped a little when Alaion spoke up from the far end of the room. “I can give _you_ extra work, Pyrravyn, if you’re not feeling busy enough.”

Winking at Alec, Pyrr turned his focus back to the pancakes, flipping it yet again and then sliding it off onto the waiting stack. “Not at all, Captain. Who says they’re not busy? I’m plenty busy over here!”

“Uh-huh.” Alaion rolled his eyes, yet it didn’t escape Alec's notice that there was something fond on his face. The title of Captain suggested that this was the person in charge of this group when Rimni wasn’t around, though they clearly all answered to Rimni. But the way Alain looked at Alva and Pyrr suggested he was more than just a simple leader. There was a hint of friendship there that Alec had never seen any shadowhunter leader show to their people.

As Alaion came into the room, Alec became aware of Virion and Aliri on his heels. Everyone came in, and for a moment it was all hustle and bustle and noise as coffee mugs were handed out and filled, dishes were gathered, and everyone made their way over to the table with plates and platters heaped high with foods.

Alva came over and took the chair closest to Alec, though she scooted it away ever so slightly to give him that much more room. She handed him a plate and smiled. “Ignore the rest of them and help yourself.”

He took his plate from her hesitantly and set it down. It felt weird to be sitting here eating breakfast with them all. None of them were glaring at him, they weren’t saying anything negative, they weren’t looking at him with those hateful looks that said they knew what he’d done, or any of the other things Alec was used to getting from Downworlders.

However, they weren’t just pretending like he wasn’t there, either, which was what Alec had figured would be the best he could hope for in this situation. They all seemed to be enjoying bandying stories back and forth, each one getting progressively more ridiculous like they were trying to top one another, and they were all telling them to _him._

It reminded Alec of when visiting teams would come from other Institutes to help out with something or just for some extra training. Conversations like this happened all the time in the mess hall. The new people would sit amongst the others and tell stories to make themselves out to be impressive, or to make their teammates look like fools, laughing and grinning all the while. Alec had never been a part of those. Being the son of the Institute Heads as well as a Lightwood meant that people stepped lightly around him or avoided him at all costs.

This was the first time Alec had been _included_ in a conversation like this. No, not just included. He was somehow the center of it without ever having to say a word. At most, he laughed, and that seemed to be enough for them.

With each story, each laugh, Alec felt a little more of his tension fade away. Maybe staying here wouldn’t be too bad. No unseelie or even seelie had come after Alec since his trial. They were the only people who didn’t seem to want to hunt Alec down.

Plus, these people were Rimni’s people, after all, and Rimni had proved that he was someone Alec could trust – someone who held faith in him even when the rest of the world had none. Maybe it was time Alec show him a little of that faith in return.

He just hoped he wouldn’t come to regret it.

* * *

A small tentative friendship was born between those Alec and the others that morning. Over the next few days, Alec started to venture out of his room more and more to join them for meals, or in his morning meditations with Alva. She and Pyrr were by far the easiest two to get along with. They set Alec at ease in ways he couldn’t really explain. It was just…in a way they both kind of reminded him a little of, well, of himself and Isabelle.

Not as siblings, no. Their bond was deeper than any bond Alec had seen anywhere, even between parabatai. Sometimes Alec wondered if there wasn’t a telepathic edge to it with the way they responded to one another’s needs sometimes without anything being said at all.

No, they didn’t remind Alec of any sibling bond he’d ever seen or had. They reminded him of himself and Isabelle more _personality_ -wise.

They had a lot of Isabelle’s passion for life and her enjoyment and _fun_. Like her, Alva and Pyrr seemed to be able to find the good in almost any situation and to have fun while they were doing it. Even if it was something as simple as making breakfast or going out with the others for training drills. At the same time, they also seemed to have Alec's sense of responsibility and understanding of the rules. A sense of duty that was treated like it was something special, not something to be mocked.

Alaion was easy to get along with as well, at least on some levels. He was the leader of this group here. Their Captain. These were his people, and he took care of them. He was both stern and caring in equal measures, with a sharp wit hidden underneath it all that came out now and again. Even when the others messed up, there was a sense of fond exasperation under his sharp orders.

Dealing with Virion was a bit harder. He was bolder than the others, and bright in a way that made Alec think of Jace, with a hint of what could’ve been called cockiness if he hadn’t had the skill to back it up. He was charming, a bit flirtatious, and always seemed to find a way to laugh in any given situation.

The one that Alec dealt with the _least_ was Aliri. She was the quietest of them all. The one that watched and studied and waited. From what Alec was able to gather from their stories, she was their planner. The one that gathered information and figured out how best to put it together into something that stood a chance of making sense.

She was smart and observant, and it left Alec sometimes feeling like she saw far more of him than he was comfortable with. Like she could see past the walls he put up to try and convince others that he was okay, past the flinches and trembles that he couldn’t always control, down to the very core of him where he was his most broken. Where the shattered pieces of who Alec had once been were kept carefully hidden away from the world. It made it hard for him to relax around her.

But, all in all, they were a nice bunch of people, and they were doing their best to make him comfortable.

That first breakfast they’d shared together had done a lot toward easing Alec's fears, even if it only seemed a little. Any change at all was a major thing for him. However, eating with them, listening to them rib one another about chores, money, grocery shopping, it brought up a rather important fact – Alec needed to find work if he wanted to contribute to the household in any way. He wasn’t the type of person to just sit around and freeload off people. If he was going to be there, he was going to help somehow. The only way he could do that was by earning money. And for that, he needed a job.

Alec had been there for a week when he finally felt well enough, both mentally and physically, to go brave the world looking for work.

Boston was a decent-sized city. Enough for Alec to feel like he’d have some anonymity if he went out and about, as well as a better chance at finding some work that he might be able to do with little questions asked. Even if all he did was pick up a paper and do a few odd jobs around town for some quick, easy money, at least he’d have something to bring back to the house. Something to contribute.

When he came downstairs all dressed to go out job hunting, he found Pyrr, Alva, and Virion in the living room. They all looked up when he came in, and each one of them seemed surprised to see him not dressed in his usual sweater and comfortable jeans. Instead, ALec had on the nicest pair of jeans he owned – they traveled so much easier than pants, and with less wrinkles – and a button-up shirt that he’d covered with a zip-up sweater. His hair was hidden underneath a baseball cap that, thankfully, wouldn’t look too out of place. The weather was gradually shifting toward fall, and more and more people were coming out in their caps from summer while adding on the sweaters to help with the slowly cooling weather.

“Well now, look at you,” Alva said, smiling brightly at him. There was a hint of something in her eyes, though, that didn’t quite match the smile. Little wrinkles at the corners, and a slight dimness to the silver. “Where are you off to looking like that?”

Alec tugged nervously on the bottom of his sweater to adjust it better. The sleeves were pulled down over his hands, though he quickly stuffed those in his front pockets. “I’m going to go look for work.”

Virion raised an eyebrow and gave him a look like he was crazy. “Work? Why do you need to go find work?”

A snort came from Pyrr. He shot Virion an amused yet exasperated look. “It’s this strange thing humans do so they can get money to buy things like food, clothes, and all sorts of fun stuff.”

“What does he need money for?” Virion asked, looking even more confused than before. He lifted a hand and gestured off toward the kitchen. “We’ve got plenty of food!” He turned to Alec, brows furrowed down, and such an honestly confused look on his face it was just a bit endearing. “You saw that, right? I mean, we’ve fed you, so you’ve gotta realize there’s food in there. No one’s gonna bite your head off if you go and take some. If anything, we might _reward_ you. You’re in desperate need of fattening up, little moonflower.”

That last bit came with a grin and a wink that had Alec almost immediately blushing and ducking down a little in his sweater.

Without looking away from Alec, both Alva and Pyrr reached out a leg and pushed Virion right off the couch. He hit the ground with a thud and a curse that they ignored. “Do you mind if we tag along?” Alva asked, pushing herself up a little to better lean on the back of the couch. She already looked like she was ready to leap over it at even a hint of an agreement from Alec.

Pyrr nodded his head beside her. “Ooo, please? I haven’t had a good reason to go out into the city in a while that wasn’t for some kind of work.”

From what Alec had been able to gather, everyone in the house worked part-time jobs. Alaion and Aliri both worked as bouncers at a club, the twins worked at what Alec was guessing was a bookstore of some sort, judging by their conversations, and he wasn’t quite sure what it was Virion did. He hadn’t mentioned. He just disappeared in the early evening and came back late at night.

“I’m just going jobhunting,” Alec felt compelled to point out. “I don’t need bodyguards.” There was no doubt in his mind that that was why they were volunteering for this. Not because they wanted to go walk around the city but because they wanted to keep an eye on him. “Your oaths only really require you to protect me in here. Not out there.”

That wasn’t true, and they all knew it. The part about giving sanctuary, yes – that was specified by _inside these walls_. But the rest? They’d sworn to keep him safe so long as they were capable of doing so, and to allow him no harm that was within their power to stop.

They all knew the truth. Yet they allowed Alec the delusion. Played into it, even, as the twins pushed up off the couch and made their way over to him, drawing on their glamours as they did. Grey skin turned almost as light a white as Alec's, and their white hair shifted into something brown. By the time they reached his side, they would've blended in easily in any mundane circles.

“Come on, Alec,” Alva said, smiling at him as she stopped at his right, with Pyrr moving over to his left. “We won't get in the way. Plus, we can show you all the places where we looked for work when we first got here!”

“Not to mention the places to avoid,” Pyrr chimed in.

One look at their faces told Alec this wasn't an argument he was going to win. Nor was it one he could really be all that fussed over arguing about. If he were honest with himself, he was the tiniest bit relieved to be going out in public with people that he knew he could trust, even just a little bit. That made the whole idea seem bearable. At least with them present, Alec knew no one would truly bother him. Neither twin would let anything bad happen. Though, at the same time, Alec didn't want them getting hurt because of him.

With a sigh Alec held in, he nodded at them. The happy cries that they let out almost coaxed a smile out of him. At least if he was going to go out with bodyguards it was going to be two that he was kind of starting to enjoy the company of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are wonderful, thank you! I'm having a hard time replying to them with the questions you guys keep asking - I want to answer, but, SPOILERS. However, don't let that stop you from asking! I never expected such love for this and your kind words help me keep this going. I've almost got it wrapped up! ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fluffy chapter to soothe away some of the ache my first few chapters made :D I might post a second one today depending on if I write fast enough. We'll see!

Alva and Pyrr stayed true to their claims. They showed Alec all the places around Boston that he should avoid while steering him towards places he'd have the best opportunity to find work. Some of which were even close enough to the house that Alec would be able to get to and from easily enough _and_ minimize his time out in the public eye. The less time Alec spent out where people could sight him, the more chances he'd have at staying here longer. That was a trick he'd learned rather quickly.

The first two places they took Alec to weren't willing to hire anyone at the moment, though the grocery store told him to come back in a week if he hadn't found anything, they could use some help with a big batch of fall freight coming in. Lots of heavy lifting, unloading pumpkins and things like that, but it'd earn him some money. Alec promised to return if he hadn't found anything by then.

The next job wanted not just his ID, but a social security number and a proper application, which Alec took with him under the pretense of returning it later. He knew he wouldn’t be going back there.

“Don't worry about it,” Pyrr said when Alec joined them. “We'll find you somewhere to work.”

The ex-shadowhunter sighed and put the application in a garbage can as they passed. “Yeah.” You'd think after time it would get easier to go through this whole process of finding a job. Alec had done it so many times now it should've been second nature. But it never got any easier trying to scrounge around to get some work. One of these days his fear was that he wasn't going to be able to find anything. Not without truly living like a mundane.

Maybe, if he got lucky, he could get together enough money to get another set of mundane papers, these ones under a different name. If he could get the money together and then figure out someone who would do it for him...

Alva moved in a little closer, just enough to brush her arm lightly against Alec's. She didn't seem bothered by the small flinch he gave in response. Though she did draw back so that they didn't stay touching. “Pyrr's right, you'll get a job, Alec. This is just your first day.”

“I'm sure there're plenty of places yet that'll have you. And if you don't find something right away, that's okay, too. Vir's a bit of a clueless ass still when it comes to mundanes, but he wasn't wrong earlier,” Pyrr said, crinkling up his eyes with his smile. “We’ve got plenty of food and such at the house. If it takes you time to settle in, it's fine.”

“I can pay my way,” Alec insisted firmly. He wasn't going to just freeload off them. That wasn’t the type of person he was. He wasn't going to use them, and he wasn't going to put himself in their debt. No way. Not unless he absolutely had to. What they'd already given him and done for him was more than enough. There was no reason to add to it if he didn't have to.

“We know you can,” Alva said honestly. She didn’t say it like she was trying to placate him, which mollified Alec a little, but like it was simple fact. “We're not trying to imply you can't, Alec. We're just saying that you don't have to get upset if it takes you a little longer to get set up than you'd like. We have more than enough money and food to keep our household afloat. The General makes sure of that.”

That didn’t exactly make Alec feel any better, but he appreciated their effort nonetheless.

As if sensing that they’d won, at least for now, the twins nudged him toward the right, down a new street. “Come on. We’ve got another place to check out!” Alva said cheerfully.

* * *

None of the places the group looked at ended up offering Alec any kind of work. Some asked him to come back, some wanted applications, and some took one look at him and said no. Eventually, Alec admitted defeat and settled for picking up a newspaper to take back to the house with him. He could comb through it later on in his room and see about calling a few of the more promising looking places in the wanted ads.

They returned to a house that was clearly starting dinner. Pyrr almost bounced ahead of them as he followed his nose toward the smell of food, Alva and Alec on his heels.

Sure enough, the others were at the table with food already spread around. Three places were left open for them – one of which was the seat that Alec had taken to using, the one that allowed him the easiest access to the exits. The seats beside him were open, and he found himself shuffled over and sat next to Pyrr while Alva sat on Pyrr’s other side.

“Look who’s back, just in time for food,” Virion said, smirking a little.

Aliri huffed and rolled her eyes. She didn’t look as stern-faced as usual, though, which Alec thought counted as a fond look from her. “What do you expect? Pyrr’s always back when it’s time for food.”

“Hey!” Pyrr protested loudly.

The others laughed, and soon enough the table devolved into gentle teasing while food was passed around. The openness of the way they were with one another, how they talked to each other, it was still a lot for Alec. Especially after having spent all day out in public. That was always a recipe for distress for him. While he’d never really liked crowds before, he hadn’t hated them. He’d trained to handle them. But now? Now, being around a group this size was hard. Anything more was _exhausting_. Being in an almost constant state of terror sapped what little strength he had for those kinds of situations and left him aching to go and hide.

But he needed to eat, whether he liked it or not. His body needed it.

Alec quietly took the dish of chicken strips when it was passed his way and put one on his plate, passing it on to the next. He’d already put some coleslaw on there, despite not being a fan of it. Food was food. He wasn’t dumb enough to be picky.

He’d barely started to poke at his food, the others already taking bites of theirs, when Alaion suddenly asked, “So, I heard you guys went out earlier. Did you three have a good time today?”

Looking up, Alec realized that the man was looking right at _him_ , clearly waiting for an answer. Unfortunately, Alec didn’t know the man well enough to know what kind of answer he was hoping for.

Hesitantly, Alec nodded, his shoulders tensing just a bit as he did. Was he going to be scolded for leaving? Did Alaion expect Alec to stay inside? Or maybe he just wanted Alec to check in before leaving like any other commander. These people here were under Alaion’s care, after all. It would make sense that he’d get upset about Alec leaving and taking Alva and Pyrr with him without getting permission.

Before Alec could work himself up too much, Alaion held up a hand. “Peace, Alec Lightwood. I didn’t mean any harm by it.” He lowered his hand back down to his mug and smiled gently Alec's way. “I’m impressed, honestly. It can’t be easy to have moved as many times as it sounds like you have and keep on doing the same thing, over and over.”

The praise in those words had Alec shrugging uncomfortably. It wasn’t anything impressive. “I just do what needs to be done.” In the back of his mind Alec heard his mother’s voice telling him _Life is not about what you want to do, it is about what must be done._ She’d hammered that line into him over and over as he grew up. He’d learned it even more in his time as a mundane.

“It can’t be easy, doing what you’ve had to do,” Alva said, her expression sad, though Alec was grateful to see there was no pity. “It must be hard to constantly have to start over. To leave behind friends every time you make them.”

Her words cut to the quick. She wasn’t wrong – it was hard, starting over again and again and again. But the rest of it? Huffing, Alec shook his head. “I’d have to have friends to leave behind.” He didn’t let anyone get close enough to be his friend. Sure, there were people he liked, and sometimes leaving them wasn’t easy. But friends? Aside from Rimni, who could Alec claim was actually his friend?

He thought briefly of Magnus and felt a flash of pain go through him along with the memory of furious cat eyes and the tight band of magic around his neck.

Alec reached out for the coffee mug he’d been given before, and he curled his hands around it, pressing his palms hard against the outside of his mug until the heat of it started to sting. He found the pain grounding. It steadied him enough that he found himself actually speaking the words he was thinking instead of keeping them locked away inside.

“I thought I had a friend, once. But I was wrong. No one wants to stick around once they realize who I am.” Carefully, he set his mug down on the table and pushed up to his feet, ignoring the eyes that followed him as well as the full plate of food still sitting there. “Excuse me, it’s been a long day. I think I’m tired.”

Before anyone could say anything to stop him Alec was already out of the room and on his way up the stairs.

* * *

Much to Alec's surprise, no one brought up the conversation later. He’d expected them to, honestly. Who wouldn’t have questions?

To have them stay quiet and go on as if nothing happened was both a blessing and a curse. Alec spent most of the next few days awkwardly trying his best to avoid being alone with any of them just so they wouldn’t have the chance to try and make him talk about it.

Yet the more they ignored it, the easier it became for Alec to let go of it as well, something which he was more than a little grateful for. He didn’t want to dwell on thoughts of the people in his past or the ones he’d been stupid enough to care about in his present. Not when most of them already haunted his dreams in one way or another. In his dreams he wasn’t able to hide from any of it. The least his days could give him was a small reprieve.

This wasn’t the only way the people here had shown a kind respect that Alec hadn’t at all anticipated. When a subject was clearly off-limits for Alec, they didn’t press him on it. From day one they’d all seemed to understand and accept that Alec didn’t like being touched, nor crowded, and they made sure that those never happened. Alec wondered occasionally if maybe Rimni had warned them of that. Whatever it was, Alec was grateful for it.

It was the most honest respect Alec had ever received, most especially when it came to the quirks that marked him as so different from everyone else. And it came from a people whose reputation in the shadow world was as liars, thieves, and even killers. Unseelie were considered to be dark in every aspect of the word. People seemed to expect that it meant _everything_ about them – from their skin to their morals. Yet Alec found more light and fun in these five than he’d ever found in any of his dealings with the _Shining Light_ of the seelie court.

The people here showed him so much kindness – so much _respect_. Alec couldn’t remember the last time he’d had that. Or if he ever had.

They also seemed intent on surprising him. When Alec came down one Saturday afternoon a couple weeks after he’d moved in, planning to get himself some lunch, he caught sight of the group of them out in the backyard. They were all stripped down to pants and tank tops and clearly running through some drills. The sight of it was enough to have Alec stopping, and then moving over to stand by the sliding glass door. There, he leaned against the doorframe and watched them.

Alec had gone through plenty of training in his life. He’d trained every single day since he was a small child, right up to the very day he was arrested. In fact, he’d been training when they’d come to take him away, trying to work out his frustrations because his Mom had come two days before and taken both Jace and Isabelle off for something, and he hadn’t been told what. It had made him angry to be kept out of the loop like that.

Later, he’d wondered if maybe Imogen had sent them off on something so they wouldn’t be around for his arrest and trial. That was better than thinking they just hadn’t wanted to come.

Still, the training that Alec had done hadn’t looked anywhere near as _beautiful_ as this. He’d always thought that the sidhe were graceful beings. Seelie and unseelie alike. Rimni even more so. He moved like smoke drifting from one place to the next, soft and easy, his body flowing through the movements. Next to him, Alec had always felt a little graceless, and that had been _with_ his runes.

Without them, and watching the beings in front of him move, well, there was no contest.

The group moved as a unit, bodies going through each form perfectly, gliding and twisting as they went. Alec couldn’t have stood up to them on his best day. They were a team, more so in that moment than any other. Seeing this brought it home in a way that hearing Rimni talk about them or seeing them interact hadn’t done.

Alec felt a pang in his heart at the realization that he would never have that. He’d thought he had, at least a little. Before. But seeing the way these people were together, seeing how they lived together, trained together, treated one another, Alec knew he never had. Nor would he ever.

A whistle from Alaion signaled the end of whatever drill they were doing. They all broke, and the seriousness of the moment faded as some of them smiled. Pyrr caught sight of Alec and beamed at him, jogging over his way. He only stopped long enough to grab a drink off the bench sitting against the side of the house. “Hey, Alec! I was wondering when you’d come downstairs.”

“Enjoying the show?” Virion asked, winking at him while he grabbed his own water bottle. Alva shoved at him as she went past, almost knocking him into the wall. He let out a loud “Hey!” and barely righted himself, making Alva grin ad even Aliri crack a small smile.

“You should come join us,” Alva suggested once she got close. She leaned against the bit of wall nearest Alec, close without getting too close.

The idea of joining them was enough to have Alec snorting. He crossed his arms over his chest and tried not to curl in with the gesture. “Yeah, right. Hilarious.”

To his surprise, Alaion gave him a contemplative look as he joined them, eyes running over Alec from head to toe and back again. “You know, she’s not wrong. You should come join us and train a bit. I’ve seen how well you take to meditation, and I know you already have some of the basic forms down.”

Alec took a moment to just stare at him. He blinked a few times, as if that might change the scene in front of him. Take away the easy expressions that everyone was watching him with. Only, it didn’t. No matter how much Alec blinked, they were all still there, watching him and waiting. “You want me to train with you?” Alec asked slowly.

Alaion met him stare for stare and didn’t back down from the incredulousness in Alec's voice. “Why not?”

Why not? _Why not_? “You do realize I’m essentially a mundane, right?” There was no way in hell Alec was going to be able to keep up with them. He could run through the forms, sure. At least some of them. His body wasn’t anywhere near as flexible as theirs were. And sparring – Alec had no desire for the bruises and broken bones he’d walk away from that with. Plus, well, there were parts of him that didn’t work as well as they once did. Some people had made sure of that.

“I know what you are,” Alaion said calmly. He kept his arms folded over his chest and was looking Alec over like he was studying him. The heaviness of his gaze had Alec shivering. He had to resist the urge to step back and break that stare. When Alaion looked up at Alec's face once more, his gaze was still just as calm. “I’m not suggesting you go full contact with us. I think we both know how that would end. But there’s no harm in coming out and running drills with us. You have the start of muscle there, it just needs built on. A steady diet and a good physical routine would have you filling out in no time.”

Pyrr leaned up against his sister’s back and rested his chin on her shoulder, pressing their cheeks together. The two had no issue with invading one another’s space. Often in ways that most Shadowhunters would’ve found not only ridiculous, but inappropriate and even offensive for two who were siblings. “The Captain’s right. You’ve got the build for a lot of it, and you’re already pretty graceful for a human.”

“I can’t move the way you guys do,” Alec pointed out. He curled his right hand in tight where it was hiding under his left arm and pressed it in against himself. His voice went just the slightest bit flatter. “Some things don’t… work as well as they used to, either.”

Admitting weakness wasn’t something Alec did easily. If they thought anything of it, or judged him for that, they didn’t show it.

Nor did they dismiss his concerns outright, either, which was kind of surprising. Alaion nodded like he’d sort of expected information like that and was adding it in to everything else he knew. “That makes sense. Your body is a lot different than it used to be. We can take some time, run you through a few forms and drills and try to establish a baseline. Then expand on it from there.”

The idea of being able to start up a training routine again was far more appealing than they all probably realized. Alec had spent his whole life training. While he tried to do his best in his current life, he wasn't able to do much but keep up some of his muscle mass. Even that had fallen a little more, though, without a consistent routine or a steady supply of food.

Alec couldn't work out when he couldn't afford to have workout equipment or even a set of weights, let alone somewhere to put them. He could use gyms here and there sometimes, but it wasn't the same, and neither was his body. There were just certain things he couldn't do. Though maybe improving the muscles in those areas would make it easier for him.

But there was one big sticking point, and it was one Alec knew he wouldn't be able to just get over. No matter how pathetic it made him feel.

To train with them, he'd have to let them touch him.

It didn't matter that he'd been slowly getting to know them since his arrival and was even starting to like them. Nor did it matter that they were people Rimni clearly trusted, seeing as how he was okay leaving Alec with them. For as much as Alec sometimes craved a comforting touch, he couldn't quite break his body of the habits and instincts it'd learned these past couple years. One of which had sunk in deeper because it was a reinforcement of something he'd learned as a child – touch _hurt_.

Even when someone was using touch as a comfort, more often than not it was a trick, and soft hands could turn sharp and painful in the space of a single heartbeat. The very same hands that cradled you one moment could strike you down the next. Alec had learned that at his parents’ knee – or their palm, so to speak – and it'd only been further cemented with each passing year.

Now? Alec could barely handle the hand on his shoulder that Rimni liked to do, or holding his hand, without at the very least _flinching_. At least with him they’d been able to work past the flinching and keep the touch. But with people Alec barely knew? There was no way in Heaven or Hell that Alec would be able to get through a training session where they had to put their hands on him to show him what he was doing right or wrong, or would have to try and take him down.

“Everyone, go inside and get cleaned up,” Alaion said abruptly.

There were a few looks Alec's way, and a half-formed protest from Pyrr that got cut off by a sharp look before it could even leave his mouth. They started to head to the door and Alec stepped aside, making room for them all and trying to ignore the worry hidden behind the fake smiles they gave him.

Alaion waited until they were all not only inside but upstairs before he spoke again. “Would you like to step outside with me?”

 _No_ , Alec wanted to say. He didn't think he wanted to hear whatever it was that Alaion was going to say. But protesting wasn't an option. Not for Alec. He couldn’t afford to do anything to piss off the one that ran this household while Rimni wasn't around. So, Alec settled for nodding, and then he took a hesitant step outside.

At a gesture from Alaion, the two of them ended up on either end of the bench. Alaion didn't face Alec head on. He crossed one leg loosely over the other and leaned back so that his weight rested against the side of the house. His gaze went off down the backyard, which wasn't that large but was surrounded by privacy bushes that were at least seven to eight feet tall. That, plus some spell work, was probably what kept anyone from seeing in here to watch them train.

Alec watched Alaion out of the corner of his eye as he waited for the man to say whatever he'd called him out here for.

In the quiet of the moment, Alaion let out a soft sigh. He folded his hands in his lap and kept staring out at the yard as he began to speak. “When General Rimni first brought tale of you to us, I was skeptical. Why did he want to bring you here? All of the Shadow World knows your story by now, and though there are those of us who find it suspicious, the business of Shadowhunters is just that – their business. We stay out of it. So why bring a young ex-shadowhunter exile into our home?”

The blunt words were enough to have Alec flinching. He curled a little more in on himself. The idea that they might not have wanted him here wasn’t a surprising one. Alec had been more surprised at the idea that they _did_.

“I was worried that having you here with us might put us all in the middle of a mess we can’t afford to be a part of,” Alaion went on, either blind to Alec's pain or choosing to ignore it. He still hadn’t looked Alec’s way. “Being unseelie is hard enough. Very few in this realm think well of us. Most of the mundane stories about us aren't pleasant, and from what I understand the Shadowhunter stories aren't all that better.”

Alec bit the inside of his lip. Alaion wasn't wrong. Shadowhunters didn't have nice things to say about the unseelie. They weren't fond of the seelie, but they seemed to believe the same thing as the mundanes – that unseelie were dark, evil.

Finally, Alaion broke his stare to turn and look at Alec. His expression was calm and steady, and held Alec in place, something in there making it hard for him to look away.

“We agreed to let the General bring you to us out of love and respect for him. Because you are his _Nitii_ , we let you stay, and swore to protect you.” Alaion reached out then in a way he hadn’t tried with Alec before. Slowly, so that Alec saw him coming the whole time, he reached over and laid his hand gently on Alec's arm. “I’m offering you this now, a chance to learn to better protect yourself, because you are _you_ , and I don’t wish to see you in pain.”

A shudder ran through Alec. He tightened his hold on himself, and yet didn’t break away from Alaion’s touch. “You barely know me.”

One corner of Alaion’s mouth curved up into a small, barely-there smile. “I’ve watched you in the weeks you’ve been here, Alec Lightwood. I’ve watched you on your own, and how you are with the others. I’ve seen glimpses of who you are – just as I see glimpses of who you could be, underneath what everyone has done to you.” His smile grew a little more. “A true knowing comes with time. But I’d like to do everything I can to make sure I still have that time with you.”

“I don’t…” The words caught in Alec's throat. They tangled themselves up in a knot of emotion that he was more than a little embarrassed to find.

The hand on his arm gave a gentle squeeze and then drew away. “I won’t force it on you, but I’d like it if you’d think about it. I’ve trained many people in my lifetime. All with different limitations and skillsets. This isn’t the first group I’ve worked with, though if I have my say they’ll be my last. I’ve helped quite a few people come into their own. It’d be an honor to be able to help you.”

Alec dropped his eyes down to his lap. It sounded perfect, and so much more than he’d ever thought to hope for. But it also sounded likely exactly what he needed. To be able to train this body, to do it with someone who might be able to work around his limitations. There were plenty of times that Alec could think of that knowing how to defend himself in this body might’ve helped him get through something easier. It wouldn’t matter against a warlock – they were too powerful for him. As were vampires. But maybe against a werewolf. Definitely against mundanes.

Still, there was one point that Alec couldn’t get past, and though it was embarrassing to admit it he still knew he had to if he wanted Alaion to understand. “I don’t… I don’t like to be touched.”

Sneaking a look from the corner of his eye, he was surprised to find Alaion nodding his head. “We can work around that. Hopefully, with time and practice, you can reach a point with me where you might be comfortable with it.”

Alec turned his head so that he could look Alaion square on. He’d once considered himself pretty good at reading people. In some ways, it was a skill Alec had only improved on since he’d been forced out of his home. You could tell a lot about a person from their eyes and their face. He searched Alaion’s now to try and see any signs of deceit. Any chance that this might be a trick. Like the seelie, an unseelie couldn’t lie, but they could twist the truth until they had you believing that up was down and left was right.

Nothing that he saw on Alaion’s face gave Alec any cause to doubt. He was looking right back at Alec with a calm, steady expression, barely even blinking. He didn’t try and hide. Didn’t plaster on a smile to cover up something else. Alaion just sat where he was and let Alec look his fill.

In the end, that made it so much easier for Alec to answer. If there was any chance that he could get back even a small fraction of his skill, his strength, he couldn’t turn it down. “Please.”

A wide smile lit up Alaion’s face. “It would be my pleasure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, we'll peek back in with Magnus and see what he's doing!


	8. Chapter 8

While Alec was settling in at his new home, across the country Magnus was having a far less easy time with his own plans.

Making the decision to look into the Lightwood case was proving to be easier said than done. So far, he hadn’t been able to track down a single one of the parents of the victims – an extremely suspicious fact, and yet easily explained away. On the one hand, it could be that they retreated after losing their children, moved somewhere far, far away from New York, and buried themselves from the sight of anyone, but especially shadowhunters.

On the other hand… what were the chances of _all of them_ vanishing?

Without the parents and family members to talk to, Magnus was left with a few options.

He could talk to the leaders who received invitations to the trail, though that really wasn’t something he wanted to do. It would in no way be an easy task.

The Seelie Queen wasn’t going to answer him. They knew one another of old, and that meant there’d been plenty of time for grudges to build between them. Talking to the wolves might prove easier, but still no promises. The current Alpha was a bit of a hothead. And the vampires?

Yeah, _no_. Magnus was not going near Camille even if someone _paid him_.

If Magnus couldn’t talk to any of them, the only other place for information was with the shadowhunters, and Magnus had no doubt how that would go. There was no way he could go to the Institute and ask for any sort of court transcripts or anything like that. They weren’t going to talk to him about it, no matter that it was his people that had died. Not only would the Clave not want to hand anything over to a warlock, they also likely weren’t going to want to delve into something that they considered an embarrassment. A blemish on their name.

Instead of talking to the Clave themselves, Magnus opted for the next best option with the shadowhunters – easier, but likely to be far more painful in a lot of different ways.

Magnus had only been investigating for a week when he finally gave in and sent a fire message to the current Acting Head of the New York Institute – one of the youngest on record if he remembered right. Someone that he’d met off and on through his club, where she often liked to go to relax a little and let go of the restraints shadowhunter culture put on her.

Isabelle Lightwood.

Magnus had enjoyed her company a few times. Not in his bed, no. She was too young for his tastes. And she’d always inspired a sort… of fraternal affection in him, if he had to put a term to it. He felt the need to keep an eye out for her when he caught sight of her in his club. So much so that he’d even put up an extra ward to ping him when she came in just so he could keep watch over her.

The fact that he’d done that was something that struck him as strange, now. As well as the fact that it _hadn’t_ at the time. Then again, the more Magnus looked around him, the more things he was finding _strange_.

His friendship with her, for one. How was it that he’d come to make friends with the daughter of Maryse and Robert Lightwood, and the sister of Alexander Lightwood, all people that Magnus _hated_. Maybe before Alec's trial, before the crimes he was accused of committing, a friendship with her might’ve made sense. He could see himself meeting her at the club one night and enjoying her company despite who her parents were. She was a delightful girl. But after all that?

Logically, he should’ve wanted to stay far, far away from her. The Lightwoods had proved in so many ways that they weren’t to be trusted. After Alec's trial, proof that he was just like his parents, what would make Magnus believe Isabelle would be any different?

The thought bugged him. Magnus couldn’t help picking at it like a sore tooth. Despite the pain, he just kept poking.

His friendship with young Isabelle wasn’t the only strange thing going on. It was just another piece of the puzzle. One that was beginning to paint a picture that Magnus didn’t like.

He was starting to get a suspicion – one that he didn’t want to put a voice to. Not until he got a bit more information. Which brought him back to the fire message he’d sent out, and the one he’d gotten in reply.

Magnus wasn’t stupid. He hadn’t asked Isabelle to meet with him as the High Warlock, nor her as the Acting Head of the Institute. He’d sent the message in a friendly way, saying that he was back in town after a trip, and would she like to get together for drinks and to help him catch up on the gossip? One thing he knew about Isabelle was that she couldn’t resist a good gossip session.

If he could get her into Pandemonium – and under his wards – then Magnus could try and discreetly wheedle out some information from her. He doubted coming at her outright would get him anywhere. He was going to have to poke very gently to see what might come out.

It was one hell of a risk. Yet it was one that Magnus felt was worth taking. He was going to get to the bottom of this. The more he dug, the less things made sense, and the more he wanted to know.

Right now, Isabelle was his best chance at finding out.

* * *

It didn’t even take a full day for Isabelle to send a message back. Magnus grinned when he read it. Apparently, they were working her hard over there because her response was an enthusiastic ‘I CANT WAIT.’ She’d written it in all capitals, and even underlined it a few times. She must’ve been quite eager for a night out.

He sent her back the time he’d be at the club and then went to go and get himself ready. For a meeting like this, Magnus took the time to dress with care. This wasn’t just a casual meeting. It was a business meeting even if the other person didn’t quite realize it. Magnus had a goal in mind tonight. He was wanted Isabelle to look at him and see nothing more than the flashy Magnus Bane.

When people looked at him in his tight clothes, extra jewelry and makeup, and a shirt that was undone to his glamoured navel, they thought _party boy_ , and that was exactly what Magnus wanted. He wanted to be underestimated tonight. To have Isabelle not think anything of their conversation except gossip. It was the best way he could think of to get any information about such a delicate topic. That, combined with a little fake-drinking, and he might be able to get her to think he was just tipsy enough to ask the kind of questions no one else would ask.

Of course, if he got her drunk as well, it would only help.

Magnus had a brief moment to feel guilty at how much he was about to manipulate this poor girl who hadn’t done anything to him. But then he thought of the other people in this case who had magically disappeared. He thought of a shy, terrified young man who looked like he both longed for touch and would break apart if someone dared do it. He thought of wide, scared hazel eyes that darkened to brown in the glow of the red magic Magnus had wrapped around his neck.

Just thinking of those was enough to strengthen his resolve all over again. If this was the only way to get information, so be it. Magnus would do what he had to. Afterward, he’d make sure Isabelle was taken safely back to the Institute. He wouldn’t let her get hurt by this.

Hopefully, by the end of the night, he’d have a new, better lead to follow, or at least a bit more information. Anything that he could use to justify using a friend like this.

* * *

Pandemonium was as busy as it ever was when Magnus arrived. He had to take a little time to do the usual stuff – check in with everyone, sign a few things, and then spend at least an hour mingling with people who had come there in the hopes of seeing him. Lots of people came here hoping to see Magnus and maybe even get the chance to talk to him. Sometimes just because they wanted to, other times because they wanted something else.

Tonight Magnus gave out greetings and indulged in a few casual conversations, but he didn’t bother engaging anyone. A brief word to his security guard let the man know not to allow anyone but Isabelle up into the VIP area.

Magnus made it up to his favorite couch and casually stretched himself out there in a deliberate pose he knew would put himself perfectly on display for anyone watching. Which was pretty much everyone. Plenty of eyes were on Magnus. With the outfit he was wearing, the amount of skin on display, and the pose he’d chosen to stretch out in, he had all the earmarks of being on the prowl. There weren’t many in the club that wouldn’t enjoy being his catch for the night. They’d seen it play out before.

It didn’t escape Magnus’ notice when a few of the bolder ones moved their dancing just a bit closer to the VIP area in the hopes of catching his eye.

Too bad for them, there was only one person Magnus had his eye on tonight.

The ward pinged to let Magnus know that she’d arrived. He looked up across the club and watched, catching sight of her almost immediately. When he did, he felt a smile curve his lips. It seemed he wasn’t the only one who had dressed to impress tonight.

Isabelle was in a tight red sheath dress with a sparkling silver sequined jacket over it that was cropped short to hang just below her breasts. Her heels were high, as they always were, and it gave a slight sway to her walk that drew the eye of most everyone she passed. She bore no weapons, knowing the rules of his club, but her runes weren’t hidden, and that long black hair hanging free down her back was just as much of a trademark for her as her stilettos.

Magnus didn’t bother getting up right away. She knew where to find him.

Sure enough, after some artful weaving through the crowd, Isabelle reached the VIP area, and her face lit up at the sight of him. The guard stepped aside to let her come up.

“Magnus!”

Magnus rose to greet her with a smile on his face, and she came in for a quick hug, one that he happily returned. When they pulled back, Magnus caught her hands in his and smiled. “My dear Isabelle, it’s so good to see you. You look exquisite tonight.”

Isabelle grinned at the compliment at the same time that she rolled her eyes. “I look passable. There’s not enough makeup in the world to cover the bags under my eyes.”

Just because he could, and because he knew it’d make her laugh, Magnus reached out and ran his thumb under first one eye, then the next, letting out a little tingle of magic as he went. When he drew his hand back, there were no signs of her exhaustion anymore. Just a young, beautiful woman. “Bags? What bags, darling?”

Her face lit up with a smile just as he’d known it would. With a laugh, she leaned in and kissed his cheek. “If only I had you with me before meetings!”

“Or perhaps if you got some proper rest.” Magnus kept hold of one of her hands and drew her over to his couch with him. To most anyone in the club, it would look like Magnus was privately entertaining her. He had different places to sit for different things – business or pleasure. Those that didn’t know him would see their seating arrangement and assume lovers, or at least close to. They’d think he’d made his choice of who to entertain for his night.

To his guards, who stood at the entrance to the VIP lounge, the way Magnus had settled in was clearly for business, and they’d make damn sure no one disturbed them, even without him having asked earlier.

Isabelle didn’t have a clue about the second half, but he was willing to bet she enjoyed playing up the first part. She never tried to _actually_ flirt with him, just like he never seriously flirted with her. Any flirtatious teasing they did was just that – teasing.

She sank down on the couch and offered him her best smile, tossing her hair over her shoulder in a calculated move while she did. “Sleep? Who needs sleep?” A teasing light entered her eyes, and she winked at him while he sat beside her. “There’s too much fun to waste time sleeping.”

Magnus grinned right back at her. “Ah, a girl after my own heart.” With a snap of his fingers, he called up the two drinks the bartender had just put on the special tray behind the bar. It was where they set Magnus’ drinks when he didn’t gesture to them to bring them over. Then they were premade, and all Magnus had to do was snap to summon them.

He held one drink out Isabelle’s way – a bright blue concoction that he knew she preferred – and kept hold of his own martini

“To us,” he said, lifting his glass toward her. “And a night of sleepless fun.”

Isabelle’s smile lit up her whole face and showed the beautiful woman that this pretty young girl would one day become. She lifted her own glass and tipped it toward him. “To fun.”

Once they clicked their glasses together and took that first drink, Magnus shifted himself on his seat so that he could better face her, and he let his smile change into something a bit more mischievous. “All right, pleasantries are out of the way. Catch me up on what’s been happening around here.”

Laughing, Isabelle turned a little more toward him as well, and her eyes were alight with humor and the enjoyment of talking to someone who appreciated gossip just as much as she did. “Oh, Magnus, have I got stories for _you_ …”

* * *

Despite his plans for the night, Magnus truly did enjoy talking with Isabelle. She was bright, fun, smart, and a great conversationalist. More than that, she was kind, and she had a respect for Downworlders that was so rare in a Shadowhunter. She didn’t fear them just because they were different – any fear she held for Downworlder was for their skills, not their genetics. Isabelle had friends outside the Institute and had once had a lover as well, though judging by how little she mentioned him tonight, Magnus wondered if that were still a thing.

Talking with her was a pleasure. Magnus let himself just enjoy it for a little while. He caught up on the gossip around town, bits and pieces of which told him that Isabelle was still in contact with Meliorn at least even if she wasn’t sleeping with him anymore. She also made Magnus laugh with tales of her adoptive brother. Someone who Magnus had gotten the impression was a fun and yet very, very angry young man.

Isabelle had enjoyed enough of the drink Magnus kept discreetly refilling that she was a bit more relaxed than normal. That was probably what prompted her to sigh after telling another of her stories about Jace. She looked a little lost for a moment, and her eyes went a bit melancholy. “I like seeing him laugh and have fun. He doesn’t do it often enough anymore.”

Magnus gave a low hum that he hoped conveyed understanding. “From what I hear, he’s had a hard life.” To say the least. The little he’d gained from Isabelle had painted a picture of a lonely, painful childhood with just enough hints to make Magnus think that ‘painful’ was probably far too accurate a word.

Sighing, Isabelle lifted her glass and downed what was left of it in one drink. “Yeah. He was… he used to be better, you know? He was getting better.” Isabelle’s expression abruptly went dark in a way that was startling. Magnus had _never_ seen her look like that before. She practically spat out her next words. “Then Alec had to go and screw it all up.”

The pure venom in Isabelle’s voice almost had Magnus breaking pose. He blinked a few times and tried to force himself not to show any other outward signs of surprise. On the inside, all his instincts were screaming out _wrong_ in great big capital letters.

However, Magnus had centuries to practice his poker face, and he managed to keep himself from showing any of it. He schooled his expression into one of sympathy instead. “Yes, I imagine that was hard on all of you.”

Discreetly, while her attention was elsewhere, he sent a little bit of magic to once more refill her glass.

The sneer that curled over Isabelle’s lips looked so very wrong on her face. It wasn’t a natural expression for her. “It was hard on all of us. But it was even harder for Jace. I don’t think he’s recovered from it.” Lifting her glass, she swore softly in Spanish before taking another drink.

Magnus watched her face and chose his next words carefully. “Were they… together? He and Jace?”

“What?” Isabelle looked like she was close to spitting out her drink. She swallowed it quickly and gave Magnus an incredulous look, eyes wide and, for one brief moment, alight with the good humor he was so used to seeing there. “No! _Angel_ , no. Alec might have…” She shook herself, clearly shutting that sentence off before it had the chance to fully come out, though it wasn’t hard to guess how she’d been going to end it – another little piece of the puzzle for Magnus.

A softer look stole briefly over Isabelle’s face. He wondered if she realized it. If she knew how her lips faintly curved, or that her eyes had gone soft and warm.

Then Isabelle shook her head, and though a hint of that smile remained, her eyes were closed off again. “No, they weren’t together. They were parabatai.” Then all of that kindness vanished between one blink and the next. The dark look she’d worn before came back, twisting her features once more into something Magnus didn’t recognize. “Until Alec went and screwed it up. Now Jace has to walk around with a broken bond, and everyone knowing that they used to be bonded together. We’re lucky no one tried to put him on trial _with_ Alec!”

Magnus had come here tonight hoping to get a little information from Isabelle. He’d expected to have to carefully pry it from her. What he hadn’t expected was for her to start spilling on her own. In the past five minutes, Magnus had learned more about Alec than he had from any other source. Unfortunately, it only brought up even more questions.

“They didn’t bring Jace to trial with him?” Magnus asked cautiously, not sure if he was pushing his luck by asking that.

Isabelle shook her head. “No – thank the Angel. Mom knew it was coming and took us out of there before they arrested him. We were with Dad and Max in Los Angeles for the trial. It was the best place for Jace to be when the deruning ceremony took their parabatai bond. We had healers on hand waiting for him.”

It was a lot harder this time for Magnus to keep himself contained. On the outside, he made a sympathetic sound and reached out to pat her hand, trying to be the perfectly consoling friend. On the inside, his mind was racing. “What matters is that he’s okay now. He survived.”

“Did he?” Isabelle dropped her gaze down to her glass. For a moment, she just sat there staring at the liquid inside. Magnus watched her as the temper slowly faded away and _grief_ took its place. A grief far heavier than a girl her age should ever have to feel. At that moment, she looked far older than she was.

When she spoke again, her voice was lower, with a pained edge to it that had Magnus squeezing the hand he still held. “I think we lost a part of Jace that day. It was like a piece of him died right along with Alec. Parabatai share bits of each other’s souls. To have that ripped away… it left an empty hole inside of him. One that he filled with anger.”

The love that Isabelle felt for her adoptive brother was so very clear in that moment. Magnus pushed aside his need to ask questions, his mission to _understand_. Then he just let himself sit there and hold the hand of a friend that needed him, and offered her a soft “I’m sorry, Isabelle.”

They were the only words he could give her, and they felt like far too little.

She gave a soft sniff and then shook her head. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so upset.”

“You’re quite all right,” Magnus assured her gently.

“It’s just…” With a deep breath, Isabelle sat up straighter, taking a moment to dab under her eye with one finger. Whatever tears might’ve been there never had the chance to flow. Her makeup wasn’t even smudged. But her eyes looked just a bit glassy, like she was fighting the tears back as best she could. Yet her voice remained surprisingly steady. “Something like that, it’s not something a person just heals from. I’ve read all the information we have on it. Most parabatai die in battle. The few that don’t but end up separated anyway are ones who _let_ their bond fade away. Who _chose_ it. Jace and Alec didn’t. I can’t imagine the pain they’re going through.”

 _They’re_. Magnus caught the use of that word – one that he doubted Isabelle had meant to use. So far she’d only shown concern for Jace. But in that last sentence, she’d used _they’re_. Her sorrow hadn’t been just for Jace. It’d been for Alec, too.

Magnus logged that little fact away with everything else he’d learned tonight. Then he pushed those aside and put his full focus back no Isabelle, who was clearly trying to wrap herself up in that iron control that Shadowhunters were trained to have, and that she’d likely learned at her mother’s knee.

Seeing as how this was partially his fault for encouraging the conversation, and for seeking it out to begin with, the least Magnus could do was banish it from her mind for a little while.

“Come on,” he said abruptly, taking her glass from her hand and setting both hers and his down on the table. Then he grabbed Isabelle’s hand once more and pulled her up to her feet. “Enough of this. Tonight is supposed to be for fun, my dear. Come on, let’s go dance!”

It wasn’t hard to get Isabelle out on the dance floor with him. The girl loved it almost as much as he did. Once out there, Magnus drew her in with him and set about doing his best to try and banish the dark clouds from her mind.

* * *

By the time he took her home that night, he had the girl not only smiling but laughing. Isabelle wasn’t as drunk as she had been. Some water from the bar – which Magnus had spelled a little to help – had gotten her toward sober again, which in turn allowed her to have a bit more fun without risking any sort of real trouble out on the dance floor. Still, he’d escorted her home just to make sure she made it there okay.

Magnus got her all the way to the edge of the wards outside the Institute. Then he watched her make her way up toward the side entrance she liked to slip in and out of. Only when she was inside did he allow himself to make a portal and go home.

When Magnus stepped into his loft, the safety of his wards over him, he finally let go of the mask he’d been wearing. The smile slipped off his face. His steps turned sharper, the heels of his boots clicking across the floor as he made his way through the apartment and to his office.

The things Magnus had learned tonight were playing through his mind. He hadn’t had time to properly think them over at the club, but now he could, and what he was coming up with wasn’t all that great. Nor that clear, like he’d hope it would be. He’d hoped that by coming out tonight with Isabelle, he would’ve gotten some answers. Instead, it felt like Magnus had walked away with twice as many questions.

Magnus sank down into the chair at his desk with a low sigh.

What the hell had he gotten himself into here? The more he poked at this whole mess, the murkier it became.

A soft meow drew Magnus’ attention just seconds before a familiar weight tried to scale its way up his leg. He softened just a little and straightened that leg out, making it easier for the small cat to walk on up. Thank magic he’d put a spell on all his clothes. Otherwise he’d have tiny little claw marks in almost all of his pants. Chairman Meow was far too small to simply jump up to Magnus’ lap. But he had no qualms about scaling pretty much anything to get there when he was in the mood to be pet.

Chairman got up into his lap and butted up against Magnus’ stomach with his head once before turning in a circle and lying down right in the middle of his lap. He didn’t even look up at him, just lay there claiming that spot for sleeping. Magnus rolled his eyes while smiling fondly. “Spoiled brat.”

That was probably his fault, though. Which he only proved as he adjusted himself so that he could put his feet up on the corner of the desk, one ankle over the other, making a perfect little nest for the Chairman to lay in. Then Magnus settled his hand on the cat and began to pet. It was soothing, as was the slight purr that the Chairman let out.

“Something’s not right here, Chairman,” Magnus murmured, twisting his hand enough to scratch behind the cat’s ears. Talking out loud often helped him put his thoughts together, and the Chairman made a perfect audience. “The more I look at this, the more I’m finding wrong. None of his trial makes sense. How could they not invite his parabatai?”

Magnus didn’t exactly have a lot of experience in dealing with parabatai. He probably had more than most, but that didn’t mean he was an expert. But… wouldn’t Alec's parabatai have sensed something going on? For Alec to have time to go out and kill that many children, okay, Magnus could buy him hiding it from the Institute. Some of the kids could’ve been killed on patrols and the Institute likely wouldn’t care. But to hide it from a person he shared a soul with? That seemed almost impossible.

Even Valentine had been exposed to his parabatai. He’d gotten Lucian on his side for a while, of course. But, eventually, Lucian had seen through it and Valentine had attempted to get rid of the man.

Had Jace Wayland honestly not known what his parabatai was getting up to?

At the very least, the Clave should’ve brought him there with Alec and questioned him, too, instead of shipping him off for Alec's trial – which was another little bit of information that didn’t fit. The Maryse Lightwood that Magnus knew wouldn’t have batted an eye at killing a bunch of Downworlders: adult or child. Yet she took all her other children away and abandoned the one who showed himself to be the most like her in ideals.

Question after question kept cropping up. The more Magnus looked into this, the more he found, and each bit of it was even more confusing than the last.

There was a piece of him that quietly insisted he should let this go. It was shadowhunter business, not his, and they weren’t going to look kindly on a warlock stirring up trouble. Especially not him.

The fact that it was honestly _tempting_ to give in to that voice only served to harden Magnus’ resolve. There was something going on, dammit, and he was beginning to think it might be bigger than he’d originally suspected.

Maybe it was time to call in some extra help. Someone far enough removed from all of this that he might be able to look at things with a fresh, unbiased eye.

Smiling to himself, Magnus reached out for a paper and pen. Sometimes it was better to write ahead, just for manners sake. Especially when he was going to be heading over there to ask a favor. Ragnor always was a testy one. There was no harm in buttering him up right from the start. He’d know what Magnus was doing, of course, but that didn’t mean it’d be any less effective.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for your comments! I'm loving all your guesses about what's really going on and why Isabelle is acting the way she is ;) You should start getting some of those answers in the next few chapters, I believe.
> 
> Now, for this one. I think enjoy might be the right word to use?
> 
> Trigger Warning for violence, injury, blood, medical care, assault

The first month of his stay with the unseelie warriors passed in a sort of blur for Alec. His days were suddenly a lot fuller than he’d anticipated them being. Not only did Alaion take his training seriously – far more so than Alec had anticipated – but Alec also found himself a small, part time job at a warehouse downtown that kept him busy most evenings.

It took him a little bit to get there and back, and often he found himself with a surprise escort if they were able to get away, but thankfully Alec had mostly talked them out of doing it every single day. Oh, sure, they still tried to do it more often than not, but Alec didn’t mind the occasional bit of company. It made him feel more relaxed to walk through town with one of them at his side anyway.

Not that he’d ever admit that.

Living with these people had Alec feeling more like his old self than he had in – Raziel, _years_! The nightmares were less, he didn’t jump quite as easily as he had on his first few days there, he was getting physically better thanks to steady food and Alaion’s private training sessions, and the meditation Alva taught him had helped Alec stave off a few panic attacks before they could really catch hold. What ones he did have, he was able to retreat to his room or somewhere else safe and alone to ride them out.

This first one Alec had had in front of them all had been the hardest for him. Up until that point Alec knew that they were all aware of how broken he was. They just probably hadn’t realized _how much_. Being faced with that made it glaringly obvious.

Especially since they technically hadn’t even really done anything wrong. Alec had just been deep in thought while trying to make breakfast – he’d insisted that he be put on their housework rotation, and it was his turn to make breakfast – and all Virion had done was walk in the room and flirt, the same way he did with everyone else.

“Mm, you look almost as good as that smells, handsome.” That was all he said. But that was all it took. The flirtatious words combined with the fact that Alec hadn’t even heard him coming had sent the younger man jumping, pan twisting in his hand like a weapon as he spun around, holding it aloft. Only, he’d forgotten all about the half-cooked eggs in there, and they’d splattered out all over his arm.

When Virion had tried to step forward, most likely to help, fight or flight kicked in and Alec had struck out with the pan before bolting.

It’d taken them an hour to find him. He’d compacted himself into a tiny ball in the laundry room between the dryer and the wall, with the shelf working to help provide darkness. He’d cried when they tried to get closer. In the end, they’d set up outside the laundry room doors like silent guards, watching over him until Alec had calmed himself enough to come crawling out. He’d been so mortified by his behavior.

Alec was _still_ mortified.

But, once more the household had surprised Alec by just how _relaxed_ they’d been. No one had bothered him or even brought it up. Alva had been the only one around when Alec came out, and that had only been to make sure that he had the supplies necessary – and to offer her help – so he could bandage the burns on his arm. Everyone else had left it alone and never brought it up again. Virion hadn’t even apologized, though Alec could see how hard that was for him to resist.

(The cake he made for dessert that night was a perfect apology. Especially since Virion was an amazing baker, and he’d made sure that Alec got the biggest slice _and_ that there was still some left for him the next day. It was the most delicious apology Alec had ever eaten.)

Since then, none of them crept up on Alec again. They made sure their footfalls made noise, or they announced themselves in some way as they went. Pyrr was really good at it. Not just at making sure Alec knew he was there, but in letting him know others were there as well. He’d flick his eyes over to them if someone was coming up over Alec’s shoulder, call out to someone as they came in, anything to acknowledge them. Alec was learning to read the cues from his body.

It was all working out far better than Alec expected. He was settling in.

By the time Alec had been there for just shy of two months, he had a mostly steady routine going. One that he found himself wanting to relax into more than he’d ever felt anywhere else during his exile. Which in turn only made Alec all the more tense. He knew better than to get his hopes up about anything. But especially when it came to people and a sense of _home_. He’d lost the rights to those over two years ago.

The people here, they just, they gave Alec a glimpse of peace that he hadn’t felt anywhere else… well, pretty much ever. It was like being around them lulled him into a strange sense of security. Like everything was okay just so long as he stayed there with them. None of them talked about what happened to him, they didn’t push him for details, didn’t bring it up. They just let Alec live his life and welcomed him into theirs.

Of course, Alec should’ve remembered the lessons life had taught him.

As soon as things start going well for him, something was bound to come along and mess it up.

* * *

It was early hours of the morning when something woke Alec up. For once it wasn’t a nightmare, which was usually what drew him up out of bed during the night. Though, it took him a moment to realize that it wasn’t a nightmare. He had to lay there for a moment and work to separate his mind from the dream he’d been having and focus on the real world. It was only as his mind started to wake up more that Alec realized what had woken him – the sounds he was hearing, the voices, they hadn’t been a part of his dreams. They were coming from downstairs. And they didn’t sound happy.

One would think that the life Alec had lived wouldn’t taught him the instinct to run and hide from every bit of trouble. Getting himself involved only ever led to pain. And he did know how to run when it concerned only him. But if there was a chance it involved someone else, that someone else might be hurt or in trouble, any thoughts of running vanished from Alec’s head.

He was up out of his bed in an instant. When the voices grew louder, Alec didn’t even bother grabbing anything to pull on over the tank-top and sweats he liked to wear to bed. The only thing he stopped to grab was the gun from under his mattress. Then he was taking off out of the bedroom, gun held at the ready in his hand.

The voices grew a bit louder once he was out of his room, and more so when he crept down the stairs.

The first thing Alec was able to clearly hear was Alaion’s voice cutting through the chatter with a sharp “Quiet!” that got their attention despite being quieter than any of their voices. When everyone else stopped talking, Alaion spoke again, the edge of command to his words that had everyone obeying. “You keep shouting like that and you’ll wake Alec. Now, get him over here and lay him down. Gently!”

“Too late,” Pyrr said in a normal voice. He was looking up at the stairs as Alec came walking into view.

Alec took one look around and flipped the safety on his gun before sliding it into the back of his pants. Then he darted forward to where everyone was hovering over the body they’d just laid down on the sheet covered couch – Virion.

The others parted for Alec to come right up to the side of the couch. His friend looked up at him and smiled one Alec got close, though the lines around his eyes made it clear he was in pain. “Don’t start freaking out on me, handsome,” Virion said, winking at him. “I’m _fine_. These guys are just worrywarts.”

Ignoring him, Alec crouched down beside Virion and gave him a quick look to try and take in all the damage. Some bruises that looked like they were already healing, a gash across his left side, and a long one on his leg, both of which _should’ve_ been healing but were still actively bleeding.

That alone was enough to send Alec’s worry sky-high. It took a lot to damage one of the sidhe. More so for that damage to stick around this way and not be visibly affected by their rapid healing. The only things that Alec could think of that would leave a mark like this was something demonic, or something angelic.

Judging by the smoothness of the line, and the lack of dark energy around it, Alec was pretty sure he knew what had done this.

Sure enough, when he looked up at Virion’s face, the man grimaced and nodded. “Shadowhunters.” His voice was a bit tight; a clear attempt to try and hide his pain. He held perfectly still despite the way he was bleeding. Even when Alec grabbed a nearby towel and reached out to put pressure on the wound, the only outward sign Virion showed was a brief tightening of his eyes and a whiteness around his knuckles from how tightly he was gripping at his jacket. His voice somehow stayed steady. “I happened to be in their way tonight when they accosted a young warlock child. They were… displeased.”

There was so much wrong in that statement Alec didn’t even know where to begin. He pressed his lips together as he kept on applying pressure. They needed to get the bleeding slowed before they did anything to try and treat the wound.

“How’s the child?” Pyrr asked, the usual rumble of his voice just a bit deeper. When Alec darted a look up, the man’s eyes were a darker grey than normal and tight at the edges, showing his concern. He’d perched himself on the back of the couch so he could look down at Virion, and his twin was tucked up against his side, watching their friend with the same worry.

Virion flashed a grin likely meant to be charming. It worked surprisingly well, too, even with the pain just barely visible at the edges. “You doubt me? I didn’t leave until she safely got away.”

Hearing this had Alec bowing his head down with a sense of shame. Shame that, even though he was no longer a part of them, these were _his_ people they were talking about. His people who had such a reputation that someone had seen them around a warlock child and had felt the need to step in to make sure that child got away to safety. His people who had harmed the one who had done the protecting.

Alec drew in a deep, steadying breath, trying to make use of the breathing exercises Alva had been teaching him. It helped, at least a little. Alec’s voice was steady even if it was quieter than it should’ve been. “Any of you know mundane medicine?”

The headshakes he got in response weren’t really a surprise. Still, Alec had to battle back his sigh and force himself to focus even more. Now wasn’t the time for any kind of panic or regret. Someone he was beginning to call friend was bleeding out underneath his hands and he needed to stay calm if he was going to help him.

“Right. Mundane way it is,” Alec said, sighing a little. Then he straightened himself up. “I need a few more towels, a needle that’s preferably curved, and strong thread. Also, whatever alcohol or pain medications will work with you guys.”

“I can handle a little pain,” Virion said with a smirk.

Alec shot him a dry look and deliberately let a little more of his weight settle against the wound. It needed it – he wasn’t cruel – but the pressure was enough to cut off Virion’s boasts.

It was Aliri who brought Alec a fully stocked medical kit. In it were herbs and potions that Alec didn’t dare touch. He had no idea what to do there. But the rest? Helping Isabelle study to be a forensic pathologist had meant a lot of hands on experience that Alec probably wouldn’t have gained otherwise. He knew a lot of basic field medicine, how to run a quick triage, and even some of the more complicated things. Though he would definitely defer to a more professional medical opinion if there was one.

Luckily, someone here knew a little of what to do.

Alaion came down to crouch beside Virion’s head, near where Aliri had set the med kit down at. “I can handle the herbs and bandages,” he said. No questions, no concerns, just a simple statement of what he was capable of.

That left Alec to take care of the harder part. But at least it was a part he knew.

“Aliri, I need you to hold this on here for me. I need to go wash up,” Alec said, his voice growing in strength now that he knew what needed doing. She came forward immediately and took his place applying pressure so that Alec was free to rise to his feet. The air of command that fell over Alec in that moment was a bit like putting on an old coat. One that felt a bit awkward, yet still fit. “Pyrr, Alva, I need you two to sterilize the needle for me. Alcohol, fire, it doesn’t matter. Whatever you’ve got. And see if there’s any gloves in there.”

He had no idea if sidhe could even _get_ an infection but he didn’t want to take the risk. Nor did he want to risk seeing what their blood and whatever was in it might do to _him_ if he happened to have some small cut on his hands he hadn’t noticed.

It only took minutes for Alec to get himself washed up. By the time he came back, the needle was ready, and Alva had a pair of gloves that she held out for him. Alec quickly gloved up and then took Aliri’s spot back on the ground at Virion’s side. Getting the needle threaded and the thread knotted took a second longer than Alec would’ve liked – his right hand was aching and didn’t want to cooperate entirely – but eventually Alec was kneeling over Virion’s leg.

“Is there anything we can numb this with?” Alec asked, looking to Alaion.

It wasn’t surprising when Alaion shook his head, though it was discouraging.

He looked up at the sidhe. “You might want to find something to hang on to. This isn’t going to feel good.”

Alva reached past her twin to bend down enough that she could catch hold of Virion’s hand. Alaion took hold of the other. Together, they held on to him, and Aliri leaned forward to brace Virion’s legs against the couch so that he couldn’t kick. Alec shot her an appreciative look. Then he got started.

Sewing someone up without any sense of anesthesia or numbing agent wasn’t exactly something that Alec enjoyed. But he had a steady hand at it. Even with having to use his left, his movements were easy and sure, never once faltering.

Virion stayed more still than Alec had anticipated. Maybe it was the help of the others, though Alec didn’t think so. He was pretty sure it was just the man himself. Which said quite a lot about him. He held as still as he possibly could through Alec’s whole sewing job. Though his muscles quivered, he didn’t jerk, didn’t kick, didn’t fight back. He just lay there until Alec was done.

As soon as Alec snipped the last bit of thread, Virion’s whole body seemed to slump down into the couch. Alaion was already letting go of his hand to reach for the herbs in their medical kit. He took Alec’s place and began to bandage that while Alec went to the wound at Virion’s side. He pulled the towel away from there that Pyrr had put on and checked it, relieved to see that it’d stopped bleeding. Nor did it really look wide enough for more stitches.

“This one isn’t as bad,” Alec reassured him. “Just a bit of whatever that is that Alaion’s putting on, some rest, and maybe some tape to keep the wider part closed. But you’ll need to be careful with it so you don’t pull it open wider on accident.”

Virion nodded at him, eyes tight with pain. Yet he still gave Alec an honest “Thank you.”

Nodding, Alec hurried to get the tape on so that it’d be ready when Alaion was done with the other wound.

Once it was finished, and Alaion had moved on to the cut at Virion’s side, Alec straightened away from the couch and peeled the gloves off his hands. He’d kept the rest of himself clean, thank the angel. At the moment Alec wasn’t sure he could’ve handled seeing Virion’s blood on his skin. It was hard enough seeing his friend bleeding _period_. To see it on himself, see it on his hands – just the thought made him feel queasy.

Pyrr reached out for him, and Alec couldn’t quite help how he ducked away from the man’s hand. He didn’t want to be touched right then. Not by anyone. More than anything in the world Alec just wanted a little bit of space and some fresh air. Somewhere that didn’t smell like blood. But he didn’t leave. He couldn’t. This wasn’t just something they could all ignore, and Alec needed to stay around. He needed to see how they were going to handle it.

A small part of him couldn’t look away. Not knowing that this damage was done by his own people. It felt like he had to bear witness to it.

Alec was surprised out of his guilty thoughts by Aliri. He hadn’t heard her rise, and her presence beside him had Alec jolting, _hard_. But she just calmly stood there and watched him carefully as she said, “This was not your fault.”

The kindness of her words left Alec’s stomach twisting even more strongly with guilt. Maybe it wasn’t. But he couldn’t help shaking the feeling that it _was_. That his being here was what had drawn the trouble to their door. Trouble followed Alec everywhere he went. This was the first time he’d been really close enough to anyone else for it to come after them, too.

“She’s not wrong,” Pyrr said gently.

“These aren’t the first nephilim we’ve noticed around here,” Aliri said, still watching him from where she stood against the wall, arms **.** crossed over her chest and those dark eyes watching them all. No – watching _him_. Her eyes were locked right on his as she continued to speak. “Though there is no Institute here, we are seeing more and more of them cropping up. As we have been since even before your arrival.”

“Unfortunately,” Alva said, a wrinkle in her nose. She was helping Virion sit up, hands bracing him up in the corner of the couch.

When Alec looked over, Alaion was nodding, though he lifted a wrist to rub at his forehead at the same time. It was a rare show of stress. One that he usually had far too much control to let show. Then he dropped his hands back down and continued to clean up and put away the med kit. “Yeah, I’ve been noticing that, too. We’re going to need to adjust our plans a little bit. I want all of you to call in sick the next couple days. Just until we get a chance to see if this is just a random happenstance, or if there’s a reason for them to be coming out here.”

Dropping his hand, Alaion ran his gaze over everyone, getting their nods as he went.

When his eyes landed on Alec they softened ever so slightly. “I won’t order you to stay home, Alec. You’re not one of my people. But I can strongly advise it. Right now, I don’t think anyone’s safe to go out.”

The idea of being confined to the house had Alec’s stomach twisting a little. Though he liked to think he knew them now, knew that they wouldn’t harm him, the idea of being trapped with _anyone_ wasn’t something he wanted to entertain. Besides which, he needed to work. He needed the money that he didn’t give them so he could continue to save it up for his future. What little of one there may be.

“I’ll be fine,” Alec said in a voice that was much firmer than he actually felt. And then, just because he was beginning to know them well and knew what was going to come out of their mouths next, he added on, “I don’t need escorts, either. I can get myself back and forth without you guys shadowing me.” The last thing he wanted was for them to get hurt because they’d been out trying to look after _him._ No one was going to be hurt because of Alec. Not if he could help it.

The look the others gave him made it clear they weren’t happy about that, and Alec knew he was going to have to watch out for tails tonight. If he wouldn’t let them escort him it was likely one or more would just shadow him the whole way there, and their ability to blend into shadows would only help them keep hidden from even his eyes.

He’d have to keep an eye on them today, and maybe slip out to work a little bit early when they weren’t looking. Alec might not have been a Shadowhunter anymore, and he knew he wasn’t anywhere near as strong as these guys – the weakest sidhe child could probably beat him – but losing all that didn’t mean that he’d lost the part of him that always sought to protect those around him.

Alec had been born a protector. It was likely he would die one, too. Even if it wasn’t in the way he’d always imagined it would be.

* * *

Of course, escaping them later on wasn’t as easy as he’d hoped. They seemed to have predicted what it was that Alec was going to do, and from about an hour earlier than when Alec normally left his housemates strategically placed around the house. They’d set themselves up in ways that made sure there was no getting out without passing one of them by.

Most of them at least tried to make it look like they were doing something else. Virion was on the couch still, though they’d put fresh, clean blankets around him so that he was clean and comfortable, and Alaion was sitting with him to keep him company. Aliri was conveniently running through something that reminded Alec a little of tai chi in the other living room. They all looked busy.

Meanwhile, Alva and Pyrr sat side by side with their backs against the front door, and they cleaned their weapons. The position wasn’t subtle in the least bit. While not only blocking the main exit, it also left them a view straight up the stairs. When Alec came out of his room, he froze at the top of the staircase and stared down at them.

Neither one even bothered to pretend to be embarrassed. They gave him identical grins.

“Hey Alec!” Alva called up.

Pyrr smirked at him. “Going somewhere?”

For a second Alec just stared at them. He debated saying nothing – just turning around and going back into his room. Maybe he could climb out the window? No, knowing his luck he’d fall and break a leg. That meant his only way out of here was down the stairs, and the minute he went down there he was pretty sure he was going to have twin shadows following him everywhere.

“You guys are impossible,” Alec finally said.

“I think you mean _adorable_ ,” Pyrr corrected him, lifting the throwing knife he was sharpening and pointing it Alec’s way. Then he winked, blew Alec a kiss, and lowered the blade back down to get back to work.

Alva blew a kiss of her own. “You love us.”

The words were said casually and yet they struck Alec like a blow. He froze two steps down, one hand on the stair railing, and just stared at them. The urge to deny what she said rose up in him, only to get smothered right back down, because… she wasn’t wrong. In just barely two months these people had made a small little home for Alec in the middle of their unit. They’d brought him in, accepted him for who he was – faults and all – and clearly cared about them. It was far more than Alec had seen from anyone in so long that he’d practically soaked it all up like a sponge. And, in his own way, he loved them for that.

Caring about people had never been hard for Alec. If anything, he did it too easily. Jace had always teased him about that. Whereas Jace was friendly with everyone, yet trusted almost no one, Alec was outwardly suspicious of everyone and often an asshole to them, and yet felt an overwhelming need to care for just about everyone he met.

“We balance each other out,” Jace had once said, face lit up with that bright grin of his.

Alec remembered scoffing at him for it. “So, what – you’re the nice guy who’s secretly a dick?”

“And you’re a dick who’s secretly nice,” Jace had shot back. “Just a big giant teddy bear.”

Alec had chased him around the training room after that, determined to show Jace how _soft_ he really was. He could remember the fun of it. The laughter that echoed around them as Jace ran, and when Alec finally caught up to him. They’d wrestled together until Jace had pinned him down to the ground, arms above his head, and young Alec had looked up and realized for the first time that the feelings he’d held for this man were far from the brotherly ones he was supposed to have.

The memory washed over Alec the strength and clarity of something that had happened just moments ago instead of years. He closed his eyes and unconsciously reached out to the spot where his parabatai bond used to be.

Even after all this time there was still an aching emptiness that Alec lived with where once there’d been the single most important person in his life. A person that time and distance had taught him truly was his _brother_. Nothing more.

It only took losing him for Alec to realize that. _Raziel_ , it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t _fair_.

Alec drew in a shaky breath and forced the memories back as far as he could. When he opened his eyes again, the two at the door hadn’t moved, nor had they stopped sharpening their blades, but he could see the way their eyes darted up toward him. They were watching closely just in case they needed to intervene while also giving Alec the space to sort through his thoughts.

The teasing words Alva had said came back to him then. _You love us_.

 _Yeah_ , he thought to himself. _Yeah, I do_.

These people would never take the place of the parabatai he’d lost, nor the family he’d left behind, but Alec couldn’t deny they were making their own place inside his heart. A new family. One that he felt guilty for loving yet he couldn’t stop himself from it. Nor did he really want to.

With a deep breath, and a quick cough to clear his throat, Alec continued on down the stairs as if nothing had stopped him.

“I am capable of walking to work on my own,” Alec pointed out once he reached the bottom of the stairs. He debated for a second and then just lowered himself to sit on the bottom step. There was no real point in trying to sneak past them.

“We know you can,” Alva reassured him soothingly.

Pyrr made an agreeable sound. “We just care about you and want to make sure you get there _safely._ ”

How on earth was Alec supposed to argue that? If he did, it’d make him come off like an asshole and they all knew it. Not that he wasn’t willing to sound like that if it was necessary. But this just wasn’t a fight he was going to win. Alec knew how to bow out gracefully when necessary. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from asking “You’ll be safe coming back home?”

“We’ll be as safe as we can possibly make ourselves,” Alva promised him. It was a neatly worded promise, one that didn’t guarantee that they would be safe, but that they would at least _try_. Unseelie were bound by their word just the same as any of the other fae. What they promised, they had to deliver on or be considered foresworn. Oathbreakers. For beings who were so closely tied to magic, that was a dangerous thing to be. Alec had heard the stories about the Wild Hunt. He knew the sluagh walked the Unseelie Court. Though even they feared them, rumor said.

Pressing his lips together, Alec nodded. “Thank you.”

That earned him those bright smiles once more – a quick flash of bright white teeth. “You’re welcome,” they said together.

* * *

True to their word, Alva and Pyrr walked Alec to work, and they kept as safe as they could while doing it. It was the first time they’d gone anywhere with Alec that he felt more like he was walking with bodyguards than friends, though. So far they’d always walked with him like they were just friends strolling down the streets. One on either side of him, buffering him from everyone else while keeping up a steady stream of conversation the whole time. This time they separated – Alva in the front, and Pyrr in the back – and clung to the shadows. Not even Alec could tell they were with him. Hopefully nothing else could, either.

When he reached the warehouse, the two materialized briefly, coming up to him just before he reached the front doors. “We’ll be back to pick you up tonight,” Alva said. She looked far more serious than Alec was used to seeing her. There was no laughter in her eyes, no smile on her lips, just a seriousness that Alec wanted to ignore but couldn’t. “If I thought you’d listen, I’d ask you wait for us when you leave.”

Alec stuffed his hands further down into his pockets. He tried not to let himself feel too guilty about putting that worry in her tone. “I already told you, I’ll be fine. I walk home from here all the time. And I know the places to avoid.” He’d been a shadowhunter, after all. he knew the kind of places they hunted in. The places that he needed to avoid. Alec didn’t want to linger around after dark anyway. Just because his necklace hid him from demons didn’t mean that they wouldn’t come after him if they saw him, or that they wouldn’t recognize him if they got hold of him. Alec really didn’t want to risk that. He was more scared of the demons than he was of the Shadowhunters.

“Just, be safe,” Alva said, sighing heavily. She reached out, brushing her fingers over his arm, and Pyrr did the same. Then the two disappeared once more, and Alec was left hoping that they didn’t take it upon themselves to just hide out here all evening until his shift was over.

He wouldn’t put it past them.

Shaking his head, Alec turned toward the warehouse door. He had a job to do and money to earn. Figuring out his friends could come later.

* * *

Working in a warehouse wasn’t easy work. In all honesty, Alec knew he probably shouldn’t have been doing it. He was strong – though no longer a shadowhunter, sometimes it seemed like maybe he was a bit stronger than the average mundane. A holdover of his angel blood, maybe? They’d only removed his runes. They couldn’t change his blood.

Whatever it was, Alec could hold his own at work, lifting and moving freight. He caught on to things quickly and could operate a forklift with the best of them. But his body grew tired rather easily, and there were old wounds that wouldn’t ever fade. Ones that still pained him if he used them too much. His knee, for one, and his right hand.

The right hand was the one bugging him the most when he got off work. He could still walk fine without any sign of a limp. But his hand was aching, stinging in some spots and burning in others, and he let out a heavy sigh as he started to rub some of the tension away. He was going to have to ice it when he got home or else it was going to swell in all the joints by the time morning rolled around.

Out of all the injuries he’d suffered, this one was one had been one of the worst, and also one that had stuck around the longest. Alec was sure the bones and muscles hadn’t healed properly. After all, he hadn’t dared go to anything more than the emergency room, and even then he’d had to bail out a window halfway through the visit when the ones who had caused the injury to begin with decided that apparently it wasn’t enough. They wanted to finish the job.

Part of Alec was tempted to ask Alaion if he had any herbs in that little med kit that might help when he got home. The idea of admitting weakness wasn’t an easy one, nor was it something Alec was all that fond of, but with the way his hand was aching it might be a necessity if he wanted any use of his hand tomorrow. At the very least, maybe he could make use of the wrap he’d seen in there to provide a bit of relief. Sleeping with a wrist brace on helped sometimes. But he’d had to leave his last one behind when he’d run.

It’d been worth it to push himself to get done early, though. They’d had a large shipment in tonight to deal with and the foreman had promised them all they could go home once it was done. Alec had worked faster and harder than normal in the hopes of being able to get out before it got too dark. Demons came out once it was dark, but for some reason they always seemed to like when it was _truly_ dark. Late, late night, when most of the city was asleep, or stumbling their way home from various places. Those were the times the demons liked to strike the most.

The crew finished up about an hour early, which apparently earned them all a nice little bonus that was happily sitting in the inside pocket of Alec’s jacket. He’d be able to put that in his stash of ‘just in case’ funds once he got back to the house and still have plenty left over to give to Alaion and some to go get some things with. Deodorant, shampoo, maybe even another pair of jeans.

Alec contemplated it as he began to make the trek home. He knew Pyrr and Alva weren’t going to be all that happy to find out that he walked home by himself. But he wasn’t going to wait around for an hour just so they could walk him home. He’d make it just fine.

Later, Alec would curse himself for those thoughts. He should’ve known he was tempting fate. Hadn’t life already proved just how much it loved to knock him down?

He got almost halfway home before anything happened. Alec didn’t even see it coming. One minute he was walking down an empty street – taking a shortcut through a quieter neighborhood in the hopes of getting home a little bit quicker – and the next there were two people stepping out of the shadows in front of him.

One look was all it took to have Alec going still. It wasn’t so much the people, though that would’ve been enough to startle him. No, it was what he could see on them clear as day in the light of the streetlamps.

Runes.

Alec’s stomach went tight and his whole body jolted like he’d been punched. _Shadowhunters_.

“Well, well, well, look what we’ve got here,” the one on the right said. Male, a few inches shorter than Alec but quite a bit stockier, with blondish white hair and a cocky smile. One that didn’t promise anything good in Alec’s future. He had that _look_ to him that some new recruits would wear when they were convinced they were so much better than the Lightwoods, no matter that a Lightwood was their Institute Head. Alec, Jace, and Isabelle had knocked plenty of guys like that on their asses.

The other man, just a bit shorter and skinner but no less defined, didn’t smirk at Alec. He _sneered_. It was a look Alec had gotten so used to seeing on the faces of other people since his exile. Shadowhunters, downworlders, they all looked down on him. Alec knew in that moment that these two knew who he was. How, he had no idea. He had no idea how _any_ of the people who found him always seemed to know who he was.

Though Alec knew it wouldn’t do anything, he tried for peace. He always did. Slowly, carefully, making sure they could see his hands, he spread them out to the sides in a sign that he was unarmed. “I don’t want any trouble.”

The smirking one let out a laugh that sent a shiver down Alec’s spine. “You hear that, Orion? He doesn’t want any trouble.”

“I heard, Nathan,” the other one said. Orion, apparently. Absently, Alec wondered what their last names were. What families they came from.

Nathan took a step forward in what was more of a prowl than a walk. He was like a cat getting ready to play with its food. “I don’t know if we can trust that,” he said, making a low ‘tsk’ sound and shaking his head. He stopped a few feet away from Alec and deliberately looked around him at all the houses with their lights off. They were likely full of families quietly enjoying their evenings, kids tucked into bed while their parents took advantage of the quiet to spend a little quality time together. Happy little families who would see nothing but Alec talking to himself if they happened to look out the window.

“Me either,” Orion said, coming up to join his buddy.

The smirk Nathan wore grew a little bigger. “I mean, it’s a little suspicious, don’t you think? Finding you here in this quiet little community. What kind of people would we be if we didn’t investigate this?”

“For all we know, you’re out here hunting down more precious little kiddos for your sick games,” Orion said, his sneer getting worse.

Alec could see as clear as day that they weren’t going to let him out of here. They’d found him, or they’d tracked him down, he had no idea which, but they were here now and they weren’t going to just let him pass. Their words made that clear. All they were doing now was laying out their excuses to one another to justify what it was they were about to do. Alec had seen it before. He’d felt the results of it. Hell, he’d lived it when he was a part of the Institute. He knew the way people could justify things as a group that they wouldn’t dare dream of doing when they were alone.

There was no reasoning with a person like this. No talking them down or pleading for help. There were only two options.

Stay – or run

Alec made the only choice he could. Even knowing that it wouldn’t work, that it would never work, he did the only thing that he could. Without saying a word or giving any sign of warning, he spun to the right and _bolted_ for the nearest house.

They let him get almost up to the porch before a hand closed on the back of his jacket and yanked, sending him flying back out into the street. Alec hit hard with a jolt that send pain running through him. He didn’t let that stop him, just kept rolling, trying to ignore the burn of pavement over the side of his face. Using the momentum of the roll, he tried to get up again, to keep on running, because not running meant giving up and Alec wasn’t ready to give up.

This time they didn’t let him get up to the porch. Halfway across someone’s yard he was grabbed again, and this time when the hand threw him, Alec wasn’t able to curl himself in enough time to protect his body. His head hit just enough to drag over the ground and make him see stars.

Alec tried to move, to push himself up, anything, but a boot slammed into his back and sent him back down to the ground with a pained cry.

“How’s it feel, huh?” The voice was sharper, more dangerous than before, and it took Alec a moment to realize that it was Nathan talking. Any fake humor was long gone from his voice. He was out for blood now and no longer cared about pretending anything. He pushed his boot harder into Alec’s back and forced him to stay on the ground. “Not such a big man when it’s not kids you’re up against, huh? How’s it feel to be the weaker one?”

Orion crouched down next to Alec’s head and grabbed his hair, holding his head in place. Then he spit right on Alec’s cheek. “This what you did to them, huh? Pin ‘em down so they couldn’t fight you?”

 _I didn’t do it. I didn’t hurt anyone!_ The words were trapped behind a knot of fear in Alec’s throat. He wanted to shout them to the skies, only he couldn’t, he _couldn’t_. They wouldn’t come.

With a sound of disgust, Orion let Alec’s head drop back down to the ground. The boot lifted off of Alec’s back. He had a split second to try and draw in breath, to curl his body in preparation, and then that boot connected with his side right up against his ribs. Another one caught him in the back as he rolled his body into a ball.

He had no hope of running away from them. No hope of getting free. They had their runes activated and were stronger, faster, and more agile than him. Any attempt Alec made at deflecting their blows was pitiful, and only opened himself up for them to get in at his vital organs.

Alec curled up into a ball as feet and fists pounded against him and found himself once more praying to the angel that never listened to him, begging, _please, just this once, please help me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... yea... sorry?
> 
> *runs away*


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I told a few friends I wouldn't make them wait so you get this faster than I intended :P
> 
> TW: injuries, talk of injuries

How long it went on was lost on Alec. Everything became a blur of agony that left no room for thinking of anything else. It was all pain. White hot waves of it washing over him, tearing him apart and burning what was left behind. Every bit of who he was, it was lost underneath it all in a tsunami of fire that threatened to drown him even as it burned him to ashes.

The pain was so great, Alec didn’t even notice when it stopped, nor when gentler hands were suddenly cupping his face. It wasn’t until a voice broke through the ringing of his ears and the pounding of his own heart that Alec realized it’d _stopped_.

“...oh, Goddess, Alec, please,” the voice was begging. It sounded... sad? Hurt? Alec tried to feel through the agony, to breathe, but it wasn’t working. His air felt like it was getting stuck in his chest. “No, no, hold on Alec. Just hold on. We’re going to get you some help.” Then that voice shifted, got angry for a moment as it snapped out “Where the hell are they, Alva?”

The anger had Alec trying to curl himself back in once more. But the hands on his face kept him there, gentle thumbs stroking softly over his cheeks, and that voice came back again, soft and full of warmth. “No, no, Alec, not you. Shh. I wasn’t yelling at you. You’re safe now, you hear me? You’re safe. I have you.”

“They’re on their way,” another voice said.

Alec tried to care about that voice – he thought that maybe he should – but the first voice was talking again, and it was so gentle Alec wanted to cry. The world was never this gentle. It hurt, it always hurt. He’d forgotten that for a while, but he remembered now. “I’ve got you, my friend. Just hang on to me, hm? I’ll take care of you. The others are coming and we’re going to get you to a healer.”

“We can’t wait here, Pyrr,” that second voice said insistently. “I don’t even know how a demon got over here, but it’s only gonna distract the shadowhunters for so long! Whenever they finish with it they’re gonna come back here and try to finish the job.”

“We can’t move him! I don’t even... look at him, Alv!”

Their words were lost for a moment as the pain in Alec’s body washed away everything else. His head was spinning and the world felt like it was trying to suck at him, like thick, heavy syrup. Raziel, he hated syrup. Ever since Jace had ‘accidentally’ poured it on Alec’s head once during an argument between him, Alec, and Izzy in the kitchen. It’d taken them hours to wash it out of their hair. And _ohhhh_ , Mom had been so pissed off. It’d taken _days_ for Alec to recover from that punishment.

Something smacked against Alec’s cheek. Lightly, yet still enough to jar his head and tear a pained cry from his throat.

“I’m sorry,” that voice said, and Alec’s head was clear enough this time to recognize Pyrr. That was Pyrr holding his face, talking to him. Pyrr was with him. He was safe – he wouldn’t let anyone hurt Alec.

Alec opened his eyes, needing to see him to believe it was real, that he was really safe. It took a few blinks to clear whatever was blurring his eyes, and even then things didn’t seem quite right. They were fuzzy and blurred, like he was trying to look through water. But something glowed in that fuzziness like little stars.

It took a moment for Alec to realize it was eyes. Pyrr’s eyes were glowing as they stared down at him. “I’m sorry,” Pyrr repeated, and he sounded like he meant it. “You can’t go to sleep, Alec. I don’t know what’ll happen if you pass out on me. You’re, humans are fragile. I remember seeing this on the TV shows, though. You can’t go to sleep.”

Pyrr moved his hand and something soft wiped over Alec’s eyes. Whatever had been blurring Alec’s vision disappeared a little with that touch, making it easier for him to see the man above him. Pyrr’s face was a little tilted to the side, but it was there and _clear_ and, oh angel, they’d found him. _They’d found him_. Alec’s vision blurred all over again, and he realized it was tears that kept blocking his vision. He was crying, and he couldn’t bring himself to figure out how to stop.

Someone shouted, and Pyrr’s head snapped up, eyes vanishing from Alec’s vision. But the relief on his face was easy to read. When he looked back down, he was beaming at him. “They’re here, Alec. Just hang on a minute longer. The others are here and we’re gonna go get you some help.”

“Blessed Goddess,” came Virion’s voice from somewhere above Alec’s head. He sounded stunned and hurt.

Virion should be in bed, shouldn’t he? He was injured. Even with their healing there was no way he should be up running around on that injured leg. It needed time so that it could heal _properly_. Virion should be in bed, not out here chasing after Alec.

“Be careful with him,” Alva said gently. “He’s not tracking much of anything right now except Pyrr. Even that’s a bit spotty. I’m not sure he’s really all that aware. I keep accidentally startling him.”

“Where are the shadowhunters?” Alaion asked.

There was the sound of movement. More voices talking. Alec lost it, not able to really keep his focus that long. His body hurt so much. He was pretty sure he needed a hospital this time. Were they going to take him to one?

Pyrr bent low over Alec’s head. “Stay with me, Alec. Just a few minutes more, all right? Just stay with me a few minutes more.”

Bent like this it had Pyrr’s hair falling around them like a screen of white. It was like freshly fallen snow before the city had a chance to trample it. Alec wanted to reach out and touch it, but when he tried to move it sent a sharp arc of pain through him. For a moment, the fire roared to life again and threatened to pull Alec back under. He was lost in it as it raged through him.

Just when he thought he had it under control, it felt like hands grabbed at him and then the pain was back again, this time over every single inch of Alec from head to toe. He wasn’t a body anymore. He was a burning mass of nerves that were dragging him down to hell. Was this Alec's final punishment? Was he going to burn now for a crime he’d never committed? Taken to Edom to be left with the demons, punished over and over for all eternity for failing to find the person who’d really harmed those kids.

Alec didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally opened his eyes again. But the world had changed. It’d shifted around him into something else, something that was moving. He had no idea what was going on, but the world was moving and something white was blowing past his sides, peeking through the darkness. Alec rolled his head, whining only a little as he did, and found that there was something soft against his cheek, too.

The whole world still hurt but Alec clung to those soft little things. He’d learned to do so a long time ago. Corbin had taught him that skill. When the world hurt and it felt like Alec couldn’t keep going, focusing on one good thing, one soft thing, made it easier. All Alec had to do was focus on that and keep lasting another second, and then another second more, and then another.

Alva’s voice came suddenly from somewhere down by Alec’s feet. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“If you’ve got a better one, let me know,” Alaion said flatly. It was the sharpest Alec had ever heard him.

All at once the world went from dark to bright and Alec let out a sharp cry. He slammed his eyes shut against it. Above him, people were cursing in multiple languages, their voices blending together into one big mess of sound that only made his head ache all the more.

It felt like the world went faster all of a sudden. Then there was a sharp pounding that it took Alec a moment to realize was outside his head, not in. Someone was pounding on something else that wasn’t him.

“What the hell is going on...” A new voice demanded.

Alaion cut that voice off before it could get much more out. “We don’t have time. You said once that you owed me a debt – I’m calling it in. _Help him_.”

“Oh my. Bring him inside, quickly.”

There was movement again, and Alec couldn’t, he couldn’t hold on. It was too much. The fire was burning its way through him, taking him apart, destroying him. Alec couldn’t feel the softness anymore. He couldn’t feel anything but pain.

When he opened his eyes, desperately seeking out one of his friends to help him, he found a new face in front of him. The very last one he’d expected to see.

Magnus Bane stared down at Alec with an expression of horror in those bright cat eyes. “Alexander.”

That was the last thing Alec saw as the fire finally won, and it sucked him down into a world of dark and _pain_.

* * *

Magnus felt like his body was frozen as he stood in Ragnor’s kitchen staring down at the very boy that was behind his reasons for being here in the first place. He felt a growing sense of horror at the sight that met him. How barely recognizable Alec was.

It hadn’t been until Magnus was right on top of him that he’d recognized the boy’s face. Even then, it’d been the sight of those beautiful hazel eyes that had haunted Magnus dreams so much recently. They’d been full of pain the last time Magnus had seen them, and fear, but not like this. Alec looked so hurt and terrified. It was a wonder he managed to stay conscious for this long. As it was, he and Magnus barely met gazes before Alec’s eyes rolled up in his head and his body began to seize.

That was enough to snap Magnus back into action. “Ragnor!”

“On it,” his friend answered immediately. He pushed his way in past the others and went to the head of the table that they’d laid Alec on. The jackets they’d used to carry him were stained red, as was the rest of him, and Magnus had to fight not to focus on that part of things or he knew he was never going to be able to do this. He had to distance himself just enough to be able to call up his magic and work. Panic would get them nowhere. It wouldn’t help save Alec.

Magnus snapped his fingers and brought the blue healing light up to his palms. “You take the head, I’ll take the chest.”

Though Ragnor immediately moved, he couldn’t quite help grumbling a little as he went. “Oh, yes, please, give me the more difficult job.”

They both knew that Ragnor was better with delicate things like the brain. Neither one of them were expert healers – if they had the time, Magnus would insist on calling Catarina out. But there was no time. Not if they wanted Alec to make it.

Magnus spared just long enough to watch Ragnor bring his hands to either side of Alec’s head. Then he focused all his attention on the boy’s chest.

Once he did, the shock of what he found was almost enough to have Magnus losing his grip on his magic. Alec’s chest was a _mess_. Broken bones, torn muscles, a shattered clavicle, internal bleeding, countless bruising on just about everything. How the hell was he still alive?

Questions like that would have to come later. Magnus focused his all on pouring his magic into Alec’s body and calling up every healing spell he knew. Anything that he could think of to help direct the magic into the places it needed to go. He chanted under his breath while he set to work repairing things around the boy’s heart, his lungs, just... magic, was there a spot he _wasn’t_ hurt?

There was no telling how long it took before Magnus was able to start moving away from Alec’s chest down toward his stomach.

What he found there was just as bad as everywhere else. “What the hell happened to him?” Magnus demanded, running his eyes over the outside of Alec’s body while his magic continued to work on Alec's insides. “Ragnor...”

His friend gave a low grunt, and out of the corner of his eye Magnus could see the light fading off of Alec’s head, moving down toward his neck. “I’m well aware, thank you. Focus on what you’re doing.”

Magnus did exactly that. He and Ragnor worked until they were running the risk of draining themselves far too low. Whatever the situation was at the moment, something told Magnus that being low on magic was the last thing they needed to do.

He hated leaving Alec with any sort of injury, but they’d dealt with the worst parts of the damage, and what was left was something that the boy could heal all on his own if he had to. He wasn’t in immediate danger anymore. They could afford to take the time and let themselves replenish their magic. Alec’s body would do some healing on its own. So long as they kept him in a bed and stopped him from moving too much, he wouldn’t run the risk of reinjuring himself.

Though that might not be easy. Something told Magnus that Alec wasn’t likely to react well to waking up and finding himself in the home of a warlock. _Or around me._

Magnus pushed that thought down and drew his hands back, letting the magic fade away. Then he took a second to just look at Alec’s face. Ragnor’s work had done wonders there, but he’d been focused on the more severe things just as Magnus had been. Which meant that the smaller things – the road rash on his cheek, the bruised eyes, the cut over his nose and on his lip – those were all still there. Magnus wanted to reach up and heal those away just so he didn’t have to look at them any longer.

It made him sick to think that once, he probably wouldn’t have flinched at seeing Alec like this.

He liked to think that he would have, but if what he was suspecting was right, it was likely Magnus would’ve considered it a just punishment. Now? Now it made his heart ache.

“Well now,” Ragnor breathed out. With their patient stable, he was free to turn his focus to the ones who’d brought Alec to them. “I think it might be time for some explanation, Alaion.”

The five unseelie sidhe stood proud and tall against the far wall. Magnus could see the marks in their hair. This was a warrior troop, judging by the black strip in their hair, though not a fully joined one. They would share a matching color if they were. But they had some unique ones with them. Magnus wasn’t sure what the green that marked the two twins meant – he was pretty sure it had something to do with weapons making, but he wasn’t positive.

They were all warriors, though. Well-trained warriors of the unseelie guard who had, for some reason, brought a broken ex-shadowhunter to a warlock for healing.

The one that Ragnor had called Alaion, the one marked as team leader judging by the black stripes in his hair, took a step forward. His attention was sharp, and though he was looking at Ragnor it was clear he was also focused directly on Alec at the same time. “My apologies for barging up to your home this way, Mr. Fell.”

“I gave you the token and told you to come for me if you ever needed a favor,” Ragnor said, waving his hand dismissively. Unlike Alaion’s alert attitude, Ragnor pulled out a chair near Alec’s hip and collapsed down into it, conjuring himself a glass of scotch as he went. He didn’t look the least bit bothered to be slouching down next to a healing body. “I owed you a great debt, Alaion.”

Alaion gave a small bow that was a sign of both honor and respect. “We are even, if not the scales tipped in your favor. You have done much for us this night by saving our young friend.”

“What happened to him?” Magnus blurted out. He knew it was rude – knew that rules and customs dictated he greet these people properly first. It was customary to make introductions between them before asking questions. You definitely didn’t _demand_ something of the unseelie.

They seemed to understand, though, or be too preoccupied to take offense. The twins were focused directly on Alec, moving away from the wall to go up to where his head lay and squat down side by side, murmuring softly to one another in words that Magnus couldn’t hear.

It was the other man that spoke up, answering for them. The one who had been quietly there the whole time, limping even as he’d helped carry his friend inside. He had a sneer on his lips that matched the disgust in the single word he spit out. “Shadowhunters.”

Magnus felt his eyes go wide in surprise. He looked over to find that Ragnor looked equally surprised. “Shadowhunters did this to him?” Ragnor asked.

Alaion dipped his head in silent acknowledgement. Then he looked up, those silver eyes dark and probing, and looked from Magnus to Ragnor and back again. The sharpness there showed the quick mind lurking behind those eyes. As did his next words. “You both know who he is.”

There was no doubt he was talking about more than just Alec's _name_. Magnus nodded his head. “I do,” he said, echoed a moment later by Ragnor.

Alaion nodded again. His eyes drifted over to Alec once more, and that hard look vanished, softening his expression into something warmer. Alec clearly meant a lot to these people. “It would appear they do not take kindly to one who used to be one of theirs.”

“They enjoyed what they were doing,” one of the twins said lowly. The female one. She was looking down at Alec’s face, as was her brother, and they both looked heartbroken. Her brother bent down lower, pressing his cheek against Alec's and putting his mouth by his ear. Whatever he was whispering was too low for Magnus to pick up on. But the girl broke her gaze on Alec to look up at them with wide, aching eyes that somehow grieved while simultaneously promising so much pain. “They may have used what they think he did as an excuse, but they enjoyed it. There was glee on their faces when we got there. If the demon hadn’t shown up after Alec necklace broke, they would’ve done their best to kill him.”

So many parts of that seemed wrong. Magnus wanted to close his eyes against the idea of it. He didn’t want to picture Alec curled up underneath shadowhunter hands and feet while they laughingly enjoyed breaking him apart. He’d seen that image one too many times with the downworlders who’d done nothing to cross a shadowhunter and yet had been beaten down into the streets for it and left there to die. It wasn’t hard to imagine Alec in that very same position.

Magnus couldn’t focus on that part, so he chose instead to focus on a different part of what the girl had said. _What they think he did_. Looking at her, he carefully watched her face, keeping an eye out on the others at the same time, and said, “You don’t believe he’s guilty.”

Five sets of eyes darted straight for Magnus. His magic gave a small twitch inside of him at being the focus of those intense stares. Some were sharp, some accusing, and others still were wary. But Alaion didn’t hesitate to speak for them. “Of course he didn’t.”

“You sound very, very sure of that,” Ragnor said curiously. He was watching as well, and Magnus knew he was likely taking in more than the others realized. He was an observant fellow when he wanted to be.

“Alec wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it,” Alaion said.

Behind him, the other man scoffed, and though he rolled his eyes there was a look of fond exasperation on his face at the same time. “He probably wouldn’t even if they _did_ deserve it.”

A low noise from the table had Magnus’ gaze snapping that way. It wasn’t Alec, though, who made the noise. It was the one bent close to his head. He’d moved a little, shifting so that he could look up, though his hands now rested gently on the table by Alec's shoulders. His eyes sought out Magnus first, and then Ragnor. “That’s not important right now. _Alec_ is. How bad is he? How soon can we take him home?”

“I don’t think he’ll be moving any further than a bed anytime soon,” Ragnor said. He sounded just a bit apologetic and also a bit annoyed by that. This was his house, after all.

Magnus let out a sigh and finally gave in enough to lean in against the chair Ragnor was sitting in. He slumped a bit until most of his weight was propped up on the armrest. Normally, Ragnor would’ve shoved him away and glared at him for sitting on the furniture the wrong way. This time he just conjured up a martini and passed it up.

Thank magic for friends who understood him. Magnus took the martini gratefully and sipped off it before he answered the other part of the sidhe’s question. The part that Ragnor was oh-so-kindly leaving to him.

“I’m not going to lie to you, his injuries are severe,” Magnus said. He took another sip and ran his eyes over the man lying so still on the table in front of them. Thinking about what they’d healed, and what healing Alec still had left to do, made the martini sit wrong on his stomach. He lowered the glass down to rest on his leg for fear he’d throw it all back up otherwise. “We healed the worst of it. Enough to make sure he’s going to survive. But there’s still plenty left over.”

“Why did you not heal all of it?” asked the serious woman by the wall.

Magnus looked up at her. There were a couple answers he could give there, but he chose the one that they’d likely understand the best. “Because there’s only so much a body can take in one healing session. Especially one like his.”

“It’s going to take time, rest, and multiple healing sessions before he’s going to be well enough to move. Even then, it’ll take more time before I’d feel comfortable releasing him,” Ragnor added in. He apparently didn’t appreciate how long Magnus was taking to say things and chose to give them the blunt answer his friend hadn’t. “Your young friend here most definitely would’ve died if you hadn’t brought him here. With the amount of internal bleeding and the head trauma, you’re quite lucky he hadn’t died already.”

 _Merciless Lilith._ Magnus elbowed his friend, glaring down at him. “Show a little tact, old friend.”

Ragnor huffed and rolled his eyes. He sat back in his seat and gestured with his glass as if to say _it’s all yours, then._ Oh, Magnus was going to get him back for this.

“Please,” Alaion interjected. He stood at attention on the other side of the table, right by Alec's hip. “We don’t need coddling or whatever it is you’re thinking. Alec is our charge, and his care is more important to us than anything. To take care of him properly we need to know how badly he’s hurt. Just give it to us straight.”

He meant what he was saying. That wasn’t hard to see. All five of these sidhe clearly cared for Alec. It was written all over their faces. How could Magnus deny their request? Despite whatever strange call it was that Magnus felt toward this boy, he wasn’t _his_. These people had brought him in. They’d carried him here. They deserved to know what was wrong with him.

Magnus swallowed down what was in his glass in one go. Then he lifted a foot to rest on the chair by Ragnor’s leg and propped his glass up on his knee. His eyes went to Alec as he began to speak. “As Ragnor said, we cleared up a lot of internal bleeding. We worked with the worst first. Internal bleeding, a punctured lung, head trauma. Once we got those out of the way, we focused on the rest that we could. But there’s still plenty left that needs healing. Broken bones in his legs, arms, hands, clavicle, ribs. Extensive bruising on more than just the surface. Some lacerations, a bit of road rash.”

“I repaired the break to his cheekbone,” Ragnor spoke up, startling him a little. “But the bruising and swelling is going to take time to go down.”

Magnus ran his gaze down Alec's body, cataloging each place they were talking about as he went. “I would guess he curled himself in to try and protect himself. It was the smart choice.” Most likely it was the reason he was still alive. “Even so, some of the damage is pretty bad. I fixed the punctured lung and drained the blood out of there, and I hopefully got all the bone shards from his clavicle, but both of those are things I need to watch closely over the next twenty-four hours.”

One of the unseelie gave a soft prayer to their Goddess. The man by Alec's head bent low again so that their cheeks were pressed together once more. The touch was intimate, exceedingly so, and yet Magnus didn’t get the feeling from this one that it was his partner lying there or anything like that. If anything, he might give it a brotherly feel, but nothing more than that.

The whole group of them were looking down at Alec now. He clearly meant a lot to all of them. How or why, Magnus wasn’t sure. The unseelie didn’t let people in easily, nor did they trust many that weren’t their own.

Not that they didn’t have just cause. Too many out there fell to the belief that everything unseelie was evil and that their sister court was the one of light and goodness. There weren’t many alive today who knew the histories well enough to know that the two courts had once been one. Even fewer who were alive back then.

Unseelie maybe have been darker, and their reputation a dangerous one, but Magnus had met plenty who were decent, just as he knew some terrible seelie, and vice versa. Neither court was good nor bad. It was all in the hands of the one who ran it. At the moment, Magnus wouldn’t have labeled either ruler as _good_.

Almost as if Ragnor was following along with Magnus’ thoughts, his old friend asked the one question Magnus hadn’t quite figured out how to ask yet. “I beg pardon for any rudeness, but I can’t help but be curious, Alaion – how did you and your team come to find yourselves in the care of an ex-shadowhunter? One who most of the Shadow World seems to want to kill on sight.”

No one exchanged looks or did anything that was overtly suspicious, and yet suddenly Magnus found himself _feeling_ suspicious. He watched Alaion carefully as the man spoke calmly, with no hesitation. Almost like he’d practiced what words to use already. “We took an oath to protect him to the best of our abilities. He is our charge, and our friend.”

An answer without really answering. Alaion stated what Alec was to them, but not how he got that way. It was a clear dismissal. One that Magnus knew Ragnor heard as well as he did.

Vanishing his glass, Magnus pushed up off the chair. “Any further discussions can wait until Alec's had a chance to rest and can be a part of them.” A little bit of magic ran over both Alec and the table and swept away all signs of blood off his skin and clothes. Another bit of magic changed his clothes from what he had on to a soft pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

The one by Alec's head hadn’t moved at all through Magnus’ magical cleaning. But when he saw the clothes, he lifted his head and softly said, “He won’t like what you’ve put him in.”

His twin nodded her agreement. “He prefers to keep himself covered. He gets so cold so easily.”

When Magnus looked down, he felt that twisting nausea again. Somehow he doubted it was just the cold that had Alec bundling himself up. Even covered as he was in most of the important areas, there were scars to be seen, and Magnus had felt some of them from underneath while he’d been doing the healing. This boy’s body was a roadmap to his suffering. One that he could respect Alec wanting to keep quiet.

Another snap, and Alec's clothes changed to sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt. Those had the approval of the twins, who nodded together.

Magnus carefully used magic to slide underneath Alec's body and lift him oh-so-gently up off the table. He’d rest better in an actual bed than on the table, and he _needed_ to rest. His body would heal better if he did.

It wasn’t surprising when the sidhe followed after him. Ragnor didn’t, but the sidhe did. They walked after Magnus as he carefully moved Alec down the hall on a blanket of magic. Magnus took them to the guest room, the one that he often used when he came to stay here – Ragnor had two, but the other was more book storage than guest room, and getting to the bed beyond the stacks of books was a bit tricky. It’d be far easier for Magnus to manage in that room than Alec.

The twins darted around Magnus and Alec so that they could get to the bed and draw the sheets back. Slowly, carefully, Magnus lowered the poor boy down, doing his best not to jar his injuries as he did.

As soon as he removed his magic the twins took over. They gently arranged Alec on the bed and then drew the sheets up over him. The blankets were kept loose around his body, and to Magnus’ surprise, one of them went down and flipped the bottom edge away from Alec's feet.

Only when they were sure he was settled did they step away. To be honest, Magnus was a bit surprised that they didn’t try and request to stay in there with him. But all of them came out of the room together without any protests. Though, Magnus should’ve known better. He’d seen so far how much they cared about Alec. He should’ve figured they already had a plan in place.

No sooner had the door shut than Alaion was turning to his team and handing out orders. “Pyrr, Alva, I want you two to stay here. Stay on his door, and if he wakes up before we come back, I want you to stick with him. He doesn’t leave this house without someone with him.”

“Yes, sir,” the twins replied. They each took a step back to the wall, going to either side of the door and taking up guard there.

Alaion turned to the other two. “Virion, you’re with me. We need to make a report to the General and check on a few things at home. Aliri, I want you on jobs. Make an excuse for each place and pick up Alec's pay if there’s any to be had. Then report back to the house. I’m going to go thank our host and make our excuses. Stay alert and ready.”

With no more than that, Alaion spun on his heel and marched off down the hall, back in the direction they’d come from. Magnus watched him go, one eyebrow up. He turned and slanted a look at the one Alaion had called Virion. “He does realize you’re all safe here, right? Ragnor has some of the best wards around. There’s no one who can get here that isn’t a friend.”

“Alaion doesn’t like taking chances,” Virion said, shrugging and smiling.

It was Alva who really answered Magnus, though. “He’s being cautious for good reason. These were shadowhunters who attacked, and they were brazen enough to do it in the middle of suburbia. They saw Pyrr and I, and they were ready to fight us when the demon showed up.”

“It’s just the most recent in a streak of stupidly daring attacks,” Pyrr added in. He gestured toward Virion with one hand. “They attacked Virion for trying to help out a warlock kid they were badgering. If they try to push this, try to come after any of us, we need to be ready.”

One look at all their faces let Magnus know they were very, very serious about this. Not just about the shadowhunters – something that Magnus was going to have to think about and address with them later, see if it matched up with what he was hearing from other places – but also about Alec's safety. Their dedication went beyond what Magnus thought most friends would give. Even sidhe friends who were more about honor than most beings out there. There was something else here Magnus didn’t understand quite yet. But, it would have to wait for Alec to wake before they got some answers.

For now, he settled for giving them all a nod. Then Magnus excused himself to head back toward his friend. There were things that needed done before Alec woke up.

Alaion and Aliri were gone by the time that Magnus made his way back to his friend. He found Ragnor sitting alone in his office, a fresh pot of tea on the little table and the two chairs situated in front of a warm fire. Magnus shut the door behind him, feeling the wards click into place that would muffle their words to others but not others to them, and made his way over to the empty chair. “I hope there’s something stronger than tea in there, old friend.”

“As if more alcohol is what you need,” Ragnor said dryly.

Magnus dropped gracelessly down into the chair and let his limbs just flop for a moment. His magic wasn’t quite exhausted from what he’d done, but he was tired in mind, magic, and body. “More alcohol is _always_ needed.”

“Yes, well, something tells me we should likely keep a level head tonight.”

He wasn’t wrong. Sighing, Magnus reached out and poured himself a cup of tea by hand. When he settled back into his seat with it, he turned his body just enough that he could cross his legs and face Ragnor.

The silence that fell over the room didn’t last very long. It only took a moment before Ragnor spoke again. “So, this is the one you were talking about.”

Magnus hummed and took a sip off his tea. He knew that Ragnor already knew the answer to that. Magnus had come here almost a week ago to try and get Ragnor’s help with this. With the more stumbling blocks that Magnus came across, the more things that just seemed wrong, he’d brought all of it to Ragnor in the hopes that his oldest and dearest friend might be able to help him put it all together in a way that made sense. Something that could either prove or disprove Alec's guilt.

So far all they’d managed to do was confirm that, yes, there was definitely something strange going on, though what exactly it was they weren’t sure. They were doing research into it as best they could while still being so vague as to what it was they might be looking for.

“I can see what it is about him that drew your attention so much,” Ragnor said. He took a sip off his tea and deliberately didn’t look up from his mug. “Even underneath all the bruising the boy clearly has a pretty face.”

“He’s more than just a pretty face,” Magnus defended him instantly. “I’m not that unintelligent, to be led around by looks alone. I know that they aren’t everything. The prettiest of faces can hide the biggest evil inside.”

That had Ragnor snorting. His sharp gaze cut up Magnus’ way. “You would know, I suppose.”

Magnus very neatly avoided _that_ conversation. He knew Ragnor’s opinions on Camille and wasn’t exactly in the mood to hear them all over again. It’d been over a century since the last time he’d seen the little she-devil. Besides, they had much more important things to focus on at the moment.

Having Alec show up like this was unexpected, and yet maybe it was exactly what they needed. Oh, not like this, no. Magnus wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. What Alec had just gone through, what the shadowhunters had done, that was pain for the sake of pain. Magnus had never been fond of that. Torture was more his father’s deal than his own. But perhaps with Alec here they might be able to ask the questions that they couldn’t find the answers to. Alec had been there, after all. He’d witnessed the trial from start to finish. If they could get him to tell them about it, maybe it’d help fill in a few of the gaps.

There was something going on here. Magnus just _knew it_. Seeing Alec like this, seeing what his own people had done to him, all because of a crime the boy might not have even committed, only furthered Magnus’ resolve to figure it out.


	11. Chapter 11

The world was awash in a soft haze of pain when Alec next woke. He wasn’t disoriented – he knew where he was and what had happened to him. The curse of being raised a shadowhunter. Hodge had taught him to wake instant and on alert. The only thing that ever left Alec confused upon waking was nightmares. Sometimes they made it hard to tell the difference between being awake or asleep. His brain got a little too caught up in the dream to let him go.

That didn’t happen this time. Alec woke from a dreamless sleep into a semi-dark bedroom. His memories of what happened earlier were slightly vague at the very end, but he knew he’d been hurt, and he knew his friends had come to rescue him. They’d taken him somewhere to get some help. Somewhere that had…

 _Magnus_.

Alec's eyes went wide. The last thing he remembered seeing before passing out was Magnus’ face over his. Magnus’ cat eyes staring at him, not with hate like the last time, but with something that resembled _fear_.

Had they taken him to Magnus’ home? Alec's eyes darted around the bedroom, suddenly a whole lot more suspicious. He braced one arm on the bed and, despite the pain it caused, tried to shift himself up to get a better look around, body already tensing in preparation to run if need be. Where were his friends? Why weren’t they in with him?

If they’d brought him to Magnus, there was no telling what had happened or how he’d reacted. Obviously he’d let Alec live, but what kind of payment was he going to demand for it? Alec was well versed in what kind of payments warlocks could ask for and he wasn’t sure his body would survive that right now.

That was even _if_ they were still with Magnus. Maybe his friends had gotten help and then taken him away. Or maybe Magnus had turned them down and they’d been forced to go to someone else.

Alec's head was spinning so much with all those questions he almost didn’t hear the door opening. The click of it took a second to register in his brain. When it did, Alec’s eyes shot over in just enough time to see the door swing open and Magnus himself come rushing in.

“What on earth are you doing?” Magnus asked in lieu of a greeting. He came toward the bed, hands out like he was going to reach for Alec, and even though Magnus didn’t look angry Alec couldn’t stop the full-bodied flinch he gave.

The instant Alec flinched, Magnus froze. He stayed right where he was in the space between the bed and the door and slowly, carefully, lowered his hands down to the sides. He didn’t put them in his pockets, nor hide them behind his back, a fact which Alec was grateful for. It helped to be able to see them. Every warlock Alec had met had to use their hands for their magic. A snap, a wave, a flick, _something_ , but their hands gave them away every time.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus said in a gentle voice, surprising Alec not just with the words but with the tone. He honestly sounded like he meant it. “I was coming in to check on you and I noticed you moving. I didn’t think before reacting, and you have my apologies for that.”

Okay, what the hell? That hadn’t been at all what Alec expected him to say. Magnus was… apologizing to him? The last time Alec had seen him, the warlock had left him throwing up in a dirty alleyway. Why on earth was he here apologizing for startling Alec?

The look Magnus wore went a little softer around the edges. His lips pressed together, and he closed his eyes for a second almost as if he were in pain. It was a look Alec found he hated to see there. Even though he knew Magnus likely hated him, just like every other Downworlder out there, Alec couldn’t bring himself to watch the other man be in pain.

“Sorry,” Alec whispered. He wasn’t surprised by how low and hoarse his voice sounded. His throat felt dry, and it ached as if he’d been screaming for hours. He was more surprised by the fact that it came out at all.

He watched as Magnus winced like Alec's apology had hurt. As if the very words were a blow. Magnus’ eyes opened back up, and his glamour was still down but his eyes were darker than Alec had seen them. He didn’t look angry – he looked _sad_. “Would you like me to call your friends in for you?”

“What?” Alec asked, not having expected that question at all.

“Pyrr and Alva, I believe. They’re out in the hallway.” A smile gentled the look on Magnus’ face. “You have some loyal friends, Alexander. They’ve made sure someone was with you the whole time you’ve been here.”

Oh. That was… Alec didn’t know how he felt about that. He hadn’t expected them to do that. Yet he couldn’t deny that it eased something inside of him to hear it. Even if his mind scurried to rationalize it for him. “They’re here because they gave an oath to keep me safe,” Alec said slowly. “They’re not… that’s all it is.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

It was kind of Magnus to say that. He just had no idea what he was talking about. Alec, however, knew the truth. “Yes, it is.” Turning his head, Alec looked off at the wall, not quite able to meet Magnus’ eye as the words spilled out of him without his leave, sharing things he hadn’t planned on sharing with anyone. Let alone this man. “I’m not the type of person people want to spend time with. I’m the one they talk to when no one else is around, or when they’ve got something wrong in their lives and they need an ear to listen.”

No one ever even wanted his advice. They just wanted someone quiet who might tell them they were right in feeling the way they felt. No one ever wanted to actually spend time with Alec outside of all that.

Ale knew he wasn’t the type of person that made friends. People didn’t seek him out to come have coffee with them. They didn’t text him random messages in the night that he could lay in bed and check each morning the way that Isabelle did, laughing at the pictures or stories her friends wanted to share with her. No one wanted to come find Alec and sit and chat for a while just because they wanted his company.

He’d thought once that Jace had. That he’d been the exception to the rule. But the throbbing ache of their missing bond was all the proof Alec needed to remind him how much of a lie that’d been.

Either Magnus recognized that this wasn’t a topic Alec was going to bend on or he just didn’t know what to say. He went quiet, watching Alec with dark, sad eyes.

However, just because he didn’t know what to say didn’t mean that others didn’t, and Alec really should’ve remembered that this whole conversation started with Magnus mentioning them being outside his door.

“You know, I take offense to that,” Pyrr said. When Alec looked up, he found his friend leaning in the open doorway, back against the door frame and body turned toward Alec.

His arms were crossed over his chest and he was giving Alec a dry look, one white eyebrow lifted upward. His usually smiling face looked far too serious. More so than Alec typically saw on him. It was the look he got after some of Alec's worse nightmares, where he and Alva would talk the young man down while sitting together in the kitchen or tucked into a dark corner somewhere.

Pyrr had his gaze locked right on Alec's. There was something serious there, and a level of affection that Alec couldn’t quite put a name to. Or, more accurately, didn’t _want_ to put a name to. He didn’t trust those looks. _Couldn’t_. It was far easier to trust someone’s oath than to rely on their care. Life had shown Alec over and over just how easy that kind of care was to break. How quickly it vanished in just the moment Alec needed to rely on it.

Whatever Pyrr saw on Alec's face had his features softening. “Goddess, but they fucked you up good, didn’t they?” He sighed, and his tense posture relaxed a little. “If I thought it’d help at all, and that you wouldn’t get all moral and pissed off at me, I’d happily go kill each and every one of them who ever made you feel like any of that bullshit is true.”

The fact that he really meant it probably should’ve bothered Alec. He could see on Pyrr’s face that the sidhe would honestly do what he said if he thought it would make Alec feel better.

But Alec had never fooled himself into thinking that these people were anything but what they were. Their morals were a bit greyer than most that Alec knew. They lived an entirely different life – their culture, their beliefs, what they were raised up with, all of that was different than what the rest of them were raised to believe. From what Alec had gathered from Rimni, fae culture was a lot deadlier. Duels to the death, assassination attempts, those were a normal part of their society. Not just unseelie, either, but seelie as well.

They were who they were, and they weren’t ashamed of it. Living for the length of time that they did tended to give them a different perspective on life. One that Alec might not be able to understand, but he could respect.

“I don’t need you killing anyone for me,” Alec finally answered, shaking his head. He made sure there was no hint of judgment in his tone, though.

Pyrr shrugged. “The offer's there if you ever want to take me up on it.”

“You don't even have to ask,” Alva said, popping up at his shoulder and beaming brightly at Alec with that mischievous smile she always wore. “Just give us a wink or something. Or, I don't know, casually mention it.”

A soft sound came from Magnus. It took looking at him for Alec to realize that Magnus had been trying to cover up a laugh. The sorrow was gone from his face, thankfully, and there was a hint of mirth dancing through those beautiful eyes. He took a step back just enough that he could watch Alec to one side and the twins at the other. “Oh no,” he said, his voice shaking just a little with the effort to hide what Alec thought might be more laughter. “This person is really frustrating me. Wouldn't it be _horrible_ if something happened to them?”

“Exactly!” Alva and Pyrr said together. Alva pointed his way while Pyrr grinned at Alec. “See? He gets it.”

Magnus lifted a hand to cover his mouth. It hid his grin, but it did nothing to hide the way his eyes crinkled at the corners.

Rolling his eyes – which, okay, _ow_ , he definitely wasn't going to do that again – Alec sighed. “You're all ridiculous, and I don't want anyone murdered because they were mean to me.”

“It's what good friends do,” Pyrr said, and his voice dipped a little lower at the end. He caught Alec's eye and let a bit of power flare so that the silver of his eyes glowed lightly. Just enough that it guaranteed Alec couldn't look away. “And we _are_ friends, Alec, despite whatever those assholes taught you. Just because we don't text you stupid things in the middle of the night or ask you to go out for coffee doesn't change that.”

Alec hadn’t realized he’d said those parts aloud before. Not until they brought them up now. He flushed a little in the realization that he’d revealed more than he’d intended.

Alva leaned in against her brother bracing her weight against him in a way that let her look in the room while making sure she wasn't putting her back to the hallway – still guarding him even while talking to him. It was likely the only reason they hadn't come fully into the room yet.

“He's right,” Alva said. “A real friend would know that you don't sleep well, and you wake up far too easily to any noise but _especially_ noise from your phone, so any texts can wait till you're awake.”

“You also don't like coffee shops even though you’ve worked in them, because they're too crowded and you don't like being around that many people at one time. A real friend would know to get your favorite coffee for you – a roasted butterscotch with a hint of cinnamon creamer – and bring it to you so you could sit together on the back porch and watch the sun come up together,” Pyrr added.

Alec felt a lump of emotion build in his throat at the care in those words. The fact that they'd put this much thought into it that they had those answers there so easily and readily meant... well, it meant more than Alec had words for. He couldn't remember the last time someone had tried to pay attention to him like that.

Knowing that Alec didn't like crowds, that was kind of an obvious one, but the rest of it? Knowing which way he took his coffee, where his favorite place to drink it was, how easily he woke to texts and respecting that by deliberately choosing _not_ to text him in the middle of the night? No one had ever done that for him before. No one had paid that close of attention. No one had put that much effort into learning Alec's likes and preferences.

Not just learning them, but respecting them, too, instead of seeing them as something about him that he should change so he could better fit in with them. Seeing them as something that was intrinsically a part of him. Not wrong, just _him_.

Alec couldn't find the words he wanted to use, but when he looked at the two of them standing there watching him, something in the soft smiles they wore told him that maybe they knew anyway.

Softening, Pyrr nodded at him. “We'll leave you two to talk for a bit.”

“We won't be far. Give a thump if you need us,” Alva added in.

Then the two of them were stepping back to their posts in the hallway, and they pulled the door most of the way shut behind them. The fact that they didn't latch it didn't escape Alec's notice. He was grateful for it, too. The idea of being fully alone with Magnus wasn't one that he was quite ready to entertain yet. The way Magnus was looking at him said he understood that even if he wasn't entirely happy about it.

Magnus turned back to face the bed now that they didn’t have anyone standing in the doorway. But he didn't try coming any closer. Hands loose at his side, still in clear view for Alec to see, Magnus watched him carefully, eyes seemingly taking in everything as they ran over Alec's body. “Let's start off with something simple. How's your pain, on a scale of one to ten – one being perfectly healthy and ten being the worst pain you've ever felt?”

That was a trick question. Alec licked his lips and thought about it for a moment. “Four?”

“So probably an eight or a nine then,” Pyrr called through the door.

A bit of tension Alec hadn't realized he was feeling faded out of his muscles. Just the sound of Pyrr's voice, the realization that yes, he was still there, and he could hear everything going on inside the room, made it a little easier to breathe. Alec's lips curved up ever so slightly, stopping when he felt the tug at the cut there that would tear if he let it grow any more. “Nobody asked your opinion,” Alec called out rapidly.

Pyrr's snort was easy to hear. “My opinion makes everything better.”

Magnus shook his head at the two of them. He didn't seem bothered, though. If anything, he looked amused by them. “I see your friends love annoying you as much as mine do me,” Magnus said, winking at Alec. He lifted a hand and gestured to the room around them, stuttering only a little in that gesture when Alec instinctively flinched yet again. He didn't let that stutter show in his voice, though. “This is actually my friend's guestroom you're sleeping in. It seems Ragnor owed your Captain Alaion a favor, and the Captain accepted payment in the form of healing for you.”

He'd done what? Alec tried not to let his surprise show. It wasn't a shock that Alaion knew a warlock, or even that the warlock owed him a favor. The fact that not only had that warlock helped to heal Alec, but that they knew Magnus and Magnus hadn't protested Alec's presence here – _that_ was surprising.

Alec curled and uncurled his right hand in the blanket, wincing only a little when he did. “I promise, once I can convince them to help me, I'll head home.”

“Nonsense,” Magnus protested immediately. His eyes were locked down on Alec's hand, though, and a small furrow was building between his brows. “You're nowhere near healed enough to anywhere yet. Ragnor might grumble at having houseguests, but that's just a part of who he is. Don’t believe it for an instant.” Then, as if Magnus couldn’t quite contain himself, he blurted out, “Does your hand hurt you? I don't remember there being an injury there.”

The abrupt topic switch threw Alec for a moment. “What?” He looked down at his hand - the one he'd been clenching in the blanket. _Oh_. Magnus must've seen the wince to go along with it. But... _I don’t remember there being an injury there_. That's what Magnus had said. For him to realize that... Alec's eyes shot up to him, wide with shock, “ _You_ healed me?”

“Ragnor and I healed you together. Your body was quite seriously damaged, Alexander. If we hadn't, I'm not sure if you would've woken up.”

Alec blinked a few times while his mind tried to process that. The part about almost dying – he brushed that off. Too many times in the past couple years he probably should have died and yet hadn't. As much as life seemed to want to knock him down it also seemed intent on him surviving it all.

Why, he had no idea. Perhaps he hadn't been punished enough yet.

“But, why?” Alec asked, staring up at Magnus. He knew he probably looked as stunned as he felt, yet he couldn't be bothered to try and hide it. “Why would you...?”

That pained look was back on Magnus' face again. He appeared so hurt by Alec's question that it stole Alec's breath away and cut him off before he could even finish asking.

Magnus took a step forward. It was as if he couldn’t quite stop himself from doing it. His eyes were on Alec, and one of his hands twitched toward him before dropping back down. As Alec watched, the older man took a deep breath, drawing himself up and in as he did. Magnus didn't fall into parade rest the way that Alec did, yet his body moved into a defensive pose nonetheless. His was just made up of a straight spine, lifted chin, slightly cocked hip, and crossed arms. Casual, a bit arrogant, and clearly defensive.

Then he opened his mouth and Alec gave up on paying attention to the way he stood – he was too busy being floored by the words coming out of the man's mouth.

“I deserve that,” Magnus said bluntly. “The last time we saw one another... there is no excuse for my behavior, Alexander. No apology I could make that would likely mean anything to you. Yet I still find myself needing to say it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

Alec blinked up at him a few times. He knew he probably was gaping like an idiot. He couldn't stop, though. “You're... apologizing to me?”

“You didn't deserve the way I treated you.”

Magnus' voice was gentler that time, the words softer, and yet Alec flinched even harder than before. “Don't,” he blurted out. Even though it hurt, Alec lifted one hand and held it out Magnus' way, a physical plea for him to stop.

“Alec...”

“Please,” Alec said quickly, cutting him off. “Just... please don't. I don't know what my friends offered you to help me, or what they threatened you with to make you be nice to me, but you don't have to do it. You and I, we... we both know how you feel. We know what you and your people think of me. So just, just don't, okay?”

He couldn’t handle having Magnus pretend to be kind to him for whatever reason. It would hurt too much when he went back to the way he really felt. Alec had already dealt with this once. He'd had Magnus being nice to him, and he'd been stupid enough to let it become the highlight of his day. Something that he looked forward to. When that changed, it'd been devastating. Alec didn't want to go through something like that again. He _couldn't_.

Alec didn't know why, but he knew that that moment in the alley with Magnus had come closer to breaking him than any other moment he'd experienced these past two years. Other things hurt, they hurt so much, and Alec knew he was never going to lose all the scars from them – but when Magnus had looked at him with such open hate in his eyes? That had cracked something deep inside of Alec that still felt like it was bleeding.

The pain in Magnus’ eyes now was almost as hard to see. Alec wanted to soothe it without knowing _why_.

Before he could speak again, though Alec had no idea what he would say, Magnus pressed his lips together and shook his head, cutting off Alec's words without even giving them a chance to come out. He took a breath and then visibly swallowed. His voice, when he spoke, was controlled in a way that barely hid the pain in it. “Perhaps we should wait until you’ve healed a bit more to speak of this. I just came to check on you, not cause you more distress.”

“Magnus.” Alec's body twitched with the need to reach out, to hug, to soothe, _something_.

Only, Magnus shook his head again. “No, it’s quite all right. I understand. I haven’t earned the right to explain myself to you yet. As I said, I wanted to check on you, and I also wanted to ask your permission to reach out to a friend of mine. She’s a warlock as well, but she’s one of the best healers I’ve ever known. If you’re comfortable with her, I think she has a better chance of helping you heal than any of us do.”

It was clear that Magnus wasn’t going to let Alec push against whatever this was that was going on between them. For the moment, Alec let it go, and he tried to ignore the relief he felt at that.

He wanted to outright refuse to let another warlock here to have a shot at him. But judging by the way his body hurt, and how careful Magnus was being, Alec had a feeling he was hurt worse than he thought he was.

“You can have any and all of your guards in with you while she’s here,” Magnus said gently.

Alec pressed his tongue against the cut in his lip. It stung, but it helped him focus. A little pain to distract him from the greater pain that was growing with each passing moment. He needed a clear head to think here.

Even though Magnus had clearly shut him down in talking about this a moment ago, looking up at him now Alec couldn’t help but ask “Why are you doing this?”

“As I said, we can worry about that afterward.”

“And if I wanted to worry about it now?”

Alec had no idea where this bravery was coming from. He wasn’t a brave person. Not anymore. Nor was he brave against warlocks. The best he could try and pull off was cold, shut down. But even that always shattered eventually. Like this, while he was injured and clearly at Magnus’ mercy, the fear should’ve been gripping Alec so hard he couldn’t breathe let alone speak. Yet the words rose up to his lips, and he didn’t try and draw them back.

Magnus didn’t back down from the question or grow angry at it. He held Alec's stare and answered him in a voice that almost rang with sincerity. “Then I’ll answer you. It’s your life, and you’ve got a right to know. But it’s a long story, and I believe it’d be one best suited for when you’re rested and able to breathe without being in pain.”

The words made sense. Even if Alec didn’t quite like them, he couldn’t deny that the pain was fogging his head more and more as he lay there.

As if he could see that, Magnus reached down into his pocket and pulled out two different items. He held them out toward Alec, one in each hand. One of them was a little white bottle of mundane pain relievers, and the other was a glass vial with a liquid inside the color of sunshine. “I know you’re undoubtedly in pain. The pain-block we were able to put on you would’ve worn off by now. If you want, I have pain relievers that haven’t been opened yet, or I have a healing potion that will put you into a painless sleep for a few hours, until we can get Catarina here. If you’re okay with having her.”

The bedroom door opened and Pyrr slipped inside. His entrance didn’t surprise Alec. The minute Magnus offered him something, Alec had known Pyrr would come in.

Exhausted, Alec closed his eyes and left his friend to handle it, barely even listening as Pyrr asked “May I look at those?”

It took only a few moments before Pyrr was beside the bed. Alec opened eyes that ached even more than they had before and carefully rolled his head to the side so that he could see his friend.

The smile Pyrr wore was gentle. He’d squatted down and laid his arms on the bed in front of him, the two items in his hands. “Both of them are safe,” the sidhe murmured in a voice meant for Alec's ears alone. “Whichever one you take, Alva and I won’t leave.”

Alec pressed against the cut on his lip again. His eyes darted down to the bed, then the door, and then back to Pyrr’s face.

He didn’t even have to ask. Pyrr was already nodding at him. “Yeah, Alec. I’ll stay in here with you, and Alva will take the door. I bet Virion will keep her company whenever he gets back. I won’t let you out of my sight until you’re awake enough to see the guard switch, okay?”

That was all Alec needed to know to relax. It was also all that Pyrr needed to know to understand which item Alec wanted to take.

His hands were oh-so-gentle as he reached up and helped Alec to lift his head up off the pillows just enough to drink the potion. It tasted like it looked – like what Alec imagined sunshine would taste like. Warm and sweet going down, with a slightly tart edge to it that made Alec think of summer.

The potion worked quickly. Alec's head was barely back on the pillow when he felt the pain start to fade away. He blinked a few times at Pyrr, exhaustion seeping into the gaps that the vanishing pain left behind.

“I’ve got you, _rst-ti,_ ” Pyrr murmured, one hand stroking gently over Alec's hair. “Go to sleep. I’ll watch over you.”

With those words a whispered promise in his ear, Alec did just that. He let go and let the dark of dreamless sleep wrap around him.

* * *

The next time Alec woke it was to a much fuller bedroom than the last time he’d been awake. His body was still aching, though thankfully not as bad as it had earlier. He felt sort of numb in places. Like someone had gone in and switched off all his nerve endings. It left Alec feeling like he was floating in a cloud.

However, not everything was as peaceful as Alec felt. There were loud voices above him like the buzzing of angry bees, each one overlapping the other. Alec opened his eyes, and then had to blink a few times to try and make sense of what he was seeing above him. There was a wall of white around him. Was he really in the clouds? Alec wanted to reach up, to touch it. As soon as he had the thought he found his fingers suddenly brushing against the bit of white closest to him.

It was so _soft_. Alec let his fingers tangle in it and marveled at it. Maybe he _was_ in the clouds. What else out there would be this soft?

Then the white _moved_ and Alec startled, jolting his body in a move that some part of his brain told him _should_ hurt, but didn’t. The white got closer, and the cloud chuckled, low and husky.

“You are adorably doped up, aren’t you?” the cloud asked him.

A low laugh tumbled past Alec's lips. Who knew clouds sounded so happy?

The angry buzzing came back, stronger than ever, and Alec furrowed his brow as it intruded on his feeling of peace. He held a little tighter to the cloud, and it reached out to touch him, something cool brushing over his forehead.

“Shhh,” it soothed him. “You’re fine, Alec. Go back to sleep. We’ll keep you safe.”

Safe? Safe from what? The bees? Alec hated bees. Not as much as he hated spiders, though.

Izzy hated bees, too. Ever since that summer when they’d snuck outside and were playing together in the garden and they’d fallen in the bushes where a bee nest was. Some of them had gotten caught in her hair and stung her on her back in their attempts to get free. He remembered spending forever picking the stingers out of her back while she didn’t cry, because even as a little kid Izzy had always been braver than him. She never cried over anything.

Alec always cried in the dark, when he was sure he was alone and no one would see him. Or, he had. That wasn’t a luxury he’d had in a long, long time. Too many people liked to draw those tears from him. Corbin had fought to draw as many tears and screams from Alec as he could once he’d realized it wasn’t easy to do. He’d made it a game.

The softness of the clouds was fading away around him. The dark tried to creep in, and Alec felt his body start to shake. No, no, he didn’t want to leave here. It was so safe here. Things didn’t hurt here like they did down on the ground.

“Oh, Alec.” That husky voice was a little clearer now; enough that Alec recognized it. That wasn’t a cloud talking to him. That was… that was Alva? Alva with her happy, husky voice, only it sounded sad now. “Pyrr, trade out with me. He needs you.”

Alec was slowly coming back to himself enough to realize that it wasn’t a cloud in his fingers. Nor was he safely up in the sky. He was in a bed, and he had Alva’s hair in his hand. She didn’t try and detach his hold as she stood up and made room for Pyrr to slip in. Her hair was long enough that she could leave him with the bottom part to hold while she straightened up and put her back to the bed.

The hand on Alec's head was gone – Alva’s hand – but he didn’t have time to mourn the loss of it. Pyrr was right there just a second later. He used a knuckle to gently swipe against Alec's cheek, and his face looked so sad as he looked down at Alec. “Hey there, _rst-ti_. I’m sorry we woke you. Probably startled the hell out of you, didn’t we?”

There was a teasing note to Pyrr’s voice that didn’t erase the concern Alec could hear. He was the best at that. Alva was good at threatening to hurt those that hurt Alec or giving him a solid anchor like her words or a guided meditation. Pyrr was better at what Alva called the _softer things_. He was gentler than she was. The one with the ear to listen in those rare moments Alec might dare to whisper to him the things that were wrong.

“Wh…” Alec tried to speak, only the words just wouldn’t come. He got part of one out and then nothing. The buzzing around them that he’d thought was bees before was actually voices, some of them more than a little pissed off, and edged in the one thing guaranteed to terrify the hell out of Alec – magic.

Magic was what made the voices have that buzzing edge to them. It buzzed and crackled over them with an angry threat that had Alec losing control of his trembles. His whole body was shaking now. At the same time, Alec realized that Pyrr hadn’t just been stroking his cheek before, he’d been wiping away tears. They were falling without Alec's permission and running down his cheeks to pool in his ears and on his pillow.

“You need to calm down,” someone was saying above them. It sounded like Alaion, but his voice was harder than Alec had ever heard before. He sounded _dangerous_.

“Calm down?” another voice answered, sharper and higher than Alaion’s, and it wasn’t one that Alec recognized. But it buzzed sharply with an extra layer of magic. _A warlock_. A warlock he didn’t know. “You bring me in here to heal that, that _monster_ , and you tell me to _calm down_?”

Alec's trembling grew harder. It rattled his bones until the pain finally started to break through the haze it’d been held under.

Pyrr swore, low and in a language Alec didn’t recognize, and then he snapped out “Get her out of here, now” before he leaned over Alec, gently stroking over his cheek again to wipe away more tears. His hair, just as long as his twin’s, fell in a screen around them, blocking out the rest of the world. “Focus right here on me, Alec. Come on. Right here. Pick a spot and focus on it and ignore the rest of them. I’m right here, and the others are around the bed. No one’s going to touch you, I promise you that.”

The sound of Pyrr’s voice slowly began to drown out the others. Alec tried to breathe steady, to follow Pyrr’s advice and focus on one part of him. With his friend this close, something that could sometimes turn into just as big a trigger as anything else, Alec had limited things to pick. He wasn’t sure he could hold the other man’s gaze right at the moment, so he chose his ear instead. Sidhe all had pointed ears, and Pyrr liked to decorate his with various earrings depending on his mood and his outfit.

Currently his right ear was a line of alternating silver rings and gold studs, starting with a stud at the bottom and going up to the very top of his ear, ending in a stud up there as well. Alec focused on those and tried to follow Pyrr’s voice, mimic his breathing, while he counted the earrings one by one.

Magic briefly swelled in the room, pressing just a bit closer but still not touching him, and Alec's breath caught in his chest, his heart pounding even harder than before. Then – just as Pyrr tensed and Alec was so sure he was going to snap at someone – the magic was abruptly gone. Seconds later it was followed by the sound of a slamming door.

“They’re gone,” Pyrr said immediately, making sure Alec had no doubt about what had just happened. “It’s just us in here now, Alec. Alaion and Aliri are standing guard outside the door, and Alva and Virion are at the foot of your bed as a secondary line of defense just in case. But you know someone would have to kill Alaion and Aliri to get past them, and that’s not likely. No one is going to be able to get at you.”

Alec didn’t know when these people had become someone he felt like he could trust. He’d barely even acknowledged they were friends until Magnus had pointed it out and Pyrr had driven the point home. Yet Alec looked up at him and knew that Pyrr was telling him the truth. He trusted that these people would guard him with their lives if necessary. Why, he didn’t know, but the truth of it settled down around his heart.

Slowly, bit by bit, Alec fought back the panic attack that had tried to yank him under. He focused on Pyrr’s rings, counting them from start to finish and back again until he could do it without making a single mistake.

Only then did Alec let his eyes dart up to the steady silver ones above him. Pyrr hadn’t moved, hadn’t left Alec to deal with this on his own. He’d stayed right where he was until Alec looked up, and then smiled at him. “Back with me, kid?”

Alec gave a small, barely-there nod. He could still feel the fear, but he was used to carrying that around with him.

The way that Pyrr lit up was as if Alec had just handed him gold and jewels. Like Alec being okay was the best thing he could’ve asked for. “Good.”

Alec tried to open his mouth and ask what happened, what was going on, only his voice hadn’t come back with the rest of him. It still felt like it was trapped behind a hard knot in his throat. He lifted his hands, ignoring the pain as best as he could, and tried his best to sign _what happened_?

One thing that Alec loved about these people was that they didn’t second guess him when he said or asked for something. They trusted that Alec knew his own mind better than they did. While they knew he could push his body further than he should, they might caution him but they still let the choice be _Alec's_.

Pyrr sat up so that he was perched on the bed near Alec's hip. He drew his hair over his shoulder, letting it drape over his lap and down to where Alec had a hand in it. He hadn’t realized that he’d switched from clutching at Alva to clutching at Pyrr. Or that he’d still managed to hold on to some even while trying to sign at them.

He didn’t get time to really be embarrassed about it. Pyrr was already answering his question, and Alec turned his focus toward that.

“Bane called in his healer friend to come check you over,” Pyrr said. He wrinkled his nose up in a look that was only barely restrained disgust. “She was fine outside the room, but once she got in here she kind of went insane. It was like she didn’t connect who we were talking about until she saw you, and suddenly it was like everything about her changed.”

The rest wasn’t hard to fill in. The shouting, the way his friends had rallied around his bed to protect him. They’d made themselves a meat shield for whatever she might’ve done.

While Alec knew they had magic, that all sidhe carried some control of magic to them even if it wasn’t spells like warlock did, the thought that they’d put themselves between him and a warlock’s magic… he had no words for what it made him feel.

Alec lifted his free hand and signed thank you. He tried his best to make sure his face showed the emotion to convey just how he felt.

Judging by Pyrr’s smile, he’d managed it.

Laying here talking to them felt kind of strange. Alec's head was propped up but his body was mostly flat. Probably best for his healing injuries, but not the best for him. He didn’t like being lower than them all or looking at them from this position.

Alec didn’t know all the words to sign what he wanted, but in a combination of sign and some gestures, he got across the message that he wanted to sit up. The others exchanged a look between them, but that was the extent of their protest. Pyrr and Alva both helped to carefully draw Alec upward while Virion got pillows and blankets behind him. Then, with their hands taking most of his weight, he was scooted back until he could gently rest against the mound they’d built behind him.

It took a few minutes for Alec to get his breathing back under control and for the pain to subside. He hadn’t realized just how much he _hurt_ until they’d started to move him.

He took a moment to settle his hands in his lap and just focus on his breathing the way Alva had taught him.

He’d just gotten himself under control when there was a light rap against the door. Alec looked up in time to see the door open and Alaion stuck his head in. His eyes went straight to Alec, taking in his new position with a gaze that left Alec feeling like he was being weighed and measured.

“You have a visitor,” Alaion said, eyes lifting to catch Alec's. “High Warlock Bane is out here, and he’d like to come talk with you.”

A fine tremor went through Alec's hands. He folded one over the other in the hopes of keeping anyone from noticing. Unfortunately, that also prevented him from being able to give any sort of answer.

When he didn’t speak, Alva did, asking, “Is he alone?”

Alaion nodded. “There’s no one with him.”

Pyrr squatted down beside the bed, catching Alec's attention as he did. “It’s your choice, Alec. Do you want to talk to him?”

Did he? No, not really. But Alec didn’t really see that he had a choice. This wasn’t his home. It was the home of Magnus’ friend, another warlock. The fact that he was asking to come in at all was likely due to the presence of the two guarding the door. Two who, if Alec asked them to, would turn Magnus away without hesitation.

Better to get this done, though. Whatever Magnus had to say was something Alec should probably hear.

Alec nodded at Alaion, who ducked back out the door, and then settled himself in for what might prove to be a very long, uncomfortable conversation. Hopefully it ended up going better than the last one had.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here are the start of some answers, finally!!

While Alec calmed down and relaxed with his friends, conversations in the rest of the house weren’t going quite as smoothly.

Magnus stood in Ragnor’s office, the only shielded room in the house that would guarantee no one heard them, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the desk and fought the urge to glare at one of his oldest and dearest friends. The friend who had first encouraged him to look into Alec's case and try to find out what about it bothered him. The one who usually kept the most level head out of them – who could be ruthless, yes, but was often the kindness to his and Ragnor’s saltiness, at least when it came to someone being hurt.

He’d gone and brought Catarina out here after his earlier talk with Alec in the hopes that, when the young man woke up, he might allow her to help him. Seeing Alec in pain earlier had left Magnus feeling helpless in a way he didn’t often experience. He hadn’t liked it. Nor had he liked seeing Alec in pain in general. It… touched something in him. So much so that even his magic had been jumping with the need to reach out and fix it.

After bringing Catarina here and explaining things to her, they’d gone back to the room so she could get a chance to see the patient, meet and talk with him, and maybe get a general idea of what she was working with. She wasn’t going to actively do any spells on him. Just assess what she could without touching him and go from there.

But the minute they’d stepped through the door it was like Catarina had changed.

No, not when they stepped through the door. When she’d laid her eyes on Alec.

The person she’d been in that moment wasn’t someone that Magnus knew. He’d seen her angry, seen her fight far more ferociously than many would probably suspect her capable of, but Catarina was at heart a _healer_. She took her Hippocratic Oath very seriously. The only time she took life was in defense of her own life or someone else’s. If someone was suffering, she helped them. Very rarely had he ever seen her walk away from someone who was suffering.

Yet she’d done more than that the minute she’d caught sight of Alec. It was like all the things about her that Magnus knew had just… changed.

That thought caught Magnus and froze him in place. He looked up, staring at where Ragnor was pushing Catarina down into a chair and shoving a glass of cognac into her hand.

“Ragnor.” Magnus’ voice echoed through the room as sharp as a whip crack. He stared at Catarina’s wide eyes, though his words were for Ragnor. “Check her for spell remnants.”

Bless him, Ragnor didn’t ask questions – and neither did Catarina. She was already setting the glass aside and nodding her head at him to give the okay. Magnus didn’t trust his own magic to do it at the moment. Like his emotions, it was too volatile. But while Ragnor might not be as good with spell work as Magnus was, he was a wonder at _sensing_ it.

The room was silent as Ragnor gathered his magic and began to chant the words for a very thorough, very complicated spell-sensing. It was a smart choice, and one that Magnus wouldn’t have immediately thought of. That particular one would sense even the smallest traces of a spell. It would pick up more than any other spell could.

It felt like hours that were likely only moments when Ragnor finally spoke. “I’m picking up something very, very faint. Too small to tell what it is.” He grimaced and drew both hands and spell back. “It faded before I could read what it was. But I might’ve got enough of the flavor of it to better be able to recognize it next time and isolate it before it fades.”

Hearing those words had both Magnus and Catarina slumping. Hers was more drastic, like she’d been prepared to fight them and suddenly realized she no longer had to. Slumped back in her seat, she shot an apologetic look Magnus’ way. “Magnus…”

“No,” Magnus said quickly, raising a hand up to cut her off. “You have done nothing to apologize to me for. I should probably be the one apologizing to you, my dear, for not properly warning you.”

“You guys told me your suspicions. None of us thought of this as a possibility,” Catarina reassured him.

No, they hadn’t, but they should have.

When Magnus said just that, Ragnor let out a sigh and nodded. He sank down into the chair at Catarina’s side and snapped up his own cognac. “You’re right, we should have. We already suspected that this was some sort of setup. We should’ve considered the possibility that there was magic involved somehow.”

“A magic that apparently entices people into attacking the poor young man,” Catarina said. Her expression had darkened, and her eyes were soft with sympathy and guilt. “And potentially encourages you not to even think of it being a spell, which two warlocks of your caliber would have normally thought of.”

Magnus rested his weight against the desk once more. He took in her words, trying to mentally add them to everything else that they knew about Alec's case. This changed quite a few things. Or, at the very least, gave them a new perspective.

“We’ve been looking at Alec's case under the idea that someone framed him,” Magnus said. He reached across himself to cup his elbow with his other hand, leaving one of them free to wave and wiggle as he talked. “But what if it’s more than that. If magic is involved…”

“…a lot of things suddenly make so much more sense,” Ragnor finished for him. He had his elbow on the armrest of his chair and was tapping at his chin. Nothing got him going more than a good puzzle. This was definitely proving to be an intense one.

He was right, though. Things started to make sense that Magnus hadn’t been piecing together. He wondered briefly it that was due to him, or to some part of whatever spell or curse this was as Catarina suggested. Because those two things suddenly became the most likely outcomes. And Alec's innocence just became so much more probable.

“So someone not only framed this boy for murder, but cursed him at the same time?” Catarina asked. She shook her head. “Why go to such elaborate methods to cause someone pain? Or kill them?” A brief grimace flashed across her features. “It’s a very lucky thing that I didn’t reach him. The anger that I felt, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to resist doing him any kind of damage, and with what you tell me he already went through I have no doubt he wouldn’t have survived.”

Ragnor gave a low, thoughtful hum. “She has a point. What’s the purpose behind this? Whoever did it, they went to great lengths to get Alec Lightwood where they wanted him. Alone, cut off from society, and attacked by just about everyone. They managed to get his people to betray him and his family to abandon him. His parabatai, even.”

“It’d have to be strong to affect a parabatai,” Magnus said thoughtfully.

None of this made any sense. It was like whoever had done this had wanted Alec to suffer as much as possible. To feel cut off, alone, abused, made to feel weak and inferior – the way so many Downworlders had felt in their lives.

Or, no, not just Downworlders. After all, the unseelie in there seemed to feel no need to attack. He wasn’t sure about vampires or werewolves, though some of the scars on Alec's body definitely suggested that, but Magnus knew for sure a few Downworlders who _did –_ and they were all _warlocks_.

Though, it seemed Magnus had somehow managed to push past that, and Ragnor seemed to be doing the same. Was it that they weren’t as strongly affected? Or perhaps the spell wasn’t holding up to scrutiny. Most of the people Alec encountered were ones that he saw and then likely moved on from, running to hide somewhere else. Was exposure the key to being able to see past it?

But that didn’t explain why Magnus hadn’t felt it at first when he’d flirted with the shy barista. Why had it only kicked in once he’d known who Alec was?

When Magnus looked over at his friends, the looks on their faces told him that they’d likely had an epiphany of their own.

“Do you really think someone would go to this drastic a level just to _teach a lesson_?” Catarina asked, her eyes wide.

“There are many of our kind out there who loathe Shadowhunters for what they’ve done to us,” Ragnor pointed out. “Sometimes that anger grows until they because the reason for everything bad that’s ever happened. Maybe someone wanted to make a Shadowhunter understand what it’s like to grow up as a warlock. Or maybe one of the Lightwoods pissed off a particular warlock.”

It fit. All of it fit. It’d take one powerful warlock to do it, though. A spell of this magnitude, that survived _years_ like this, would take a whole lot of power. It’d also require an anchor. One that was most likely kept inside of Alec somewhere. Well hidden, clearly, because Magnus hadn’t sensed anything when he’d been healing the poor man. Then again, he hadn’t been looking, either. They’d been too focused on keeping Alec from bleeding out on the table.

They were going to have to scan Alec to see if they could find it.

Which, after what just happened, might not be a possibility. They’d be damn lucky if Alec and his guard weren’t packing up to leave at this very moment. Or already gone.

Magnus pushed himself off the desk and stood up straight, his hands instinctively smoothing over his clothes as he did. If he wanted Alec to stick around long enough for them to help him, first Magnus had to convince him to stay. “I’ll leave you two to discuss things in here. I’m going to go make sure our guest hasn’t already left us.”

Without giving them a chance to say anything, Magnus strode toward the door, his focus no longer on the people in this room but on the one in the room just up ahead. He hoped he wasn’t too late.

* * *

All it took was stepping into the hallway to have Magnus sighing in relief. Alec clearly wasn’t gone yet – Alaion and Aliri were standing guard outside of his door.

Not for the first time, Magnus got the feeling that it wasn’t just outside trouble that they were guarding from. Something told him that they’d have no issue barring _him_ entrance from the room if Alec gave the slightest hint at wanting it. Maybe even Ragnor. Alec was important to them. They’d visibly showed that when they’d all placed themselves between Catarina’s magic and Alec's body in a clear line of defense. They’d been ready to take a magical blast if it meant keeping him safe.

Of course, there was a good chance it never would’ve gotten that far. Not only were sidhe – both seelie and unseelie – resistant to warlock magic, which might explain why this spell wasn’t going after them, their own magic was much rawer. More – for lack of a better word – _pure._

Its strength was tied to them by the strength of their ruler. While Magnus heard rumors that the Unseelie King was beginning to lose some of his strength, though no one quite knew why, it didn’t mean that these warriors were powerless. They were trained unseelie warriors. They could’ve incapacitated Catarina, potentially even killed her, before Magnus would’ve been able to respond.

Thank magic it hadn’t come to that. He hadn’t wanted to fight them.

Though looking at them now, Magnus had a feeling that whole display had cost him any points he might’ve made in their books for helping Alec. Both of them were watching Magnus with clear _intent_ when he got close to the door. Not stopping him, not arguing, just watching.

But it didn’t escape Magnus’ notice that Alaion’s hand was on the hilt of his sword, and Aliri had drawn her hair up into a bun so that the dual swords over her shoulders could be easily reached.

“I don’t mean any harm,” Magnus said, leaving his hands loosely off to the sides as he came toward them. Silver eyes were watching his every move. “Catarina’s back with Ragnor, and she won’t come out until Alexander gives his permission. I’m just here to check on him and to explain what we found.”

Though it was clear that Alaion at least wanted to demand answers to that, find out just what it was that Magnus was talking about and then likely go share it with Alec himself, he was too good at his job to do so. He wasn’t going to demand the answers that Alec deserved to hear first. He was acting as a guard, and a guard was what he was going to be.

Aliri watched Magnus carefully while Alaion turned to the door. After a quick knock, Alaion ducked his head in the room, clearly letting them know that Magnus was there. As he did, Aliri stood at his back watching Magnus with sharp, dangerous eyes. She looked ready to draw her blades in an instant. Magnus kept his pose as nonthreatening as possible. He really didn’t want to test his mettle against a trained unseelie warrior.

After a short pause, Alaion drew back out of the door. He didn’t bother shutting it. Just pushed it open, eyes on Magnus as he did. “He’ll see you.” The way he said it made it obvious that Magnus should consider himself lucky Alec had agreed to do so.

The two moved out of the way so there was enough room for Magnus to walk past them and go in.

The minute Magnus stepped inside the room he found where the other sidhe had gone. He really should’ve figured they would stay in here with Alec. Two lines of defense in what they’d obviously decided was a hostile environment.

The one called Pyrr was standing to the left of Alec's bed, up by the headboard, while his twin Alva was on the right, closest to the door. The one they’d called Virion was actually _on_ the bed with Alec, on the side by Alva. He had one leg propped up – the leg that Magnus had heard Alaion advising him to take it easy on. (Nothing in his walk had shown that he was injured. Magnus never would’ve guessed if he hadn’t heard those murmured comments.)

In the middle of the bed sat Alec, propped up against a stack of pillows and what Magnus thought might be an extra blanket. He was paler than normal, which said quite a lot for someone with such light skin. It made the bruises and marks stand out even more. His hands were folded in his lap, most of his body covered by the blanket. It hid his other injuries from sight and made him look better than he was. But it was still a painful image to see.

Perhaps the worst part of it all was the look in Alec's eyes. In them was fear and _resignation_. No anger, though he had that right. Just a look that said that he’d been expecting something like this to happen. Or, at the very least, wasn’t surprised by it.

That hit Magnus like a blow to the chest he had to fight not to show. No one should _expect_ to be treated horribly.

Magnus tried to make sure none of his feelings showed in his voice when he spoke. “Hello, Alexander.”

The young man dipped his chin a little yet said nothing. Did he not want to talk? Or was it like Magnus had noticed back at that little mundane coffee shop – back when Alec thought he was nothing more than a customer, and he thought that Alec was no more than some pretty barista. Did fear or anxiety keep his voice locked away?

Either way, Alec clearly wasn’t up for speaking quite yet. Which was fine. Magnus could talk enough for the both of them.

“I came in here first and foremost to apologize,” Magnus said clearly. It was important to him that he make that apology. What had happened earlier – it was inexcusable.

Alec shook his head, and then quickly went still, his expression locking down. Though he didn’t let it show, the lack of expression just as clearly marked him in pain as anything else.

The fact that he was sitting up probably didn’t help. Magnus’ magic felt like it was crawling along the inside of his skin, just itching to leap out and help. He had to fight to hold it back. He wouldn’t use any more magic on Alec without his permission. The first healing had been necessary – he’d been unconscious and would’ve died. But now he was conscious and able to make the choice. Whatever he chose, Magnus had to respect it.

He wouldn’t know unless he asked, though.

“I know that asking you to allow Catarina back in here right now isn’t going to happen,” Magnus said, watching Alec carefully. He caught the wince and knew he was right. “I thought so. And another potion would likely send you back to sleep. While I’m not the healer she is, would you at least allow me to do some? At the very least I’ll be able to ease your pain long enough for us to talk. There are… some things I think you should know.”

He watched carefully as Alec seemed to think it over. The fact that he was willing to do that and not just dismiss it outright was a positive sign.

No sign of anything came from the three guards in the room. They stayed silent, like actual guards, something that they hadn’t done the last time Alec and Magnus had talked. It wasn’t until Alec looked at the one on the bed with him that anyone broke pose. Virion shifted his attention immediately down to Alec, who was looking up at him with a soft question written all over his face.

The way that Virion smiled in response to that was something Magnus privately marveled over. He wondered if Alec realized just how much he had these people wrapped around his finger.

“Don’t worry, moonflower,” Virion said softly, though he didn’t try and hide his words. He still spoke loud enough for Magnus to easily hear him. “We’ll stay right here with you the whole time.”

Apparently, that was all that Alec needed to hear. He nodded at Virion, and then turned and nodded at Magnus as well.

It was on the tip of Magnus’ tongue to try and push for some sort of verbal confirmation. Especially considering Alec's situation. Magnus didn’t want to use magic against him more than he already had to. He wanted to make absolutely sure that this was what Alec wanted. That he was okay with it. But pushing for something it was likely Alec couldn’t give would only be cruel.

Magnus unbuttoned his sleeves and started to roll them up while he walked over to the bed. He went to the side Virion wasn’t on to make sure he’d have the most unobstructed access to Alec. Pyrr stood at that side, and the sidhe was carefully watching Magnus, ready to intervene if it proved necessary. Magnus hoped desperately that it wouldn’t.

Slowly, carefully, making sure not to jostle or startle the injured man, Magnus sank down onto the bed. He chose to do it between knee and hip height for Alec in the hopes that being a little further down would make it easier. He chose to take the lack of flinch from Alec as a good sign.

 _Now or never_. Best not to try and put this off. It would likely only make the both of them more nervous if Magnus tried to draw it out. With that in mind, he straightened himself up a little and put on his best smile. “Now, like I said, I’m not as good a healer as Catarina. But I should be able to do _something_ for you, as well as offer a bit of pain relief. It just might work a bit slower than hers, that’s all.”

Catarina was a healer through and through. It was where most of her skill lay, and where she’d put most of her studies. She could do things with healing that Magnus wouldn’t even be able to dream of. What she could do in one healing session would likely take Magnus a few to accomplish. Not because of power levels – he was by far the stronger – but because her magic was made for healing. Magnus’ often seemed to be made for creation or destruction.

“Whatever help you can offer, we’ll appreciate,” Virion said after exchanging another look with Alec.

Nodding, Magnus tried to prepare himself to focus. This was going to be another case of finding the worst injuries and healing them first.

It said quite a lot that Alec hadn’t flinched at Magnus getting close to him but the instant that Magnus snapped his fingers and called up magic, Alec's whole body flinched so hard he sucked in a sharp breath from the pain it caused him.

Magnus kept his magic there against his hand, though it was aching to reach out, so close now to what it wanted. But he kept it there and met Alec's eyes. “You can still say no, Alexander.”

He couldn’t help but be a little impressed by the way that Alec drew himself up. His hands were trembling in his lap, his skin was pale under all those marks, and his eyes were wide, yet he looked Magnus right in the eye and gave him a silent nod to continue. What else could Magnus do but honor that?

His magic almost leapt from his hand the instant he got it close to Alec. Never before had he felt his magic react like this. If things were a little different, Magnus might wonder if this was part of the spell, too. But it wasn’t that his magic wanted to hurt the man. No, it wanted to _help_ , to _heal_.

It wasn’t just his magic that was reacting strangely. Alec's body, for all its flinching at the presence of magic, did the strangest thing when Magnus sent the first waves of healing into him. Instead of tensing even more, which Magnus had been preparing for, Alec's entire body seemed to _relax_. He slumped down against his pillows, eyes drifting to half mast, and relaxed in a way Magnus hadn’t seen from him so far.

The others noticed it as well, only they didn’t seem to find it curious the way that Magnus did. All three of them had gone tense. “What happened?” Virion demanded sharply. The smile that had seemed so at home on his face was now gone. In its place was a look that promised Magnus so much pain with just the slightest provocation. “What did you do to him?”

“Nothing,” Magnus hurried to reassure them. At their disbelieving looks, he added on “Nothing! His body is just… he’s not fighting my magic. He’s almost… welcoming it.”

That was exactly it. Alec was welcoming Magnus’ magic. He was opening himself up like he and Magnus had known one another ages, and he trusted Magnus to not cause him harm. And, oh, Magnus could cause him so much harm right now. Not just because he was using magic on Alec, but because opening himself up to magic like this left him vulnerable. Magnus could _hurt_ him. He could take hold of Alec's energy and bleed him dry. Alec wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop him. Not with as open and vulnerable as he’d left himself.

It only made Magnus want to protect him all the more.

“You’re all right, darling,” Magnus murmured to him. He moved his hand over Alec, trying to find the worst of the worst and do what he could to help. Between him and Ragnor, they’d taken care of the more severe injuries. The ones that would’ve killed him. Now Magnus sought out the next level of damage. Some of the broken bones, the deep, deep bruising, the headache that was clearly pounding against Alec's temples.

Bit by bit Magnus did what he could without taxing Alec's quickly waning energy too far. He stopped when it became clear that pushing him any further would only exhaust Alec even more. They needed him coherent for a little while longer. Then he could rest.

As Magnus pulled his magic back, he made sure to add a small spell that would suppress the pain, at least for a little while.

When he finally drew back, he found Alec watching him. The sleepiness and pain were gone from that gaze. As was the fear. Bright, sharp hazel eyes watched Magnus with intelligence and intensity that almost had Magnus squirming. He wondered if this was a glimpse of the old Alec. The one he’d been back before life and whatever this spell was had knocked him down.

Alec lifted his hands, which clearly moved smoother than they had before and with less pain, and he signed **_thank you_**.

“You’re welcome,” Magnus said softly.

The bruising on Alec's face had gone down some with the healing, though it wasn’t completely gone. His lip still showed a split, scabbed over and half-healed, and the bruising at his eyes had gone from bright reds and purples to the sickly yellow and purple that meant healing. They looked days old instead of hours.

Alec's hands moved again, and between the bit of sign language that Magnus recognized, plus some gestures that weren’t a part of any sign language he’d ever seen, Alec managed to get across the question **_you wanted to talk to me?_**

Magnus nodded his head. He didn’t rise again or try and move away from the bed. It felt natural to just fold his hands down in his lap and stay where he was. “I do. It’s a bit of a long story, but if you’re willing to listen, I think you’ll want to hear it.”

He waited for Alec to give him a nod before he started talking. He hadn’t planned his words before coming in here, he’d just know they needed to be said. Now he hoped he would be able to find the right ones.

“I know you weren’t comfortable with my attempts at apologies the last time we spoke, so I won’t push them on you now,” Magnus started out with. “I’ll save them for the end. Hopefully, by that point, you’ll feel more comfortable hearing them. For now, I’ll start with where you and I last parted. After I left you, I went back to my apartment…”

Bit by bit Magnus explained everything to Alec. He didn’t leave things out – this was Alec's life, and he deserved to know what was going on. But there were some things that he did gloss over, such as much of his conversation with Isabelle.

Magnus told him about his suspicions that something hadn’t been right, not just now but when things had first happened. “I don’t know why I didn’t pursue it back then,” he admitted softly. “I have no excuse for it. It was just, one moment I was wondering about it, and then something else happened, and it was like… I forgot.”

From there onward Magnus explained about trying to find all the information he could on the case. How the families all seemed to have vanished, and how little information he’d managed to gather.

“I came here to Ragnor because there’s no one out there who is better at solving puzzles than he is. I thought if I presented this information to anyone, he might be able to make the most sense of it. Because the more I looked into things, the less sense it was all making. But neither Ragnor nor I have been able to come up with any reasons as to why someone might frame you for this. Or _how_. Until today.”

 ** _Your friend_ ,** Alec signed at him.

Magnus nodded. “Yes. Catarina Loss is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met in all my years. She’s a healer, a caretaker, despite how gruff she may sometimes appear to be. But more than that, even, you’re a guest in Ragnor’s home. For that alone, she would’ve been on her best behavior. The woman she was when she came in here… that wasn’t her.”

“She sure seemed lucid enough,” Virion said, a sharp tone to his words.

“Ragnor checked her over in his office. He found the remnants of a spell in her that he only managed to find as it faded.” Magnus’ words cut off whatever else Virion might’ve said. They also had the attention of everyone in the room locking on him. He just kept looking at Alec. “We think someone might’ve cast a spell of some sort or put a curse on you.”

“A spell?” Alec blurted out. It was clear he hadn’t meant to speak, but once he did, he kept going. “A spell to do _what_?”

“We can’t be sure exactly. But based on what I’ve seen so far, my guess would be that the spell or curse is meant to turn people against you. Whoever did this, they went to great pains to set you up and make sure that you’d be alone. It would explain why Catarina was going to attack you, when she’s the last person who would normally do so. It also explains…” Well, it explained why his sister and parabatai had abandoned him, as well as every other Shadowhunter out there. But saying that felt cruel. Especially when Alec looked so stunned by this already.

The ex-shadowhunter sat there for a long moment just staring off at something the rest of them couldn’t see. Magnus didn’t dare interrupt whatever he was thinking. Especially when it was so clear that it hurt him. Not because he showed it, no, but because his expression locked down so tight he might as well have been a statue.

After a moment, Alec blew out a soft breath, and he blinked his eyes clear, just a little. “I always wondered why they didn’t use the Soul Sword.” His voice didn’t shake, didn’t quaver, yet there was a hint of something fragile to it. Like thin glass so very close to breaking. “I asked for it more than once, but they refused.”

Magnus mentally added that to the puzzle even as the rest of him wanted to reach out and wrap this poor man up in his arms.

“Are you sure?” Alec asked quietly, still not quite looking at him. “Not everyone…”

It wasn’t hard to figure out what he was asking, even if his voice cracked and broke off at the end there. “The sidhe are known to be resistant to a lot of magic. It’s no surprise they weren’t affected.”

“And you? Because you weren’t at first, but then, then you were, and now you’re not again.”

Magnus couldn’t quite cover up his wince. Not just at what Alec said, but at the answer that Magnus was going to have to give. “I don’t think I ever was. Not fully.”

That finally got Alec to look at him. It also broke his mask, and a little of the hurt he felt showed through in his eyes. “What?”

The answer wasn’t going to make Alec feel better. But he deserved to hear the truth. “When I first met you, all I saw was a sweet young mundane barista with sad, beautiful eyes. After everything that happened, when I found out who you were… I lashed out. But not because of some spell.”

Alec closed his eyes, and it hurt, it fucking _hurt_ , to see the pain that briefly flashed over his features. “It was because you knew who I was then. Those kids had been in your care.”

“Yes,” Magnus said softly. He didn’t look away from Alec. Didn’t dare to look at the others. For now, he needed to pretend they didn’t exist if he was going to get through this with Alec. Why it was so important, Magnus had no idea, but the thought of Alec hating him for this made Magnus’ heart and magic _ache_. “I know now that I was wrong, Alexander. So very wrong. But I can’t blame it on the spell. The spell clouded my head, likely made me forget about you and your case for years until I was confronted with you again, but what I did in that alley was all me. Those children had been under my protection, and I failed them. And I took it out on you. I’m so sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me for that.”

The bedroom fell silent for what felt like a very long time. Alec kept his eyes closed, and his head bowed just a little. His guards all shifted a little more toward him like they wanted to reach out, only they didn’t dare. Not yet.

When Alec opened his eyes again, Magnus fully expected to be told to get out. To leave him alone. And he would’ve done it, too, at least for a while.

But Alec continued to surprise him. He brought his eyes up to meet Magnus’ gaze head-on, something that didn’t seem easy for him to do, and he said the very last thing Magnus expected to hear. “I don’t blame you.” Whatever look that put on Magnus’ face had Alec actually cracking a small smile. “I don’t. I can’t honestly say I would’ve reacted better in your shoes, Magnus. You cared about those kids, and you were confronted with the person you believed to be their killer.”

“It doesn’t excuse my behavior,” Magnus said softly.

“Maybe not, but it explains it. Not only that, but it says a lot about who you are that you not only got so upset on the behalf of the kids, but that you took the time to look into it when you thought you were wrong, and you were big enough to come up to me and apologize afterward.”

Magnus couldn’t help but stare at him. Was he serious? Alec had every right to be mad at him. Hell, Magnus had come in here fully prepared to be understanding if Alec kicked him right back out. It wouldn’t stop him from helping the other man, but he’d been prepared to try and help from a distance for a while until Alec had a chance to think things through. The fact that he was so willing to, to _excuse_ him like this, to sit there and say that he didn’t _blame him_ – Magnus had no idea what to do with that.

The look on Alec's face gentled ever so slightly. In that look, Magnus could see that, while some parts of the past few years had made Alec harder, more closed off, he’d also seemed to retain his compassion. Or perhaps learned some. Magnus had no idea what he’d been like before all this. Maybe he’d been as bad as any other Shadowhunter out there. Or maybe he’d always been this kind.

“You never answered – what makes you immune? And your friend Ragnor?” Alec asked, giving Magnus an out from the emotional part of this and steering them back to the topic at hand. It was smoothly done. A hint of the diplomatic training the Lightwood Heir had no doubt had as a child.

Magnus swallowed back the lump of emotion that had been building in his throat and tried to draw on his own leadership training to help steady his voice. A warlock didn’t get to be High Warlock of anywhere without learning a few things along the way. One of which was how to control themselves in any given situation. If they couldn’t, how could they expect to lead their people?

He drew himself up a little and wrapped a hint of the High Warlock persona around himself. Being just plain _Magnus_ could come later. “We’re not entirely sure yet why the spell doesn’t affect some of us, or why it does others. It might be because I never had contact with you until recently, and I wasn’t anywhere near New York when everything happened. Getting the information second hand, when I clearly should’ve been directly involved, made me question things. Even if I forgot those questions, I still had them.”

“Questions can be a powerful thing,” Alva interjected. Alec's eyes immediately went to her, and whether Alec realized it or not, Magnus could see as she straightened herself up to stand more at attention. She wasn’t just answering his unasked question – she was _reporting_ to him, treating him like her superior. “Magic of this does best when it has a blank slate to work with. From the sounds of this spell, it would explain why the Downworlders and Shadowhunters you didn’t know or personally met were more susceptible to this. They didn’t have any preconceived notions of you to build on. But High Warlock Bane is not only a powerful warlock, which makes him more resistant to these things, he was also suspicious before he ever met you.”

“Those suspicions and questions would’ve made it harder for the spell to grab hold,” Pyrr chimed in. “His mind wasn’t blank when it came to you. He had opinions, questions, ideas. Now, if he’d been in New York and he’d attended the trail, when the spell was likely at its strongest…”

“I would’ve been ensnared, too,” Magnus finished for him, eyes wide. He made a mental note to maybe try and pin the twins down later. Apparently, they had more of an aptitude for magic than the rest. Or at least an understanding of spell theory.

What they said made a lot of sense. It would explain why Magnus wasn’t as affected by things.

Mentally, he pushed those bits aside. Spell theory and such could be debated later. Right now, they needed to focus more on the spell itself and on Alec.

A look at Alec showed that he must’ve been thinking the same thing. Which, of course he was, this was his life they were talking about. A spell done to _him_. That would be anyone’s focus if they were in his shoes.

But, unlike most people, Alec didn’t ask questions. He was putting together pieces on his own until he came up with an answer. Magnus could see it as he did. The brief widening to his eyes, the lift of his eyebrows, the way he lowered them all and pressed his lips together. “You need to check me for the spell.”

“Gorgeous _and_ smart,” Magnus complimented him, flashing a flirtatious smile.

He was rewarded with one of those blushes he’d constantly worked to get back at the coffee shop.

It didn’t last long, though. Not with the topic they were addressing. The idea of having magic used on him deliberately was something Alec clearly wasn’t happy about. Not that Magnus could blame him. Considering what he knew of Corbin, and what he’d seen of Alec's reaction to him, it was very likely Alec had every reason to be afraid of magic. More so, if Magnus’ suspicions about this spell were right.

Judging by the half-healed damage he’d found in Alec during their first healing session, plus the scars Magnus had caught a brief glimpse of – all mixed in with the signs of trauma that weren’t quite as clear to those that didn’t know how to look – with all that, Magnus felt pretty safe in assuming Corbin hadn’t been the only warlock to hurt him.

Alec looked both afraid and resigned to the idea of what he was about to face. He didn’t flinch from it, though his hands tightened a little in his lap. His eyes drifted away from Magnus’ face to somewhere along the side of his head. His ear cuff, maybe? Whatever it was Alec was looking at, it obviously made it easier for him to speak and keep his voice calm. “Will you be the one doing this?”

“Yes,” Magnus answered immediately. “I’d like to have Ragnor with me, if you’re comfortable. He and I have done cooperative magic enough that he’ll easily be able to link with me and ride along, so you won’t even feel him.”

“But you’d be the one in control?”

Magnus nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay.” Alec nodded back at him, and then he let out a sigh that had his body slumping back against the pillows.

It was too much for Magnus. Even before he realized what he was doing, he reached out and gently laid a hand on Alec's leg. When Alec's eyes snapped up to him, Magnus leaned in a little more, wanting to make absolutely sure that Alec saw and heard him. “You have my word, Alexander, that I will do my utmost to make sure you are safe and unharmed while we do this.”

He wasn’t sure why he’d felt the need to say that. He didn’t expect Alec to believe him. Why would he? Everything in his life had taught him not to. Even his training as a Shadowhunter had likely taught him that warlocks were the least trustworthy of the Downworlders. The Children of Lilith, considered by Shadowhunters to be no better than the demons they came from.

So it was a complete surprise when Alec softly said, “I know. I trust you, Magnus. I don’t know why, but I do.”

Magnus’ magic practically _sang_ with those words. It tingled along his skin until it all pooled down inside him, into those soft places no one was ever allowed to see It was like a piece of him was sliding into place. Something he hadn’t realized was missing until it was there. He knew the power flared in his eyes, knew his glamour dropped, and yet Alec didn’t look away. If anything, the man smiled, oh-so-softly, just a bare hint of it curling his lips.

 _Oh, you are in so much trouble, Bane_ , Magnus scolded himself.

Somehow, he couldn’t quite bring himself to care. Not when he had that pretty little smile directed his way, and beautiful eyes watching him with more trust than he thought he deserved. Magnus didn’t want to question it, but he did take a moment to make a silent promise to both himself and Alexander that he would do everything he could to be worthy of that trust.


	13. Chapter 13

No one wasted any time after their agreement to check Alec for a spell. Magnus was off rather quickly to go gather Ragnor as well as a few items he said would help. Within twenty minutes, the whole group of them had gathered in what Ragnor referred to as his _spell room_.

The room was empty except for a single bed in the very center – where Alec was no doubt going to be. They probably would've used a table, or had him stand there, but even after that bit of healing Magnus had given him, Alec still wasn't entirely capable of a whole lot of movement. He could walk, thankfully. Magnus seemed to have taken care of the broken bones in his legs, though the injuries around his hands weren't quite better yet, and the bruises were all still there. But it was rather slow going, and not something he could do alone.

What that meant was that Alec was able to walk into the room with the help of Pyrr and Alva both. Short though they were – at least compared to him – they were able to offer him their arms to lean on the whole way there. Alec was more grateful for it than he was embarrassed. He doubted he would've made it in there otherwise.

They helped guide him to the bed, and then Pyrr helped to lower Alec's upper half down while Alva gathered up his legs and gently swung them up onto the bed.

Alec was grateful that this seemed more like a mundane hospital bed than a regular one. The head of it was lifted so that he was propped up, able to see them all, without needing a mountain of pillows behind him.

Once Alec was situated, his friends took a step back, though they didn't leave. They just turned to face where Magnus and Ragnor were talking together on the side of the room.

Alec hadn't had a chance to really see Ragnor before now. They hadn't actually, properly met yet, since Alec had been unconscious upon his arrival. Seeing Ragnor now – he wasn't quite what Alec had expected. Though, that wasn't fair of him. He shouldn't assume anything about people's looks. Just because he was close friends with Magnus didn't mean the two should be anything alike.

It was just, they were about as opposite as two people could be when Alec looked at them together like this. Magnus was sharp, dark lines, from the tip of his slightly pointed shoes to the top of his spiked hair, striped with a dark red that matched his shirt. His shirt was silky and loose, at least what Alec could see of it underneath a black tailored jacket covered in buckles and spikes. Add in the black slacks that clung like a second skin in some places, and it was one hell of a look.

Ragnor was... old-world sophistication. He looked like he would've been comfortable stepping out of the past with the jacket and shirt he wore. Even his pants and boots looked like a throwback to a different time. At the same time, Ragnor also didn't wear a glamour like Magnus did, leaving his horns and green skin on clear display.

The two looked so different from one another, and yet there was clearly a bond between them. It was easy to read how close they were in the way they stood by one another, how they talked to each other, even the way Ragnor would roll his eyes at whatever Magnus was saying. It all spoke of a long-standing affection.

The two eventually broke whatever their conversation was and turned to face them. Magnus almost immediately started smiling as he walked forward. “Well now, don't you look decidedly uncomfortable.”

Alec felt the corner of his mouth twitch in a smile that he fought to suppress. “Because this is everybody's idea of a good time – laying on a bed in the middle of a weird, empty room, about to be scanned for spells inside them.”

“Just another boring Thursday night,” Magnus said, waving his hand airily in front of him. His eyes were twinkling, though, and it was hard not to grin back at him.

“Ugh.” A groan came from Ragnor's direction. When Alec turned to look, the warlock was coming toward them and rolling his eyes as he did. “Can we save the flirtations for later, please? Preferably when I'm not actually in the room to hear them.”

Color flooded Alec's cheeks. He knew it and yet couldn't stop it. Instead, he had to settle for looking away and ducking his head, hoping that no one was paying too close of attention.

Thankfully, his friends stepped in to save him, drawing the attention away from Alec and over to them. It was Alaion who did it. He stood at attention at the foot of Alec's bed and crossed his arms over his chest while he watched the two warlocks with an open suspicion that he didn’t bother to try and hide at all. “Where do you want us while you do this?” he asked them. The tone of his voice made it clear that he expected to be told somewhere in here.

Alec could just imagine the reaction they'd give if Magnus or Ragnor decided that they needed to be outside the room.

Luckily, they didn't have to find out. Either it wasn't a big deal to have them in here, or Magnus just knew better than to even try. He told them, “One of you can stay by the bed so long as you can suppress your own magic so it doesn't bleed forward and cover whatever might be in him. But the rest of you I need against the walls.”

It wasn't a surprise that it was Pyrr who came up to join Alec by the bed. Alec had known it would be one of the twins. They were the ones that he was starting to gather were the best with magic. They were also the ones that Alec was the most comfortable with.

Pyrr went and stood behind the head of the bed. His hair, which he'd braided back for this, was lifted up over the bed to drape down over Alec's shoulder. When Alec tilted to look up at him, Pyrr grinned. “Since I can’t exactly hold your hand, I thought I'd give you something to hang on to. Just so you know that I'm still here.”

The words were teasing, and likely meant to be taken that way by anyone else, but Alec knew just how serious Pyrr was. He knew how Alec could sometimes cling when he was upset. It was like his body swung between wanting no one to touch him while upset or wanting to get as much touch as possible. At the moment, Alec felt a little torn between the two. Having Pyrr's braid there was a compromise, though it left his cheeks flushed with embarrassment at knowing everyone would be able to see him.

Neither Ragnor nor Magnus commented on it, thank the angel. Magnus stood right at the side of Alec's bed, near his hip, and Ragnor went to stand behind him.

“Okay,” Magnus said once everyone was in place. He smiled down at Alec in what was probably meant to be reassurance. Alec didn't have the heart to tell him it didn't work. “Now, what we're going to do is simple, at least on your part. Ragnor's going to join his magic together with mine, and then I'm going to reach out to you. First and foremost, I'm going to cast a diagnostic spell. On the off chance that this spell is sentient, I don't want to warn it that we're coming, so we'll build the spell above you and then lay it over you like a blanket. At most, you should feel a slight warmth as it sinks into you, nothing more. If you feel a cold spot, tell us immediately, and we'll turn our focus there. It's likely the magic inside of you might react to ours by turning cold.”

“Should?” Pyrr interjected. His hands were resting on the bed on either side of Alec's head, and Alec could feel as he leaned forward a little more, putting him directly above Alec. “What do you mean, he _should_ feel?”

Magnus didn't flinch from the sharp accusation in Pyrr's tone. Nor was it Pyrr that he answered. Magnus directed his words right at Alec. “Depending on the strength of the spell, there's a chance it might try and lash out if we get too close to it. If that's the case, there's no telling what kind of reaction it's going to cause in you, Alexander. It might do nothing, or it might hurt. We can't be sure.”

Before Pyrr or anyone else could voice the protests Alec knew they were going to give, Alec spoke up for himself. “It's fine.”

“Alec!” Pyrr said, low and full of worry.

Alec shook his head. “It's fine,” he repeated. He locked eyes with Magnus. “Do what you need to do. I want this _out of me_.”

Sympathy softened Magnus' gaze. “Of course, Alexander. I'll do my best.”

There were no real words needed after that. They'd told him what they were going to do – now it was time to do it.

Alec lay there and watched as Ragnor put his hands on Magnus' shoulders. Whatever happened between them was something that Alec couldn't sense. He didn't try looking around to see if the others reacted to it. Honestly, he didn't want to know if they did. All of his focus stayed on the two men next to his bed.

After a long moment, Magnus opened his eyes, and his glamour was gone. There was power glowing in those golden cat eyes. Magnus lifted his hands, and the power was around his hands, too, a brighter blue than when he'd healed Alec earlier. It built and built as Magnus twisted his fingers around one another and began to chant. Behind him, Ragnor was chanting as well, the two of them working in almost perfect concert.

With each word they said, each twist of their fingers, Alec felt the air behind to get heavier. The hairs on his body stood up from it.

Magnus drew his hands together, holding the ball of blue that he'd made, and then he said a sharp, guttural word, and yanked his hands apart, one hand going toward Alec's head and the other toward his feet. Alec flinched – hard – before he realized that Magnus hadn't done anything to him yet. What he'd done was stretch out that blue light into something else. Something that had Alec looking up at it with a fascinated sort of awe.

It was like someone had taken the finest blue thread and woven it together to create a net. The weaving was delicate, spinning tighter and tighter as Alec watched it, until the cracks between the threads were barely visible. Then, and only then, did Magnus begin to lower it.

The sight of something like that coming to lay over him was enough to have Alec's breath catching in his chest. He knew that it wasn't going to hurt him – for some reason he couldn't quite explain, he just _knew_ Magnus wouldn't hurt him, not again, not if he could help it – but that didn't stop Alec’s body from giving the conditioned reaction to magic coming close to him.

Magnus made a soft sound. “Close your eyes, darling.”

It wasn't easy, but Alec did. As soon as his eyes were closed, the warmth of that spell sank down into him, and it was like the tension in Alec's body just melted away. For all that he felt fear when he saw magic being used around him, having Magnus' magic _in_ him never seemed to fail to be soothing. Whether it was chasing away pain, or looking for some sort of spell inside Alec, it always seemed to be there to help.

Alec lay there with his eyes closed, one hand toying idly with the end of Pyrr's braid, while the warmth spread through him. It chased away the cold that always seemed to be inside Alec. That kind of soul-deep cold that never really went away. Having Magnus' magic there was like sitting his soul in front of a warm fire, one meant to heal and soothe, not hurt.

Then, between one heartbeat and the next, something went wrong.

A cold patch began to grow, right there around the place that Alva always called his center when she was working with him on meditating. That cold stabbed into him like an ice claw, curling and hooking into him. Alec opened his mouth to speak when all of a sudden that ice flared out like some sort of shockwave. It blasted Magnus' magic back – and his body, from the sounds of it – and then drew back in, wrapping Alec up the same as Magnus' magic had. Only, this didn't feel good. It curled through Alec, tighter and tighter, chasing away the heat and leaving only cold in its wake. It curled in, in, in, around the very core of him, taking hold of the most private parts of Alec and latching on tight.

He never heard the scream that tore from his lips. Didn't feel his battered body beginning to seize on the bed.

Hands were suddenly on him, pinning him down, and Alec screamed again.

“Hold him!” Magnus shouted, his voice a furious roar over the pounding of Alec's heart and the screaming that echoed in his ears. _My screaming. I’m the one that’s doing that._

Hands gripped Alec's ankles, his hips, his shoulders, even his wrists. They were on him everywhere, forcing him tight to the bed, and Alec tried his damndest to buck up against them. He didn't want to be pinned down. Not now, not ever again!

Someone was chanting above him, another voice was calling out loudly, but Alec could barely hear any of it over the pain and his own pounding heartbeat.

Then suddenly, just as quickly as it'd started, the magic in his chest went still. There was something else there – that warm magic was back. _Magnus’ magic_. It was pushing its way in against the other one, shoving in and forcing the cold back. It couldn't make it let go, not completely, but it stopped tugging. Alec could feel it as the cold started to retreat, little by little, forced back by whatever Magnus was doing.

Alec’s head was clear enough now to realize more of what was going on. His friends were the ones holding him down, and Magnus, Ragnor, and Catarina were all standing above Alec, their hands held out over him.

“We need an anchor,” Catarina snapped, her voice sharp enough to make Alec flinch.

Multiple voices all said “Use me” at the same exact time. Magnus didn't focus on any of them. He looked down at Alec, looked past the magic, and his eyes were dark with determination. “We don't have much time,” he said, talking quickly. “Whatever this spell is, it's far more powerful and more sentient than we expected, especially years after it was cast. It's a part of you. I can't remove it, not right now, but I can stop it from consuming you.”

Alec remembered the feeling of the cold wrapping so tightly around him. The way it'd tugged, like it was trying to take all of him – take him away from his body. Where, he had no idea. But he could feel that if Magnus hadn't stopped it, Alec would've been lost. His body might've stayed, but his soul would've been gone.

And here Magnus was, offering a way to anchor him, to keep him here so that it couldn’t take him away. Alec stared at him and wondered why he suddenly felt so much calmer at the sight of those cat eyes staring back at him. “How?” he asked, voice hoarse from his screams.

“By tying you to me and my magic. It'd create a thread of magic between us so that your soul would be anchored on me. It's not permanent, but it is exceedingly intimate. You'd be able to feel me at all times, just like I'll be able to feel you.”

There were probably other questions that Alec needed to ask. Things that he needed to understand before he agreed to this. But the cold was growing again, and so was the light overtop him, and Alec knew that his time was almost out. He was going to have to trust what Magnus said – trust that this wasn't permanent. Alec looked up at the man that he absolutely should not have believed, yet somehow did, and said the only word he could. “Yes.”

The light flared even brighter in Magnus’ eyes. So bright, it was the only thing Alec could see. A whole world of glowing gold that washed away everything else until Alec thought he would drown in it.

Power washed over his body. A wave of magic so strong it stole Alec's breath away. He wasn’t aware of his body bowing up once more, almost throwing off all the hands that held him in place. All he was aware of was the wash of heat that ran through him, and the firm press of something solid against his chest.

Then, just as quickly as it washed over him, it faded away, like the tide sliding off the beach. Alec felt it wash away from him.

Only, there was something left behind.

Alec could feel a hint of that warmth still inside of him. It sat right in his core, next to the place that made up everything Alec was. A knot of light that was soft and gentle, yet at the same time so very bright and fierce. That light held on to Alec, cocooning around him, preventing that bit of ice from consuming him once more. The ice wasn’t gone, but the light was there to counter it.

“Alexander?”

Concern flared in Alec's chest. But it wasn’t his. It was Magnus’. That was _Magnus’_ concern that Alec could feel like it was his own.

Slowly, Alec blinked his eyes open, not quite sure when he’d closed them. The last thing he remembered seeing clearly was Magnus’ eyes glowing brightly overtop him with more power than he’d thought any one warlock should have. There’d been hands on him, holding him down, and Magnus hovering over him. Now, those very same eyes were still looking at him, and though the power in them was gone, it didn’t make them any less beautiful.

That thought had Alec's cheeks flooding in embarrassment. Especially when he felt Magnus’ humor as well as a hint of pleasure.

“Now, now, darling, no need to be embarrassed,” Magnus murmured to him. He bent forward a little, and Alec became aware that the hand on his chest belonged to Magnus when the warlock braced on it to get that much closer. “Everyone likes to be appreciated. Though I admit, I’m curious what exactly it was that got that reaction. I’d assume our position, but it didn’t exactly hit until you opened your eyes.”

The words took a second for Alec's brain to process. When it did, he knew his eyes were wide, and no doubt Magnus got slammed with a whole mess of emotions. But up until that moment, Alec hadn’t realized that it was no longer hands holding him down to the bed. At some point during that magical battle inside of Alec, Magnus had apparently climbed up on the bed and used his body to physically pin Alec down. He was straddling Alec’s waist, his legs hooked over Alec's, with one hand supporting his upper half on Alec's chest.

It was like Alec's body hadn’t realized it was being held down until it was pointed out to him. Now that it was, the embarrassment hit first, but it was quickly followed up by a swell of panic so strong it stole the breath from his chest.

To Alec's surprise, the instant embarrassment switched to panic, Magnus was moving. He was off Alec in a flash, moving to stand beside the bed so that he was still close but was no longer touching him.

Oh, this wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. Alec hadn’t realized this anchor thing would mean that Magnus was going to feel everything Alec felt! _Raziel_ , if he hadn’t realized how pathetic Alec was before, he sure was going to know now. He was going to feel every time Alec stupidly panicked over something normal people didn’t even blink at.

Luckily, Alec was saved from dealing with whatever it was that Magnus was picking up from him at the moment – which was likely a lot, judging by the worry and sorrow that Alec could feel in him – by Pyrr, who must’ve decided he’d stayed in the background long enough. He was at the other side of Alec's bed, one hand on the bed close to Alec's arm like he wanted to reach out, he just didn’t dare to touch quite yet. A fact Alec was more than grateful for.

“What just happened?” Pyrr demanded. His voice was low with the kind of deadly threat to it that would’ve made Alec shiver coming from anyone else. “What did you do to him?”

For all that Alec could feel from Magnus, the man looked as calm as could be when he met Pyrr’s stare across the bed. “What I had to, to save his life. Unless you’d prefer him to be a soulless shell, that is.” He shrugged almost negligently, like it was no big deal to him either way. “I took a guess you guys wouldn’t want that.”

Pyrr didn’t back down. He stood even taller, and suddenly the imposing look he’d been wearing before was menacing enough that Alec blinked in surprise. He’d known that the group of them were dangerous. Yet seeing it up close like this, seeing the barely-banked fury on Pyrr’s face that was echoed on the expressions of the others who moved to stand beside him, it really brought that fact home. These people were _dangerous_. And yet, looking at them, Alec felt no fear.

“I suggest you think very carefully and answer that question again, High Warlock Bane,” Pyrr suggested. His voice had gone lower than before, just a hint deeper.

The other two warlocks in the room moved to join their friend. Ragnor stood at one shoulder, Catarina at the other, and Alec suddenly found himself lying in the middle of a very clear standoff. “Are you threatening us?” Catarina asked sharply. She brought one hand up, curling it over Magnus’ shoulder, and her eyes were narrowed on the others. A hint of magic crackled through the air.

“He saved your friend’s life,” Ragnor said, his own gaze sharp. This wasn’t the scowl he’d been wearing earlier. That hadn’t been anything serious. This? This was _anger_. Alec knew how to read that on _anyone’s_ face. He’d made an intimate study of that emotion and how people wore it.

For one second, it was like the air in the room became charged. Everyone’s tempers were mixing together, feeding into one another, and Alec was stuck right there in the middle of it all.

Whatever might’ve come next was something that Alec was glad he would never have to find out. Magnus held his hands out in a gesture of peace before anyone else could say anything. “Why don’t we all just take a minute and calm down?” he suggested in a tone that really wasn’t a suggestion at all. His eyes darted down to Alec and then back up to Pyrr. “I’ll explain everything once we all get a chance to get a bit more comfortable.”

All it took was that reminder that Alec was right here in between them for things to calm down. Each one of the sidhe looked down at Alec, and it was like a switch flipped. They went from pissed off to concerned in the space of a heartbeat.

The three warlocks backed away to make room for Alec's friends around the bed. They completely encircled him, blocking his view of anything else. Yet even as they did, Alec could still feel Magnus somewhere nearby, a steady presence deep down inside of him that let him know that Magnus was close and that he was okay. Alec held on to that. He had a feeling he might need that kind of steadiness to get through whatever came next.

* * *

They ended up going to the living room. It was the only place with enough space for all of them. Alec found himself seated in the middle of a couch with a twin on either side of him, Virion perched on the armrest near Alva, and Aliri and Alaion standing behind them. The coffee table had been pushed forward – surprisingly enough, at Catarina’s insistence – and a pillow laid out on it so that Alec could prop his legs up. While they were mostly healed, they were sore, and Catarina insisted that some of the newly healed bones would be fragile.

“I know that Magnus healed you, and I’m not saying he made a mistake,” Catarina told them. She stood on the other side of the coffee table, looking surprisingly nervous and yet stubborn at the same time. “But even with healing, your body still needs to rest to give it time to realize that it _is_ healed, for your bones to strengthen back up. Especially on a body that’s been through as much as yours has.”

So Alec sat with his legs propped up and his body sunk down into the comfortable couch. He’d even been given a pillow to set on his lap so that he could rest his right arm on it.

Magnus and Catarina each took one of the nearby chairs, while Ragnor seemed content to lean against the back of Catarina’s chair. The room had been separated into an _us_ and _them_ that was more tense than Alec was comfortable being. Especially in a room full of pretty powerful people. He didn’t like being surrounded by this many people at once. Hell, there were still some days where he didn’t like to be surrounded by the five sidhe, and they were his _friends_.

Luckily, those five knew him better than most, and even though they were sitting with him, they worked not to crowd him. Alva leaned away so that she was resting against Virion’s hip, and Pyrr had slumped into his corner of the couch, legs crossed so that his foot was brushing against Alec's thigh in a small point of contact that was comforting without being smothering.

“All right,” Alaion said, using his very best Captain voice to draw the attention of everyone in the room. It was the voice that had the rest of his team often snapping to attention. “Now that we’re all settled, maybe someone would like to explain what just happened back there.”

All eyes went to Magnus at that. He was the one they knew would be able to give the answers here.

Magnus sighed heavily, and for a brief moment his eyes reflected the swirling mass of emotions inside of him. He looked to Alec and didn’t even try hiding it. Not that there would be a point to it, since it would see Alec was going to get a front row seat to _all_ of Magnus’ emotions. “The spell reacted to my magic in a way far stronger than I’d expected. I’m sorry about that, Alexander. I never expected it to be that strong.”

“What happened?” Alec asked him. “I felt… it was like something was trying to drag me away.”

“That’s exactly what it was doing. Whoever made this spell, they were smart.” A brief grimace crossed Magnus’ features. “The person who made the spell clearly wanted you to suffer, but they built a failsafe. On the off chance that someone tried to find the spell itself, it has a sort of self-destruct function. One that’s meant to kill you, Alexander. In the most painful way possible. It would’ve taken your soul and ripped it out of your body, leaving behind just a shell.”

There was a soft sound that came from Catarina’s direction – a gasp, maybe – and Alec could feel the way his friends had tensed around him. But all of Alec's focus was on Magnus. “You did something to stop it, though.”

“I wrapped my magic around you and anchored you on me,” Magnus said.

This time everyone’s reactions were much stronger. Alva and Pyrr were suddenly sitting at attention, though they barely moved. Catarina spun toward Magnus, eyes wide.

Neither Magnus nor Alec paid them much attention, though. They were looking right at one another. The others might as well have not been in the room. The two men were focused directly on one another, and on the bond that was currently linking them.

Alec could feel how nervous Magnus was, how uncomfortable, though none of that showed on the outside. Licking his lips, Alec pushed his hands together, the fingers of one hand pinching at the other, scratching lightly over that space between forefinger and thumb in a nervous gesture he’d never quite been able to kick. “Why do I…”

“Feel me?” Magnus filled in, a hint of a smirk ghosting briefly over his lips. “It’s a side effect that won’t last, I promise. We’ll maintain some sort of knowledge of one another – that we’re alive, maybe a general direction, and the stronger emotions. But this level of sensitivity will fade. It’s just strong right now because the spell is fresh.”

A wave of relief washed over Alec. _Oh, thank the Angel!_ Alec couldn’t imagine living with a direct line to someone’s emotions like this. Or, more than that, with them having one to _his_.

“I know what an anchor spell would do to our people,” Alva said slowly, her eyes going to Alec for a moment and then back over to Magnus. She narrowed her eyes, eyebrows drawn down into a suspicious look that was a far cry from her usual smile. “What does it do to Alec?”

If Magnus was bothered by the way everyone seemed to be accusing him, he didn’t show it, nor did Alec pick up on it through this anchor-bond- _thing_. “It’s not harmful,” he reassured them first. “And like I said, it’s not permanent either. What it is, is exactly what it sounds like. I took a bit of my magic and wrapped it around the place inside him where the other spell was at. Then I sort of… tied it off. Like knotting a cloth around a ball. For now, it allows me to monitor the spell inside of Alec and keep it from harming him. When it’s safe, all I’ll need to do is unknot that cloth, and the anchor will be gone.”

That… actually made a lot of sense. It also went a long way toward soothing some of the anxiety that Alec hadn’t even realized he’d still had. The idea of carrying around someone’s magic inside of him – even if it was Magnus’ magic, which was oddly soothing compared to everyone else’s – hadn’t been a pleasant one. There was apparently already magic in there, something which Alec wasn’t going to think too hard on for fear of the panic attack it might cause. Alec didn’t want to focus too hard on the fact that he now had two different types of magic.

The only thing that made it bearable was that one of those magics was keeping Alec _alive_ and _here_.

Alec scratched a little harder at his hand as his brain followed those thoughts to the one he’d been trying to avoid the most – the whole reason they were here.

Someone had put a spell on him. A curse. This whole thing, the murder setup, his deruning, the way he’d had to live these past few years, it was all because of some _spell_. Something that had forced Alec to be cast out by his own people, left to die in the streets. Something that encouraged others to attack him. Years of pain, of torment, of living in almost constant fear, and it was all because someone and put a spell on him?

“Why would someone want to do this?” Alec asked in a quiet voice. He didn’t look up, didn’t look away from his hands. He wasn’t sure he could handle looking at anyone right then.

Magnus’ voice was gentle when he said, “I don’t know. Whoever did it, they shielded their magic well. There was no way for me to look at it without triggering it further. If we can figure out a way to look without setting it off, we might be able to get more answers. But right now, the risk to you is just too high.”

“How do we get this off of him?” Alaion asked. His voice was directly behind Alec, and it felt like he leaned in a little, but Alec flinched away before he could get too close. He didn’t want to be touched right now.

“I’m not sure yet,” Magnus said. “It’s going to take some time and research. Luckily for us, we’re at the home of the very best researcher in this realm, with access to more knowledge than anywhere save the Spiral Labyrinth.”

When Alec snuck a look up, he caught the scowl Ragnor sent Magnus’ way. “Yes, please, offer up my home and research. You know much I _love_ company.”

Magnus waved it off like it was no big deal. He didn’t seem at all bothered by the dark look his friend was giving him. “I’ll need you to stay close,” he told Alec, ignoring the others. “The anchor would work over longer distances, but I can’t guarantee how effective it’d be. We’ll need to be close to one another so I can monitor it and make sure that it keeps working, and react in time if it starts to fail for any reason.”

“He’s not staying here with you alone,” Alaion interjected.

Closing his eyes, Alec took a breath to try and steady himself, and then he turned to look up at Alaion. “Alaion…” Though it was the last thing he wanted to say, he knew it was something that _needed_ said. “I’ll be fine. You guys have your own lives to live, and your training to continue. You don’t need to stick around for this mess.”

He couldn’t say he was surprised when Alaion shook his head. “We’re oath-bound to keep you safe, Alec. Not to mention you’re our _friend_. We’re not abandoning you.” Looking up once more, Alaion stared down the others. “At least one of us is going to be staying with Alec at all times.”

“We wouldn’t dream of making you break your oaths, Captain,” Magnus said seriously.

And just like that Alec's life was once more decided for him by a group of people who was so sure they were doing what was right. At least this time it seemed to be working in his favor. Hopefully by the time it was all said and done, they might be able to find a way to get this spell out of him, and Alec's life would be his own. For the first time ever, he’d be free to make his own choices, to do what _he_ wanted, without constantly having to look over his shoulder or answer to someone else.

So why didn’t he feel more excited?


	14. Chapter 14

Moving into Ragnor’s home wasn’t difficult. Alec didn’t have anything that couldn’t fit into a duffle bag. Alva and Pyrr went to pack it all up for him while the rest of them dove right into research. Magnus hadn’t been lying when he’d talked about how much information Ragnor had in his home. The only room that seemed to be without books or scrolls or tablets was the spell room, and Alec was convinced that was only because Ragnor didn’t want to risk accidentally destroying something if a spell went wrong.

Every other room in the house – bathroom included, Alec discovered with surprise – had books of some sort in them.

“I can narrow it down a little for us, but not by much,” Ragnor said when they were talking about where to get started. Then he’d lifted his hands and, with a bit of focus and a wash of magic over everything, he clapped his hands together and then spread them out. Alec wasn’t quite sure what he’d done until he smiled at them and dropped his hands back down. “There. I’ve switched some of the books around and removed the ones that don’t have spell information in them. Unfortunately, that wasn’t many. Our answer could lie in any of these remaining books.”

The idea of going through all those books was a daunting one. Alec couldn’t help the sense of despair he felt when he looked around him at stack after stack after shelf of books. And this was just one room. How on earth were they supposed to find anything in all this?

Alec tried to hide the exhaustion he felt at even the _idea_ of looking through all those books.

Of course, he forgot that not only did he have someone who could currently feel what he was feeling, but he was also with people who had gotten to know him rather well these past weeks and were pretty good at reading him. Magnus turned to Alec and was watching him with his brows pulled down and his eyes worried, but he didn’t get a chance to speak up. Aliri stepped up to Alec's side and lightly touched his arm.

Alec flinched as he always did at the simple touch, and then felt embarrassed at having done it in front of everyone. It felt like all eyes were on him for a split second before Aliri moved between Alec and the others and blocked out his view of them. “I know you want to dive into research, but you have had a long day, Alec Lightwood. Your body needs to rest before it does much else.”

Though her voice was formal, and she still fell back on what Alec was realizing was a sidhe trait of using his full name, there was care in Aliri’s words that Alec was beginning to recognize.

“She’s not wrong,” Alaion called out. He walked up to stand at Aliri’s side – blocking the others even more – and his eyes scanned over Alec. Whatever he saw must not have been that great. Alec couldn’t help but wonder if he looked as bad as he felt. He must’ve, because Alaion was clearly determined when he brought his eyes back to Alec's face. “Why don’t we get you back to the bedroom? You can rest for a little while and let the rest of us start looking into things.”

“I should help,” Alec suggested lowly, though not with much heat. He knew Alaion wasn’t wrong. After everything that had happened in the few hours that Alec had been awake, he was exhausted. It’d be a marvel if he managed to stay awake through even a quarter of a book.

Alaion shook his head and huffed. His lips twitched like he wanted to smirk, but he held it back. Though that didn’t mean he wasn’t above _other_ methods to convince Alec to do what he wanted. “I tried contacting the General to let him know what was going on, but I’m assuming he’s on a mission right now. Once he gets back, this is the first place he’s going to come. Do you really want him to find you half asleep and dead on your feet? What do you think he’d say then?”

That was dirty pool. Alec scowled down at the shorter man. “You do realize he’s not my keeper, don’t you?”

“And _you_ realize he’s _our_ General?” Virion shot back, coming over to join them. “Screw what he’d say to you. What do you think he’d do to _us_ for letting you get yourself in that kind of state?”

Alec snorted. He couldn’t help it. They weren’t _wrong_. Rimni wouldn’t be happy with them if he walked in and found Alec standing there practically swaying in place from exhaustion. He’d no doubt be annoyed with the others, and he’d have plenty of choice words. But he was also more the type to just decide ‘fuck arguing with him’ and come scold Alec until there was no choice left but to scamper off to bed like he was a child. None of these guys would do that to Alec.

However, that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t band around him and gently usher him back toward the bedroom he’d left earlier, not even giving him time to wish his host or the others a good night.

In short order Alec found himself back in the bedroom – after a quick pit stop at the bathroom, where _thankfully_ no one tried to come in with him – and seated once more on the bed. Sitting down felt better than Alec was willing to admit to. But it also felt good to be able to curl his legs up as he did. Thankfully, though they were sore, there wasn’t the throbbing pain that had been there since the attack.

Alec shoved those memories back before they could try and swarm forward. He’d been doing great so far at avoiding even _thinking_ about that. He wasn’t sure he was ready for it. Not on top of everything else he had to think about. Being attacked by Shadowhunters sat pretty low down on the list compared to everything else they had to deal with at the moment. Like the fact that apparently someone hated Alec enough to put a spell on him to ruin his whole life.

That thought had Alec letting out a shaky breath. He pressed his hands together in his lap and tried fruitlessly to grasp at what little control he still had.

It was one thing to think someone had framed him. It was another entirely to think that someone had not only framed him for murder, they’d put a spell in him to make sure that Alec would be alone afterward, at the mercy of people who got too close and were compelled to do him harm. Who would hate him so much that they’d do something like this to him?

“Alec?”

Alaion’s voice interrupted Alec's spiraling thoughts. When he looked up, his body instinctively tensing, he found that the others were gone – most likely outside the door. It was just Alec and Alaion in the bedroom. Alaion stood away from the bed, his back pressed against the wall and his hands hooked in his pockets in a pose that may have been casual but was likely a deliberate attempt to give Alec space.

If it weren’t for the fact that Alec knew just how dangerous this man really was, he would’ve thought Alaion just the same as any other guy. Or, you know, any guy with grey skin and white hair. He didn’t seem dangerous. He looked relax and at ease slumped against the wall the way he was.

“I know you’re tired, but I was hoping we could talk before you went to sleep,” Alaion said.

That sounded only slightly ominous. Alec pressed down with one hand against the other, massaging at the familiar aching joints. “Of course.”

“When my team and I took an oath to protect you, we were very serious about it.” The topic and the serious tone to Alaion’s voice startled Alec. The man wasn’t kidding around. That was his work face he was wearing. “We both know that we did it for General Rimni at first. I won’t insult your intelligence by pretending otherwise. It didn’t mean that we didn’t do our job – just that we had different reasons for doing it. But since we’ve gotten to know you, it’s become less about the General and more about you as a person. You’re our friend as well as our, well, our charge I guess you’d say. We care about you.”

“I care about you guys, too,” Alec said softly.

Alaion nodded, a faint smile briefly touching his lips. Then he was back to being serious once more. “I know. That being said – I know that so far you’ve been pretty tolerant of the guard detail we’ve half put around you. You didn’t always agree with it, but you rarely argued. That’s something that’s going to have to change. We have a real, active threat now. One that we need to keep you safe from.”

“Alaion…”

He didn’t even let Alec have a _chance_ to protest. Alaion hurried on to speak before Alec managed to get out more than the other man’s name. “No, Alec. This is _serious_. Do you understand that? Someone is actively trying to hurt you. Someone that could’ve been alerted after the warlocks messed with their spell today. I need you to take this seriously.”

“Believe me, I am.” Alec's voice was just a little sharper than he’d normally take with his friends. Not his usual gruff, blunt speech, but something with a hint of the dangerous person he’d once been. “Seeing as how I’m the one that’s paying the price for all this, I promise you, I’m definitely taking it seriously.”

Alaion didn’t flinch or back down from Alec's tone. He met him stare for stare, his own voice perfectly calm. “Then you won’t mind allowing a proper guard detail. Just until we’re able to solve this.”

It took everything Alec had to keep from reaching up and rubbing at his face. Part of him understood where Alaion was coming from, but the other part of Alec balked at the idea of being constantly followed around the way he knew Alaion would want. “I’m pretty sure we’re safe behind Ragnor’s wards, Alaion.”

“Are you sure you want to risk that? Considering that spell earlier kicked the ass of _three_ warlocks, I’m not exactly filled with confidence.”

His words sent a shiver down Alec's spine. That – Alec hadn’t thought about that. Didn’t spells fade in power after time? Even the wards around the Institute had needed refreshed a few times in Alec's childhood. For this spell to be powerful enough to take out three warlocks after being on Alec for _years_ had to mean that the warlock who’d put it there was _strong_. Or that they’d put a lot of themselves into it. What hope did the wards around this place have to stand up to that kind of power?

What little bravery Alec had found in facing down his friend faded away at the realization of what might be coming for him. He hated it – hated to be so Angel-damned _weak_. A Shadowhunter shouldn’t be this easily scared. Not even an ex-Shadowhunter.

Jace wouldn’t be. He’d stand tall with a blade in hand, even if it couldn’t be a seraph blade, and take on whoever dared to come after him. Isabelle would’ve met her enemy with pride, dignity, and attitude. They wouldn’t have let it cow them down and break them the way Alec had. They wouldn’t need guards to keep them safe. But Alec had already proven time and time again that he was useless without his runes. He didn’t stand a chance against anyone in the Shadow World.

“You’re right,” Alec said, his eyes trained down on his hands. He wasn’t sure he could look up at Alaion right then and manage to keep his mask in place. His voice was softer, all of the fight gone out of him.

Alaion let out a barely audible sigh. Then Alec heard him push off the wall and take a few steps forward. A moment later and he was sliding smoothly to his knees in front of Alec. The gesture startled Alec into looking up. Once he did, he found he couldn’t look away from the bright light in Alaion’s silver eyes.

“I’m sorry, Alec.” Alaion looked like he truly was, too. He let go of his professional mask just enough for Alec to see the man he’d begun to call friend. It made his words a little easier to hear. “I’m not trying to scare you or hurt you. It’s just that you’ve become important to us these past few weeks. We care about you, and about what happens to you. Maybe we can’t fix this problem the way the warlocks can. But we _can_ keep you safe while they do it. We _want_ to.”

“I don’t want you guys to get hurt for me.”

A hint of Alaion’s usual smile came back. “And we don’t want _you_ getting hurt either. Especially not if we could’ve prevented it.”

Alec understood what Alaion was saying. He _did_. And if he were in the other man’s shoes he’d probably be doing the same thing, though likely with far less tact than Alaion was showing.

Alec had learned political talk just like any other Shadowhunter being raised to be an Institute Head. He knew how to play all those word games, how to talk someone around to his point of view, and he’d done it a few different times with people. But for the most part Alec preferred to just be blunt. Why bother pussyfooting around a subject when you could just say it outright?

He would’ve been a whole lot more blunt than Alaion was currently being. Alec also wouldn’t have taken no for an answer. Not when it meant keeping someone he loved safe.

“You know…” Alec huffed lightly, glancing down at his hands again. He kept picking at that spot between finger and thumb; it was already starting to turn red from how hard he’d scratched and picked at the skin. “There was a time when I was the one protecting people. That was my job. My duty. I looked after everyone. My people, my siblings, they were my responsibility. I kept them safe.” And now here he was, too weak to keep even himself safe, needing to rely on the protection of others. _Oh, how the mighty have fallen._

Alaion reached up, slow enough that Alec could see him coming, and he hesitated just a second to give Alec time to brace before he laid his hands over where Alec was picking at his. “Do you think your people were so weak that they needed someone constantly watching out for them?”

Alec knew where he was going with this. Grimacing, he shook his head. “No, but…”

“Oh, so it’s just that you think you’re better than them.”

“That’s not it!” Alec insisted, eyes snapping upward. He didn’t think he was better than them. Literally _no one_ thought that. Maryse and Robert had _wanted_ Alec to be better, but he hadn’t been. He’d known that back then, and he only knew it more so now.

One eyebrow arched up, Alaion met Alec's gaze. “So if it’s not that they’re weaker than you, or that you think you’re better than them, then why did you watch out for them?”

“It was my job to keep them safe. My _duty_.”

“That’s it?”

It wasn’t, and they both knew it. Alec tightened his hands together, curling around Alaion’s fingers at the same time. He knew what Alaion was trying to get him to say and he kind of admired the man for how he’d gone about it even as he sort of wanted to punch him for pushing like this. The anger felt surprisingly _good_. Something that Alec hadn’t let himself feel in a long time.

Alaion took pity on him when it was clear Alec was going to keep the words locked inside. He sighed, and the lines of his face softened once more, smoothing out into that soft beauty that seemed so natural for all the sidhe. “You took care of your people and your family because you loved them. It didn’t make them weak, just like it doesn’t make you weak for taking _our_ protection. We care about you. Right now, everything is stacking up against you, and we just want to make sure that you stay safe until you find a solution. Will you let us, Alec? Please?”

How the hell was Alec supposed to refuse that? Alaion had him cornered and they both knew it.

Pressing his lips together, Alec gave a short, sharp nod.

Alaion gently squeezed the hand he was still holding. “It’s a mark of strength for a man to be willing to do what needs to be done. You’re stronger than you believe you are, Alec.”

Then, as if sensing that he’d pushed Alec far enough, Alaion gave one last squeeze to Alec's hands and then drew back and pushed up to his feet. “I’ll put Aliri and myself on your door for tonight. For now, why don’t you try and get some sleep? It’s been a long day.”

Those words were easier said than done. Even after Alaion left him in there, Alec spent a long time sitting on the edge of the bed staring off at nothing. His mind was racing over everything that had happened. Everything he’d learned.

For two years now Alec had lived in his own personal hell. Chased out of town after town, kept from being able to set down roots, always running and hiding in the hopes of being able to keep himself safe and alive. He’d begun to gradually lose hope that he would ever figure out who had framed him for these murders or _why_. Hell, he’d been ready to buy some new identification and set up shop in some small town in the hopes that no one would ever find him there.

Now Alec was in the house of a warlock, with two other warlocks here to help, and his own unseelie guard to help keep him safe from yet _another_ warlock who’d apparently hated Alec so much he’d put a spell on him to make Alec's life as miserable as possible. For some reason or another this person hated Alec. So much so that they’d set him up for murder, isolated him from everyone they possibly could, and lost him his runes and his family in the process. Then, because apparently that wasn’t enough punishment, they’d left a spell in Alec to make sure that every warlock, every Downworlder, every Shadowhunter out there that he came across, felt the need to punish him further.

How… what had Alec done to upset someone so much that they felt the need to do this to him? He couldn’t remember even meeting any warlocks for long enough to be able to do something to piss them off this much.

Was it one who maybe held a grudge not against Alec, but against his name? Considering the things he’d grown up hearing his parents say, the ideals that they tried to cover up under a veneer of civility and cool professionalism, it wouldn’t really be that much of a surprise if they’d done something in the past to piss off a random warlock. Was that what had happened, and it was just Alec who paid the price?

Round and round the thoughts circled in his head until Alec felt dizzy from them. He had to push it all away as best as he could. If he didn’t, there was no telling how long he would’ve sat there thinking in circles and stressing himself out more.

Tugging the blankets back, Alec carefully laid his sore, tired body down in the soft sheets, and then pulled the blankets back up over him.

He didn’t have any weapons on him here to keep close while he slept, and it left him feeling a bit more exposed than he liked. But his friends were just outside the door. Tonight, that would have to be enough. They wouldn’t let anyone get in here without their permission.

Alec had no doubt that permission wouldn’t be granted, either. Not until he’d actually had a chance to sleep. They were all weird about making sure Alec got the _right amount_ of sleep.

Closing his eyes, Alec pressed half of his face down into the pillow. The exhaustion of his body was starting to win out against his racing mind. He eventually drifted off into a restless sleep where he knew nightmares were going to haunt him. He just hoped he’d manage a few hours before they sent him back to the land of the waking once more.

Warmth filled Alec’s chest, a sense of contentment from this anchor-point that Magnus had put in him, and instead of trying to fight it Alec let himself sink down into it. That warmth was the last thing Alec felt before he finally gave in to the call of sleep.

* * *

In the end, Alec's body must’ve been more exhausted than he’d realized. Between the attack, the healings, the panic, and then the whole spell business, it’d used up what little energy Alec usually met his days with. When he finally let himself rest from it all, his body decided it needed sleep, and Alec didn’t wake again for almost thirteen hours.

When he finally dragged himself up out of bed, he still felt strangely tired, but also ravenously hungry.

There was a duffle bag on the ground near the bedroom door. Alec took a second to gratefully dig through it and make use of the contents. A bit of deodorant, a change of clothes – he’d have to make time for a shower later – and Alec felt a bit more human. Human enough to drag his mostly healed body toward the bedroom door.

Sometime during his sleep-marathon the guard at the door had switched out for Pyrr and Alva. The twins were standing on either side of Alec's door like silent little sentinels.

Alva beamed at him the instant he stepped out the door. “Oh, you look much better. Sleep well?”

Surprisingly, the answer was easy enough. Alec nodded at her. “Yeah.”

“Good,” Pyrr said, looking just as happy as his sister at hearing that. “You’ve got good timing, as usual. Alaion’s just about done making lunch.”

The mention of food had Alec's stomach rumbling. Audibly, judging by the smirks the twins sent his way. Alva chuckled as she stepped forward and gestured down the hall to the right, which would take them back toward the main part of the house. “I had a feeling you’d be hungry, and Bane insisted you’d be up sometime soon, so Alaion made sure to make plenty.”

“I think you’re gonna like what he’s making,” Pyrr said. He fell into step with them, and the two led Alec out of the hall and in the direction of the kitchen. Though Alec had a feeling he could’ve found it on his own. All he’d need to do was follow his nose. One sniff and Alec knew exactly why Pyrr had said he was going to like it. There was no doubt what it was that Alaion was making. _Soup_.

Alec felt his mouth start to water. He had no idea what Alaion put in the soup, just that he insisted it was better when he could make it with the herbs and such that they had back home. Ones that apparently had adverse effects on humans. But he’d found a sort of mundane alternatives that worked, and he’d served Alec something that kind of resembled a sort of cross between chili and gumbo. It was spicy in that good sort of way that burned your tongue and sometimes made your eyes water, and yet even as you reached for milk you were also reaching for another bite.

Alec _adored_ it.

He’d always had a love of spicy food. Isabelle, who likely looked like the more adventurous of the two – wasn’t as into anything spicy. Not since she’d tried making a pot of chili when she was twelve and accidentally put _too much_ spice in there. She’d burned her mouth so bad she’d chugged half a gallon of milk just to make it feel better.

Alternatively, that was also when Alec discovered his own love for spicy food.

The twins were laughing lightly when Alec broke away from them to hurry the last few steps into the kitchen, practically sniffing the whole way.

He found a rather cozy, cottage styled kitchen. It had all the modern amenities while also carrying a touch of old-world that Alec made Alec wonder if it was there because Ragnor had enjoyed that time and wanted a piece of it to stick around in his home, or if it had a magical purpose. There was an oven, a convection oven, a flat surface stovetop, a large fridge and freezer, and even a dishwasher. But there was also a large stone pit that looked like it was meant to build a fire in and hang a pot over or lay a wire rack overtop of.

Alaion was at the stovetop, stirring two large pots, while Aliri was beside him with what looked to be a tray of biscuits. She was pulling back to stick them in the oven just as Alec stopped inside the kitchen.

They both looked up at Alec's entrance. Aliri nodded his way and then focused back on putting in the bread and pulling out some other foil-covered dish. Alaion looked like he actually relaxed at seeing Alec up. “You still have the best timing,” he said, smiling until his eyes crinkled a little. “Pyrr must be rubbing off on you. This probably has about ten minutes left on it. Just enough time for you to get your coffee and properly wake up.”

A noise from the other side of the kitchen drew Alec's attention to the fact that these two weren’t the only ones in here. Magnus stepped out from where he’d been standing by what almost looked like a coffee and tea bar – it had a little burner there that was heating up a teapot, and a rather fancy coffee machine, as well as a bunch of mugs and all the fixings one might need for their drinks.

“Good afternoon, Alexander.” Magnus smiled warmly at him, and Alec felt a hint of warmth grow in his chest. For the first time since waking up Alec realized that, while the anchor was definitely still there, the feelings had muted just the way Magnus had said they would. There was just the faintest whisper of something now to match what Alec could read on the man’s face or in his voice.

A bit of tension Alec hadn’t realized he was carrying eased a little at that. It made it easier to offer Magnus a small smile of his own. “Afternoon.”

“Please, sit down.” Gesturing to a nearby chair at the table, Magnus smiled even wider. “While your lovely Captain finishes making what smells like a delicious lunch, I can get you some of that coffee. Or tea, if you’d prefer.”

“Coffee,” four different voices said at the same time.

Alec ignored his friends. The idea of being waited on like that was enough to have him wanting to duck his head down and hide, though. “I can make it.”

When he looked up, he found Magnus watching him. The warlock winked when Alec's eyes met his. “Trust me, darling, I remember that well. You make wonderfully delicious coffee that I will _absolutely_ demand at some point during your stay here. But for today, let us serve you a little until you wake up a bit more.”

A huff from the doorway announced the arrival of Ragnor. The man walked in rolling his eyes and looking extremely put-upon. Alec almost missed the affection that was on his face when he looked Magnus’ way, which gave lie to his feigned annoyance with his friend. “He’s not a new puppy for you to coddle and spoil, my friend. He’s a person with two legs capable of carrying him to the coffee pot and back without falling over.”

“My dear little cabbage, are you feeling left out?” Magnus asked, turning from where he stood by the coffee pot to cast a simpering look Ragnor’s way. “Sit down and I’ll serve you too.”

With another heavy eye roll, Ragnor dropped down into a seat at the end of the table. “As well you should, seeing as this is _my_ house you’re making use of. The least you can do is bring me my tea.”

“Yes, dear.”

It didn’t escape Alec's notice that Magnus already had Ragnor’s cup mostly prepared. He’d had it mostly ready before Ragnor even came into the room.

Once he had the cup poured and ready, Magnus brought over Ragnor’s tea, grinning at the scowl it got him, and then headed Alec's way with another mug. He laughed when he caught sight of Alec's face. “Ignore him.” Winking, Magnus put the mug of coffee down in front of Alec. “He’s just jealous he’s not the center of my attention anymore.”

“I can get up and get my own coffee,” Alec felt compelled to point out.

His words were waved off. “Nonsense. When I first saw you, I wanted nothing more than to bundle you up, take you home, and feed you. At least I get to do that now.” That said, Magnus winked and then spun away to go join Alaion over at the stove, leaving Alec at the table with Ragnor, Pyrr, and Alva.

Pyrr took a seat at Alec's side, Alva in the chair right next to him, and as they were known to do around the house, the two were wrapped up in one another. Pyrr had one foot up on the chair, arms folded over the top of his knee, and his chin resting on his arms. Alva had leaned in so that she was partially draped on his back, nudging his braid out of the way so she could tilt her head enough to put her chin on his shoulder.

Alec had never met anyone who touched as much as these two did with one another. Or who did it with so little shame.

It was something Alec was used to, as were the others, and neither warlock seemed to think anything of it. Maybe it was just something typical to the sidhe.

“What, no coffee for us?” Alva asked teasingly, thumping her head playfully against her brother’s. Even though Alec couldn’t see her face from that angle, he had no doubt she was batting her eyes at Magnus, something she liked to do when she was playfully trying to get someone to do something for her.

Magnus beamed back at her. “You have my utmost apologies, my lady. What was I thinking?” With a bit of magic, he levitated a few mugs and even poured their coffee that way before bringing those over to the table, as well as the cannisters of sugar and cream. “Here you are.”

Smothering a smile, Alec lifted the mug that Magnus had already given him, absently taking a sip off it. As soon as the flavor hit his tongue, he went still, eyes drifting downward. After a second he took another sip, a bit more than the last, and hummed as the flavor of it hit his tongue. Not only had Magnus brought him a cup of coffee, he’d also brought him a cup of coffee prepared _exactly the way Alec liked it_.

Alec didn’t get more than a second to think on it. His thoughts were interrupted when Alaion called out “All right. Alva, you’re on dishes. Pyrr, get the hot pads to the table for me and the bowl of vegetables off the counter.”

Everyone snapped to attention the same way they always did when Alaion started issuing commands. Whether it was for honest work, training, or something as simple as setting the table for a meal, the team worked as a unit without any fuss.

Alec drew his legs up into the chair with him, pleased when his body didn’t ache as badly as it had, and he cradled his mug so that he could sit back out of the way while the others went to work.

Magnus stepped out of the way as well, but Ragnor sat where he was, watching them all. He looked like he couldn’t quite decide if he was amused or not at what was happening in his own kitchen. He sipped at his tea and watched as the table was quickly set and food brought over. Fresh soup, a bowl of mixed vegetables, and fresh rolls. They were all things that Alec loved – a whole meal geared specifically toward getting him to eat, no doubt. Each thing on the table was something that Alec had expressed either a love of or some kind of interest toward in the past few weeks.

Alec didn’t say anything about it. But he did give Alaion a small smile when their eyes caught.

With a wink, Alaion straightened up and clapped his hands together. “All right, everyone. Let’s eat!”

The table quickly filled with people. Alec wasn’t surprised by how quickly Pyrr and Alva took their old seats to Alec's right, or how Aliri and then Alaion smoothly slid into the seats on Alec's left, leaving Ragnor and Magnus the other end of the table with just one empty chair.

That one empty chair had Alec glancing up and looking around. “Where’s Virion?”

“He went back to Court for a bit to see if he can get a message to the General,” Alaion said easily. He reached out to serve himself – the cook always got to serve first with these guys – and then passed the ladle over to Magnus next. “He’s been out on missions lately, but this isn’t the kind of report he’d want to miss, so Virion went to deliver it personally.”

Undoubtedly there was a whole lot more going on there than what Alaion was saying. If Rimni’s missions were anything like what he’d been doing the last time Alec had seen him, the man was going to be busy. Too busy to deal with something like this. Yet Alaion was sending someone to tell him anyway. Alec tried not to grimace at the idea of it. “Do you really _have_ to tell him?”

Four sets of eyes shot to Alec in a simultaneous look of _are you kidding me?_

“I’m not suggesting you _lie_ or anything like that!” Alec hurried to tell them. He took the ladle as Pyrr passed it to him and served himself a few generous scoops of the soup.

Aliri gave Alec a flat look when he passed the ladle to her. “Unseelie cannot lie.”

“I know! And I wasn’t suggesting you try. I was just suggesting you… wait to report this.”

“Excuse me,” Ragnor interjected. He was sitting there with his spoon held over his bowl, eyebrows drawn down and a curious look on his face that he directed Alec's way. “I feel like we’re missing an important part of the conversation here. Why exactly is it that you don’t want them reporting to their commanding officer?”

Alec didn’t even have to try and answer that, thankfully. Ragnor made him a bit nervous. But whether the others sensed that, or they were just impatient to speak their own piece, they slipped easily in and answered for him. “It’s not that he doesn’t want us reporting to our commanding officer,” Alva said, sending a smirk down Alec's way. “It’s that he doesn’t want to deal with the General once he finds out.”

“Is he going to be upset with you over this?” Magnus asked curiously. That knot in Alec's chest where the anchor sat grew a little bit warmer again, kind of like he was being hugged on the inside.

Alec snuck a look up at him and then dropped his eyes back to his bowl. “No.”

“I’m still not quite sure I understand what exactly the problem is here,” Ragnor said.

Sighing, Alec spun his spoon through his bowl a few times, stirring it around. Staring down at it made it easier for him to find his voice and speak. “Rimni doesn’t need distracted right now. He’s got his own things to deal with, and if he hears about this he’s going to drop those to come check on me, and that’s unnecessary.”

“Hey.” Pyrr’s voice cut off anyone else who might’ve spoken up to answer that. When Alec snuck a look up, Pyrr was giving him a serious look and pointing his spoon at Alec. “You are just as important as the next person. The General cares about you. You’re important to him, and you’re important to us.”

A blush filled Alec's cheeks. He ducked his head again, his focus going back to his soup, not quite sure what to say to that. They’d had this argument a time or two. Alec wasn’t saying he wasn’t important _at all_. But there was no way he was as important as whatever business Rimni was taking care of. As First General, he had a lot of things to take care of. This ‘thinning of the veil’ or whatever it was that was going on, all the demons they were fighting because of it, that absolutely took precedence. There was no need to distract Rimni from all that.

To Alec's immense gratitude, Alaion stepped in before anyone could go any further. “It’s all a moot point anyway because Virion is already on his way there. Debating it won’t change that. We should turn our focus instead to the things we _can_ change.”

With Alaion steering the way, conversation fell into talk of spells, curses, and what kind of things they should be looking for in the books. Apparently while Alec had been asleep they’d worked out a small system. From the sounds of it, Ragnor did his own research, reaching out to others outside his home to try and discreetly get some information, while Magnus and the unseelie worked on going through the books and such that Ragnor had here.

“I’ve got a few feelers out here and there as well,” Magnus said. He tore off a bit of his roll and dunked it down into his soup. Unlike Ragnor – who’d taken one bite of the regular soup and immediately reached for bread, and who ended up switching out to the pot with less spices – Magnus seemed to adore the soup almost as much as Alec did. He didn’t stop eating at all as they all talked. “Catarina’s gone back home, too. She said she’d try and talk to some people she knows, see if she can’t come across anything on the medical side of it.”

What that meant for Alec was that he had hours of scouring books in his future. Something that he had absolutely no problems with. Research was a skill he was strong in. He’d done plenty of it over the years. Part of his training had been to be handed a couple reports from which he would have to build a proper case file with a full plan of action detailing everything he and his Institute would do. That had meant lots and lots of research time spent in the library.

So, unlike the others who all seemed less than thrilled by the stacks upon stacks of books all over the place, Alec had no issue gathering up a stack of books once their lunch was done and following Aliri outside.

Though the others had gone to the library, Aliri had nudged Alec toward the back door, and then scooped up all the books that were to be theirs and set off outside.

Honestly, Alec had to admit it felt good to go out there. Ragnor’s house was private, set up near a small forest at the back, and the backyard was large and naturally decorated. Off to the right was a stone and herb garden, and to the left a few different large trees at the base of a hill that led up to a forest.

It was one of the larger trees at the bottom of the hill that Aliri led them to. She squatted down at the base of it to set the books down. Then, with Alec watching on in fascination, she laid her hand on the grass and it suddenly seemed to grow brighter, thicker. More lush.

“There,” she said when she drew her hand back. She brought it up to lay against the tree, smiling briefly at it with the kind of softness that she didn’t usually let show. “The tree will help keep you comfortable while you read.”

“Thank you,” Alec said, both to her and to the tree.

One corner of Aliri’s mouth curved up. “Nature isn’t just part of the day or the night. Nature is a part of everything.”

He flushed at being so blatantly obvious in his curiosity. Alec had honestly thought that the control of nature it was rumored some seelies had was just that – a seelie thing. Even after weeks of living with unseelie he still thought of them as separate in a lot of ways. Aliri’s easy words called him out on that without rubbing his face in it.

She chuckled softly as she pushed to her feet. “I’m going to go up high for a bit and scout the area. I’ll be here if you need me.”

A moment later Alec was left alone. Aliri took off up the hill, moving easily into the shadows of the forest until Alec lost sight of her entirely. It was a skill they had that he never failed to be impressed by. Shadows, as Pyrr had once put it, were their domain. Aliri melted easily into them and left Alec free to look at his books without someone looming over his shoulder the whole time.

He had no doubt that Alaion probably wouldn’t approve of guarding Alec this way. He’d give Alec space if needed but he’d still keep close and in sight. He seemed to take this whole bodyguarding thing very seriously.

Aliri was offering Alec protection without making him feel smothered. She was giving him space, but at the same time Alec had no doubt she would still be able to respond in an instant if anything happened.

It left Alec with a small sense of freedom he hadn’t been sure he was going to get for a long while. It was honestly so much better than what he’d expected his day to be like. Smiling, Alec took a deep breath and felt his body relax a little.

Steadier, he reached out to take a book from the stack Aliri had brought for them, ready to get to work. Having something like this, a goal to work toward, gave him the strength to push back everything else. He could panic later. For now, if he wanted this to ever stop, he needed to suck it up and _focus_.

Alec trusted his safety over to a woman he knew had earned his trust and he focused his attention on the pages of the book in front of him.

* * *

The sound of the back door opening and closing caught Alec's attention. He looked up from his book to find Magnus had come outside. The warlock was holding two mugs, one in each hand, and he smiled right at Alec even before their eyes caught. To Alec's surprise, the man was coming right toward him. It was enough to have Alec going still, a finger marking his spot in the book.

If his surprise or caution put Magnus off at all, the other man didn’t show it. “I thought you’d like some more coffee,” Magnus said, holding the mug out Alec's way.

Alec hesitated only a second before he reached out and took it. “Thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome. Though I have to admit, I came out here for slightly selfish reasons, too.”

“Oh?”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t mind a little company while you research. It’s currently a little _loud_ inside.” The panic Alec felt at that either traveled over this link between them or showed somehow on his face. Magnus hurriedly held out a hand and tried to reassure him. “Oh, no, no! There’s no trouble. I’m sorry. It’s just Ragnor and Alaion rather heatedly debating the origins of different spells and which direction they should focus in. Ragnor’s arguing for Sumerian while Alaion is insistent that this spell has clear French ties.” Dropping his hand, Magnus winked at him. “I don’t know why they’re arguing so hard about it when they’re both _clearly_ wrong.”

Hearing that they were only arguing about spell origins was enough to help Alec relax. But the last part had his lips twitching just the slightest bit. “And you know better?” he asked. Internally, Alec flinched, knowing his tone was probably harder than it should’ve been.

But Magnus had never seemed bothered by it back when they first met, and Alec's voice had always been sharper and blunter back there. Being surrounded by people he didn’t know and didn’t want to interact with had left him constantly on edge. Now, with people he liked around him and who he knew would keep him safe, it was like Alec was finding more of himself underneath the masks he’d learned to wear these past couple years. He wasn’t perfect, wasn’t even close to his old self, but he was getting there.

Even if his words were hard, they were still more than he once would’ve uttered, and judging by the smile on Magnus’ face he recognized that.

“I don’t have the exact answer, per se,” Magnus said, bouncing up onto his toes and then rocking back onto his heels. “However, I at least know enough to know that neither of their answers are right.” Grinning, he did a little shimmy as he swayed, and his hands came up to gesture at the same time. The sunlight reflected off the rings he wore and made him _shine_.

The first time Alec had met this man, he hadn’t been able to help but think how pretty he was. With his runway fashion and his naturally beautiful looks that were only enhanced by his makeup, Magnus had to draw eyes no matter where he went. Alec had seen him in bright colors and flashy jewelry, or styles like today where he went for a dark and dangerous look in blacks and reds. A fitted jacket that was slightly military in look, a dark red shirt that was buttoned all the way up to his neck, and black pants with silver chains all over it.

He was just – he was beautiful.

And this was very much _not_ the time to be thinking like that.

They were supposed to be working on figuring out what kind of spell had been put on Alec and how to remove it. Alec didn’t have time to focus on pretty boys who weren’t even flirting with him anymore anyway. Who _hadn’t_ flirted with him since he’d found out the truth about who Alec was. Back then, it’d been because Magnus was angry. Now he knew better, knew that Alec hadn’t done it, but he also likely had a better idea of just how fucked up Alec was. The fact that he was willing to even _talk_ to Alec was a big deal.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” Magnus asked, startling Alec out of his thoughts.

Alec realized that he’d just been sitting there staring up at him. He hurried to nod his head and gesture down to the ground.

Smiling, Magnus said “Thank you,” and then gracefully folded himself down to sit a few feet away from Alec. Close, without being too close. A snap of his fingers had a stack of books appearing on the grass between them. He didn’t start talking like Alec had mostly expected him to. Instead, Magnus reached out to that stack, took the one off the top, and then opened it up and balanced it on one knee while he rested his mug on his other knee.

Silence fell over them. Alec slowly picked his own book back up, darting looks Magnus’ way, but when it became clear that Magnus really was out here to share the peace with him, not to pester him, Alec relaxed a little more and turned his attention to his book.

He didn’t notice as a soft smile curled over Magnus’ lips. Nor the fond look the other man shot his way.

The two men sat together and worked their way through their books, more than content in that moment to just be in each other’s presence.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for minor flashback, just a few sentences, a panic attack, and a minor discussion of past injuries. There are a few triggers in here, but IMO they're no worse than any other part of this story so if you've made it this far ;) But I wanted to give you a heads up :)

The days sort of fell into a pattern for Alec after that. Each morning started out with breakfast that they all took turns cooking. Despite the fact that no one went grocery shopping, the fridge and cupboards were always full of exactly what they needed to make pretty much any meal. Magnus had explained it to Alec on his third day there, telling him “Ragnor and I spelled them a long time ago. They fill themselves as needed. All you have to do is ask them, and you’ll have what you need.”

“Where does it come from?” Alec asked him.

It’d been Ragnor who’d given a shrug and said, “Wherever is available.”

Alec knew he wasn’t the best at warlock things. Growing up in the Institute hadn’t exactly fostered a working knowledge of any Downworlders beyond how to take them down. But he’d listened when his friends talked, and he’d heard many a magical debate back at the house and even here – Ragnor and Magnus had taken to debating with the twins in the evenings, as those two were apparently the mages of the squad. From what Alec understood, the stuff a warlock conjured didn’t just appear out of thin air. It had to come from somewhere.

Alec hadn’t wanted to bring it up around Ragnor. He didn’t know the man well enough to feel comfortable around him, despite it being Ragnor’s home they were all making use of. But later, when he and Magnus were once more sitting underneath the tree that was slowly becoming _their_ afternoon spot to research, Alec hesitantly asked him about it. “Isn’t that stealing?”

Magnus didn’t seem the least bit bothered by Alec’s question. He shifted around from where he was lying, head pillowed on a thick tree root covered in moss, and looked up at Alec. “Yes and no. In theory, yes, it’s stealing. But the spell is designed to take one item and trade it for something else. So, wherever it takes the food from, it also pulls money from Ragnor’s account and sends it there. It’s kind of like ordering your groceries through the internet, only without the whole delivery nonsense to deal with.”

That was better than Alec had been picturing. Not great, because what if the stores this stuff came from only had a few, stuff that was already promised to someone else even, and this spell took it? But it was a far cry better than just stealing food.

“How does it know how much money to send?” Alec asked curiously.

Judging by the way Magnus’ eyes lit up, or how he immediately rolled over onto his stomach so that he could better look at Alec as he launched into his explanation, Alec was probably going to get more of an explanation than he expected. But, to his surprise, he found himself enjoying it as Magnus talked through the spell with him, telling him all the research they’d done and the natural adjustments they’d had to make over the years as prices steadily grew higher in some places.

Magnus was good at explaining things. He dumbed it down to a level that a non-warlock would be able to understand without making Alec feel like he was _dumbing it down_. They lost a little of their research time to their discussion, but neither one of them minded too much.

Out of Alec’s day, the afternoons spent out under the tree with Magnus were quickly becoming Alec’s favorite part. Mornings were breakfast and research, usually done inside, as well as a brief checkup where Magnus would scan Alec with magic without actually touching him and make sure that the anchor was holding. Then a break for lunch, research outside with Magnus until dinner, and then group conversations as they wound down from dinner and toward bed.

Sometimes Alec did a little research in bed at night. As was normal for him, repressing things during the day meant those things often haunted his dreams, and he had plenty that he was avoiding thinking about at the moment. But Alec was used to living like that. Once he calmed himself down, he threw his focus into books to distract his brain until he could get a little more sleep.

He knew that his friends likely heard him just outside his door. But unless he screamed – which had only happened once during Alec’s first week at Ragnor’s – they stayed outside the door.

His guard hadn’t stopped at all. Not even as one week bled into two, an two was steadily making its way toward three, Alec’s friends still maintained a guard around him.

Each one of them took their guard duty differently. Pyrr and Alva guarded together, the same way they did everything else together, and they often liked to talk with Alec and tease him. But they also knew when to give him quiet and space. Alaion was a consummate professional. He treated this like it was a serious job – like he expected Alec to be attacked at any given moment and was going to do his damndest to make sure he wasn’t.

Out of all of them, however, Aliri was proving to be the one who best read Alec’s moods and what he needed. She would stick close in the times that Alec felt the most anxious. When it was clear he needed space, she gave him as much as she possibly could while still being close enough to help if something went wrong. She also tended to draw back a little when Alec and Magnus would talk, giving them the illusion of privacy. A fact Alec was quietly grateful for.

He didn’t know why, if maybe it was the anchor that made it easy or maybe if it was just something about _Magnus_ , but as time went on Alec found it easier and easier to talk to the other man.

Much like when they’d first met back in that coffee shop, Magnus had no issues carrying the conversation for them. If Alec wasn’t in the mood to talk, which was often, Magnus would either talk enough for the both of them or they’d just sit in silence under that tree and look through the books they’d chosen for the day.

Sitting with him, listening to him talk while they scoured books and scrolls for anything that might give them a hint about this spell, Alec was reminded why he’d enjoyed Magnus’ company before. Even if they’d barely known one another back then. Magnus had a way of making Alec feel relaxed. Of making him smile. There was an ease when they sat together, like they’d been doing this for years. Alec was startled by just how comfortable he found himself growing around the other man.

But with each passing day, despite all their best efforts, they were getting no closer to figuring out what the hell was going on. Alec still had this spell in him, he still had to have the anchor from Magnus there or else the spell would try and consume him, they had no idea who put it there or how to remove it.

To top it off, Virion still hadn’t returned, a fact which Alec couldn’t help but worry about despite the many reassurances from the others.

“Time runs differently in the unseelie realm,” Alaion reminded him when expressed concern yet again about Virion still not being back. “We can’t be for sure how much time has actually passed down there.”

None of that helped Alec to feel any better about it. Especially since he was pretty sure Rimni had told him once that time went _faster_ in the unseelie realm. As in, a day might pass here on the mortal realm, but in the unseelie realm it would have been _days_. But Alec didn’t point that out. Alaion had carefully worded his answer to make sure he hadn’t lied, yet that alone made it clear it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, or wanted Alec to worry about, and so Alec kept those thoughts to himself.

To make matters worse, Alec also knew the kinds of things Rimni had been facing the last time they’d talked. From the sounds of it, it wasn’t something that was just going to get better all on its own. What if they hadn’t figured out a solution? What if the reason Rimni wasn’t answering any of Alaion’s messages was that he and his troops were caught somewhere fighting off whatever demons were still trying to slip through the veil? Or, worse yet – what if it’d gotten worse? What if Rimni was hurt? What if Virion had been hurt?

Alec’s mind ran away with him in a maelstrom of fears that he couldn’t quite get rid of. There were very few people in Alec’s life anymore that mattered to him. That he could claim he was close with. The idea of something happening to them, any of them, made him feel a bit sick.

But fretting about it wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Especially not when there were plenty of things here for him to worry about.

One of which came to him one morning after breakfast, almost exactly three weeks since he’d first come to stay here.

The breakfast table wasn’t as full as it normally was. Ragnor had left a few days ago for the Spiral Labyrinth and wasn’t due back until that evening. Alaion and Aliri were outside running through some morning training. It left Magnus, Alec, Pyrr, and Alva inside, and Pyrr and Alva were cleaning up the remnants of breakfast. Which meant it was just Magnus and Alec sitting together at the table, finishing off their cups of coffee together.

Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem. Alec was getting comfortable around Magnus in ways that, up until now, he’d really only reached with the unseelie. It was comfortable sitting there with him. Right up until the moment Magnus said “Alexander, there’s something I’d like to ask you.”

Alec looked up at him, one eyebrow going up in a silent _yes?_

“If you’re comfortable with it, I was hoping Catarina might be able to join us for dinner tonight. Just to visit and to let us know if she’s learned anything.”

All at once the peaceful feeling washed away. The urge to flinch was strong enough Alec barely managed to control it. Logically, he knew that what had happened last time the warlock was there wasn’t Catarina’s fault. Everything he’d heard about her suggested that she wasn’t that type of person. Not normally. That it was the spell that had made her so angry toward him. But logic didn’t always factor in. Every time Alec thought of her, he thought of the feel of magic in the air and the angry buzzing of bees.

“You can say no, Alexander,” Magnus said gently. He reached out and laid a hand down on the table between them. It was a gesture he did often if their topics strayed into something that upset Alec. So far, Alec hadn’t taken him up on that silent offer, but he’d appreciated it.

He hated, though, that Magnus was so easily able to read him. Even if it was the anchor or whatever, he still was able to tell when Alec was panicking, often before anyone else. He could see Alec’s _weakness_ laid out across him like bold words written in large font all over him.

“It’s fine,” Alec said abruptly. He curled himself in a little tighter and deliberately kept his eyes on his mug. He didn’t want to look over and see whatever was going to be on Magnus’ face. “She can come by. I don’t care.”

Magnus clearly could see how little Alec liked the idea. Yet he didn’t argue with him further. He just nodded, respecting Alec’s decision. “I’ll let her know.”

* * *

It was one thing to say it. It was another thing entirely to have to stand there in the living room and watch as the portal opened up and Catarina came walking through. Seeing her after the last time wasn’t easy. The only thing that kept Alec where he was and not just bolting out of the room and off to the safety of his bedroom was the comforting presence of his friends spread out around the room in what Alec was guessing were strategically chosen places.

Pyrr and Alva were the closest, with Pyrr almost directly behind Alec. Close enough to react first if something went wrong.

Only, nothing did. Catarina came in, Magnus moved to greet her, and nothing happened. No angry magic in the air, no shouting, no threats or attacks or anything like that. Catarina didn’t even really seem to acknowledge him while she took the time to greet her friend.

Not at first, anyway.

Just as Alec was starting to relax a little, the two friends broke apart and Catarina immediately turned his way. It had Alec going perfectly still. Like prey in front of a dangerous predator. He hated the reaction even as he couldn’t stop himself from doing it.

For a moment the two just stared at one another. Alec, with his arms wrapped around his own waist, holding himself together in the only way he knew how anymore. Catarina, tall and proud and so, so serious looking. She folded her hands in front of her and drew in a deep breath. “I appreciate you letting me come here tonight.”

Alec tightened his hold on himself. He leaned back unconsciously, finding comfort in the presence of Pyrr just behind him. Feeling him gave Alec the strength to find his words even as his throat wanted to close up on him. “It’s not my house.”

“You could’ve said no and they would’ve respected it.”

He shook his head at the idea of that. As if he’d dictate who Ragnor could bring into his own home. “If I didn’t want to be around you, I would’ve had my friends take me out of here for the night.”

His blunt words seemed to startle her. Yet, she didn’t look offended. In fact, the surprised look she wore quickly melted into a grin that was surprisingly comforting. “Well then. I appreciate you staying and allowing me this chance to apologize.”

Sincerity rang in Catarina’s voice. She meant what she was saying. She really wanted to apologize. So much so that she was going to push it a little even when it was clear Alec didn’t want to talk to her. While that might put some people off, it was something Alec couldn’t help but respect. He was the same way when he did something wrong.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Alec told her. He tightened his hold on himself, fingers digging into his sides through his shirt. “It was the spell, not you.”

“I’d still understand if you were angry with me.”

Alec shook his head. “I’m not.” More than anything, he just wanted this over with. Understanding what had caused her actions didn’t stop him from fearing a repeat.

“Well, then – perhaps you’d let me take a look at you before we sit down to eat then.”

Even the suggestion of her taking a look at him was enough to have Alec finally taking that last step back that pushed him up against Pyrr. One of Pyrr’s hands came out and around to hover over Alec’s hip – warmth without touching him. It was to offer comfort, yes, but Alec also knew it was there as an easy way to take hold of him and yank him out of the way if she came toward them.

Off to the side, Magnus groaned lightly, and he took a step toward Catarina. Unlike Pyrr, he didn’t hesitate to reach out and curl his fingers over his friend’s arm. “Catarina, that’s enough.”

But she wasn’t listening to him. Catarina stayed where she was and drew herself up a little so that she stood taller. It wasn’t a threatening pose; if anything, it was a bracing one, like she knew what she was going to say wasn’t going to go over all that well and she was bracing herself for what might happen. It didn’t set Alec at ease.

“I’m a nurse right now, but I’ve been a doctor in the past,” Catarina said, her eyes right on Alec with a stare that felt like it was seeing straight through him. “I know that Magnus healed you, but I can see that you’re still hurting. While he’s a master at quite a bit, healing mundanes is a little outside his wheelhouse. But it’s right in mine. I’d like to check you over and make sure that everything’s healing the way it should.”

The first urge Alec had was to say no. He didn’t want her looking at him. The idea of her magic touching him, that angry buzzing right up against his skin, had Alec’s stomach churning. But he pushed that feeling down.

Her offer wasn’t a _bad_ one. Magnus himself had said that he wasn’t the best at healing the finer things. That, when it came to healing, he was more of a blunt instrument whereas Catarina was a set of fine tools. Alec was… he was so _tired_ of hurting all the time. Old injuries that ached constantly. Breaks that he knew hadn’t healed properly out of a fear of going to a mundane hospital. He knew that a good warlock healer could do wonders. What would it be like to be pain free again?

Alec looked at Magnus, and he wanted to ask – _you trust her_? But he already knew the answer. Magnus had told him before that he trusted her, and he wouldn’t have let her in the house if he didn’t. Alec wasn’t sure why he was so certain of that. He just knew that he was.

The way Magnus was looking at him left Alec feeling like the other man had seen that question and understood. He gentled, just a little, and his glamour faded away between one blink and the next. “You can say no, Alexander. No one is going to force you to do this. But, if you want, I’ll go in there with you.”

A small part of the knot in Alec’s stomach eased a little at that. He was nodding even before he’d fully finished thinking about it.

Pyrr leaned in a little more against Alec’s back where they were already touching. His hand moved from hovering over at Alec’s hip to tugging on the bottom of his sweater. A touch that wasn’t actually a touch. “He’s right, _rst-ti_ ,” the sidhe murmured in his ear. “You can say no. You don’t have to do this.”

Yes, he did. He needed to. If there was a chance Catarina could heal Alec body of the aches and pains that felt like so much a part of him anymore, he had to take it. If someone ended up coming after them – after _him_ – Alec needed to be ready. Even if it was just to run.

Though it took almost everything Alec had, far more than he wanted to give, he found himself saying a soft “Okay.”

It was clear no one else had expected that answer. The way Magnus went still made that clear. He blinked a few times at Alec like that might change what he was seeing or hearing. Catarina just stared at Alec for one split second, mouth open. Then she snapped her jaw shut and nodded. The woman recovered quickly. “Good. I’m sure we can make use of Ragnor’s spell room.”

Alec pushed his hands down into his pockets and swallowed down the nausea that was rising up his throat. He couldn’t quite make himself speak again. The words got stuck in his throat. Instead, he settled for nodding.

Nodding back at him, Catarina turned herself in the direction of the spell room, and _oh_ , she really meant _right now_ , didn’t she? As little as Alec wanted to do this maybe it was better that they were going to do it now. That way he wouldn’t be able to talk himself out of it.

Pyrr followed along behind him. Alec wasn’t ashamed to admit that his friend’s presence was probably part of what helped him keep on walking.

When they reached the door, and Alec caught sight of the bed once more waiting inside for them, he had to stop for a minute. Just a minute. _I don’t want to do this. Raziel, I don’t want to do this! But I need to_.

“You want me in there with you?” Pyrr asked quietly. Alec quickly shook his head no – the last thing he wanted was someone else to see this, see how broken and weak he really was – and Pyrr nodded like he’d expected that. “Okay. I’ll be right outside, though. If you need me, you shout, scream, throw something, thump three times, whatever you can do. Anything that sounds suspicious and I’m coming in.”

Alec had absolutely no doubt that Pyrr meant what he said. He’d come charging in there if he thought Alec needed him. It didn’t matter that he might have to go up against either warlock in the process. If something happened and Alec needed him, Pyrr would be there. Knowing that, hearing it reiterated that way, took away some of the panicky feeling that was skittering up and down Alec’s spine.

He smiled at his friend and nodded to show that he understood.

Then, with a deep breath, Alec turned around and made himself walk into the spell room. He tried not to flinch when Pyrr shut the door behind him.

Catarina and Magnus stood side by side next to the bed. Alec looked at them and found himself wondering if that was the same bed that had been in there the last time? Then he shook his head, trying to banish those thoughts. Not just because he didn’t need to think about what had happened the last time he’d been in here, but because it was a stupid, useless question. Who cared if it was the same bed? All that mattered was getting there and sitting down on it so they could get this _over with_.

It was clear the two warlocks were trying to be as gentle about this as possible. Catarina took a step back from the bed, giving Alec space, and she folded her hands in front of her so that he could see them while still keeping them in a nonthreatening position. “If you’d come up and sit down, we can get started.”

Alec gathered together what little courage he could find and used it to straighten his back and carry him forward toward the bed. Over and over he reminded himself that he’d agreed to do this. No one was forcing him in here. He’d agreed to do this of his own volition, and he could walk out of his own volition. No one would stop him. Catarina wouldn’t, and even if she tried, Magnus wouldn’t let her.

Reminding himself of that over and over helped Alec to get up to the bed and actually sit down on the edge of it. When he looked up at Catarina, she hadn’t come any closer, but she did nod at him. “Can you take off your sweater for me, please?”

Losing that layer of protection wasn’t something Alec honestly _liked_ , but it wasn’t hard.

Not until she said, “And the shirt too, please.”

Alec’s eyes darted over to Magnus in some instinctive need to… he wasn’t sure. Seek reassurance? Help?

Whatever it was, Magnus responded to it by taking a step closer to Alec even as he turned toward his friend. “Is that really necessary, Catarina?”

“I’m sorry, but it is.” She looked to Alec, and her gaze was genuinely apologetic. “I need to be able to see what I’m working with.”

It made sense. Logically, Alec understood. Emotionally? Not so much.

Taking his sweater off was easy. But Alec’s hands trembled a little when he tried to reach for his shirt. Why hadn’t he thought of this? Why hadn’t he realized that they were going to have him strip? The healers back at the Institute had done the same thing whenever someone was injured, not just to put on an iratze but to double check the damage before they chose the right course of action. Body shame wasn’t a concept Shadowhunters grew up with. It was kind of impossible when you risked losing parts of your clothes at any moment during a fight or if someone needed to put an iratze on you or check out where you were hurt.

But warlocks had magic, and Alec hadn’t realized until that moment that he’d been hoping that using magic meant they wouldn’t have to see what they were working with to be able to try and heal him. Magnus hadn’t when he’d healed Alec back in the bedroom. (He didn’t like to think about what he and Ragnor had likely had to do on the night Alec was first brought in.)

Curling his fingers into the bottom of his shirt, Alec took a second to close his eyes and breathe in, trying to steady himself. Then he drew his shirt up over his head in one quick move. All of his muscles felt like they locked in place when he bundled up his shirt and clutched it in his lap. He didn’t bother opening his eyes. He knew what they were seeing as they looked at his skin and he wasn’t sure he could handle the looks on their faces. Hearing the soft gasp from Catarina, feeling the surge of something sharp and hard through the anchor, were hard enough.

“Right,” Catarina said after just a brief moment’s pause. She recovered quicker than Alec had expected her to. Though she was clearly still shaken, her voice was steady once more. A professional tone that gave nothing away. “Do you think you can lay down for me, Alec? It’ll be easier on the both of us if you’re stretched out so that I can see all of you.”

Alec fought back a shudder. His hands were still shaking and that was bad enough. He needed to suck it up and quit being such a wimp about all this! The spell had caused her to react badly last time. She was better this time, Magnus was here to watch her, and Pyrr was outside. Hell, Alec wouldn’t be surprised if all four of his friends were standing outside the door.

Slowly, carefully, he laid himself back on the bed. The shirt he’d been clutching had to be carefully set to the side – he couldn’t cover up his stomach if she was trying to take a look at him.

Alec went to take hold of the bed with his free hand in the hopes that he’d be able to hold on there and anchor himself so he wouldn’t flinch under her touch. Only, instead of bedding, his hand brushed against something warm and firm. Alec’s eyes snapped sideways and down to his hand. He shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was to find Magnus’ hand resting there beside his. How many times had Magnus offered Alec this kind of touch these past few weeks? It didn’t seem to matter that Alec hadn’t taken it. Magnus kept offering.

When Alec looked up through his lashes, he found Magnus smiling at him. The warlock didn’t say anything. Didn’t act like it was any big deal. He was just sitting in a chair that he must’ve conjured up right there beside the bed, showing yet again that he knew how to be close and offer Alec support without crowding him.

For a moment Alec just looked at him. Then, slow and cautious, he let his hand press up against Magnus’.

Magnus didn’t try to force the touch. He kept his hand there and let Alec be the one to gradually slot their fingers together. Only then did Magnus let his own fingers curl in. He held Alec’s hand and offered him the support that they both knew Alec wouldn’t normally take. But here, now, Alec needed _something_ , and he’d trusted Magnus enough to put an anchor spell inside of him. He could trust the man enough to hold his hand.

It helped, in ways that Alec didn’t understand but wasn’t going to question. Lying there holding Magnus’ hand made it all just the tiniest bit easier. Alec found strength in that touch, and he used that strength to look up and actually meet Catarina’s eyes as he nodded at her.

The first flare of magic over her hands wasn’t anywhere near as showy as Magnus’ usually was. She gave soft swirl of her hand instead of the snapping that Magnus liked to do, and it brought a curl of blue flowing like water over her fingers.

Alec watched as that blue came closer to him. Catarina moved around the bed, going to the side opposite Magnus so that she had more room to work with. As she moved, she spoke, preparing Alec for what was to come. “I’m going to just do a basic check and healing, nothing too in depth. I’ll start down here at your feet and work my way upward, healing what I can along the way. If there’s anything that requires a deeper healing, or something different, I’ll let you know. Is that okay?”

There was no way Alec was going to be able to speak to answer her. All he could do was hold tighter to Magnus’ hand and nod.

In a better frame of mind Alec would’ve been able to appreciate how kind and considerate Catarina was being. She wasn’t pushing, made sure to tell him what she was doing so that there were no surprises, and she was being both kind and patient. When she stepped up alongside his ankles and extended that first bit of magic toward him, she did it slow and steady, not stopping but not rushing into it either.

But even so, it was all Alec could do not to jerk away from the touch of magic to his feet and ankles. His mind conjured up images of the last time magic had curled around his feet and what it’d been used for. Alec shivered as he heard a soft laugh echoing up from his memories. Memories he tried very hard not to think about.

_“You’re such a wiggler,” Corbin whispered to him, curling his magic over Alec’s ankles until they were pushed down to the bed. He couldn’t move them – couldn’t break free until Corbin let him. “I’m gonna enjoy making you wiggle some more, baby. We’re gonna have so much fun.”_

Warmth pulsed inside of Alec. It chased away some of the chill that was spreading through him and forced Alec back to the present. He blinked a few times, his vision clearing, and rolled his head to the side just enough to be able to see who was sitting beside him. It was Magnus here – Magnus, not Corbin, was sitting with him, holding his hand. And that was Catarina down by his feet. Alec was safe. He was _safe_.

Alec curled his fingers in a little bit more, and felt Magnus do the same in response. The cool press of metal against their fingers wasn’t _comfortable_ , but it was _comforting_. Alec focused on that instead of on the crawl of magic that was now working its way up his calves.

As if sensing that Alec needed a distraction – he probably _could_ thanks to the anchor, though it could just be that he had eyes and could _see_ Alec’s fear trembling through him – Magnus smiled at him. “You’re doing a wonderful job, darling,” he murmured. Magnus leaned in so that his head was lower, closer to Alec’s.

It was enough to make Alec jump, right up until Magnus pressed his cheek against the edge of the bed. It put him a little bit lower while also looking just the slightest bit ridiculous, the way he hunched over to do it. Laying like that couldn’t be comfortable. Especially while still holding Alec’s hand. But Magnus did it, and he did it with a smile.

“Catarina’s good at her job,” Magnus said, smiling as he did. His thumb began stroking over the side of Alec’s hand. “You wouldn’t believe how many times she’s had to patch me up. She always does, though, no matter what. Even when she’s lecturing me for doing something that was _clearly_ fun, she’s still gentle in her magic. I’ve always appreciated that.”

“Not that you always deserve it,” Catarina shot back. Her magic moved a little higher, over Alec’s calves and up to his knees. It settled a bit into the right one like warm water washing over the ache that almost always sat there.

Magnus winked at Alec. “Of course, my dear.” He tilted his head closer and lowered his voice, like that would make Catarina somehow not hear him, and Alec found himself leaning in as well. “Don’t let her fool you. Often she’s right there with me for the more fun stories.”

A snort came from below them. “Someone has to be there to take care of you when you’re being an idiot.”

The magic moved higher again, Alec’s thighs this time, and what little control he’d managed to gain during their story was lost as it moved up, _up_ , over his hips and pelvis. That dark feeling in Alec’s brain crept higher once more. He let out a shaky breath that held too much of a whine to it for his tastes.

Magnus shifted their hands, adjusting the hold they had on one another just enough that he could curl them up. Their arms bent and readjusted so that their joined hands rested on the bit of bed between their faces. It felt like curling his arm up in front of him while he slept, only there was another hand in his. The gesture was oddly soothing.

“Did you know Mozart had fully mastered both the violin and keyboards, and had already written his first five compositions by the time he was five years old?”

It took a second for Alec’s brain to actually process what Magnus was saying to him. Another moment after that to place who _Mozart_ was. When he finally made the connection – an old coworker in one of Alec’s second jobs as a night janitor had used to listen to him – he blinked a few times in an attempt to process what Magnus was saying.

Magnus grinned at him like he was quite pleased with himself for stumping Alec. The younger man took a second to shake his head, and he found a small smile trying to curve over his lips.

 ** _Why_** , Alec signed. It was the only thing he could think of to say that only took one hand to sign.

“Why do I know that?” Magnus asked, interpreting his question correctly. At Alec’s nod, he grinned. “I’m over 800 years old, darling. I know many, many things.”

This time Catarina’s snort was even louder. When Alec snuck a look down at her, she was shooting an amused look Magnus’ way. “Don’t let him fool you, Alec. He may look like he’s in his twenties, but in his heart he’s an 80-year-old mundane who likes to watch Jeopardy and shout the answers at the TV screen.”

Alec didn’t know what that show was. When he looked to Magnus for answers, the warlock was already starting to explain. “Jeopardy is a television quiz show that mundanes like to watch. It has a bunch of facts up on a board, and the contestants take turns picking the category they want to answer a question in. It’s a neat bit of trivia, and there’s nothing wrong with liking trivia.” At that, Magnus shot a mock-glare up Catarina’s way. “Catarina is just jealous that she rarely knows the answers.”

Catarina gave him a withering look in response. “You’re ridiculous. Don’t listen to the liar, Alec.”

Her magic was higher now, pausing only briefly over Alec’s stomach before going up to his chest. Alec tried not to focus on it. Instead, he let himself get caught up in the friendly bickering the two old friends were doing over the top of him. Magnus made sure to keep Alec involved, grinning or winking at him, or leaning in to pretend to whisper comments that got a reaction out of Catarina every time.

By the time she finally drew her magic back, Alec wasn’t _relaxed_ , but he was way better than he would’ve been if he’d tried this on his own.

Catarina banished the magic away from her hands and went to stand at the foot of the bed. It put a little bit of distance between them that Alec was quietly grateful for. “Well, I did what I could for you, Alec. You should hopefully be feeling better than you were before we started. For the most part, it looks like Magnus did a decent job. I just had to patch up some of the smaller tears and bruising that were lingering.”

He could already feel the subtle differences in his body as he shifted to better look at her. Though, there were a few aches that hadn’t gone away. His hand being one of them. It was just as sore as it’d been for the past year.

As if sensing what he was thinking, Catarina went on to tell him, “You have a few old breaks I can’t heal. Not without re-breaking them so they can set properly.”

Just the thought of having to go through that was enough to have Alec shuddering. He shook his head quickly. No. No way was he going through that.

“You wouldn’t have to be awake for it,” Catarina said gently. “I could put you to sleep, and…”

Whatever else she had to say was lost on Alec. Even as he shook his head, he was trying to scramble backward in the bed, away from her hands and her magic. She wasn’t going to put him to sleep! No, no, _no!_ Like hell if Alec was going to lay here and _agree_ to someone knocking him out so they could do Angel-knew-what to him!

“Hey, hey.” Magnus gave Alec’s hand a gentle squeeze, likely trying to be reassuring, but when Alec jerked back, Magnus didn’t hesitate to let him go. He drew his hands back and made sure Alec could see them. “Okay, darling, it’s okay. No one’s going to put you to sleep if you don’t want it. Catarina was only offering. She’s not going to do it without your permission.”

Though Alec’s hands were shaking with little tremors that were slowly traveling up his arms, it didn’t stop him from bringing his hands up and signing one of the first sentences Alva had taught him to sign. **_I don’t want that_** _._ She’d taught it to him so he could answer them with more than a yes or a no when his voice vanished and they were trying to talk to him to get ways to help. This way he could tell them more than just _no_.

Magnus nodded his head instantly. “That’s perfectly fine. No one’s going to force it on you. She was just presenting you with an option. But this is your body, Alexander, and you get to decide what happens to it. Not us.”

Just the thought of that was enough to make Alec let out a bitter snort. He drew his arms in, trying to wrap them around himself, and curled in a little tighter toward the head of the bed. Why was it suddenly so damn cold in here? Alec felt like someone had taken all the heat out of his body with the panic that had coursed through him. That was _still_ coursing through him.

Without looking away from Alec, Magnus called out to his friend. “Catarina, would you mind giving us the room, please? I think this is enough for one day.”

“Of course,” Catarina answered immediately. “I’ll leave you two alone and go see about dinner. Should I let one of the guards in?”

Magnus studied Alec for a moment, waiting for him to make a suggestion, but when Alec said nothing Magnus shook his head. “No, thank you. Let them know we’ll be out in a minute.”

The door shut and Alec wished he could say that his fear went with it. But now that he was alone with Magnus, alone and bare, a part of Alec couldn’t help but respond to that by drawing inward.

It didn’t make sense. Just moments ago he’d found so much comfort in Magnus’ presence. The touch of his hand. Now, Alec had put as much space as humanly possible between them without actually getting up off the bed and going to the far side of the room.

Magnus watched him with a sad look in his eyes. Not pity, thank the Angel. Alec doubted he’d be able to handle someone’s pity. But the sympathy there, the _understanding_ , in some ways those almost felt just as bad. Alec didn’t want to be like this. He didn’t want people to have to walk on eggshells around him. At one point in his life he’d been so damn strong. How had he let himself get to this point?

“It’s okay, Alexander,” Magnus said softly, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. He didn’t come forward, but he did shift his weight, settling himself on one hip on the side of the bed. “You did amazing. You have nothing to feel ashamed of.”

That was a lie and they both knew it. Alec shook his head as if to dismiss those kind words. He had so many things to be ashamed of. This right here was yet another thing to add to the list.

But Magnus wasn’t willing to let that stand. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, darling. I can’t claim to know exactly what you’ve been through, but I can guess, and if even a fraction of what I’m guessing is correct – you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. How many people do you think would still be alive right now if they were in your shoes?”

Alec could think of plenty. However, most of the people he could think of would never have let themselves get into this position in the first place. He couldn’t point that out, though, because his voice was still fighting him, and the amount of sign language he knew wasn’t going to cover all of that. The best he could do was shake his head. Almost without realizing it, he brought up his good hand and finger-spelled the one word he didn’t know how to say. **_W-E-A-K_**.

“You are _not_.” Those sharp words had Alec’s eyes snapping back up to Magnus once more. The glamour was gone from Magnus’ eyes and they seemed to be lit with an inner fire. One that should’ve been terrifying, and yet... Alec found himself relaxing at the sight of it. Magnus wasn’t going to hurt him. That fire in his eyes, that was _for_ Alec, not _toward_ him. “You are not weak, Alec. You are so very strong to have lived through what you have.”

The words sounded so pretty. Alec wanted to believe them – he did! But it was hard to do when he was sitting here on a bed trembling just because someone had offered to help him and make the process easier for him. Alec wanted to ask how Magnus could say that while looking at him like this. He tried to gesture toward himself, hoping that somehow the strange ability Magnus had shown so far to understand him without a lot of words would continue to work.

Magnus tilted his head so that he was able to give Alec a quick once over. “Are you referring to your current position or the scars you bear?”

Well, Alec had meant the way he was sitting, but either option worked. He nodded.

“Neither one of those make you weak, Alec. Your scars... they show me a survivor. Someone who’s been through hell and somehow managed to come out the other side. A little broken in some places, yes, and in desperate need of time and healing. But it doesn’t make me think less of you. And neither does your reaction toward Catarina. You had a very understandable reaction toward the idea of magic being used on you in ways I’m guessing it might’ve been used in the past.”

Thinking about that had Alec’s body shuddering again like someone had dipped him in ice water.

The fire in Magnus’ eyes flared briefly before the glow dulled down into something much gentler. For the first time, he seemed to hesitate before he spoke, opening his mouth and then closing it again twice before he finally found what he wanted to say. “I know we haven’t addressed it since you allowed me to apologize to you, but... I’m aware of the type of person that Corbin is. I can only imagine what you went through with him. What price he demanded for that necklace. And on behalf of warlocks everywhere – I’m so sorry, Alexander.”

Just hearing Corbin’s name was enough to make Alec’s trembles worse. But he curled his hands into tight fists and fought that back, pushed away the fear and the pain. Then he slowly lifted his hands enough for Magnus to see. **_Not your fault_**.

“No, it’s not,” Magnus agreed softly. “But that doesn’t make my sorrow any less.”

 ** _No P-I-T-Y_**.

“I don’t pity you. Just because my heart breaks for you doesn’t mean I pity you, darling.”

That didn’t sound too much better, but Alec would take it. He didn’t want anyone’s pity.

Magnus laid his hand on the blankets between them. He didn’t push it forward, didn’t try and touch Alec’s legs. He just let it lay there in another silent offering. “You are a strong man, Alexander Lightwood. I’ll tell you that as many times as it takes for you to believe it. What you’ve been through, it’s a part of you, yes, but it doesn’t define you. Not if you don’t let it.”

The words struck a chord in Alec. He’d heard speeches like this before, from Pyrr, Alva, Virion, even Alaion. They’d all tried to use words to convince Alec that he was so much more than what had happened to him in the past. That these differences didn’t matter. That they didn’t change who he was. They’d tried to convince him that people could still love him even if he couldn’t quite love himself.

But listening to Magnus talk – it was the first time a small part of Alec thought he might actually come to believe it one day. Maybe it was because he could feel the steadiness of the anchor inside of him that left him with the knowledge that Magnus meant every word he’d said. Or maybe it was the way Magnus looked at him as he said it, how he didn’t once flinch or back down. Or maybe it was that Magnus didn’t try and deny that the broken pieces were still a part of Alec. Whatever it was, it brought to life a tiny kernel of hope in Alec’s chest. One that he’d thought he’d lost a long time ago.

He didn’t know what to say. What kind of response did you give to something like that? Especially when word choice was limited?

In the end, Alec did the only thing he could think of to do. He brought his fingers up to his chin and then drew them down and away in the sign for **_thank you_**.

Magnus beamed at him. “You are ever so welcome.”


	16. Chapter 16

Dinner was a quiet, awkward affair. Magnus wasn’t the least bit surprised when Alec pushed away his bowl before he’d even finished half of it and quickly signed an excuse for himself. Nor when his guard quickly followed after him. It left Magnus, Ragnor, and Catarina alone at the table.

“Well, that went well,” Ragnor said sarcastically. He sat back in his seat, a drink in hand, and glanced at the dishes littering the rest of the table. It was a rare thing for the others to leave their dishes behind like that. They were meticulous about cleaning up after themselves.

Behind the sarcasm in Ragnor’s words was a hint of concern. He’d grown to like these people just like Magnus had. Sure, they no doubt got on his nerves a little. A couple of nights Ragnor had gone and slept in Magnus’ loft back in Brooklyn just so he’d have a little peace. But no matter how much he griped about them in private, not once did he suggest they leave. They all knew whatever warlock strong enough to do this was their responsibility. But more than that, Magnus knew Ragnor had never been able to resist someone broken.

Catarina, who’d barely touched her own food, carefully set her utensils on either side of her plate. She reached out for her glass instead and downed the contents in one quick swallow.

Magnus knew what she was thinking of. It’d been the same thing he’d been thinking of ever since he’d seen Alec without his shirts and sweaters to hide behind. It was hard not to think about it. Not when Magnus was sure that image would be forever burned into his mind.

He’d done his best to try and stay calm while around Alec. The last thing he’d wanted was for Alec to think that Magnus saw him as broken. Especially considering the talk they’d had at the end. Alec was fragile in so many different ways, and he had a lot of healing to do. Both physical and mental.

Seeing the scars on his body only further cemented that. The poor man needed years of therapy to help him get through what had happened to him the past two years. Hellfire, for longer than that, probably. Shadowhunter children weren’t exactly raised in the healthiest of ways. Magnus couldn’t imagine that the Lightwoods had been the paragons of good parenting.

A soft, heavy sigh from Catarina had Magnus shaking out of his thoughts to look at her once more. She was leaning on the table on her folded arms and her eyes were downcast.

Though Catarina was one of the strongest and toughest people that Magnus knew – more than capable of kicking his ass if needed, and Ragnor’s, too, as well as anyone else dumb enough to cross her – she also happened to have one of the biggest hearts. It was part of what made her a good nurse. She cared about her patients and wanted nothing more than to help them heal.

Seeing the scars on Alec’s body had clearly affected her. Though it was a tossup on whether it was because of the sheer amount of damage that had been done to Alec, both now and in the past, or if it was because she had recognized some of those scars just like Magnus had.

Claw marks that clearly came from werewolves. A few puncture scars from vampires. Burns that Magnus was more than willing to bet came from warlock fire. And then a whole ton of other scars that Magnus was pretty sure Catarina didn’t understand, but that _he_ did. Scars that he was _sure_ came from a warlock Magnus was going to take great pleasure in getting rid of one of these days.

Corbin had crossed a line. What he’d done to Alec was abominable. When Magnus had first felt that necklace from Alec, felt the sex magic tied into every bit of it, he’d made crass remarks about what Alec had done to get it. Now just thinking about that was enough to make him feel sick. He highly doubted that any of what Corbin had done had been consensual.

Ragnor, the only one of them who hadn’t been in that room, clearly didn’t know the details of what was bothering them. But he knew enough to understand that it wasn’t good. Reaching out, he caught hold of Catarina’s hand in his and let her clutch at him. A gesture he wouldn’t have done in front of anyone else.

Letting out a breath, Catarina held tightly to Ragnor while lifting her free hand up so she could rub at her face. “I can’t...” she paused, shaking her head. “The things our people have done to him. I don’t understand. Hundreds of years on this earth and I still can’t understand how it is that human beings can do such things to each other.”

“You know it was likely the spell that caused them to do these things,” Ragnor pointed out.

Catarina dropped her hand down to the table and shot a glare his way. “That doesn’t excuse it!”

No, it didn’t. There was no excuse for something like this. But it did mean they needed to put the blame for this in the proper place. Mostly. Some of the blame, Magnus knew went to others. What he knew of Corbin suggested that this wasn’t the first nor would it be the last that he’d treated someone like this. The spell might’ve really called it out, potentially even made it worse than it would’ve been otherwise – a thought which made Magnus’ dinner threaten to make a reappearance – but that kind of behavior was something they’d all known he had and had never been able to prove.

“We have to put the blame where it belongs,” Magnus said out loud. His voice sounded far calmer than he felt. “It goes to the one who cast this spell, and however they did it. We need to figure out who that is so they can be punished accordingly.”

The dark glitter in Catarina’s eyes matched the one that Magnus knew was in his own. They would make damn sure whoever was responsible would pay for what they’d done. While Catarina might’ve been invested before because she cared for Magnus and wanted to help him, he could tell she was in it for more now. Alec’s story had gotten to her. Not just the one they’d told her with words, but the one written all over his body. There was no way either one of them was going to be able to walk away from this now. Not after having seen all that.

Quiet fell over the kitchen for a long moment. Ragnor and Magnus gave Catarina a few minutes to gather herself. To calm down enough that they’d be able to talk about this rationally.

Eventually, she got hold of her composure and drew it around herself. “I did what I could for him,” she finally said, sighing just a little. “But there were some things in there that I can’t heal, and others...” She paused, and Magnus could see as she straightened herself up a little, gathering more and more of that iron control that had gotten her through life. “There’s something else we need to address. Normally I wouldn’t say anything – doctor/patient confidentiality. But this is important.”

The seriousness of her tone had Magnus and Ragnor both focusing on her.

She didn’t make them ask what she was talking about. As soon as they focused on Catarina, she let out a sigh. “I don’t know how much you guys know about nephilim physiology. I know you both probably know them as people better than I do, but their bodies? I’ve healed a few in my time, so I’ve picked up a few things.”

“As have I,” Magnus said. He had a little inkling that he knew where she was going with this.

In her usual blunt manner, she didn’t beat around the bush. “Alec's body has far more angelic energy than it should. More than one would think of a deruned Shadowhunter.”

“Doesn’t deruning them remove their angelic abilities?” Ragnor asked.

“Not if it’s in the blood the way it is for warlocks,” Catarina said. She leaned forward, arms resting on the table. This was a topic she’d clearly given a lot of thought to. “Think of it like this – our magic, our power, it’s in our blood. A very part of who we are. What if Shadowhunters are the same? We always assumed the angelic energy in them was because of their runes, because children rarely ever get healed. And when they do, well, they’re children, right? But what if it’s not their runes.”

“Everyone knows their runes give them their powers,” Magnus pointed out.

“What if their runes don’t give them powers, but channel what’s already there?”

That was – the implications behind that were fascinating. “That would mean they carry magic in their blood, the same as we do.”

“Exactly!” Catarina said, pointing at him. “Only, they can’t draw on it the way we do. Their runes help them control it. The first rune, the angelic power rune, it could work as a stabilizer. The rest of them, it’s almost like channeling magic for a specific spell, only instead of using focus stones, herbs, or sigils, they use the runes on their bodies to do it. Draw one with a stele that carries angelic energy, it could draw the power in their blood up through the runes. Which would explain why some of them seem to carry more than others. If it were the runes, you’d be able to measure their power by the amount of runes they wore, and nothing I’ve seen suggests that. But if it’s in their blood, it would depend on how powerful their blood is or how diluted their bloodlines. “

They sat in silence for a few minutes processing the idea of that. It would change a lot of what they thought about nephilim and how they worked. Magnus wondered absently if Alec might know the answers to this. If maybe the nephilim were educated on this. He could see why they’d want to keep it secret if they did know. Anything that made them seem _similar_ to a warlock couldn’t be allowed. They would definitely try and hide that. Though, would they hide it from their own people?

Magnus grimaced. He knew the answer to that. The Clave would definitely hide something like this. It didn’t matter that it was the kind of information that might prove crucial to their people at some point in time.

“As fascinating as this is, what does that have to do with our young friend?” Ragnor asked her.

Some of that excitement at new knowledge faded off of Catarina’s face. The worry was back, stronger than before, and it had Magnus focusing all of his attention right on her. Whatever she had to say next wasn’t going to be good.

Sighing, Catarina squared her shoulders, bracing herself. “When they removed his runes, they didn’t remove the energy from his body. It’s still churning around in there with nothing to help stabilize it. Nothing to control it. Instead of using runes to burn some of it out, it’s just trapped inside his body, racing around in there. Normally, I don’t think it’d be a problem, though I can’t be sure. But with the spell in him, it’s triggering Alec’s own power into fighting back, even just a little, and his body is the battle ground.”

The thought had Magnus’ eyes going wide in horror. It wasn’t hard for him to make the mental leap from what she said to the horrifying conclusion. “You’re saying if we don’t remove the spell, he’s going to die.”

“No.” she said, shaking her head. But there was no chance for Magnus to feel any relief. Catarina looked right at him and continued on, dashing any hope he might’ve had. “I’m saying that even if you removed the spell now, the damage is already done. Alec’s body is weakened from what all that angelic energy is doing to him, and that energy is already at high levels. That won’t go away if you remove the spell. If anything, it’ll make it worse because there won’t be anything to keep that energy busy. Unless we find an outlet for it, he’s going to die.”

Everything in Magnus felt like it clenched tight at those words. The thought of something happening to Alec, of him _dying_ , felt like someone had reached into Magnus’ chest and grabbed hold of his heart and lungs. For one moment Magnus swore he couldn’t _breathe_.

What the hell did fate or the world or whoever had cast this spell have against Alexander Lightwood? Wasn’t it bad enough that they’d already taken so much of his life from him? Now, even if they found a way to fix it, would they just be condemning him to another, slower death?

At least if it was slow, they’d have a chance to find a solution for that, too. Catarina had said _unless we find an outlet for it_. That implied there was a chance they might be able to.

“Lovely.” Ragnor’s voice was dry and full of sarcasm. “So, not only do we have to find some reference somewhere to whatever spell this is that he carries, then use that to figure out how to safely remove it while simultaneously preparing for a potential attack from whoever it was that put the spell on it in the first place – now we _also_ have to figure out a way to channel out excess angelic energy from the boy.”

Hearing it all laid out like that was staggering. Magnus drew in a breath and tried to wrap some of his shields around himself. Shields that he should’ve known were never effective against those that cared for him. But it was Magnus’ first instinct to retreat inside of them at the first sign of pain.

The thought of losing Alec – of saving him from one thing only to lose him to another – was more pain than Magnus had expected. It felt like it gutted him.

When had Alec come to mean so much to him? When had he moved beyond a boy he’d flirted with, into the slow friendship they were building in their research sessions, to this… this piece of his heart that felt like it might shatter into dust at the thought of losing him?

Magnus drew his masks on, wrapped himself up tight in the shields he’d spent a lifetime learning how to make, and tried to focus on the practical part of this. The rest of it – well, he’d have plenty of time to address it later. _After_ they saved Alec.

“Well, that definitely changes things a bit, doesn’t it?” Magnus’ voice was calm and cool, not a hint of his inner struggle showing through. He sat back in his seat and sent a small smile Ragnor’s way. “You don’t have to help, old friend. We’ve already imposed on you quite enough. I can take Alec and his friends to one of my hideaways and keep them there for a while. It’d be just as safe as this place.”

“And let you have all the fun?” Ragnor asked, lifting his eyebrows.

Catarina didn’t give Magnus a time to press his case further. Or to figure out a new plan to retreat from them. She spoke over top of him in a way that let him know the subject was closed. At least for now. “I’ll see what more I can do on my end. I have a few contacts who haven’t gotten back to me yet. Maybe a visit will have them speaking up a little more.” She looked over to Magnus, and a hint of sympathy flashed in her eyes. “Would you like me to explain things to him before I leave?”

Though it was tempting, Magnus shook his head. He didn’t even have to think about it. “I’ll let him know.”

This wasn’t something they could keep from Alec. He had the right to know what was going on with his own body. The idea of telling him that he was destined to die if they didn’t solve this left a sour taste in Magnus’ mouth, though. He was going to have to figure out a way to try and paint things in the best light possible. Then he wasn’t actually _lying_. Just… exaggerating.

“Maybe his guard will have some ideas,” Ragnor suggested. “The twins seem quite well versed in all things magical. I’ve discovered quite a bit from conversations with them. It puts a whole new look on quite a lot of things we’ve been studying.”

That was a good point. The twins were quite knowledgeable about sidhe-magic, which, if stories were to be believed, was part angelic anyway. Sidhe were rumored to be born from demons and angels, half of each. They might have a better understanding of angelic power than a warlock would. Maybe there’d be something in their knowledge or lore that would allow them to help with this part of things. They hadn’t been able to help discover anything about the spell yet but maybe they’d do better with this.

It was a lot more to add on to their plates. They hadn’t even solved the first problem and there were already more waiting for them.

This wasn’t going to be easy, but Magnus wasn’t going to walk away. He couldn’t. From the very first moment he’d met Alec in that coffee shop something had been drawing them together. It had only grown over time. Once they’d come together here and started to get to know one another better, it’d grown even more. Magnus could no more walk away from this than he could walk away from the two people at the table with him. No matter what it took, Magnus was going to help solve this and find out a way to save Alexander Lightwood’s life.

* * *

Telling Alec went far better than Magnus had pictured it going. Alec took the information with the fatalistic air of one who’d already been knocked down so many times by life, they barely registered another blow. “I’m already going to be a dead man if we don’t figure out this spell,” he’d said, shrugging a little. “If we don’t take care of that part, the rest of it won’t matter.”

It was a dangerous mindset – one Magnus knew they couldn’t afford to have. But he wasn’t going to push anything on Alec. Let him focus on what he felt he could handle. What he couldn’t, the rest of them would be there to pick up the slack. Alec's mental health could be addressed when they weren’t in the middle of a crisis. Still, Magnus made a mental note to also reach out to a few Downworlders he knew who worked in mental health. Better to have the information for him when he was ready for it than scramble later.

The sidhe were taking to their new task with alacrity. It didn’t escape Magnus’ notice that the twins no longer paired together on guard duty – such a strange thing it was noticed almost immediately. They split now, working their own shifts so that there was never a time when one of them wasn’t working on digging through spells or doing some kind of research on the tablet they passed back and forth between one another when they’d switch off.

Seeing them use a tablet for whatever it was they were doing had surprised Magnus a little. Many of the fae didn’t really seem to like to use electronics. Magnus had often wondered if it was a product of being so connected to nature, or the weird way that electronics and magic could sometimes mix if proper precautions weren’t taken, or some other sort of preference. Or perhaps one of those things that came from living so long. Quite a few older warlocks that Magnus knew didn’t like the electronics the world ran off of now.

Whatever it was, the twins were reminding Magnus why it was good to never make assumptions about anyone. They used the tablet with an easy efficiency for whatever project they had going on there. Magnus didn’t ask what it was, and they didn’t offer it up.

Whatever they were working on, Magnus found that he trusted them to bring it to him when the time was right. He was ashamed to admit that before all of this he might not have. Trusting any of the fae, the sidhe especially, was a quick way to get yourself into a world of trouble. But, dealing with Alec's guards – with his _friends_ – had reminded Magnus that he couldn’t judge one race by the actions of a few. Especially when it hadn’t even been the unseelie fae that he’d dealt with for many, many years.

Most of the fae Magnus encountered anymore were either the lesser fae, who were much easier to deal with, or the Seelie Queen and her court. And no one liked dealing with the Seelie Queen.

Magnus thought about it off and on as he watched the changes in Alec's guard over the next few days. He didn’t try bringing it up with Alec, nor the reasons behind it, so it surprised him one afternoon when _Alec_ did.

They were sitting together underneath _their_ tree, in the patch of grass that was much softer than it was anywhere else. Magnus had come to love sitting there not just because it allowed him to spend private time with Alec. Or, well, as private as they were going to get while under constant guard. He also found himself just enjoying the space in general.

It was soft, comfortable, and the roots of the tree seemed to have grown and curved a little more than was natural. Where once they’d made an open space like a V for Alec to sit in, and Magnus to be nearby, now it was more curved like a U, and the spots closest to the trunk were a little higher. It made for two perfect backrests where they could lean, books placed on the ground between them and their legs free to have their own space or brush together.

The two of them were curled into their corners, and Magnus was focused on the book in front of him while enjoying the fact that Alec had let their legs get a little closer today. Close enough to brush against one another every time they moved. Magnus hadn’t felt this giddy for simple contact in a couple centuries. Since a time when even this close of public contact would’ve been scandalous. Most _especially_ between two men.

He was startled out of his reading when Alec suddenly spoke.

“You know,” Alec said, drawing Magnus’ eyes up toward him. He was looking off toward the house with a soft look on his face. “I feel bad sometimes, for how hard everyone’s working. For how hard _they’re_ working. They don’t ever let themselves take a break.”

His words had Magnus looking past him, trying to see what it was that Alec was looking at. It only took him a second to realize that Alec must be staring through the glass door to where Pyrr and Alaion were bent over the table looking at something.

Magnus sat back again. He adjusted his body so that he was curved a little more toward Alec. Better able to watch his face. “They want to help you. We all do.”

It hurt Magnus’ heart a little to watch the way that Alec shook his head. Or when he softly said, “I don’t get it.” But he kept his mouth shut and waited. Sometimes Alec needed a moment of quiet to gather together his words and put them in order. Magnus had learned to wait.

After a few minutes, his patience was rewarded.

Alec turned back, though he kept his eyes down on the book in his lap. “You guys are... you're amazing, all of you. The work you're putting into all this. You, you barely even know me, but you're giving up so much of your time, and Ragnor knows me even less but he's letting us use his home...” Alec's voice trailed off a little like he didn't know what else to say. His hands clenched down on the edges of his book.

It took so much effort not to reach over and grab hold of him. Magnus had never realized how much he touched people until he had to stop himself from reaching out to Alec over and over again. The urge was so strong. More so than Magnus had ever felt with anyone else. But they'd come up with a few compromises. Magnus might not be able to Alec’s hand or clasp his shoulder and offer comfort. He could, however, lean his legs in a little closer, and let his hand fall down into the space between them like it was natural. He could reach out and leave the rest up to Alec.

“We're happy to help you, darling,” Magnus reassured him.

“But you guys barely even know me.”

“That doesn't matter.” When he saw Alec was about to protest, he shook his head. “No, I'm being serious. Even if I didn't know you at all, if I didn't care about you, I would still be here trying to help. Someone in _my city_ put a spell on you. One that affected all of us. There’s no way that I could let this go.”

Alec bit at his bottom lip, and his shoulders curled in. For a moment Magnus worried that he'd chosen the wrong words. Maybe upset Alec even more. Then Alec shook his head. “This is more than that. You're... you're all here, all the time, always trying to fix this. And they... they give up every moment of their day to research or guard duty. They're supposed to be living with the mundanes to train. But they're just, they're doing this. For me. And I don’t... they shouldn't. They shouldn’t have to give up their lives.”

Magnus tightened his hand on his book in an effort to keep Alec from seeing any of his anger. He didn’t want the ex-shadowhunter to catch sight of it and make the wrong assumptions. Which he would. One thing they'd all come to notice was that any anger in the room and Alec would almost always react like it was directed toward him. They tried to do their best to keep him from feeling that way.

Only when Magnus was sure that his voice was going to stay steady did he speak again. “They care about you, Alexander. You're not just a case to us. You're our friend.” He was so much more than that. Magnus pressed his tongue against his teeth and debated for a moment, just a moment, before deciding that Alec deserved honesty. “ _I_ care about you. I know I messed things up for a while, but what I felt at the start... I never faked that. Not then, and not now.”

The words weren't as direct as they could've been. But they were as direct as Magnus could manage. Everyone had their own fears, and rejection had always been one of Magnus'. Not one that he advertised, but one that he fought against time and time again. He hated the idea of being alone. Of having the people he loved turn away from him.

Part of him was scared that the same thing would happen with Alec. That after this was all done, Alec would walk away and go back to his life – a life without Magnus in it. Or the quieter fear, the one he refused to think about, that they wouldn't be able to save him and Magnus would have to go on in a world that no longer had Alec Lightwood in it.

The prospect of that sent a chill down his spine.

He blinked his eyes a few times to clear away the things he knew were showing there. When he finally had his mask back in place and he looked up, he found that Alec was glancing up through his lashes, discreetly watching him. There was something in those hazel eyes that eased a little bit of the fear and worry in Magnus' gut.

He was startled when he felt something brush up against his hand. Looking down, he found that Alec had placed his own hand in the grass. Not on Magnus', or even in a way that was open to clasp, but just right there next to it, their fingers brushing against one another.

The gesture said far more than words ever could.

Magnus drew in a breath in an attempt to steady himself. Then, not quite sure this wouldn't backfire on him, he slid his index finger over and caught hold of Alec's pinky. That finger twitched in his, and Magnus froze, but when it didn't pull away, he dared to curl his finger in. It sent a curl of something warm through him when Alec curled his finger as well.

The two of them sat there together with their fingers hooked together, smiling down at their books.

**Part Sixteen:**


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for panic attack with minor self-harm as a coping mechanism

Just a few days after the discovery of the new threat against Alec – and oh, how appropriate it seemed that this threat was coming from his own body, from the part of him others had tried to take away – the group was gathered together once more to try and make a better game plan.

They’d been at Ragnor’s for two months now. Two months of constant research, phone calls to other contacts, and repeated slamming their heads up against walls as they hit dead end after dead end. Life couldn’t continue on this way. Alec knew it, and the rest of them did too even if they weren’t as willing to admit it. They had to figure out something new. Going at things this way clearly wasn’t working.

Even Catarina had come to meet with them, giving up one of her rare mornings off from the hospital to come and talk with them. Alec felt guilty about that. Though not enough that he spoke up. While he felt a bit more comfortable around her, she still made him nervous.

Ragnor and Magnus had snapped up some extra seating so that everyone would be able to be comfortable while they talked. It ended up with the three warlocks in their own chairs while Alec and the sidhe took over two couches. Alec was in the corner of one, with Pyrr and Alva next to him, while Aliri and Alaion took the other.

It made something in Alec's stomach clench to look over there and not see Virion’s smiling face. For most of these two months, he’d been gone, and the longer it took him to come back the more worried Alec felt.

Alec had been the one who’d brought up the fact that they needed to figure out a new game plan when talking to Magnus yesterday. But knowing that didn’t mean he had any idea what to do.

Neither did anyone else, it seemed.

“I’m not sure what else there is we _can_ do,” Catarina pointed out. She sat almost sideways in her chair, her legs curled up and feet tucked under her. A cup of tea was cradled in her hands. “I’ve reached out to every contact I have. The most I’ve gotten is a promise from Tessa to get back to me when she finds anything on either of our problems. But there’s no telling how long that’ll take her.”

“I’m still waiting to hear from people as well,” Ragnor chimed in. He, unlike the others, sat a bit more properly. One leg crossed over the other, a mug in hand that he rested on his knee.

It amused Alec a little to look at the difference between them. Ragnor, who looked like he could’ve been some English lord of old sitting in his parlor entertaining guests. Catarina, who had the air of a teenager almost, tucked up in her chair. And Magnus, who lounged in his chair with one leg thrown over an armrest, looking for all the world like some debauched prince on his throne. They were quite the trio – so different from one another and yet closer than any friends Alec had ever seen.

“Can we really sit around and just keep waiting, though?” Alva asked. She was sitting on the back of the couch, much to Ragnor’s clear annoyance, with a leg on each of Pyrr’s shoulders so she could lean forward and rest her elbows on her knees, her chin held in her hands above his head. She moved one hand to wave it absently through the air while she spoke. “I mean, I’m all for being patient and trying to work through something, but we have no idea how long this anchor is gonna hold, and I’m not really here for risking Alec's life. There’s got to be _something_ we can do.”

“None of us want to risk Lightwood’s life,” Ragnor said, his glare deepening for a moment. It looked like he was going to say something else – judging by that scowl, it would’ve been yet another reminder for her to sit like a normal person – but someone else spoke up first.

“There’s one resource we haven’t tapped yet.”

Magnus’ voice had Alec turned toward him with a look of confusion. Whatever he was talking about, Alec had no idea, but it was clear the other warlocks in the room did. Catarina’s sharp “No!” was echoed by Ragnor’s “Absolutely not!”

“It’s the best bet and you guys know it,” Magnus told them. He didn’t move except to twirl his hand and conjure himself a drink. A mimosa, if Alec remembered his drinks right. Aliri liked to have those with brunch sometimes. Magnus sipped at it as he looked at them over the top of the glass. “We’ve worked our way through your books, reached out to every contact we know, and found nothing. The best we’ve been able to tell is that this spell is more powerful than anything we’ve seen. And we all know where someone might get that kind of power.”

 _Oh_. That was all it took for Alec to understand what Magnus meant. Honestly, it was something Alec had been thinking about for a little while now. The idea that maybe a demon had helped to cause this. Warlocks could be powerful, but a spell this strong? That lasted this long? It made sense that it might be linked to a demon.

But it looked like Magnus might have more than just a simple demon in mind, judging by the way Catarina snapped “That doesn’t mean you need to go call _him_ just to get answers!” at him.

Ragnor nodded his agreement. “She’s right. We can summon a few other lower-level demons first, see what kind of information we might be able to get from them.”

A mask had fallen over Magnus’ features. He wasn’t showing any of the tension that Alec felt reverberating down the tie between them. On the outside, he was relaxed in his seat. Calm arrogance, Alec would’ve called it if he’d seen it on any other person. Magnus acted like what they were saying didn’t matter. He even lifted the hand holding his drink and waved it dismissively in front of him. “You know that won’t work. A spell of this magnitude wouldn’t take a lower-level demon. It’d require someone higher on the food chain. Little as you may like it, he’s our best bet for answers.”

Alaion shifted a little in his seat until he was _sitting at attention_. Something that Alec was a bit impressed by. It was a skill Alec had once tried to practice and never been _that_ good at. He usually had to stand to accomplish it. Yet Alaion managed to give off the air of a Captain addressing his troops, a powerful leader in his own right, all without rising from his seat on the couch. “Who exactly is it that you’re looking to summon?”

“The only demon who might actually answer me,” Magnus said, still so calm and cool. His eyes darted over to Alec for one split second and then deliberately focused back on Alaion. “My father.”

Though Alec had no idea who Magnus’ father was, he had a feeling Alaion knew. Or at least had a pretty good idea. Alaion’s eyes had gone sharp as he narrowed them on Magnus’ face. “That’s a dangerous task in times like these.”

“It’s a dangerous task in any times,” Magnus countered.

“But even more so now. There are things happening throughout the realms that your people have been unaware of, High Warlock Bane.” Alaion looked like he drew himself up a little more. Alec was surprised to realize that he was getting ready to share something that, up until now, Alec was pretty sure the fae had _all_ been keeping a secret. “There’s a reason it’s taken Virion so long to be able to contact our General.”

The three warlocks in the room were suddenly paying a whole lot more attention. Alec could see it; he could _feel_ the tension that built in the air.

The four sidhe didn’t look at one another. Yet it seemed like they all came to a silent accord in that moment. “The veils have been thinning lately,” Alaion said. “More and more demons are starting to slip into our realm. It’s become a near-constant battle these past years to try and hold them back. The last report I got from home said that it seems to be spreading even more. If that’s the case, soon enough you and your people will be feeling it in this realm.”

Ragnor, Catarina, and Magnus all exchanged a speaking look. One of those ones that came from knowing someone so well that sometimes words weren’t needed to get a point across. What they shared, Alec had no idea, but it didn’t look like they all agreed on it.

“It makes things more dangerous, yes, but nothing that can’t be solved with a few extra precautions,” Magnus finally said. “He’s still our best bet, and all of you know it. We’ve been here searching for two months now. While my anchor spell holds, I’d rather not test just how _long_ it’s going to do so. Now,” Magnus dropped his hands to the armrests of the chair, drink vanishing as he did, and then pushed himself upward. He rose to his feet in one smooth move. “I wasn’t actually asking _permission_. I was simply informing you of what I plan to do. You’ll hear from me once it’s done.”

He didn’t give anyone time to protest. Catarina called his name, and Ragnor looked like he was ready to rise, but Magnus smoothly darted around them all and straight to the door, making it out in seconds while somehow making it seem like he hadn’t, in fact, run out of there. How he’d done that, Alec had no idea. It was a little bit impressive.

The sound of the door shutting echoed through the living room.

“That stubborn…” Catarina scrambled to set her mug down on the coffee table and then shove up to her feet. She looked like she was ready to go to war.

Only, before she could get more than a few steps, Ragnor reached out and caught hold of her arm. He held there as she snapped her head toward him. He was a brave soul, not flinching from the look Alec had only briefly glimpsed on her face. Ragnor sat tall and he calmly met her stare. “You know it won’t matter. Even if he goes home, he’ll put his wards up too high for us to get in. The most you’re going to do is distract him.”

“I’m not letting him face that bastard alone!” Catarina snapped.

“We don’t have a choice. The most we can do is be there for him afterward, if he wants us.”

The words were said with the air of someone who’d been there plenty of times so far and knew how it was going to go. The way that Catarina slumped afterward said the same thing. They both clearly knew what it meant for Magnus to meet with his father. Alec couldn’t imagine it would be easy, but their reactions were only making him worry.

Though Alec had no idea who Magnus’ father was, he had a pretty good guess that it was someone worse than just a simple demon. They’d talked about how summoning a low-level demon wouldn’t be enough, implying that Magnus’ father was someone stronger than that. That, combined with the amount of power that Alec had so far seen Magnus have – plus the rumors of his power that Alec had heard – well, the picture it was painting was getting a little clearer. If he were right, Alec could see why it was Magnus wouldn’t want to share that information. And why his friends were so eager to keep him from this meeting.

Alec curled his arms in around his waist and sank further into the couch. He closed his eyes, picturing the anchor point inside of him, that piece of Magnus’ magic that was wrapped around him and keeping him safe. Alec didn’t know why, but he always pictured it like a glowing blue orb. Wrapped around the places inside of him where he was so fragile and broken.

He knew that the anchor was just that, an anchor. Something to hold him in place so the other spell couldn’t tug him away. But the quiet parts of Alec that he didn’t let anyone else see liked to think that Magnus’ spell protected him from more than just that.

When practicing his morning meditation before leaving the bedroom, Alec liked to try and visualize that part of himself, the anchor holding right there in his center. He liked to visualize all those pieces of himself that had been damaged these past few years, broken and scarred and bruised from the abuse they’d been through, all tucked away safely underneath that glowing blue orb. Held there in Magnus’ power – Magnus’ hands. Something in Alec told him that those pieces of himself would be safe there.

For the first time, Alec found himself wishing it worked the other way. That he could reach out down the line between them and offer Magnus some of his strength. Or even a hint of the comfort that he gave to Alec each and every day.

Not like Alec had much to offer him. How could he expect Magnus to look to him for help if Alec couldn’t even look after himself anymore?

Something could happen to Magnus while he was doing this and Alec wasn’t going to be able to help. None of them could. Magnus had gone _alone_ to face his father. He’d done it without any backup, any help. What if something happened to him?

It’d be Alec's fault if it did. Magnus was only in this position because of him. He was doing this for Alec, and if was hurt, that’d be because of Alec, too.

The thought had his trembles growing.

Something hard and hot was building in Alec's chest. He knew this feeling – knew what it meant. Unconsciously, he drew his legs up onto the couch with him, feet resting on the seat and his knees toward his chest. He bent forward to rest his head against his knees. It was the worst position to be in, he knew. It wouldn’t make that hard-to-breathe feeling any better. But Alec's body had been conditioned to respond to fear in certain ways. Far different ways than it’d once been. Where once he would’ve tensed, ready to fight, now he drew himself in and made his body as small a target as possible.

A whine built in the back of Alec's throat. Soon, he knew, it’d turn to a wheeze, and his whole body would shake like it was trying to come apart.

“Oh,” a soft voice said – Catarina’s voice. The next second she called out his name, closer than before. “Alec.”

There was more movement and the sound of someone saying “Don’t” that Alec thought might be Aliri. Alec didn’t really care _who_ it was so long as they just _stayed back_. He didn’t need people near him – didn’t _deserve_ people near him. All he did was put them in danger. People got hurt because of him. Children had _died_ because of him. Whoever had put this spell on Alec had clearly done it as a targeted attack against him. There was no way it was just to fuck with a shadowhunter. This was _personal_. They’d put this spell on him, got him cast out, and set him on this road to hell. But to do all that, they’d needed a crime to have him punished for.

Alec may not have killed them himself, but those kids were dead because he’d pissed off someone who’d then used them to get back at him. They were dead because of him, and now Magnus – Magnus was going to go talk to his father and put himself at risk, all for Alec, and it was just, it was too much, he couldn’t… he couldn’t _breathe_ …

The painful grip of his fingers in his sides was barely helping Alec to focus. He shoved his head harder into his knees. When that didn’t hurt enough, he drew his head back just enough that he could snap it forward, smashing his forehead into his knees.

Someone made a pained sound a few feet away. Alec ignored it and did it again, and then again, using the pain to let loose some of what was gripping at his chest.

“Alec,” Alva’s voice came from somewhere off to the right, close but not near as close as she’d been before. The familiar huskiness of her voice was normally a soothing sound for him. Now, it was still beloved to him, but it wasn’t the voice he wanted to hear. “Alec, _rst-ti_ , I know you don’t like people touching you when you’re like this, and I always do my best to honor that, but if you don’t stop hurting yourself I’m going to have to use my hands or a pillow to stop you.”

The words weren’t delivered as a threat. There was nothing harsh about them. Just a steady, calm warning.

Alec let his forehead hit his knees one last time and kept it there. The idea of being touched was so much worse than anything else right now. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want anyone’s hands on him. Not even the twins. But he didn’t stop his fingers from digging in against his sides until there was every chance he was going to break the skin.

“We’re right here, Alec,” Pyrr said. His voice was further away, too, though more to the other side. “We’re right here with you. As soon as you’re ready, we’ll start our breathing together, okay? That’s all we need you to do – just breathe with us.”

The two of them were so good at reading Alec it was sometimes almost spooky. They knew when to talk to him and when to let the panic run its course. There were some times that, no matter how much they wanted to help or how bad off Alec was, their voices would only make everything worse. In those times the panic would grow higher until Alec either hyperventilated and passed out, or he broke down and went almost catatonic on them.

This time he reacted in a way none of them had expected.

The sharp _no_ that was sitting in his chest came bursting past his lips. It echoed through the room, silencing everything else. Once it was out, it was like there was no holding any of the other words back. They came spilling out of Alec's mouth into his lap, tripping over one another in their haste to get out.

“I don’t… I don’t want… why does everything have to be like this? I don’t know what I _did_ and these, these kids _suffered_ for it, children _died_ , and I can’t… I can’t fix it. I can’t _stop_ it.” Alec clenched his hands tighter and a whine broke free, making his voice crack. “They got hurt because someone wanted to, to hurt _me_ , and now M-Magnus is gonna be hurt, and the rest of you, and I can’t, I don’t _want_ …”

The words trailed off with a wheeze as his lack of air caught up with him. His lungs felt tight, and the words had taken up what little air he had. Sparks were dancing like magic behind Alec's shut eyes.

“Oh, Alec, no,” Alva said, her voice so much softer than before. The gentleness was still there, but there was a pained edge to it now, like what he’d said had physically hurt her. With his head down he missed the way the two were leaning toward him, aching to reach out and help yet knowing they were stuck only with their words. Alva clenched at the edge of the coffee table she sat on and tried to find the right words to give him. “None of this is your fault.”

“She’s right. You didn’t make this bastard kill people. That’s not on you,” Pyrr insisted.

Alec shook his head. “It is, it is, _it is_. They didn’t…they didn’t _do_ anything. They were just _kids_. And they, they died because someone wanted to _hurt me._ ”

“That doesn’t make it your fault,” Pyrr said, his voice so much sharper than before. “No, Alec, don’t you argue with me. It _doesn’t_. There is nothing that you could’ve done to anyone to justify them murdering children to punish you. That choice – that was on them. If they were angry, they should’ve come directly after you instead of doing it like this.”

Alva made a shuffling sound, as if she was inching a bit closer. “He’s right. What this _utpu_ did, that’s on them, not you. Just like our choice to come help you, and Magnus’ choice to go talk to his father, that’s on _us_.”

“You aren’t responsible for our decisions, Alec. You’re not our Captain or our General, ordering us into battle. You’re our friend, and we care about you. That means we want to help you. But it’s _our choice_. If you try to take on the guilt for that, you’re taking away our right to choose.”

The steady logic in those words was something Alec couldn’t argue with. But it didn’t mean it was any easier to bear. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter until it _hurt_. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just, I don’t want… I want you all to be safe.” His voice came out so low and raspy he wasn’t sure they would hear him.

He should’ve known better. Their hearing was exceptional in casual moments. At a time like this when they were so focused on him, he doubted there was anything they wouldn’t hear.

“We want you to be safe, too,” Pyrr said gently.

“We care about you as much as you care about us, and we want _you_ safe, too.”

He knew that. He did. He just didn’t always _understand_ it.

Alec rolled his head side to side so that his forehead got the pressure it needed without doing something that would have them stepping in to stop him. It was soothing in ways he couldn’t put words to. Almost as much as the flex of his fingers against his sides. For the longest time little things like that had been Alec's only source of comfort. He hadn’t often had people to sit there and talk to him until the panic subsided. It was just him and that tight feeling in his chest and the crippling anxiety that he couldn’t get to go away.

Sometimes Isabelle had come to sit with him, back when they were both young. She hadn’t understood what was going on or why her brother looked so upset. All she’d known was that Alec wasn’t happy.

Alec could remember the little word games she’d play in an effort to get him to smile. Or how she’d sing the little play-songs Alec had made up for her, silly little rhymes that Alec had come up with to make her laugh while they played outside. Little Izzy had figured they’d made _her_ laugh, so they should surely work on her brother.

Alec kept rocking, rolling his head this way and that, and started to hum softly under his breath. _Dancing, dancing, down by the water. A pretty little girl in ribbons. Dancing, dancing, over the hills…_ He could see Isabelle, laughing and spinning as she held his hands, chanting the words while they danced in the gardens behind the Institute where no one could see.

“Flying, flying, up in the clouds,” Alec whispered to himself. “Laughing her way through the sky. Pretty, pretty, happy little Izzy, on angel’s wings she’ll fly.”

No one interrupted him. For just few moments Alec let himself get lost in a time of memories gone by. When life was easier, and his panic was for something simpler, like his mother’s disappointment or his father’s indifference. He wrapped himself up in memories of those secret, private moments where things had been _good_. Stolen moments in sunshine and greenery, the taste of laughter on his tongue and a warmth in his heart that came from watching his little sister just be his _little sister_.

Little by little Alec grounded himself in the peace of those memories until he finally felt like he could breathe again.

He didn’t uncurl right away. The last thing he wanted was to see anyone watching him. He just held there, relishing in the ability to breathe normally.

When Alec finally looked up he found the twins seated on the coffee table, which they’d backed just a little away from him to give him more space. They watched him patiently, waiting without pressure for him to speak, to say or do anything. They’d wait as long as he needed. It wouldn’t be the first time, and Alec knew it wouldn’t be the last, either.

But speaking was the last thing Alec wanted. He wasn’t ready for it yet, and judging by the looks on their faces, they knew it.

When Alec pushed up on shaky legs, neither of the twins said anything. They didn’t reach out to steady him, either. They stayed where they were and watched Alec find his balance.

“I’m going to go sit outside,” Alec said, not looking down at either of them. He wasn’t sure he could do that and still stay steady. “I’d like to just… sit alone for a while, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, Alec,” Pyrr said gently. He and Alva stayed where they were, watching silently as Alec made his way out of the room.

There was no one there to get in the way when went through the kitchens and out into the backyard. He knew it was probably ridiculous, but he couldn’t be in the house anymore. He needed to be outside where there was open sky and fresh air.

His feet carried him over to his and Magnus’ tree. There, he could sit and curl himself up. Hide out in a space that felt stupidly safe to him for reasons he couldn’t – wouldn’t – put words to. He needed that comfort right then. Because Alec knew that, no matter how much he calmed himself down, the panic wasn’t going to fully go away until Magnus came back, safe and sound.

Closing his eyes, Alec tried to press warmth against the anchor, and he said a soft prayer. _Please come back. Please, please, I don’t care what you find out just… please come back._


	18. Chapter 18

Despite what the others thought, going to talk to Asmodeus wasn’t something Magnus went into lightly. He knew just how dangerous summoning his father was even in normal times. More so after the warning from the fae. If the veils between realms were thin enough that the unseelie were having to fight to defend their borders, it was only a matter of time before it spilled over to the mortal realm just as they’d said.

To drag Asmodeus up with all that going on was a huge risk.

But they were out of options.

Magnus hadn’t lied – the anchor was holding, and Alec was as safe as they could make him at the moment. But Magnus had no idea how long that was going to last. Or how long Alec even had left. He’d survived this long with the spell, yes, but unless the warlock who’d cast it had been sneaking around to renew it on Alec under some sort of disguise these past couple years, it really should’ve started to fade. The fact that it hadn’t, that it was still so strong, worried him.

Add on the new concerns that Catarina had brought them and, well, they couldn’t afford to keep waiting around. Not anymore.

Once Magnus had made the decision, one that he’d been toying with in the back of his mind for quite a while, he hadn’t wasted any time in getting out of there. The last thing he wanted was for everyone to try and convince him _why_ it was a bad idea. He already knew all that. Plus, well, there’d been a part of Magnus that hadn’t really wanted to stick around and see what Alec thought of the plan… Or what he thought when he realized just who it was Magnus was going to ask questions of.

Because Magnus knew his friends just as well as they knew him, he didn’t go home. He wasn’t dumb enough to try and do this in the place he lived. Nor in one of the very first places his friends would go to look for him.

Instead, he went to one of his other properties. One that Catarina was unaware of, though Ragnor knew it existed. It was where Magnus went to do most major spell workings. Isolated in an Afghani desert, well warded and secured so that no one would ever come _close_ to it. It was also near enough to a ley line that if he needed a power boost mid-spell he’d be able to reach out, while just far enough away that he wouldn’t accidentally trigger it.

The house had the best warding out of any property Magnus owned. Magnus had owned the place for around two hundred years, and in that time he’d continued to add to and update the wards time and time again, until he doubted there was anywhere more secure.

It was the perfect place to summon Asmodeus.

The house was split into two parts, connected by a long hallway. The right side of the house was an actual house, with a bedroom and a kitchen and everything like that. The left was split into two rooms. One small part was an apothecary – one that was tied to every other apothecary he owned, in that he could open the cupboards and it’d show the same ingredients as his other ones. But the rest of it was one large, insanely warded and reinforced _spell room_.

That was where Magnus went to set up. He’d taken a moment after arriving to yank up every single ward that he had. They’d make sure that no one was able to come after him while also making sure that no one could get _out_. Then he went straight to his spell room and started to get to work.

It wasn’t like a summoning spell was hard. Nor was it hard to work the containment spell necessary to guarantee that Asmodeus didn’t break free and try to come topside. Magnus had summoned enough demons – even Greater Demons – to know what he was doing. As he’d told Ragnor the last time they’d done it, “I do know what I’m doing. I didn’t make High Warlock just off my looks, my dear.”

Magnus meticulously lost himself in his preparations for a little while. Focusing on those made it easier for him to briefly ignore the fact that he was about to see the one being in all of Creation that he’d love nothing more than to never see again. The last time he’d seen his Father…it hadn’t gone well between them. Asmodeus would likely pretend to be civil, at least inasmuch as he could be, but conversations between them rarely stayed that way.

Unfortunately for Magnus’ peace of mind, preparations didn’t take all that long. Some of it was already done, built into the floor and the ceiling. All he had to do for those lines was check that they were still there and stable. Pump in a few extra protections, lay down some a few more protective circles for good measure, and make sure that the binding marks on the candles would hold. He was always careful about the candle marks. So many people carved their symbols on the sides where the dripping wax would blur and break them. He’d never understood it.

Magnus shook his head to clear that thought out. He wasn’t here to give out lessons to young warlocks.

Closing his eyes, Magnus took a deep breath, reaching down that anchor line inside of him to where Alec was. This far away he was only able to tell that Alec was alive and uninjured. He couldn’t tell his emotional state or anything else. Though he couldn’t imagine that it was good. Alec, like everyone else, was most likely upset.

Though Magnus couldn’t feel those emotions, he could feel the presence of Alec inside him, and that soothed Magnus in ways he wasn’t quite ready to think about.

Magnus held on to that calm when he rose to his feet at the edge of the summoning circle and gave one last look around.

It was time to do this.

Chthonic flowed easily past Magnus’ lips. It flowed for him as easily as English, or any other language he’d learned in his long life. He hated how natural it felt on his tongue.

Fire leapt up in a perfect circle just inches inside the last of the protective rings. Magnus hadn’t taken any chances – there were layers after layers of protection and containment. Asmodeus wasn’t going to have a chance to slip out.

With each word Magnus chanted the flames grew higher, rising with the tone of his voice, and the power in the air grew with it. Magnus spread his hands out to either side of him and slowly raised them up with it, forcing the power to shape to _his_ will. It built higher and higher until it was barely an inch from the ceiling. Just as the flames finally reached the top, scorching the lines and igniting the circle on the ceiling, Magnus called out the last word in a sharp, ringing voice and slammed his hands down to the ground.

Silence rang around him. Magnus looked up from where he crouched on one knee into the space where moments ago there had been flames. Now there was only the leftover smoke to show that the fire had ever even existed.

Through that smoke, a figure came into view. Magnus rose to his feet and watched as the smoke faded away.

The man who stood in the center of the circle was tall and slender. He wore a finely tailored suit, and held a silver cane in one hand. But Magnus only barely paid any attention to that. All of his focus was on watching as the man slowly turned toward him. Bright cat eyes peeked out from smoothly styled black hair. Asmodeus let a slow smile spread over his face when he finally turned to face Magnus. “Well now, isn’t this a lovely development.”

Magnus fought the urge to step back from those eyes. He held his place, feet firmly planted, and lifted his chin. “Hello, Father.”

Asmodeus looked pleased with Magnus’ response. He always had liked it when Magnus called him _father_ instead of using his name. In the grand scheme of things, it was a simple courtesy to give if it meant keeping the conversation going smoothly. The longer Magnus could manage that, the better.

Then all his plans at keeping things peaceful and calm went flying out the window when Asmodeus smirked at him and said, “I’ve been waiting for your call.”

For one split second Magnus went completely still. He knew better than to let Asmodeus get into his head. It was what he did, what he was good at. But those words hit Magnus hard and left him frozen as the implications behind it swirled through his mind. What it left him thinking was enough to have his heart pounding.

Somehow, Magnus held back the accusations that wanted to spill past his lips. They would get him nowhere. “I’m sorry,” he said instead, his words just a hint mocking with the tiniest trace of bitterness he couldn’t quite let go of. “I wasn’t aware you were expecting me.”

Asmodeus didn’t look offended by his tone – good. However, he did look _amused_ – _not_ good.

“Come now, Magnus.” Making a low chiding sound with a click of his tongue, Asmodeus shook his head. Slowly, he turned himself to fully face Magnus, both hands folding over the head of his cane. That smirk he wore grew, and so did the bad feeling in the pit of Magnus’ stomach. “I was under the impression you’d appreciate a few blunt words, what with the time constraint you’re working under.” His smirk grew wider and so much more dangerous. “You wouldn’t want something to happen to your little friend while you were too far away to anchor him, now would you?”

Any attempts at civility that Magnus might’ve made were lost at those words. The mask he wore fell away to show a kind of rage that would’ve had even those that knew him shivering. “You did this to him.”

“I’m honestly surprised it took you this long to figure that out. Surprised, and perhaps a bit disappointed. I didn’t exactly try and _hide_ my touch on the boy’s soul.”

“It was a little hard to take a look at things when anytime I tried the spell lashed out and trying to _rip out his soul_.” The words slipped out before Magnus could stop them. He grabbed hold of his temper and tried to reign it in – getting furious would do nothing to help him. But even as he tried to choke it all down, one word slipped out. “ _Why?_ ”

Asmodeus lifted a hand off his cane and gestured vaguely through the air. “Who am I to know the minds of men? _You_ are my priority. My _son_. What care do I have about the rest of the pathetic beings?”

“You did all of this to get at me?” Magnus asked slowly. But… that didn’t make any sense. Alec and Magnus hadn’t known one another back when all this first happened to Alec. Sure, they’d lived in the same area, but Magnus had never had a need to encounter the Lightwood boy. There was no way Asmodeus would’ve set this up as a way to trap Magnus.

But, Magnus could easily see him realizing what was going on and taking full advantage of the situation. Even if it meant screwing over whatever being he’d originally made the deal with.

He looked up to find that Asmodeus was watching him, reading whatever emotions might’ve played across his face. He didn’t look happy about them. For the first time since his arrival, his amusement faded into annoyance. “It’s as I always tell you. Your heart will be your downfall. That boy, he is your weakness.” A sneer curled Asmodeus’ upper lip. “He would tie you here to his mortal lifetime and destroy you. You don’t belong up here with him. You belong in Edom, with _me_ , ruling by my side.”

It was the same old speech. What Asmodeus asked for and demanded each and every time they saw one another. And it filled Magnus with the same sense of terror each time he said it. Not just because he never wanted to let that happen, but because once he’d come so close to it. Close enough that he could still taste a hint of that power some days. Still dreamt about it in the darkest, most terrifying corners of his mind. It haunted his nightmares. Taunting him with the time in his life where he’d almost given in to this man in front of him – and to the demon inside.

“I will never rule with you,” Magnus swore fiercely. It was a promise he’d made himself over and over ever since the first time he’d banished his father back to Edom.

A flash of power, of rage, briefly lit up Asmodeus’ eyes. It was all the more terrifying for the fact that he didn’t show any other signs of that temper. His body stayed loose and still – his hands didn’t even clench where he held them on top of his cane. “Then the boy will die. And his soul will be mine to play with for all eternity.” A slow, easy smile grew on his lips. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had the soul of a nephilim to play with. Even a fallen one.”

The thought of that twisted Magnus’ stomach until he was sure he’d be sick all over the floor. Just picturing Alec down in Edom was bad enough. But picturing him under Asmodeus’ care? He didn’t deserve that.

A part of Magnus’ heart felt like it cracked open in that moment.

He knew he cared for Alec, had built a friendship with him that Magnus held a quiet hope might one day be able to evolve into something more. He’d told himself that once this mess was all done and over with, and Alec was free to make his own choices on his life again, free to heal, maybe then Magnus might be able to take Alec up on those hints of interest he saw each time Magnus flirted with him. Alec _was_ interested, of that Magnus had no doubt. But he was hurt and scared, broken in ways that made him no less strong while also leaving him slightly fragile.

Alec needed time, healing, and a lot of counseling. More than anything, Magnus wanted to be there for him through all of that. To help, every single step of the way.

Looking at his father, Magnus knew – that wasn’t going to happen.

“Come with me to Edom, where you belong,” Asmodeus said softly, sensing just how close he was to winning here.

There was no way to trick the solution to this out of Asmodeus. If he really was the one to have put the spell on Alec, and a marker on his soul, only he could remove it. He held all the cards here and Magnus… Magnus had nothing but himself to offer. It was all Asmodeus ever wanted. To have Magnus down in Edom with him. The only question here was – was he willing to offer himself for Alec?

And really, was that even a question at all?

“One year,” Magnus said. He stood tall and firm, locking down all the emotions that were beating in his chest. They both knew Asmodeus had won, but just how much was about to be decided. Magnus wasn’t going to give him an inch he didn’t have to.

Humor lit Asmodeus’ eyes. “One year? Really, Magnus?”

He’d known Asmodeus wouldn’t accept it, but they had to start somewhere, and Magnus was going to make damn sure that he kept this number as low as possible. Asmodeus would try and make it longer. He was going to walk to milk as much time out of Magnus as possible.

As if to prove that, he tilted his head and let his gaze run over Magnus, and then countered with: “Fifty.”

This time it was Magnus’ turn to be amused. He let out a hard laugh and rolled his eyes. “Pretty he might be, but he’s not worth fifty years with you.”

Those words hurt so much to say. Yet they worked, as Magnus hoped they would. He could see as his father took the bait. To the Greater Demon, that response was reasonable, something that he could make sense of in his view of the world. Asmodeus wouldn’t believe that Magnus didn’t care for Alec at all, but he could believe that Magnus would only care about him while he was young and pretty. He’d never understand the part of Magnus that would willingly stand by any of his loves as they grew and aged and changed before his eyes.

“Twenty-five,” Asmodeus countered.

“Two.”

A smirk curled over his lips once more. He lifted a hand and shook a finger at Magnus like some parent scolding an unruly child. “Now, now, you’re not even bargaining.”

“Neither are you,” Magnus fired back. “You know better than to think I’d take a deal like that. Twenty-five years for a mortal who would be half-dead by the time I came back?” Though it pained him – oh, magic, it hurt, and it terrified him how well he still remembered the rules – Magnus knew how this game worked, and he knew what he needed to do here. “Five years, and not a day more. Otherwise what’s the point of it at all? I’m not looking to come back to an old man.”

This time Asmodeus’ smile was slow and easy. His eyes shone, and it made Magnus shiver a bit to see the clear _pride_ there. “You have a colder streak than I imagined, my son.”

Somehow, Magnus managed to not throw up all over the floor. He lifted his chin and let a cold arrogance settle over him. One that not even the King of Edom would be able to see through. “What’s it going to be, Father?”

“You spend five years with me, in Edom,” Asmodeus repeated. It was the only part he cared about. Alec's life, it meant nothing to him, not so long as he got what he wanted.

Magnus swallowed back his bile once more and gave a sharp nod. “And in return, you remove the spell _and_ marker you put on Alexander Lightwood, and you leave him alone.”

A chill settled over Magnus as he watched his father’s face light up. With one word, Asmodeus sealed his fate.

“Deal.”

Magic brushed down Magnus’ spine. He felt it settle over him, and over his father. There was no backing out now. Not for either of them. If they did, they’d forfeit their lives. Though Magnus knew that Asmodeus would hold up his end – would never dream of sacrificing his life for this – it didn’t stop him from saying, “I want proof before I hold up my end of the bargain.”

“I’m bound by my word.”

Magnus didn’t bat an eye. He met Asmodeus stare for stare. This was not something he would give up on. “Then you won’t have any problem providing that proof.”

Shaking his head, Asmodeus let out a chuckle. Then he lifted his hand and waved it vaguely off toward the side. “Fine, fine. Go, check on your precious nephilim and make whatever excuses you need to the others. You’ll find him safe and sound. I’ll expect to see you by sunrise.”

There was nothing left for either of them to do. Magnus lifted his hands and called out the power that was in the air and in his blood, and he chanted the words that would allow him to banish his Father back to Edom once more.

For a long moment afterward, Magnus stood there and stared at the place where his father had just stood. A man he’d just pledged to spend the next five years of his life with.

Something cold settled in Magnus’ heart. So many hundreds of years avoiding this fate, and now he’d just sentenced himself to five years of it. _Five years_. In the grand scheme of things it wasn’t that long, but in terms of time spent in hell, it was an eternity. No matter what he said or what he did, it was going to change him.

He just hoped he recognized the person he became by the time he left there.

* * *

Magnus wasn’t ashamed to admit that he deliberately avoided coming across anyone else when he returned to Ragnor’s house. He didn’t want to have to deal with everyone and all their questions and concerns. Call him selfish, but he didn’t want to spend his last few hours here fighting with everyone.

A few letters sat in his pocket. One to each of the important people here. Hopefully five years would be enough time for them to get over their anger at him for leaving this way.

There was only one person that Magnus truly wanted to see.

With that in mind, Magnus portaled to the outside edge of the wards. The wards set to allow his coming and going – which meant that only Ragnor would sense him coming, and grumpy though he might come off to others, he also understood Magnus far better than anyone else. He would recognize Magnus portaling outside instead of directly into the house as a sign of him wanting to be alone.

Portaling outside also meant that Magnus had the added benefit of being able to take a moment and reach out to feel where everyone was. Or, more accurately, where _he_ was.

It only took a second for Magnus to find him. When he realized that Alec was outside, sitting under their tree, he let out a soft sigh. It seemed appropriate that he was out there. What better place for them to sit and talk?

Magnus wasn’t all that surprised to find that Aliri was standing guard near the back door. She was close enough to watch Alec, to help him if needed, while also giving him enough space for privacy. She was good at that, he’d noticed. Better than any of the others.

She looked up when Magnus came around the side of the house. Though she didn’t smile, she did nod his way, and Magnus chose to take that as welcome and permission all rolled into one.

Normally, Magnus might’ve taken a moment to say something to her, even if it was just a polite “Good evening.” But at the moment Magnus had just one thing on his mind. He could see Alec just ahead, leaning against the tree that had become theirs, and the thought of stopping long enough to even say ‘hi’ to someone else suddenly seemed unbearable.

Alec was leaning back against the trunk, legs stretched out in front of him and his face tipped up toward the sky. He looked beautiful.

And, to Magnus’ eternal joy, completely spell free.

He could see it the instant he laid eyes on Alec. Had felt it, even, as soon as he’d landed. There was no need for the anchor anymore. The spell that Asmodeus had put on Alec's soul, it was gone. Alec was a free man – he just didn’t know it yet.

Part of Magnus wanted to rush over there and immediately tell him. Alec deserved to know before anyone else. But, something stayed his feet. Maybe it was his fear at what he knew he had to do tonight. Or maybe it was the exhaustion and the pain that were written all over that angelic face.

Moments like these were what really brought home to Magnus just how much of a weight Alec carried around with him every day. How high his shields were, and how heavy the things were that he carried behind it. For this one brief sliver of time those shields were gone and the softer, rawer side of Alec was exposed, free for the world to see in the ache in his eyes, the lines on his face, the slump of his body.

Magnus wanted nothing more than to wrap Alec in a bubble of magic and make damn sure that no one hurt him any more than they already had. This was too personal for someone to stumble upon and see. Hell, it was too personal for _him_ to see. Even with as close as they were this was still a glimpse into the most vulnerable parts of Alec. Parts that no one should see unless he chose to let them.

Alec suddenly rolled his head against the tree trunk, his eyes going right to Magnus, and it hit him like a punch to the gut. Because Alec wasn’t pulling up his masks. He wasn’t hiding. He stayed where he was, staring at Magnus, and he _let Magnus see_. Let him bear witness to this in a display of trust that was staggering.

Without taking a moment to think about it, or the consequences of it, Magnus’ feet carried him over to Alec.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world to fold himself down to the ground and take up a seat right there at Alec's side. Their backs were against the trunk of the tree, their legs stretched out, and their bodies bare inches apart.

Others might’ve immediately launched into questioning Magnus. They would’ve wanted to know how it went, what took him so long, why he was gone all day. Especially if they were in Alec's shoes. It was his life, after all. He had every right to demand answers.

Yet he didn’t. Alec didn’t demand anything. He sat there and let Magnus settle in, and he let the silence fall over them

Magnus wasn’t sure how long the two of them sat there together just staring up at the stars. It was a peaceful moment that Magnus wanted desperately to hold on to. One that he wrapped up in the private corners of his heart and stored away for the long, terrifying nights to come. Little moments like these would be what helped him to get through it. They would help him cling to himself and stay true to who he was. He hoped.

The silence couldn’t last forever, though. Alec gave him far longer than Magnus had expected. But eventually, he broke the quiet.

“I take it your visit didn’t go all that well,” Alec said softly.

The urge to give a flippant answer rose and then died on Magnus’ tongue. He found he didn’t want to be flippant, and he didn’t want to lie. Here, with Alec so close to his side, and the stars spread out above them, it didn't feel so hard to speak the words. _Alec deserves some sort of explanation. He deserves to understand._ Especially considering what was to come.

The others would likely have to explain to Alec who Magnus' father was anyway if Magnus tried to keep it quiet. He didn’t want that. Maybe he’d taken the cowards’ way out and explained everything else in his letter, but this? Who Magnus’ father was? This needed to come from him. He didn't want Alec to find it out from someone else. Maybe it was stupid, but he wanted to be the one to tell Alec. He wanted to see with his own eyes if this was something Alec could tolerate, or if it would finally scare him away from Magnus' side.

He just couldn't bring himself to look directly at Alec as he did it. It was far easier to stare up at the stars and steal glimpses at the man from the corner of his eye.

“My Father isn't an easy man,” Magnus started with. “Dealing with him... isn't something I relish.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through that.”

Magnus shook his head and turned just long enough to shoot Alec a chiding look. “Don't take on the guilt for this, Alexander. It was my choice. I'm the one that made the decision to go and see him.” He stressed that, wanting Alec to understand. To remember. When everything came out, he hoped to Alec's angel that he remembered.

Sighing, Magnus rolled his head once more so he could go back to staring up at the stars. He wasn’t quite sure how to say this. He'd never really been good at sharing intimate details of his life. Too many people had taken them and used them against him for him to be comfortable baring those vulnerable pieces of himself.

What was it about Alec that made it feel so much easier? _Safer_. Magnus had no idea, but he held that feeling to himself and hoped it wouldn't prove wrong.

Pressing his lips together, Magnus decided to take a leaf out of Alec's book here and go with blunt honesty. The words might be easier to get out that way. “My Father... my Father is Asmodeus.”

He felt a little twitch beside him. But that was it. Alec didn't strike out, didn't pull away. He didn't even say anything. Though that wasn't necessarily a good sign. Alec's voice often abandoned him when he was particularly panicked or upset.

With no response from the man beside him, it urged Magnus on. He found his words tripping themselves past his lips with a lack of grace that was reminiscent of the young and terrified boy he'd once been. “We aren't on good terms, he and I. We haven't been for a long, long time. More than anything in all the realms my Father wants me to come down to Edom with him so he can use my power to help him defeat Lilith in their never-ending war. He says he wants me to rule by his side, but what he really wants is my power. I'm the strongest out of any child he's sired.”

That was a little fact Magnus hadn't shared with anyone, either. He often let people believe different things about his power levels the same way he told everyone a different number each time they asked his age. Better to let himself be a mystery. If people didn’t know the truth, they couldn’t use it against him. They couldn't demand he do this, or do that, or help them with this. He didn't have to worry about someone hunting him down in an effort to challenge him or try to steal his power.

Most people knew that he was strong. That was enough. If they had any idea about the actual level of power he commanded… he didn't want to think of what it would mean.

A soft rustle broke through Magnus' spiraling thoughts. He glanced down in just enough time to watch as Alec's hand finished turning over. He'd moved it from where it'd been curled against his side and had laid it in the grass, palm up. An offer without any pressure to accept it. Just the same as Magnus always did for him.

A lump built in Magnus' throat. He slowly drew his hand away from his leg and brought it over. He hesitated for a moment, not quite sure. What if he was reading this wrong? But a quick look up at Alec's face, the calmness that he found there and those dark eyes so soft with understanding, and Magnus let out a shuddering breath. He lowered his hand so that it rested over Alec's. The two laced their fingers together until they were intertwined in a way that felt natural and _right_.

Magnus kept hold of Alec's hand as he looked back up at the sky. With the warmth of Alec's fingers twined together with his it was easier to keep talking. To continue opening up this part of himself that he'd kept locked away for so long. The part of him that was terrified of what he knew the morning light would bring.

“It's my greatest fear, to lose myself to him again.” The words were so soft they were barely a whisper on the wind. Shame coiled in Magnus' gut as he thought of what he'd done, what he'd been, all those years ago. “I let him control me once, back when I was very, very young. I don't ever want to let him do that again. I don't... I don't want to be that person again. Who I was when I was with him is like my worst nightmare of myself. It's everything I work hard not to be.”

“That's not who you are anymore, Magnus,” Alec said softly. It was the first time he'd spoken up since this conversation had started. His voice was quiet yet firm. Silk over steel. He gripped at Magnus' hand and leaned in a little more so that their shoulders were pressing together as well. “You're so much more than what he tried to make you. You're Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and one of the nicest, most generous warlocks I've ever known. You're not what your father wants you to be. You're who _you_ decided to be.”

Alec went quiet after that as if he'd used up all the words he had.

It was so hard not to blurt out the truth to Alec in that moment. To tell him what had come from the meeting, and what it would mean. So far, Alec hadn’t asked, and Magnus was well aware it was likely because Alec trusted him to say anything if something good had come out of this. In not discussing the meeting itself, it was likely Alec took that to mean that things hadn’t worked out, and he was just not pressing Magnus on it.

Magnus knew it made him more of a bastard than he already was to take advantage of that. It was just – he wanted this. He wanted this quiet, peaceful moment with Alec before everything good was ripped away from him.

Once more rolling his head to the side, Magnus found his face just inches from Alec's. Something warm and _real_ bubbled up inside him.

All of a sudden, some of the words that Magnus had put into that letter, some of the ones he hadn’t dared to write down, rose up to his lips. Looking at Alec, they were impossible not to think, not to say. This, too, was something else Alec deserved to hear from him. To hear someone say to him and know just by looking at them that they were telling the truth.

When Magnus opened his mouth, the first thing that slipped out was a truth he had come to realize before he’d known the truth of who Alec really was, and that he’d been reminded of since Alec had been dragged back into his life. “You are absolutely stunning, Alexander Lightwood.”

To Magnus’ delight, a blush darkened Alec's cheeks. He looked down and away, as if to deny it.

Magnus shook his head. “I know life hasn’t given you reason to believe it, but you are.”

“ _Magnus_.” The sound of his name was a soft, embarrassed plea on Alec's lips. His body twitched as if he was fighting back the urge to shift around or truly look away. But he didn’t leave, and Magnus took that as encouragement to keep going, to say the words he might not ever get the chance to say again.

Alec deserved to hear them.

“You… matter to me, Alexander. There’s just something about you.” A soft smile graced Magnus’ lips. He rubbed his thumb over Alec’s knuckles and wished he could reach up to do the same to his cheek. “You’ve unlocked something in me. Something I’ve kept hidden for so long out of fear. Yet you – you make me feel safe. In ways no one else ever has.”

Those gorgeous eyes that Magnus loved to stare at were watching him with a kind of wide-eyed awe that was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking. No one should look so stunned at the idea that they were wanted. That someone cared for them.

He hadn’t expected Alec to say anything back, but he should’ve known by that point that Alec would defy expectations. He always did.

The hand in Magnus’ tightened ever-so-slightly. Though Alec’s cheeks flushed, and his voice was softer than normal, there was a core of strength to him that nothing had ever managed to beat out of him. Even if Alec couldn’t see it was there. It was what gave Alec the courage to speak up, even though words were harder for him than anything else. “You matter to me too, Magnus. I always feel safe when I’m with you. Even when I’m terrified, the whole world just feels _easier_ when you’re right there with me.”

What could Magnus say to that? Magnus wanted to lean in to kiss him, but he wasn’t sure if that would be welcome yet. For all the bravery those words just showed, Alec was still skittish, and rightfully so.

Magnus contemplated for just a moment before he finally settled on drawing Alec's hand up toward him and pressing a soft kiss against scarred knuckles. He only heard the soft gasp, that briefest of inhales, because he was listening for it.

When he lowered their hands down and looked back up at Alec through his lashes, he found Alec watching him, wide-eyed and trembling, just a little. But he didn’t pull away. Didn’t chide Magnus for the gesture. If anything, his fingers tightened their hold as if to stop Magnus from pulling away.

Smiling, Magnus once more settled himself back against the tree and lifted his eyes to the sky. He didn’t say anything – what else was there to even say? He just sat there and let himself bask in the comfort of being here in this peaceful moment with the one person he wanted to be with most.

After a few quiet minutes Alec shifted himself a little closer until their arms brushed together. He was a bit lower than before. Magnus found out why a second later when Alec moved again, only this time it was to lay his head against Magnus’ shoulder. He felt tense as he did, like he wasn’t sure if Magnus would allow the touch. But Magnus said nothing, and little by little he felt it as Alec relaxed against him. More of his weight settled into Magnus’ side.

Neither man said a word. They just sat there in that tiny little oasis that they’d made for themselves and drew comfort from one another.

Sitting like this, something in Magnus settled. He snuck a look at the top of Alec's head and smiled to himself.

Five years wasn’t too bad. Little did Asmodeus know, Magnus would’ve promised twice as much if it meant saving Alexander.

He had no idea when this ex-shadowhunter had come to mean quite so much to him. Or how. They weren’t dating – hadn’t even _kissed_. They flirted, yes. And Alec's words of care were something Magnus was going to hold tight to his heart to help him get through these next torturous years. But that was all they had. A spark and a start. A _potential_ for so much more.

He doubted Alec would hold on to that spark while he was gone. But the memory of it might be enough to make the next five years a little easier.

* * *

Magnus was still awake hours later as Alec snored softly into the side of his neck. The younger man had moved in his sleep, gradually gravitating closer and closer to Magnus, until he’d ended up under Magnus’ arm and right up against his chest. It was like, in sleep, Alec lost the inhibitions and fears that kept him from seeking out the touch he so clearly craved. He’d drawn his knees up and turned his body just enough that his tall frame was somehow perfectly tucked in against Magnus’ side.

Holding him the way he was left Magnus feeling even more protective of Alec. He found himself spending the night just holding him and weaving charms that he sent down the anchor line between them for a peaceful, dreamless sleep. Even if it was only for one night, at least he could give Alec this. Give him a chance to rest without fear or pain stealing his slumber away.

Eventually, the soft fingers of dawn began to creep up on the horizon, and the magic on Magnus’ soul gave a tug to remind him that payment was coming due. He wasn’t going to be able to linger here much longer.

His hands were gentle as he carefully gathered Alec up. He didn’t dare risk carrying him inside to bed. But if he left him against the tree Alec would get cold and sore.

The problem was solved when Aliri came up out of the shadows. When she’d moved from the back of the house, Magnus had no idea. But it felt like he blinked and she was suddenly there, white hair shining in the last of the moonlight, those unseelie silver eyes glinting at him like the stars he’d spent so much of the night staring at.

She glided forward on silent feet. When she reached their legs, she knelt down in front of them. “I’ll take him for you, get him inside.”

That was as good a plan as any. It would save Magnus from having to go inside. Though, it’d also mean he would have to let go.

The call of magic was getting stronger and stronger. Magnus didn’t have time to linger no matter how much he might want to. Bending his head, he closed his eyes and whispered soft words against Alec's hair. A prayer and an apology all rolled into one. Then he forced himself to draw away and to allow Aliri to slip in and take his place.

She made the transfer smoothly, taking Alec's weight against her so that he was barely even disturbed. Though the light sleep-spell that Magnus cast on him probably helped with that.

As he knelt there beside the two of them, Magnus did the last thing he knew he had to do before he left. He reached out one hand and laid his palm flat against Alec's chest. The little kernel of magic that he’d put inside the young man responded easily to his call. Magnus drew on it, carefully unwinding it from around Alec until he could pull it free, leaving Alec's soul unmarked for the first time in far, far too long.

When he looked up, he found Aliri watching him with a look of such understanding, he knew that she might not _know_ , but she strongly suspected how his meeting had gone. He realized she’d probably heard whatever words he’d shared with Alec last night. From there, and his current actions, she’d clearly pieced it all together.

“Look after him for me?” Magnus murmured to her.

“With my very life.”

Aliri carefully drew Alec into her arms as if he weighed nothing more than a child. One arm behind his back, the other under his legs, she lifted and braced him against her without any sign of strain.

Together, the two rose to their feet.

From his pocket, Magnus drew out the letter for Alec, and after only a brief hesitation he laid it on the man’s chest. “Put that somewhere he’ll find it, if you don’t mind. Somewhere he’ll be able to read it privately.”

“I’ll make sure of it,” Aliri promised. Then, in a move that stunned Magnus, she gave as much of a bow as she could while holding Alec, her head dipped low in a sign of the deepest respect an unseelie could give. “May the blessing of the Goddess be on you, as she has been on us with your presence. Until we meet again.”

Magnus watched as she turned away and walked back toward the house with her charge held carefully in her arms. She’d be true to her word, he knew. It was likely the unseelie already would’ve kept Alec under guard with as much as they clearly loved him. They’d drawn him into their family and made a space for him even if Alec didn’t always seem to realize that.

Magnus comforted himself with that knowledge – that Alec wouldn’t have to be alone – as he turned away from his family and friends and walked toward a future he didn’t want, but that he would willingly bear so long as those he cared for stayed safe.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with me, guys! Your comments are amazing and I love reading your theories :D THANK YOU

When Alec had fallen asleep the night before it’d been with the warm comfort of a body next to him. Someone he found himself trusting to not only do nothing while Alec slept, but to also keep him safe from anyone else trying something. Alec had fallen asleep with the slightly faster beat of Magnus’ heart easily heard against his ear, and a hand in his that had been there long enough for the metal of the rings to warm.

When he woke up, he was lying in his bed, alone, with the blankets tucked around him.

For a moment Alec just laid there and stared at the far wall. Had he just dreamed that whole encounter? Magnus, the talk, falling asleep together – had it all been some crazy dream his needy brain concocted?

Alec tried to shake that thought off. Creative though his brain could be, it wasn’t ever creative in a _positive_ way. He didn’t dream about good things happening to him. Therefore, it had to have been real. But if it _was_ real, how the hell had he gotten here?

With his good hand, Alec pushed himself up on the bed, sleepily looking around as he did. This was definitely the room he was using at Ragnor’s. And there was no Magnus in sight.

The thought that maybe he’d carried Alec in here was enough to have the young man ducking his head and blushing. He knew he was skinny, despite Alaion’s best efforts to feed him up. But carrying him in here still probably wouldn’t have been easy. He was taller than Magnus, after all. Though he’d seen Magnus close-to-shirtless enough to realize that the man had a set of _biceps_ on him.

Alec once more shook his head. What on earth was he doing, sitting here thinking about Magnus’ _biceps_? It was ridiculous. _He_ was being ridiculous.

Mentally chiding himself, Alec began the process of getting out of bed, something that he rarely ever did well anymore. Usually his body was tired and sore from a night spent curled up into a tight, tense ball, barely even moving. It left his muscles locked up and as sore as if he’d been running a marathon, or sparring with Jace.

This time, Alec didn’t feel as much of that as he was used to. If anything, he felt strangely _light_. Like getting a proper amount of sleep had taken a weight off him.

It was as he set his feet on the ground that Alec noticed something he hadn’t before. There, on his nightstand, was a rather thick looking envelope. One with his name scrawled across the front in beautiful cursive.

The envelope itself looked like it was made of old parchment. When Alec picked it up, it _felt_ old, and heavy. Far heavier than an envelope should be. Slowly, carefully, he turned it over. On the back was a red wax seal marked by a calligraphy ‘M’ that left Alec without a doubt as to who this was from.

Alec felt his lips twitch upward in a faint smile. He didn’t try and hide it – there was no one in here to see it. No one to judge as he smiled to himself while breaking the wax seal.

A second later that smile fell away when Alec caught sight of what was inside. Not just a letter, though he saw the folded up sheets of paper. There were _rings_ – two silver rings nestled together on a long silver chain. Alec's hand was surprisingly steady when he reached in to take hold of the chain. He drew it up until it dangled free in front of him.

Those weren’t just any rings hanging from the end of that chain. Alec recognized them easily. How could he not? They were always on Magnus’ fingers. His _M_ and _B._ Two rings that he never went without. Yet here they were, hanging on a chain, wrapped up in a letter with Alec's name on it.

The peaceful feeling that Alec had been carrying since he woke up was starting to fade away. Instinctively, Alec reached inside for the anchor, not realizing how he drew the necklace down to his chest at the same time, as if he could physically reach inside to where the anchor sat.

Shock rocked through him when Alec mentally reached to the place that had become more than just an anchor for a spell, but an anchor for _him_. Where usually there was warmth and comfort there was now nothing.

 _The anchor was gone_.

Alec felt his body lock down even as a rush of adrenaline filled him. It was the same sensation he used to get before missions back when he’d been a shadowhunter. The same feeling that would fill him now when faced with a threat in front of him. His body would be forced into fight or flight, and for the past two years, flight had been the best option. The _only_ option.

This time, Alec couldn’t run. Where would he run to? He didn’t even know for sure yet that anything was wrong! Even so, he found himself wanting to call out to whoever stood guard outside his door this time. Maybe one of them would be able to come in here and help this whole thing make sense.

Alec's eyes drifted down to the letter. There was every chance those pieces of paper would do the job and help the world to make sense. All he had to do was reach in there and take them out.

So why couldn’t he? Why was he still sitting there staring at the folded up slips of paper?

It took far too long for Alec to gather up the courage to actually reach in and take those papers out. He set the envelope down on the bed, and almost set the rings down as well before he paused, hesitating just a moment. Then he drew the chain back up and, with just one hand, raised it over his head. Setting them down felt wrong. Better he let them hang from his neck so that his hands could be free to unfold the paper and finally read what was inside.

It only took a few words for Alec's heart to start pounding, and his breath to catch in his chest.

Words leapt out at him from the pages. _I’m so sorry_ and _did what I had to do_ and, even more painfully, _I hope you forgive me._

Alec read through the letter three different times before he was finally able to make sense of it all. Magnus laid everything out in his letter. _It was the only way to get the spell removed. My Father would’ve accepted no other price._

But it was the second half of the letter that got to him the most.

_I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I knew that you’d argue with me. That you’d insist you’d be fine or that we’d find another way. I know my father well enough to know that there is no other way. If I had turned him down, he would’ve sent everything he had after you to take you down before we could. He wouldn’t risk losing such a powerful thing as a nephilim soul if he wasn’t getting something even more powerful in return._

_With the spell gone, you’ll be able to go back to your Institute. Back to your family. Without the spell to push them all away I imagine they’ll want to be right there by your side where they should’ve been all along. If you bring Ragnor with you to meet with them, he’ll be able to cast a truth spell to prove that what you’re saying is real as you tell them everything. Then maybe there’s some way you can get your runes back._

_We never talked about your future. What you’d do after this spell was gone. So I have no idea if being a shadowhunter is even what you want anymore. But just in case it isn’t, I wanted you to have options. That’s why I gave you my rings._

_Corbin’s protection spell was dangerous, crude, and deliberately done in a way to draw on your pain. The protection spells I put on these rings will keep you sheltered from everyone. A demon could be standing on top of you and never known you were a nephilim. They’ll also protect you from most basic magical attacks. I’m sorry I couldn’t provide you with more. It’s my hope that they’ll be able to help keep you alive until I return. They’ll work on the necklace or on your fingers, whichever you prefer._

_I don’t know if you’re going to want to see me when I get back. If you’re too angry, if you’ve moved on, I’ll understand. What we were finding together was but the whisper of a promise. I don’t expect you to hold out for that. More than anything I just want you to be happy. Whatever that may mean for you._

_Take care of yourself, Alexander. You are strong, brave, and so very precious. Don’t ever forget that._

  * _Magnus_



Alec's free hand came up to curl around the rings. He held there as he stared at the words on the pages in front of him.

It felt like Alec's whole world was imploding. Magnus was gone. _Magnus was gone_. That was all Alec could think, over and over, as he sat there clutching the letter in his hand. Nothing else registered for him. Nothing else _mattered_. Magnus had gone with Asmodeus, gone to Edom, because he wanted to help Alec. He'd done it to remove that magic. To keep Alec safe.

Magnus had made that deal, and then he’d come back here and curled up with Alec under their tree and opened himself up, let Alec peek at the vulnerable places inside, knowing that he was going to have to leave come morning.

A part of Alec wanted to be furious at him for that. Magnus knew that Alec hated the idea of anyone being hurt for him. He knew that Alec wouldn’t want this. Yet he’d done it anyway. And he’d done it in a way that Alec hadn’t been able to speak his mind or get any sort of vote in it at all. He’d taken away Alec's _choice_. Yes, he’d done it for what were good reasons, but that didn’t stop the fact that he’d done it, and Alec wanted to be angry with him over it.

The other part of him, a part growing louder and louder by the minute, felt a sense of almost giddy _relief_. That part of him was growing, taking over everything else. And though Alec knew he should focus on this new problem, on the fact that Magnus was now trapped down in _Edom_ , he couldn’t stop thinking – _the spell was gone._

A broken laugh tumbled up Alec's throat and past his lips. He gripped even tighter to the rings around his neck, and he found himself bent over, gasping for breath even as he started to laugh. It was over – it was finally _over_. No more people hunting him down, no more running from town to town, hiding out in little hovels. The spell was _gone_.

He’d just had to sacrifice one of the only good things in his life to get it.

Alec wasn’t sure when laughter turned to sobs, or when the sobs began to steal away his ability to breathe. He curled himself over, one hand still clutching those rings tight in a fist pressed to his heart, while the other hand held the slightly crumpled letter.

The door to his room opened and someone was saying his name. Alec heard them come in and he didn’t care. He bowed his head and let the tears come pouring down his cheeks while sobs shook him.

Someone’s hand gently touched his arm. Alec didn’t even bother looking. He recognized the touch as it slid from his arm to his back, and then around to his other arm, pulling him in gently. For once Alec didn’t fight it. He let himself collapse against Pyrr’s chest and be held close while he cried – for what Magnus had done, what he was going to have to go through, and for himself, too. For what he’d been through these past two years, and the relief at knowing that it was _over_.

* * *

Twenty minutes later found every remaining resident of the house gathered in the living room. It was a much tenser atmosphere than the last time they’d gathered in there. Alec sat on the couch, bracketed by the twins. Neither of them was willing to move away from him at the moment. They hadn’t left him once since they’d come in and found him sobbing in the bedroom.

Alec wasn’t sure how long he’d stayed in the bedroom crying against Pyrr’s chest. His friend hadn’t chased him away. He’d held Alec there and let him cry out every tear he had. Then, when the tears finally dried up and Alec was slumped against him, exhausted, Pyrr had continued to hold him while Alva got a cool cloth and came back to help clean up Alec's face.

He didn’t know who they spoke to, or what they did, but when Alec had finally calmed down, they’d brought him out here where everyone else had already been gathering.

Now that some of the grief had drained from him, there was a part of Alec that just felt a creeping numbness. He sat there on the couch and watched as Alaion and Aliri took up place at the armrests of the couch, perching there like they were trying to get as close as possible without smothering him. Alec had noticed they all tended to do that. They liked to touch when it came to emotions. Even if they didn’t always let others see, they reached for one another in a lot of discreet ways, and they tried to do it with him, too, while respecting his boundaries.

Ragnor was slumped down in his chair, looking more exhausted than Alec could remember seeing him. He held his own letter in hand, one that he’d clearly been talking about with them though Alec hadn’t heard a word of it. He found himself watching the way Ragnor sat, the lines that grew on his face, the grief and pain that was just barely visible beyond his masks.

In the chair beside him, Catarina wasn’t bothering to hide her pain at all. Her eyes were watery, and there was a fierce, furious light there. One that promised pain if she could just figure out a way to get her hands on Asmodeus to deliver it.

Alec didn’t really pay too much attention to their words. They were all debating back and forth about what they could do. None of them wanted to admit the truth – that they couldn’t do anything. There was no way to free Magnus from Edom that didn’t involve killing Asmodeus first. A deal was a deal. Magnus was just as bound by it as Asmodeus was. They couldn’t storm Edom and yank Magnus free from his clutches. Not without putting Magnus at risk of losing his life for breaking the deal.

Even if they could steal Magnus, the unseelie wouldn’t be able to help them. In their culture there was nothing worse or more dangerous than being an _oath breaker_. The consequences of such were said to be _terrible_. Even the Shadowhunters had heard whispers of the sluagh. The stuff of legend and nightmares – monsters so horrific it was said it could destroy the minds of men just to look upon them. They were beings of the Wild Hunt. Creatures made of the wildest, darkest magic, bound by their power and by the power of Hunt to answer the call when the Hunt came. And one of the things the Hunt was known for was taking down those who broke their oaths.

Breaking Magnus free from Edom wasn’t going to be possible, and all of them here knew it.

Catarina voiced those very words, though it sounded like it hurt something in her to do it. “We can’t get Magnus free from this, not without killing Asmodeus, and none of us here are powerful enough to take out a Greater Demon.” She drew in a breath that was audibly shaky, and then carefully blew it back out. With that she seemed to find a sense of control that she gripped tightly to. “However, we have other problems on our plate that we _can_ solve. In my letter, Magnus said that his research suggests that we get you back to the Institute, Alec. With the spell gone, the people there won’t feel compelled to disbelieve you. You should be able to speak with them, and with our help and a truth spell or two, we can prove your innocence. Then maybe we can see if there’s a way for you to get your runes back.”

The words all sounded right. They sounded like something that Alec should do. That he should care about. But… that numbness was growing. For the first time in a long time, Alec wasn’t afraid, wasn’t teetering almost constantly on the edge between calm and a panic attack. He just… didn’t feel anything.

“Alec?”

Catarina’s voice had Alec looking up at her. He stared at her, barely registering the way she flinched ever-so-slightly when their eyes connected.

It took a second for Alec to realize that she wanted some sort of response. That they wanted his input on their discussion. Alec looked at her and felt some of that numbness inside him give a small throb, a hint of emotion hiding underneath that Alec knew would consume him if he let it.

“What?” he asked her, the word flat and cold on his lips.

Catarina’s eyes were gentle as she looked at him. “I understand that this is… it’s hard right now. I’m not going to pretend it isn’t. But, Magnus, he did this so that you’d have a chance to live.”

“Yeah, well, maybe he should’ve tried asking me what I wanted before he did that,” Alec pointed out. He felt a little crackle of anger underneath everything and worked hard to focus on the numbness. Better to be numb than to let those other feelings in. Alec embraced that numbness and let it fill him more and more.

Ragnor was watching Alec with an almost analytical look on his face. He had his head tilted, and his eyes were studying Alec like he was some sort of puzzle the older warlock was trying to figure out. His grief was still written on him, but he could focus around it. A lesson he’d no doubt learned in his long, long life.

“This is your chance,” Ragnor finally said, never taking his eyes off Alec as he did. “You could go home, see your family and friends again. Get your old life back.”

Alec closed his eyes and pictured the letter that he had memorized. _We never talked about your future. What you’d do after this spell was gone. So I have no idea if being a shadowhunter is even what you want anymore. But just in case it isn’t, I wanted you to have options. That’s why I gave you my rings._

Curling his hand even tighter around the rings, Alec let out a soft laugh that sounded bitter even to him. “Who says that’s what I want?”

The room went quiet. Everyone was looking at him, and Alec could feel their questions, feel their concern thick on the back of his tongue, and it tasted bitter. He felt some of that numbness attempt to crack again and clamped down tighter.

“We’re talking about your life here,” Catarina said slowly. “A chance to save you before the extra angelic energy in your body burns you out.”

The last thing Alec felt in risk of was burning out. If anything, he felt like he was going to freeze over.

“You guys all seem content to plan my life out without me. Why do you need my input now?” he asked. In the silence that followed, Alec pushed his way up to his feet. “Excuse me.”

There was only one place that Alec could think of to go right then. Not back to his room, where he’d risk being pinned in by those four walls, trapped in a little space he didn’t want to be in. No – he went to the last place he’d been with Magnus, the place that felt most like him even when he wasn’t there. It was the only place Alec could think of being at the moment.

Alec made his way out of the house and over to their tree. Seeing it was enough to put a small crack in that icy-numbness that was gripping him.

He curled himself down onto the ground at the base of the tree the same way he always did. The same place he’d sat just hours ago holding hands with Magnus as the warlock opened up about his father and his fears.

Thinking of that had Alec closing his eyes tight enough to make it hurt.

What was he supposed to do? There was no way around this. No way that he could see to save Magnus from having to live _five years_ in Edom. If they killed Asmodeus, yes, that might be enough to break the deal, to set Magnus free from Edom. Or he might still be trapped down there, bound by the terms of the deal even if Asmodeus was no longer alive to hold him to it. It all depended on the power of the promise and the wording behind it.

It wasn’t like Alec could even go down there to him to try and find a way to help. Mundanes couldn’t survive in Edom. Even if Alec went and became a Shadowhunter, that wouldn’t help, because Shadowhunters couldn’t survive there either. Their angel blood made that impossible.

The fact that going to Edom at all was a possibility that crossed his mind probably should’ve worried him. Instead… it just felt _right_.

Whatever there was between he and Magnus wasn’t something Alec had the words for. It was something that felt like… like it was meant to be. Like it’d always been meant to be. They may have only gotten to know one another these past two months, but a part of Alec felt like he’d known the man for so much longer.

Thinking of Magnus having to suffer down there in Edom, alone, made Alec's heart ache in ways he hadn’t known it could. And he was helpless to do anything to stop it.

Alec tipped his head back so that it rested back against the tree, staring sightlessly up at the branches above him. There was no one out there with him to comment on the silent tears that began to trickle down his cheeks.

* * *

It was the sound of voices shouting that drew Alec's attention off of his own sulking and back toward the house. He briefly contemplated ignoring it. Just a few hours into the morning and Alec was pretty sure he’d already reached his limit for the day. He didn’t want to deal with any other problems. But then the voices grew louder, and Alec recognized the sound of Pyrr’s voice, though he didn’t think he’d ever heard the other man so pissed off before.

Another voice joined in, sharper and more commanding – Alaion, barking out a “That’s enough!” that had even Alec snapping to attention.

While Alec might’ve ignored a general argument, hearing that tone come out of Alaion – a Captain clearly commanding his team – was enough to draw Alec up out of his thoughts and back to the present.

The pain was still there when Alec moved, and the numbness much farther gone than it had been, but the group inside weren’t the only ones that knew how to push away their own issues to focus on what was happening right in front of them. Being a Shadowhunter had taught Alec that skill – being an ex-Shadowhunter living on the run had only helped hone it.

Alec pushed aside all that he could and ignored the rest. Then, rising carefully to his feet, he made his way over to the house. The closer he got, the clearer the voices became.

“…had no right to do this,” Alaion was saying, and _oh_ , Alec didn’t envy the person on the receiving end of that tone. That wasn’t just an _I’m disappointed in you_ tone, or the typical _You’re an idiot_ tone that he used when the others did something stupid. This was cold, hard, and furious. “This wasn’t your decision to make. How dare you try and take that from him?”

“I’ll dare a lot if it keeps my patients _alive_ ,” came the almost immediate reply. Alec's eyebrows shot up toward his hairline. That was _Catarina_. But why on earth was Alaion yelling at Catarina like that?

Then another voice spoke, and for the second time that day Alec's whole world felt like it was about to tip off its axis. He froze just a foot away from the back door as a voice drifted out toward him that he hadn’t heard in over two years. A voice he hadn’t been sure he’d ever hear again.

“Look you guys can argue all you want, I don’t care. Someone just tell me where my brother is.”

 _Isabelle_.

That was… that was Isabelle’s voice. Proud, angry, and with that shaky undertone she got sometimes when she was trying to cover up how upset she really was. It was the tone Alec had heard her use on the assholes back in her teenage years – before she’d developed a thicker skin – who would try and put down her choice in clothes or shoes not just during training but during her free time, too.

They would call her names, laugh at her, and Isabelle had always fought back. She’d never been able to just ignore those kinds of things the way Alec did, or laugh them off the way Jace could. Not back then. She’d met every word they said with a sharp challenge of her own. And all the while, she’d have that _quiver_ under her words that you had to know her well to hear.

Alec heard it now, and he felt the same instinct he always had to go in there and stand up with her. Be it at her back while she kicked their ass, at her side if she were outnumbered, or in front of her if she wasn’t able to protect herself. They were Lightwoods – they stuck together. No matter what.

Or, at least they _had_ , right up until the moment they _hadn’t_.

The urge to go in there was almost as strong as the one that told Alec to turn around and walk away. To just… walk and walk, and then keep on walking until he found a town, a city, anywhere nearby he might be able to hitchhike from. It wouldn’t be the first time he'd had to do it. Starting over in a new town without any cash wasn’t easy, but it could be done.

_When did that become my answer for everything? When did I decide to run and just keep running, over and over and over again?_

So far, every time something got rough, Alec ran. That might’ve been the smart choice when he was on the streets. Or when he was faced with groups of people bigger and stronger than him. But when had that bled over into the rest of his life? When had he started deciding that conversations he didn’t want to have, people he didn’t want to see, anything that he didn’t like, was worth running away for?

Once, Alec had been the type to stand there and take whatever was thrown his way. He’d been raised and taught that it wasn’t his place to argue. He was a soldier, one who would be a leader one day if he could ever learn to control himself. Any punishments he’d received were well earned. He’d taken on even more punishments just to make sure those he loved didn’t have to.

Then, Alec had been forced to learn something new, to learn how to run. Because without his runes, he stood no chance against those bigger and badder who wanted nothing more than to take him apart for their own pleasure. He’d let himself become so terrified of the world, he couldn’t stand to face it, and someone he cared for deeply had paid the price to fix it.

As Alec stared at the door in front of him, he had to ask himself – what kind of man was he going to be now? Would he take what life threw at him and accept it? Would he run away? Or maybe, just maybe, would he finally learn how to do both? To stand his ground when necessary and take what was thrown his way and run when the odds were against him and he stood no hope in winning. To _fight_.

Alec's hand trembled when he lifted it to lay on the door handle. He was so tired of being hurt, but he was tired of running, too, and he was done seeing others take blows that were meant for him. Even if those blows just came from one irate sister.

With one last deep breath, Alec steeled himself and gathered together the tattered edges of his control, wrapping it around all the broken and bleeding places inside of him. Then he twisted the handle and stepped in through the door.

The sight that met him in the kitchen was like a fist to a gut. His friends were there, as were Catarina and Ragnor, two groups on two opposite sides of the kitchen. Alec's friends were closest to the door as if to act as a human shield between Alec and the rest of them. But it was to the center to the room that Alec's eye was drawn.

Isabelle – and Jace.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I decided not to keep you on edge waiting for more, so here's the next chapter!
> 
> On a side note, in regards to comments (If you like, skip this) I understand that maybe some people might not have been happy with some things in the last chapter, but I want to show ALL types of people in here. And I want them to feel real. With that in mind, sometimes good people do things that we might not approve of, things that aren't necessarily RIGHT, though they maybe did them for the right reasons. I love hearing you guys debate things, and I love seeing what you think of the characters, but I want to politely ask that if you don't like the direction I'm taking a story - please keep it to yourself? I love this story, and I have it almost completely done. There are a few more major things coming up, and while I'll respect any opinions and reactions, I don't want to get hate for choices made.
> 
> Thanks guys!

For the first time in two years Alec stood in front of his siblings. They looked… _Raziel_ , they looked good. Older. Some of the remaining baby fat was gone from their faces, that last vestige of childhood wiped away. Alec felt a small pang in his chest at having missed it. But, in so many other ways, the two looked exactly the same.

Isabelle stood tall and proud in heels that would make a lesser woman weep to try and wear. She wore something a bit subtler than he was used to from her, just tight leather pants, a tank top, and a cropped leather jacket. But she was armed to the teeth as well. A blade at each hip, her whip around her wrist, and two different hidden blades that Alec could detect.

Beside her, Jace stood with his arms crossed over his chest and a dark smirk on his face. The one that said he dared anyone to try and move him. It was a look Alec was familiar with, yet it was harder than he remembered. More dangerous. It reminded Alec a little of the way Jace had looked when he’d first come to them. That hard, terrified boy who believed that to love was to destroy, and like hell if he was going to let anyone destroy _him_. He’d been abused and conditioned to be a hardened warrior before he’d even reached his majority. It’d taken so long for Alec and Isabelle to break through that.

Seeing that look on Jace’s face now made those aching places inside of Alec want to weep all over again.

He stood frozen, staring at the two of them for what felt like ages but was really only seconds. Alec's self-appointed guards didn’t even have time to fully turn toward him before Isabelle and Jace both looked up and their eyes caught on Alec.

Emotion flashed over both their faces. Shock, pain, relief, guilt, sorrow, love. One by one those played over their faces and in their eyes. Isabelle settled on love – bright and shining and so full of grief it had Alec wanting to gather her up against his chest. Jace, on the other hand, showed that same love only for a moment before it was yanked behind his shields. His body went stiff, and he took a step back.

In contrast, Isabelle took one forward, one of her hands coming up. “Alec.”

Though it took a lot of effort, Alec didn’t flinch from the sight of a runed arm reaching out toward him. But nor did he go closer. He _wanted_ to. He wanted to reach out and hold her and let her hold on to him for a little while. But the same as he couldn’t run away, Alec couldn’t bring himself to go closer, either.

He didn’t stop it when his friends shifted a little to more clearly block him. They adjusted their formation to perfectly account for Alec coming in. Alaion and Aliri took the sides, hands on their blades ready to draw them if anyone came too close. Pyrr and Alva took a single step back, making sure they were still in front of Alec while also keeping him mostly between them. It blocked anyone from getting to him without disrupting Alec's view.

It took a lot of effort for Alec to make his voice work. He curled his hands into fists and shoved them into the front pocket of the sweater he didn’t remember putting on after he got out of bed. Hopefully it worked to hide the trembling. Then, in a deliberate move, Alec stared at his siblings while he asked, “Alaion, what’s going on here?”

The way that Isabelle drew her hand in, looking so uncertain all of a sudden, was heart-wrenching. But Alec couldn’t let himself reach out to her. He couldn’t let himself _hope_. Not until those dark fears that sat deep down inside of him were finally dispelled. He had to know – had it really been the spell that had caused them to abandon him, them and all the rest of their family, or had they only changed their minds once they found out that a spell had caused all this?

If it was the first, that would mean they weren’t to blame for their actions, and Alec would forgive them for that. Of course he would. But if it was the other, he wasn’t sure what he’d do.

Alaion stood a little taller the instant Alec addressed him. He slipped into the role of a Captain reporting to his superior and it showed in both his bearing and his voice. “We’re not quite sure yet. Ms. Loss arrived just a few minutes ago and said that she had a surprise for you. When she brought these two through, I called the others to block their way until we could be sure of their intentions.”

“We don’t have to explain ourselves to you,” Jace said, just as arrogant sounding as ever. Yet his eyes kept darting toward Alec and away – toward him and away. Guilt? Or some lingering belief that Alec really was a murderer?

None of the guards responded to Jace’s words. Now that Alec was there, their focus was on him. Alec knew they’d take their cues from him. If it looked like Alec wasn’t up for handling this, if he needed to go, he knew that they’d get him out of there, and they’d handle his siblings. But, for all that Alec was afraid – terrified, really – that wasn’t what he wanted.

He drew comfort from the feel of his friends around him and let it strengthen his spine just a little more. _You can do this._ Hard thought it might be, Alec _needed_ to do this. He needed to _know_ before he opened himself back up again. “How about you explain yourselves to me?” he asked his siblings. There was a hint of the old command to his words that Alec had been so sure was lost forever. “What do you want?”

Jace’s expression tightened the instant that Alec started speaking. He lost some of that arrogance that was his shield for one brief second. Beside him, Isabelle trembled.

“We came to see you,” Isabelle said softly.

Alec forced himself to be hard. To not bend. _Not yet._ “Why?”

Pain flashed bright in Isabelle’s eyes. Her hands shook, and she had to draw them in to cover it. Yet her eyes never left his. “Because you’re our brother.”

“I was also your brother two years ago when you guys left me alone to stand on trial for a crime I didn’t commit,” Alec said harshly. He didn’t let himself feel guilty for how Isabelle jerked back at that. Nor for the flinch that Jace gave. Alec hardened his voice even more and pressed his elbows in towards his sides in an effort to try and keep himself together. “What makes now any different?”

Isabelle dropped one hand down, and Jace reached forward to catch it. It was a gesture Alec hadn’t seen her make since they were kids. One that was a clear plea for strength, support. Something she’d never needed when facing him before. Alec had always been the one there holding her hand to support her against others.

“We deserved that,” Isabelle said, her voice cracking just a little in the middle. She met his stare head on and didn’t once look away. _We’re Lightwoods – we break noses and accept the consequences_. “You have every right to be hurt. We should’ve been there for you, and we weren’t. I’m never going to be able to find the words to tell you how sorry I am, _hermano_.”

She took a step forward, and Alva and Pyrr moved in a little, making sure that Alec could still see while blocking him just a little bit more.

Alec watched the way that Isabelle closed her eyes at that. How her features tightened for a moment. He found himself reaching up in response, only he didn’t let himself reach out for her. Instead, Alec caught the back of Pyrr’s belt, curling his fingers into the strong leather. Pyrr shifted in response so that he was closer to Alec, making the hold easier.

Jace kept hold of Isabelle’s hand and used it to draw her backward. At the same time, he visibly steeled himself, and then he stopped avoiding Alec's gaze and stared right at him, their eyes meeting. There wasn’t that flash of connection that Alec had once counted on. The echo of a bond deep down inside their soul. Instead, there was just an aching emptiness that had never once gone away. It’d grown easier to live with, yes, but it hadn’t vanished.

“We don’t have any excuses,” Jace said honestly. “Catarina said there was some sort of spell, and I don’t – it had to be the spell, Alec. You have to know that. We _never_ would’ve abandoned you like that.”

There was a plea written under those last words, just barely held back. It was clear Jace hated doing this in front of an audience, and once, Alec wouldn’t have made him. He would’ve kicked everyone out so that they didn’t have to have this talk with people watching on. But there was no way Alec could bring himself to be alone with them. Not yet.

“How do I believe you?” Alec's voice was quiet, yet it felt like it echoed around them. “How can I be sure it was the spell and not just you?”

“Because you were my parabatai, and there’s nothing in the world that could’ve made me walk away from you. Not unless someone used a spell on me.”

Those words hit Alec hard. He stared at the two of them, at the grief so clearly written all over them, the pain, and something inside of him wanted nothing more than to believe them. The siblings he knew _wouldn’t_ have abandoned him like that. Sure, they caused him trouble, and they left him to deal with that trouble on his own all the time. But that was different. Murder charges? A trial? There was no way that the siblings Alec had known would’ve ever left him to deal with that on his own. That was part of what made it all hurt so much.

Seeing them look at him now, so clearly in pain, so earnest in their efforts to get him to understand, Alec knew he couldn’t hold on to his anger. Maybe he was wrong, and maybe it would come back to bite him in the ass later when he did something and was forced to confront the idea that their love truly was conditional. But at least he could enjoy their presence until it happened. He could comfort them the way he’d always done, and leave them feeling better, even if it hurt him to do so.

Alec made his fingers uncurl from around Pyrr’s belt. A small nudge with those fingers was all it took to get Pyrr to move, and Alva moved at the same time, the two of them parting just enough to let Alec through.

When Alec opened his arms, that was all it took. Isabelle didn’t hesitate to dart right for him, and Jace was only seconds after her. Isabelle had absolutely no shame in her actions as she crashed into her brother. She wrapped her arms around Alec's waist and buried herself against his chest with a sob that had him tightening his own arms around her, despite his initial flinch at her touch. It hurt, so much of Alec hurt, but when had that ever mattered in the face of Isabelle’s pain?

Alec held her close and bowed his head down so that he could press his face against her hair and breathe her in.

Jace joined them, one of his hands going to Isabelle’s back in a gesture both protective and comforting. His other hand reached out hesitantly for Alec. Sharp eyes took note of the way that Alec flinched, and Jace made as if to draw back, to give them space, only for Alec to reach out to him and pull him in, too.

It was harder than Alec liked to wrap the two of them up in his arms. Once, Alec would’ve done it easily, without thought. They clearly needed comfort and it’d always been his job to provide it. Neither of their parents were the soft, touchy-feely type. Alec hadn’t had that growing up, and he’d been determined that his sister would never feel the same lack he had. Then when Jace came to them, it’d been simple to just fold him into that dynamic as well.

Now, it was harder than it’d ever been, but Alec held the two close and gave them the comfort he hadn’t been there to give them these past two years.

If he took a little for himself as well, no one needed to be any the wiser.

Over their heads he caught Alaion’s eye. The man was watching him, waiting. Alec darted his eyes over to the door and then back, adding in a small nod. The nod he got in return told him that his friend understood.

In short order Alaion quietly got everyone out of the room. He did it in just enough time, too, as the dampness against Alec's shirt grew and he heard the first soft sob escape his sister.

Jace ducked his head in, his forehead coming to rest against the side of Isabelle’s hair, and Alec drew his arms tighter around them.

It’d been so long, but it felt nice to know that Alec hadn’t forgotten how to do this. That he hadn’t lost this part of himself. He stood there, proud and tall, and held together his siblings while they broke apart.

* * *

How long it took before Isabelle cried herself out, Alec didn’t know. He didn’t pay attention to the time. He just held her there until her tears dried up and she was letting out those soft hiccups that meant the tears were done, but she couldn’t quite get herself under control yet. Alec followed instincts that had been built into him a long time ago and he carefully passed her off to Jace’s arms, murmuring “Sit down” at them. Then, while they went to the table, Alec set about making a pot of coffee.

Tea was good for soothing Isabelle down to sleep after nightmares (it was hot chocolate for Jace) but for all of them coffee was a good drink to help ground and steady them. Alec got the pot brewed and then gathered together the mugs, milk, and sugar, plus a cool, wet cloth for Isabelle to clean her face with.

A few minutes later the coffee was done and all three of them were sitting at the table. Jace and Isabelle were on the side by the wall, while Alec had taken the end closest to the back door. Isabelle was done wiping her face by then, which left her makeup free and looking so much younger as she twisted herself in her chair to be able to better face him. Their seating left her at Alec's side, and Jace on her other side.

“I’m sorry about this,” Isabelle said, gesturing toward herself. A small hint of color warmed her otherwise pale cheeks. “I told myself I wasn’t going to do that.”

Alec shrugged one shoulder. He reached out and curled both his hands around his mug of coffee just so that he’d have something to do. Something to steady him. “It’s fine.”

An awkward silence fell over the table. Isabelle distracted herself by fixing her coffee, but Jace was just sitting there staring at Alec. It was like now that there was no one in there to see, he couldn’t bring himself to stop staring. Like he was drinking the sight of Alec in, taking note of all the little things that had changed. There were a lot, Alec knew. He was thinner, despite the way the others tried to feed him, and his muscles less defined. There was a new scar on his face from the latest attack, plus one on his jawline from a previous one. Even his hands were more scarred than they’d once been.

Only, when Jace finally opened his mouth, it wasn’t to comment on any of those things. Of course.

“You take your coffee sweeter than you used to,” Jace blurted out.

Alec blinked a few times in surprise. Even Isabelle turned to give Jace a funny look, though she almost immediately turned back and looked down at Alec's mug. “He’s right,” she admitted. “You used to take it black. Now, I can tell how much cream you put in there.”

The urge was there to draw his cup back as if to shelter it from their gazes. Alec resisted, mentally shaking himself. He had no reason to be embarrassed. “I worked in a couple coffee shops. People don’t judge you there if you like your coffee a bit sweeter than most.”

His words held a bitter edge that he hadn’t meant to have. Alec felt guilty as he watched the two flinch.

This wasn’t how Alec had pictured a conversation between them all going. He’d thought about it so many times over the years, in those quiet moments before the dawn where he couldn’t sleep and the thoughts he avoided during the day came creeping in like smoke through the cracks of his control. He’d pictured the fights they might have if his family truly believed he was capable of this, the way he’d argue with them and say all the things that were burning inside his heart. Or how maybe they’d plead for his forgiveness, swear they never doubted him and give him all these reasons why they hadn’t been able to be there for him.

What Alec _hadn’t_ pictured was this weird awkwardness between them all. None of them knew what to say or what to do. It was almost like they were strangers trying to get to know one another, only instead, they were people who’d once known _everything_ about each other and didn’t know how to reconcile the fact that they no longer did.

It wasn’t just Alec who’d changed over the years. Jace and Isabelle had, too. They’d lived a life believing that Alec was a murderer, dealing with whatever kind of fallout they’d had to suffer from that. It couldn’t have been easy, and a part of Alec wanted to apologize for that. Even though he knew it wasn’t his fault.

The silence was broken by Jace, again, and in true Jace fashion. He let out a heavy sigh and then blurted out “Well this is awkward as fuck.”

A startled laugh escaped Isabelle, though she quickly clapped a hand over her mouth to muffle it.

Alec felt his lips twitch with the urge to smile. “Gee, you think?” He shook his head, not even noticing as a little of his tension drained away.

“I’m sorry we startled you like this,” Isabelle said. She leaned forward, mug between her hands, and though she looked a little more relaxed than before there was still a look of grief to her. Alec wondered to himself if that was just a constant for her anymore.

Jace nodded his agreement to her words. “As soon as Catarina showed up and told us what was going on, we had her bring us here.

“She had to show up an tell you?” Alec asked.

They clearly caught the edge of emotion to those words. Isabelle flushed and ducked her head, and even Jace looked ashamed. “We didn’t… I don’t know how to explain this without making it all sound even worse,” Isabelle admitted quietly.

Jace reached over, taking her hand in his, but his eyes went up to Alec. The way he squared his shoulders reminded Alec of the times Jace would face down their parents when he knew he’d done something wrong and was about to be punished for it. His voice steadied when he began to speak. “Catarina said the spell likely pushed us not to think about you once you were gone. Up until this morning, I don’t remember the last time you crossed my mind.”

“No one talked about you.” Isabelle’s voice was gentler, like that would somehow make it all easier to hear. The hand still on her mug twitched as if she wanted to reach out to him, too, but didn’t dare. She tightened her grip and forced herself to sit up a little more. “I don’t – even with the spell, we don’t have any excuse, Alec. It was just like, we forgot. Once the trial was done, no one ever talked about you again.”

The words stung. Even knowing that it was because of this spell, they still stung. To think that no one had thought about him, looked for him, _cared_ at all about what was happening to him.

Jace hurried on to finish their story before Alec could get a chance to speak. “When Catarina came to the Institute this morning and asked to speak with us, it was like the instant she said your name, everything came flooding back. Then we hurried over here as quick as we could.”

They sounded like they meant what they were saying. They sounded honest. But at the same time – what was Alec supposed to say to this? For two years no one had thought about him at all. He’d been living through absolute hell and they hadn’t once thought about how he was doing or where he was at. They’d just, let him go off to trial all on his own, and then they’d promptly forgot about him.

Alec swallowed down the knot of emotion that was trying to build up in his throat. “Mom? Dad?”

The looks they exchanged were answer enough. Alec closed his eyes, not wanting to watch as they said the words he knew were coming.

“Dad’s out at the LA Institute. He didn’t answer our fire message,” Isabelle said. She hesitated, clearly not wanting to say the next part, but they’d made a pact a long time ago not to lie about things their parents said or did. Not when covering it up could end up resulting in more trouble than it was worth. “Mom said she it didn’t matter, you’re a mundane now. But I’m sure she’ll talk to you once you get your runes back!”

Though the words hurt, they were no more than Alec had expected, and they were nothing compared to the last part of that. Alec looked up at his sister and blinked a few times, like that might somehow make her words make more sense. “I – what?”

“There’s no way the Clave isn’t going to let you get your runes back, not once they know about the spell,” Jace insisted. He must’ve thought Alec's confusion was at the idea of being able to.

That wasn’t it, though. Alec was stuck on the way they both were acting like the assumption here was that Alec was going to just… what? Beg the Clave for his runes back? The very runes they’d stolen from him?

Why was it that everyone seemed to think that? They acted like there was nothing else in the world Alec might want. Just a few hours ago the others had done the same thing. They’d assumed that Alec was going to go back to being a Shadowhunter like the last two years had never happened.

Maybe a year ago, Alec might have. He’d still been idealistic enough, proud enough, to think he could go back and pick up his old life. He would’ve had to try and suppress everything he could and lock it away in a little box, hoping it would never come out to bite him in the ass, but he would’ve done it.

Alec stared down at his mug and realized – truly realized, for the first time – that that wasn’t his dream anymore. He didn’t know when he’d stopped thinking that, when going back had become a dream he knew he’d never be able to have. But Alec looked up at the two watching him, their expressions so earnest, and he knew that not even his love for them was enough to make him go back there.

The words came out with a surprising amount of strength and conviction. “I’m not going back.”

Even expecting it, it still hurt to see the shock on their faces. “What are you talking about?” Jace asked him, eyebrows drawing down. “Of course you are. Catarina said you had to come back. That your body needed the runes, or you were going to die.”

Damn Catarina for meddling like this! Alec understood why she’d done it, he knew she was trying to help, but she shouldn’t have. Not like this. Alec took a deep breath and deliberately gentled his voice as best he could. “I’m sorry, but I just. I can’t. Can’t you see that? I can’t just go back, get my runes back, and pretend this never happened.” Alec gave a small shake of his head. “I can’t do it. That’s not… it’s not who I am anymore. I can’t be a Shadowhunter.”

“Why the hell not?” Jace demanded.

The look on Isabelle’s face said that she, at least, understood. But she’d always been the one of them that Alec thought could’ve easily gone to the mundane world and done something else with her life. She loved being a Shadowhunter, yes, but Isabelle was adaptable, and she understood that people were different. That they could want different things.

Whereas Jace loved being a Shadowhunter so much he had a hard time imagining anyone wanting to do anything else.

Once, Alec would’ve agreed with him. But he’d changed too much for that.

“Alec.” Isabelle made her voice soft. It carried a hint of understanding to it, as well as a touch of sorrow. Her hand came up to rest on the table like she wanted to reach out for him but didn’t want to push him. Not once did her eyes leave his face. “You know I’ll support whatever decision you want to make. But from the sounds of it, your body needs this, or all that angelic energy is going to kill you.”

Alec licked his lips and nodded. “I know.”

“Maybe the Clave will give you back your runes, just to keep you safe, but let you keep on living…”

She trailed off, and Alec knew he didn’t even have to answer her for Isabelle to understand. They both knew there was no way the Clave would let that happen. The instant Alec put stele to skin once more they were going to own him again. His life wouldn’t be his anymore.

Alec looked over to Jace, who was glancing back and forth between them with a look that said he knew he was missing something here, he just didn’t understand what it was. “What’s going on here? Why the hell can’t you come back?”

“Jace…”

“Don’t give me that tone,” Jace snapped. He’d set down his mug and let go of Isabelle’s hand, clearly sensing that they were both against him in this. His mismatched eyes seemed to brighten with the temper he was barely holding under the surface. “We’ve got everything needed to prove that this was all a huge mistake. You could come back with us, get your runes, save your _life_ , and actually _have_ a life again. Where you belong – with us.”

Calm words weren’t going to get through to Jace. Not when he was feeling like this. Though it made Alec's stomach twist a little in a nauseating dance, he forced himself to meet Jace’s stare and employ the bluntness he’d once been known for. “Back to the people who accused me of murder and stripped me of my runes in the first place?”

“That was the spell!”

Alec nodded his agreement. “Yeah, it was. But it still happened, Jace. The people I trusted put me on trial, refused to let me speak under the Sword to prove my innocence, and cast me out in a random alley and left me there while I was still reeling from a broken bond. If Rimni hadn’t found me, I probably would’ve died that night.” He wasn’t sure he would’ve cared enough to even try and defend himself. “None of that matters, though. What matters is that I don’t _want_ to go back. I don’t want to be Shadowhunter anymore.”

He might as well have hit him for the stunned shock that flashed over Jace’s face. “What?”

“Jace…I’m not the person I used to be. My life is different now. I want different things.” He wanted something… something he knew he couldn’t have. Alec clamped down on that, pushing it away as hard as he could. Better to focus on the pain of _this_ than to focus on _that_. Alec brought his hand up, wrapping his fingers once more around the rings at the end of his necklace.

A pain shot through his hand when he curled it too tight. That old, aching pain, the one that never went away. Drawing that hand back, Alec looked down at it and felt that twisting in his stomach grow.

“Even if I wanted to go back, I couldn’t,” he said softly. He flexed his hand a few times and tried not to remember the sick sound of crunching bone, the tearing of things never meant to be torn, and the absolute grief when he’d realized what it meant. Though it was still hard to think about, he’d had time to adjust to it. To accept the fact. “I won’t ever hold a sword with this hand again. Or shoot a bow.”

When Alec looked up, he could see that Jace had paled a little, but his jaw still had that stubborn set to it. “An iratze…”

“Only fixes fresh damage,” Isabelle finished for him.

Alec curled his fingers in and drew his hand back to the necklace so he could fiddle with the rings once more. “I don’t think Catarina could fix it either,” he said, cutting off what he’d seen building on Jace’s face. “It’s been like this too long. It’s not just bones, it’s muscles, too.”

There was no need to tell them that Catarina had talked about being able to fix some things so long as he was willing to let her knock him out so she could break and reset some of the bones. What she’d do for the muscles that might’ve healed wrong, Alec had no idea. None of it mattered. Alec wasn’t going to do it. He didn’t trust her enough to let her knock him out. Especially after all this. She’d proved to him that she was willing to override his will so long as she could justify it as _for his safety_. While Alec understood, it didn’t make him trust her any more.

When Alec looked at his siblings again, their pain at his loss was palpable. Any other time and Alec might’ve appreciated that sympathy.

Today, there were much more important things to mourn.

The door to the kitchen suddenly burst open, and the three at the table tensed immediately, two of them reaching for weapons. Alec jumped – hard – but he also looked toward the door to see who it was.

Alva didn’t bother coming all the way in the room. She held on to the doorframe, swinging her upper half in while her eyes went right to Alec. She didn’t give him or any of them time to question her. “Virion’s back, and he brought the General.”

Immediately, Alec was pushing away from the table and rising from his chair. He heard his siblings doing the same but couldn’t be bothered to look. For just a moment they were forgotten as Alec raced out of the room. The two of them followed, hot on his heels.


	21. Chapter 21

Alec hadn’t realized just how much it would mean to him to see Rimni again until they were standing face to face in Ragnor’s library. Though there was someone else with him that deserved just as much attention as the older fae did.

When Alec walked through the doors to the library he caught sight of Virion first. The man was leaning against the desk and talking quietly with Alva, Pyrr, Alaion, and Aliri. As if he’d been watching and waiting for him, Virion looked up the instant Alec came in and beamed brightly at him. “Hey there, little moonflower. I heard you went and got yourself fixed while I was gone.”

A startled laugh tumbled up Alec's throat. He moved away from his siblings, barely even realizing they were behind him. The other unseelie parted to make room for Alec so that he could come right up to his friend.

The last time Alec had seen Virion, he’d still been half-healing from his own attack at the hands of Shadowhunters. Then he’d spent months gone from them doing angel-knew-what. Seeing him back, whole and healthy, it was hard for Alec to do anything but return the man’s grin. “Did you manage to stay out of trouble while you were gone?”

Humor lit up Virion’s eyes. He sat up straighter. “Oh-ho, he’s got jokes now! This is what happens, huh? A guy leaves for a while and comes back to find someone gave you _jokes_.”

Alec let his smile grow. He reached out to brush his fingers over Virion’s arm, needing that touch to reassure himself a little but not quite comfortable taking more. Especially knowing that others were watching – that his _siblings_ were watching. “I’m really glad you’re back.”

The honesty in those words surprised the both of them. Alec hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this man.

Virion’s expression softened. “I’m glad to be back too, kiddo.”

From across the room another voice spoke up. “And where is my greeting, my little one?”

It felt like something inside of Alec went very, very still while the rest of him slowly turned in the direction of that voice. He didn’t notice the ones that moved out of his way to make his view clear. All he had eyes for was the tall man standing next to Ragnor by one of the bookshelves.

Rimni looked as if he’d come straight from the battlefield. He wore his uniform and armor, and a blood-red cape spilled down his back to the floor. His hair was in its customary braid. But for all that, he was smiling in that gentle way of his, dark-red eyes running over Alec as if taking in every inch of him and reassuring himself that _Alec_ was okay the same way Alec was doing with him.

Relief crashed through Alec at finding his friend alive and well. He took a step forward, and then another, and then he was across the room and Rimni’s arms were open to catch him. He didn’t notice the surprise in Rimni’s eyes, or the joy at what he saw as a bit of healing, this eagerness for a touch Alec would’ve shied away from a few months ago.

Alec was easily caught up in strong arms that lifted him up off the ground for a hug that gave all the right pressure in all the right places. Just as Alec had done for Isabelle and Jace just a little while ago, Rimni held Alec and offered solace with his size and presence, a silent promise of comfort and care that had always been there. In his arms, Alec felt small and _safe_.

It couldn’t last, though. Of course it couldn’t. While the rest of the sidhe in the room wouldn’t think anything of touches like this, and had been doing their best to get more Alec accustomed to them – and Alec was pretty sure Ragnor would’ve stayed quiet – there were two people in the room who weren’t used to this. Not just the fact that Alec was touching someone, especially after he’d flinched so much at their touches, but at the fact that it was a giant unseelie warrior that he was choosing to touch.

“Okay, so, is no one gonna explain what the hell is going on here?” Jace blurted out.

There was the sound of a grunt, though no swearing followed. Alec had heard that sound often enough to know that Isabelle must’ve elbowed Jace to shut him up. She’d done it all the time when they would stand behind Alec while facing their parents and Jace would prove his continued inability to keep his mouth shut.

Rimni carefully lowered Alec to the ground. He didn’t let go of him, though. Instead, he kept one arm around Alec's shoulder and tucked him in against his side like he couldn’t quite bring himself to let go. His eyes searched Alec's face, the silent question easy to read. He knew Alec's aversion to touch on a good day. But, though it wasn’t easy, there was a part of Alec that was relishing in this touch. He nodded up at the older man in silent permission.

Only then did Rimni look over at the others. “Hail and well met, Isabelle Lightwood, Jace Lightwood,” Rimni said formally, giving a small bow toward them.

Jace looked hilariously confused. He wasn’t exactly used to dealing with other cultures in these types of formal situations. However, Isabelle had dealt with enough seelie to at least make a guess at customs. She folded one arm in front of her and gave a bow in return, much deeper than the one he’d offered her. A sign of respect. “Hail and well met…”

She trailed off, clearly showing that she didn’t know his name or quite how to address him, and Pyrr leaned around his twin, right up against her back, to stage whisper “First General Rimni Farseer, sworn of the Seven Shadows, wielder of the Sword of Darkness, Prince and heir to the Throne of Shadows.”

Isabelle’s eyes went wide, yet she recovered quickly and repeated the words, bowing lower as she went.

For his part, Alec stared at her for a moment, processing the words that Pyrr had just said. Then he turned enough to be able to tilt his head and look up at Rimni. He knew his expression was probably stunned.

Rimni looked down at him and chuckled. He reached up with his free hand and used the side of one knuckle to push under Alec's chin, closing his mouth. “That was not quite how I imagined you finding that out,” Rimni said, smirking just a little.

A noise from off to the side reminded Alec that Ragnor was still right there. When Alec turned to look, the warlock was eyeing him incredulously. “You mean you didn’t _know_?”

The way he said it made it sound like Alec absolutely should have known. A bit embarrassed that he’d missed something that was apparently obvious, Alec ducked his head a little. “No? Should I have?” He looked around, trying to find sympathy from someone, only to find that _everyone_ was gaping at him. All the guards were actually staring at him with wide eyes and more than a few open mouths.

Isabelle was shaking her head, a wide grin on her face, while Jace shrugged when Alec's eyes landed on him as if to say _don’t look at me, I don’t know._

“Merciful Goddess,” Alva blurted out. She looked like she was starting to make the shift from shocked to amused. A smile was lighting up her face, and her eyes began to crinkle at the corners. “Only you, Alec. Only you would be that close with the _prince_ and not even realize he’s a prince!”

As if her laughter had broken the spell over the room, everyone else started to join in, all of them laughing at him.

Alec hunched down a little and scowled. Assholes – all of them.

The arm around his shoulders gave a light squeeze. When Alec looked up, he found Rimni smiling down at him fondly. “To be fair, I only ever introduced myself as a General, nothing more. I quite liked the fact that you did not know who I was. I felt it made you more… candid in your speech.”

“Alec's always _candid_ ,” Isabelle said teasingly, her eyes twinkling.

Only, to her clear surprise, Rimni’s smile wiped away and he shook his head. “Alexander has been trained from birth to take over the Institute. He is, at heart, a prince in his own right. He has been trained in the art of diplomacy. If he had known who I was, he never would have dared to speak to me as he has or take the liberties that I have granted him.”

Alaion looked back and forth between them, the only one of the group not smiling. “Does he know…?”

Whatever it was he was asking, apparently Rimni understood. He shook his head. “No. Though, I believe that is one amongst many things I am going to be explaining. Speaking of which…” He looked down at Alec once more, and his eyes were serious though his tone stayed gentle. “Would you mind if we spoke in private for a few moments? I have much I need to share.”

It definitely sounded like he did. Though Alec wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to hear it all if that serious look to Rimni’s normally bright eyes was any indicator. Plus, there were other things he had to consider, too. Such as the two people who weren’t going to be comfortable leaving Alec alone with anyone.

Alec snuck a look over towards his siblings. Then he glanced back at the others. He didn’t have to ask – his friends knew him well enough to read that look and respond.

“Don’t worry,” Pyrr said, grinning. He and Alva stepped forward together.

Alva nodded her agreement. “We’ll keep them entertained.”

It wasn’t hard to see the protest building on both Jace and Isabelle’s faces. Neither one of them wanted to leave, that much was clear, and Alec knew them well enough to know that they’d fight on this if Alec didn’t step in and try to mediate. Though, he didn’t step out from under Rimni’s arm to do it. Pathetic though it may be, Alec didn’t want to move away from him.

“Guys.” Alec's voice cut across the room and into the start of what likely would’ve proven to be quite the argument. There was a hint of command to that word – the quickest way he knew to get both Jace and Isabelle’s attention. Alec did it without thought, only to end up surprised when he saw them both snap-to the way they always had. It threw Alec for just a second and left him feeling a little off-center. He found himself standing a little straighter in response. “Go ahead and go out with them, finish up your coffee. Or you can return to the Institute and I’ll get ahold of you when we’re done.”

An immediate scowl twisted Jace’s face. At the same time, Isabelle gave him a look that asked _are you stupid_? “We’re not going anywhere, _hermano_.”

He hoped she meant _not going back to the Institute yet_ and not _we’re not leaving this room_. Just to make sure, Alec gave a small nod and said, “Okay. Then I’ll come join you in a few when Rimni and I are done talking.” He tried to make sure that his voice left no room for doubt or argument.

“Come on, children,” Ragnor called out, clapping his hands together to draw their attention. He moved away from the bookshelf and over towards the others. “The sooner we let them talk, the sooner I might finally have my house back to myself once more. So, move, move, let’s go.”

The words had Alec's lips twitching with the urge to smile. He knew Ragnor wasn’t as bothered by their presence as he liked to pretend he was.

If Magnus were there, he would’ve called out some sort of teasing remark to Ragnor’s words. A ‘ _you know you love our company, my darling cabbage!_ ’ or something else of the like.

That thought wiped away Alec's smile. He reached up in what was quickly becoming an instinctive gesture when distressed. The feel of the warm metal rings was soothing, though. They weren’t cool, as he always expected them to be. They were just as warm as if they’d come fresh off Magnus’ hands and still carried the heat of his skin. Touching that made Alec feel the tiniest bit closer to Magnus. He held on and tried to find some sort of strength from them while the room slowly cleared out.

As soon as the two of them were alone, Rimni twisted Alec into his arms once more so that he could give him another hug. One that Alec returned, even as he shook from the sheer amount of contact he was soaking up. It was so much more than he was used to getting in a day.

The two of them pulled apart, and Rimni looked down at Alec's face. Whatever he saw had him letting out a heavy sigh.

“Come, _Nitii_. We have much to talk about,” Rimni said. With one hand on Alec's back, he nudged him over to the two chairs by the nearby fireplace. He waited until Alec was seated before he grabbed the other chair and pulled it a little closer. Then Rimni sat down as well.

The way he sat, the perfect posture, the crossed legs, the ease with which he moved, it had Alec wanting to shake his head. How the hell had he not realized this man was a prince? Everything about him screamed royalty.

Alec had always thought that Rimni was rather formal. Up until he’d met the other unseelie, Alec had assumed that was just how they all were. The grace, the formality in so many moments, the proper speech with its lack of contractions. Now, after knowing the others these past months, it was easier for Alec to see all these things for what they were.

Rimni wasn’t just the First General. He was a _prince_.

As if reading Alec's thoughts, or whatever it was he saw on Alec's face, Rimni grimaced. “You have my apologies for deceiving you all this time, little one.”

It wasn’t the so-called deception that bothered Alec. More, his own lack of observational skills. “I can’t believe I never realized it.”

“I was surprised at first as well,” Rimni admitted. He shifted back in his seat, showing that relaxation that he didn’t always let through. An ease that never failed to make Alec feel like he was special, getting to witness something others didn’t. “Only those of the royal line have red eyes as I do, and the stripes of my office are clear in my hair. Yet you looked at me like you would any other.”

“The Academy doesn’t exactly teach courses on unseelie culture,” Alec pointed out dryly. “I had no idea what any of that meant. I still don’t have any clue about the hair streaks, honestly.”

Amusement had Rimni’s lips twitching. “They work much as the seelie tattoos do to show a visible sign of power, rank, and skill. I will explain more, if you would like. Once we are done here, that is.” The amusement faded off his face at the reminder of what they were talking about. “I meant it when I said that I liked the way you treated me. You had no idea of my station, and though you still showed me so much respect for one young and ignorant of our ways, you also treated me as you would a fellow warrior. That was precious to me. I did not want to risk losing it.”

That was something Alec could understand. He’d learned the pleasure of getting to know someone who didn’t know who he was while living as a mundane. That anonymity was an amazing feeling. To just be able to be _Alec_ and nothing more to people. He’d never experienced anything like it. Could he honestly begrudge Rimni that feeling?

“I’m not mad, Rimni.” Alec's voice was soft and, he hoped, reassuring.

Judging by the way that Rimni’s face melted into a warm smile, he’d managed to get that message across just fine. “Thank you.”

Tugging on the necklace, Alec tried to study his friend’s face, to read what was there. He had a feeling this wasn’t what Rimni had wanted alone time to talk about. But just in case, Alec asked, “Was that what you wanted to talk about?”

Something dark and old passed through Rimni’s eyes. “Unfortunately, no. We have other, far more important things to discuss this day.”

Reaching out, Rimni caught hold of Alec's hand, and Alec let him. He had a bad feeling he was going to need the touch to get through what was about to come. _How many more emotional things are going to be stuffed into this one day?_ Alec felt like he’d already reached his limit. Yet he couldn’t just say no. One look at Rimni’s face told him this was going to be important.

“You and I have talked before about the powers of the fae, both big and small,” Rimni said abruptly, startling Alec with this random change of subject. “We have discussed how different it is amongst the sidhe. How we have some who are healers, some who are musicians, and others whose powers are tied to something more physical. Be it elemental, such as control over fire, or light, or even the earth itself, or a touch that can bring pain. Each fae has power, tied into our bond to our King or Queen. It is why those outside the court are weaker, because they lack those ties. But, as you know, we all have our own individual power. Something that is unique and _ours_.”

Alec remembered sitting in a diner drinking bad coffee and listening with fascination as Rimni had explained it all to him. “You said yours was _knowing_.”

Rimni nodded. “Indeed. That is where I earned the title of Farseer, though it is not as vast as it sounds. I do not look at people and know their future or what will happen to them at any given time. But I do have a _sense_ of things that others do not. More, a knowing of the possibilities. Very, very rarely do I have a true vision. When I do, it is for something important, yet something that I cannot change.” His grip on Alec’s hand tightened a little. “From the moment I met you I knew there was something about you, _Nitii_. Your future is clouded in ways that I have never seen before. There were few things I could see about you, as if your future were in a constant state of flux. But as time went on, some things became clear. Something in your path had solidified. I knew you would suffer in your future. That you would face hardship the likes of which would risk breaking you.”

Shock had Alec blinking at him for a moment in silence. He wanted to draw back, to think about the implications of this – that Rimni had known something would happen to him and had never warned him. But Rimni didn’t let him go. He kept hold of Alec’s hand and gave him a pleading look.

“I swear to you that I never foresaw any of this, not specifically,” Rimni swore earnestly. “I got to know you at first because you made me curious, this young boy with the murky fate. Then I grew to care for you as Alec, a serious yet surprisingly devilish young man whose heart is far bigger than that of anyone I have ever met. I started out wanting to understand you and ended up wanting to protect you. But fate is a fickle mistress. There is only so much interference I am allowed before she finds a way to yank me back.”

It felt like Alec’s head was swimming with everything Rimni had just unloaded on him. A few things about the early days of their friendship suddenly made so much more sense. But the idea that Rimni had known something was something, that Alec was going to be hurt somehow and still hadn’t warned him, made the ex-shadowhunter’s stomach clench.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alec asked. He wasn’t sure at first the words would come. His lips and tongue felt almost numb.

Rimni gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I was not sure you would believe me. Or what would happen if I tried. The one time I made an attempt, we were interrupted by a serious attack that left you quite wounded. Fate or something else sought to prevent me from speaking with you.”

Though Alec would’ve argued the first half of that, the second quickly shut down any protests Alec might’ve made. He remembered that attack. A group of pissed off vampires who’d seen the two walking down the street and attacked for a reason Alec had never been able to find out. He’d had to spend almost a week in the infirmary afterward. That had been just a month before the trial.

“Do you think it was because of the spell, even then?” Alec asked quietly.

“I do.”

It made sense why he was here explaining it now, then. Without the spell there to stop him, Rimni was free to talk. And he wasn’t hesitating to give Alec the answers he asked for. He wasn’t holding it back for Alec's own good or some other stupid reason. He was telling it like it was and answering Alec's questions.

Thinking of the spell inevitably led to thinking of how it had been removed, and the grief hit again. Alec closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh. Would it ever stop hurting? Would the guilt he was feeling ever go away? Even though Alec had reasoned out all the reasons as to why he couldn’t go and rescue Magnus, how it was _impossible_ , it didn’t stop him from wanting to do just that. To get up and go find _some_ way to get the other man back. All this would be so much easier to handle if Magnus were here with him.

When Alec opened his eyes again, he found Rimni watching him with a level of sympathy that was almost painful to see.

Even though Alec had a feeling he already knew the answer, he still asked, “Did Alaion tell you what happened?”

He wasn’t surprised when Rimni nodded. Of course Alaion had told him. This was his General. Alaion had sent Virion down to get Rimni and explain what had originally happened. Naturally he’d catch him up on everything once he arrived.

A thought hit Alec suddenly, and he felt his stomach twist nauseously. “Did you…”

“No,” Rimni cut in quickly. “I was not aware of what he would do. Had I known, I would have done my best to help. I would never stand by and let someone condemn themselves to that kind of torment.”

 _Thank the angel_. That was something Alec hadn’t been sure he’d be able to handle. If Rimni had known and hadn’t tried to stop Magnus, hadn’t told them what Magnus would do, Alec would’ve been devastated. He was having a hard enough time with this as it was.

Because it was Rimni, and because Alec knew this man would never judge him, he let loose the words he’d been holding to himself outside. “He didn’t tell me what he was doing. He just… left me a letter once it was all said and done.”

“I am so sorry, _Nitii_.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Alec whispered. He let go of Rimni and wrapped his arms around his waist. His eyes turned toward the fireplace. “I mean… there’s not anything I _can_ do. I get that. Even if I could go down there, the only way to get him out of this is to make another deal that Asmodeus might want more, or kill him, and I can’t do either. I couldn’t even survive to go down there.”

“He will return.” Rimni’s words were soft – they weren’t enough, and he knew it. They both knew it.

A bitter sounding snort slipped from Alec. “Yeah, after _five years_.”

“I hear there is a chance the Clave will allow you to return to them and get your runes back. Perhaps connections through them might be able to help you figure out a better plan.”

Of course Rimni had heard that. Of _course_ he had. It would seem _everyone_ had heard that. It was on the tip of Alec's tongue to snap, to give voice to the words he hadn’t been able to give to anyone else. The only thing that restrained him was the fact that Rimni didn’t sound like he was trying to convince Alec to take that offer. He was just telling Alec what he heard. That made it easier for Alec to keep his voice calm as he said, “I don’t want to go back to the Clave.”

“Then what _do_ you want, Alexander Lightwood?”

Despite the fact that it was the very same thing he’d been asking himself, to hear it said out loud from someone else threw him. What _did_ he want?

Alec curled his fingers around the rings. He twisted them, one against the other, and traced a finger over the letters on top. What did he want? He wasn’t sure he knew the answer to that anymore. “I don’t know.” The words weren’t easy to say. Alec looked down, drawing the rings forward enough that he could stare down at them. “I haven’t let myself think about what I want after we solved this. I barely believed we’d find a solution in the first place.”

He paused, trying to find the words to put to the thoughts swirling around in his head. Rimni didn’t speak. He waited silently until Alec spoke again.

“I don’t want to be a Shadowhunter,” Alec finally said. While he didn’t know what he wanted, he knew what he _didn’t_. “I don’t want to spend my life running and hiding anymore. I don’t want to have to see a Downworlder or a demon and be terrified that they’re going to kill me. I don’t… I don’t want to die.” Once, just a few months ago, that statement might not have been as true.

“Good. What else?”

“I don’t want to deal with the Clave, but I don’t want to lose my siblings, either. I… I don’t want to lose you guys.”

He snuck a look up only to find Rimni smiling gently at him. The taller man leaned forward, his elbow on the armrest of his chair and his chin resting in the palm of his hand. It folded him almost in half and yet he didn’t look the least bit uncomfortable. “You will never lose us. We are yours, as you are ours. That will not change no matter what you choose to do with your life.”

Emotion clogged Alec's throat. He could only nod, though he knew that didn’t convey everything he wanted to. It took him a minute to be able to find his words. What came out wasn’t what Alec had intended, but it was the truest words he’d spoken yet. “I want him back, Rimni. I don’t know what else to think right now. I _can’t_ think about anything else. I just, I want him _back_.”

“First, you must make sure that you are still alive to plan a way to rescue him. Once we have figured out that, we will do whatever we can to bring him back to you.” Rimni said the words like a promise – a vow. One that Alec knew the other man would do everything to keep from breaking. It wasn’t just the type of person Rimni was, it was also a product of his culture. A sidhe’s word was their bond.

Alec lifted a hand and gave the sign for **_thank you_**.

They stayed quiet for a few minutes as Alec tried to gather his composure. Rimni gave him a moment, and then he spoke up and surprised Alec by saying, “You know, you have options other than becoming a Shadowhunter. Ones that may work just the same in saving you.”

The idea of that wasn’t a surprise. Alec had thought about it while he’d been outside under the tree this morning. But, as stupid as it may have been, he couldn’t see himself going that route.

“I don’t want to be a vampire.” Maybe it was some of his old prejudices showing through, bits of him that had grown up listening to just what type of beings Downworlders were, but the very last thing Alec wanted was to become a _vampire_. He didn’t want to lose the ability to go out in sunlight. Or be forced to drink blood to survive. Though, if it meant being able to still be around when Magnus came back, still be _alive_ …

Being a wolf didn’t sound all that appealing, either. Wolves were a bit rawer in their emotions. More exposed. The idea of that wasn’t something that appealed to Alec. Not after a lifetime of being taught that emotions were a weakness. While Alec liked the idea of a close family pack, he wasn’t sure that route was for him. Just thinking of having to answer to an Alpha had Alec shuddering.

“Vampires and wolves are not your only options,” Rimni said.

Alec looked up in surprise. _What_?

Rimni calmly met Alec's gaze. “Wolves and vampires are typically the two easiest species to transform to, but they are not the only ones. Not for one in your rather unique circumstance.”

“What are you talking about?” He couldn’t mean what Alec thought he meant. That wasn’t – it wasn’t _possible_. Alec had never heard anything that would even _suggest_ that.

“Many believe that, unlike other Downworlders, there is no way for someone to change themselves to become one of the fae. In most senses, their beliefs would be correct. The lesser fae are born, not made. As for the rest…it is not so simple as a bite or a scratch.”

Alec knew his eyes were likely wide, yet he didn’t care. What Rimni was saying was something Alec hadn’t ever thought of before. He’d never imagined that someone could make themselves into a sidhe. The fae, both greater and lesser, had always seemed so magical to him. The idea of being able to become one had never even crossed his mind.

“It is not a simple process, nor one everyone is capable of doing,” Rimni went on to explain. “A mundane has neither angelic nor demonic blood – the transformation would be too much for their systems, and it would kill them. And most Downworlders are already changed by what is in essence a demonic virius, they would not survive a second transformation. It would likely destabilize their already mutated cells. Only two beings stand a chance.”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out which groups were left. “Shadowhunters and warlocks.”

Rimni nodded at him. “Yes. Both already possess part of what is required to become one of us. Their bodies are halfway prepared, and thus more likely to survive the addition of more power. Even so, there is no guarantee, and it is not a simple process. A Shadowhunter cannot bear their runes – the ties to the angel would burn out the introduction of demon blood. And if the warlock is not strong enough to control their magic and bind it with the new angelic blood, it will destroy them.”

The whole thing sounded extremely dangerous.

Alec didn’t say anything right away. What Rimni was offering – and it was very clear what was on the table here – it was a chance for Alec to survive this, all of this, but it would require him to change yet again. Shadowhunter, mundane – sidhe? Was that what he was destined to become next?

This wasn’t a decision Alec could make lightly. Becoming one of the sidhe would mean quite a lot of changes. He would become an entirely new species, subject to their laws – laws that he barely knew. He’d have to learn what it meant to be one of the sidhe. He’d, _Raziel_ , he’d have _magic_.

And immortality.

That one was the hardest of all. Could Alec do that? Was he willing to watch the ones he loved die and live on without them? _It’s either that or force them to watch you die now,_ a part of Alec's mind pointed out poisonously.

Licking his lips, which felt suddenly dry, Alec twirled the rings around his fingers. “Can I have time to think about this?”

When he looked up, he saw the sorrow on Rimni’s face and knew the answer without having to hear it. Yet he stayed quiet and let Rimni speak. “I wish I could grant you the time to think that you deserve,” Rimni shifted in his chair and leaned over the armrest so that he could once more reach out and catch Alec's hand. His expression was even more serious. “But I fear your body may not wait, _Nitii_.”

That had been what Alec was afraid of. No one had said it, how long exactly Alec was going to have now that the spell was gone, but something deep inside told him it wouldn’t be as long as the others expected. There was a heat that had been steadily growing all day. Not painful – just the warm burn that came sometimes after a good workout.

The hand over Alec's gave a soft squeeze. He knew it was Rimni’s silent way of reminding Alec that he wasn’t alone. “There are other avenues we can pursue. I know this is not a decision to be made lightly, and I will support you in whatever you choose to do. So long as you are safe, I care little for who you choose to become.”

 _Who you choose_ , not _what you choose_. It was a very fine distinction. One that not everyone would’ve made. And it was honest. Alec wasn’t going to become some _thing_. He was still going to be himself, just changed.

He’d thought already about so many other options and dismissed each one of them for various reasons. They all had their downsides, each and every one of them. All of them had things that Alec didn’t like. Even staying mundane. But, unless he truly wanted to die, he had to pick one of them. There was no way around that. Alec had to make a choice.

He looked at Rimni, waiting so patiently for his answer, and Alec wondered if there’d ever really been any other choice. “Was this one of the things you saw?”

“It was one possibility.”

That wasn’t quite an answer. Which, in its own way, was an answer all on its own.

Either Alec could go back to the life of a Shadowhunter and once more find himself under control of the Clave, forced to take parts of himself and lock them away until he could be what it was they expected him to be. He would have to give up his friends, any chance of keeping them in his life – any chance of ever exploring this thing with Magnus, if the man still wanted Alec when he got back.

Or he could make the only choice that might grant Alec some freedom, though it’d come with its own sets of ties.

Alec curled his hand around Magnus’ rings and let himself draw strength from their presence. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend that Magnus’ magic was reaching out to him just as it sometimes did when they were sitting together. He could pretend that Magnus was here with him.

When Alec opened his eyes, his hands and gaze were steady. “What do I need to do?”


	22. Chapter 22

Deciding to do something and then actually doing it were two entirely different things. As soon as Alec made his decision, fully made it, Rimni snapped into action.

There were things that had to be dealt with before they could go. Rimni had to step aside for a few moments to send a few messages ahead – for what, Alec wasn’t sure – and Alec had to go out and deal with his siblings. Something which he really wasn’t looking forward to. Neither one of them were going to be happy about this. Not that he could blame them. They’d just found one another again, discovered that the thing that kept them apart was caused by a magic spell, and now they were going to lose all Alec over again.

Alec knew what his siblings wanted. He’d known even before they brought it up back in the kitchen. Just as he knew that, while they likely accepted his _no_ , that didn’t mean they weren’t planning on trying to talk him around to a _yes_ in the future.

That argument wasn’t one that Alec wanted to have at the moment. Or ever, really, if he was being honest. But… fresh from his conversation with Rimni, still feeling so very raw from some things, and after a day full of emotional blows from the moment he’d woken up, Alec was just, he was done. He was done with the heart-to-heart conversations. The arguments, fighting with people, _losing_ people, Alec was just _done_. He wanted to go and do this without having to worry about what his siblings might say or feel about it.

Maybe that was selfish (he knew it was) but Alec couldn’t help it. For once, couldn’t he make a decision about his life that didn’t have to take into account everyone else’s feelings and opinions? Hadn’t he earned that, at least?

Apparently his friends seemed to think so. When Rimni went to take care of sending out messages, Alaion came in to take his place and stay with Alec. He also took advantage of the moment to make absolutely sure that this was what Alec wanted to do.

“I’m not doubting you, Alec. I just want to make sure this is what _you_ want.” Alaion asked. He’d already secured the door, with Aliri standing outside of it and the twins down with Isabelle, Jace, and Ragnor. With that all done, he came over to the side of Alec’s chair and squatted down, one hand resting on the armrest for balance. His eyes were serious when they lifted to Alec’s. “I don’t want you to feel pressured to make this choice by the General or anyone else. You deserve to do what you want, not what you think someone else wants. I and the rest of my team will support you, no matter what you decide on.”

The honesty behind those words was almost enough to steal Alec’s voice away. Not out of his usual fear, but out of a different emotion, one that left him a little choked up. Alec had to clear his throat a few times just to be able to get out the few words he wanted to say. “Thank you, Alaion. But I... I want this.”

Alaion stayed where he was for a moment and just stared up into Alec’s eyes. Finally, after a few minutes of silence, he gave a small nod. “Very well. Then we will be with you every step of the way.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you wish to let your siblings know before we leave?”

A grimace crossed Alec’s features. “I should.”

Alaion shrugged, and in his eyes was a hint of that quiet mischievousness that he didn’t often let people see. “Or, you could just speak to them once it’s all said and done. If you’re worried they’re going to be upset, well – there’s a mundane saying I’ve learned that seems to apply sometimes. Better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.”

Laughter tumbled free from Alec before he could stop it. The idea of Alaion, the captain of this crew, the responsible one who kept them all in line, spouting off advice like _that_. It was the last thing he would’ve expected.

Grinning, Alaion winked at him. “Of course, I don’t generally advocate that line of thinking as you well know. I expect certain things out of my people. _But_ , in some instances I have to admit the idea definitely has some merit.” Though his smile was still in place, his looked shifted into something a bit more serious. “This is your body and your choice., Alec. No one else’s.”

Alec tangled his fingers together in front of himself in an unconscious gesture. He twisted his fingers and tugged against them in a way that soothed the always-present-ache. “So you think I should just, go do this and then tell them about it afterward?”

“I think your siblings love you dearly, and they would be very concerned for just about any plans you made right now that didn’t match with what they thought best. I also think that even though they love you, and they likely have your best intentions at heart, sometimes we have to do what is best for _us_ whether or not others approve. You owe no answers to anyone, Alec. You’re not obligated to explain yourself to them just because they’re your family. As I said, this is your body and your life. What you choose to do with it is just that – _your choice_.”

The idea was a novel one. Until all of this had happened, Alec had always answered to someone. His parents, the Clave. Even his siblings. Isabelle was a bit gentler in trying to get answers out of him, but she was persistent. The only time she let something go was when she figured it out and/or at least guessed the reasons as to why Alec was keeping it quiet. But she’d always been an inquisitive young girl who wanted to know the _what_ and _why_ of everything, while being stubborn and willful enough to demand that Alec explain it to her. That hadn’t faded as she got older. She only began to ask smarter questions. Alec had always loved that trait about her – except when it came to quizzing him about his personal life, or her concern as his lack of one.

As for Jace, well, he hadn’t needed to ask as often as Isabelle did. He’d had a direct line to Alec in their bond that let him figure out a lot on his own. He was more willing to let some things go, to just sit back and wait to see what happened or if Alec might come to him on his own. Even if Alec never did, too used to trying to shoulder the world on his own. But when it came to something Jace considered important, he was strong-willed and bullheaded. He’d push forward and demand that he get answers.

Getting out of here without giving them answers of some sort was going to be almost impossible. But if he stopped to tell them, it would take time. Time that Alec didn’t want to spare.

Time he might not _have._

The warmth of his muscles was starting to grow, and there was a faint tingling in his joints that Alec was slightly nervous about. Something in his gut told him that these weren’t good signs. Maybe Rimni was right to hurry off to send his messages. And maybe _he_ was right in avoiding explanations for now.

Though it left Alec feeling guilty, he knew he couldn’t waste time having the argument over this with Jace and Isabelle. Not when his body so clearly needed to get moving. But he had to give them _something_.

The idea came to Alec when he stood there in front of them, leaning on Alaion for support as he caught his breath. Rising from the chair had only proved even more that his problems were spreading. It’d taken far too much effort to get up. Almost as if sitting still in there had held it at bay, and now that Alec was on his feet the angelic energy was free to attack him once more.

Isabelle looked worried as she watched Alaion support Alec on his way into the room, and Jace had his brows drawn down in that mostly-worried-slightly-angry look of his.

“Alec?” Jace asked, shifting like he was going to step forward, only for his way to be blocked by Alva. He tried to give her a dark look, and she just grinned brightly at him.

Alec hurried to cut that argument off at the pass before it could get started. “It’s fine.” He tried to keep his tone as even as possible so as not to give too much away. Though he knew they weren’t going to believe his words, he could at least keep them from worrying _too_ much. “I’m okay, guys.”

Isabelle gave him an incredulous look. “You don’t look okay.”

Smiling gently at her, Alec shrugged one shoulder. “I will be? Rimni has something that he says might help fix this. It’s not surefire, and it has its risks, but it seems like the best option to me.” Alec didn’t give them time to protest. Instead, he hurried on, a little twist of guilt growing in his stomach at the manipulation he was about to use. “While I go do this, I need you guys to do me a favor. I need you to head back to the Institute and present them with what you’ve learned. Talk to Catarina if need be, bring her in to testify as well.” If she was so willing to constantly interfere in his life, she could help them out in dealing with the fallout. “Between you guys, you should be able to present enough evidence to start the process for clearing my name.”

The way that Isabelle looked at him, the caution in her eyes, told Alec that she knew there was more to this. She always had been able to read him. Yet, for once, she didn’t call him on it. Though her eyes were sad she didn’t try and argue. “Of course, _hermano_. You can count on us.”

Jace clearly wanted to argue more, maybe voice some concerns, but a sharp look from Isabelle had him holding his tongue. At least on that. He did unbend enough to nod at Alec and chime in “We’ll take care of it, brother. Don’t you worry about that.”

It was so much easier to smile at them then. Alec reached out an arm, and though he was quickly reaching his limit on all this touching, he hugged first Isabelle, and then Jace. “I’ll message you guys when I’m back.”

“Be safe.” Isabelle said softly.

By the time they were ready to go, there was no denying that the feeling in Alec was a definite _burning_. It’d grown stronger in his muscles and joints, hot and prickling. Alec had to move carefully to keep it from flaring up too badly. Without his siblings to see him, Alec didn’t fight how heavily he leaned on Rimni – Alaion having passed him off so he could go get his own things ready. He kept hold of Rimni and let the other man support him as he went to Ragnor to thank him letting them stay there. “I know we disrupted your life kind of spectacularly. I wanted to thank you for letting us, and for letting us stay.”

“Somehow I get the feeling I didn’t have much choice,” Ragnor said, sniffing.

Despite what he was feeling, a soft smile curved Alec’s lips. “I’m sure we could’ve found somewhere else to go. Though I doubt it would’ve been as safe, or held as much knowledge. So... thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Try not to need it again.”

“I’ll do my best.”

And then, with Rimni’s arm around him as support, and the rest of the unseelie spread out around Alec like the guard they were, the group made their way out of the house and toward the shadows that lingered at the corner – shadows that Alec had heard them say some could move through. Rimni drew Alec in a little tighter when they got close to the designated spot. “Hold on, little one, and close your eyes. It makes the transition easier.”

Though Alec wasn’t fond of walking blind, he also wasn’t stupid enough to ignore the advice. The last thing he wanted was to end up disoriented or sick on the other side of this. So he closed his eyes and let Rimni tuck his head in close like a child being sheltered from the scary things in the dark. Then they all walked forward.

* * *

Though Alec couldn’t see it, he could feel it as things around him changed. The air turned lighter. Cooler. And there was a faint mist to the air, kind of like what it felt like to stand near the ocean on a windy day. He’d always loved that feeling.

There was a sense of _something_ around him that Alec couldn’t quite put words to, as well. He could feel it sink down into him, into his _bones_ , and the energy inside of Alec only flared hotter in response.

In the many times that Alec had tried to picture the unseelie realm, he’d never quite been able to figure out what it would really look like. He’d had hints from Rimni over the years. little bits of information gleaned from stories that the older man had told about his various adventures and travels. Alec knew it was unlike the seelie realm, which was bathed in the golden light from which they took their power – the angelic side that Rimni said they liked to pretend was the only part they possessed.

The unseelie realm was different. They embraced their darker halves. Drew power from it. While they didn’t deny the light in themselves, Rimni said that their realm was still one of shadows. “It does not make us evil,” he’d told Alec once. “Shadows and dark are not inherently bad elements. They are a part of what makes up the world. For where there is light, there will always be shadows. One does not exist without the other. Our sister court has forgotten that.”

Even knowing all that, Alec had still sort of expected to find the place dark and a bit scary. He was only right on about half of that.

There was quite a bit of darkness all around when Alec opened his eyes. But not the pitch blackness that one associated with demons and evil and other such things. It was the darkness of an eternal night. There was no sun, only the low light of the moon though there was none in sight. But Alec could see little stars breaking up the blackness of the sky, shining with a light that seemed to be reflected in their eyes. And the land under it… it was _beautiful_.

Alec leaned against Rimni's side and let his eyes drift from the sky down to the land. It was as if they'd stepped out of Ragnor's home and right onto the edge of the forest. A look showed trees behind him, spreading off to the left and the right. Alec couldn't tell where they ended on the left, but on the right they started to travel upward, along a vast stretch of mountains that seemed to go on for miles and miles – days’ worth of travel, he was guessing – and then start to wrap toward the left.

The land spread out in front of them like rolling fields of green, shaded by the night. Here and there it looked as if there were villages, some small and some larger.

This wasn't just a small realm. It was a whole _world_

For the first time Alec realized that the other realms were more than just the space that Shadowhunters and others were allowed into. Those were their courts, the places you accept guests, or the pathways where the Seelie Queen would make them walk to her. But that didn't mean that was _all_ they were. Just as the mortal realm was its own place, its own _world_ , so too were the other realms. A world of towns and cities, oceans and mountains, and all different types of people and cultures.

“Welcome to the Unseelie Realm,” Rimni murmured above him. When Alec looked up, the man was surveying everything in front of him with a soft smile. “My Kingdom.”

“It's beautiful,” Alec breathed out.

Rimni's smile grew a little more. “Yes, it is, though few outsiders recognize that.”

Their moment was interrupted when the guards moved into better position around them. It was no surprise that it was Alaion who spoke up. Likely the only one that would've dared in that moment. The rest were fully in _work mode_. “Beautiful though it may be, our trouble with the veils is making travel more difficult, and we landed further from our destination than I'd like. We need to get moving, General, if we want to make it to the Cauldron in time.”

The next few moments were caught up in handing out orders and assigning duties. Virion and Aliri were sent down to the nearest village, which they assured Alec would only take them about forty-five minutes, there and back, to fetch them some horses. From there, they'd be able to ride onward toward their destination. Alaion and Alva were debating the best route, looking out over the land, and Pyrr lay slumped against Alva's back, though she didn't look the least bit bothered by his weight.

It left Rimni and Alec to settle down on a nearby rock that Rimni used a bit of magic to soften with some moss. Alec didn't bother sitting on the rock itself. He sank down into the moss and grass at its base and allowed the rock to support him.

Now that he wasn't focusing on the land around him, he realized how tired he suddenly felt. How ready he was to _sleep_.

Rimni sat himself on the rock and twisted his legs toward Alec, close without overcrowding him. He seemed to recognize that Alec was just about done out with touch at the moment. He'd forced himself to give so much today already, to touch so many different people, and his skin was crawling with it. There was a part of Alec that wanted more, while the larger part of him thought he might crawl out of his skin to get away from it if someone dared try.

Instead, he let himself slump against the coolness of the rock, and the softness of the grass, and tried to gather himself a little. He didn't understand why he was suddenly so drained.

However, if he wasn't careful he was going to fall asleep here, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. None of these people would hesitate to pick Alec up and carry him if he fell asleep. He really didn't want to wake up and find out that he was in someone's arms beings carried somewhere.

“What's the Cauldron?” Alec asked abruptly.

If the suddenness of Alec's words bothered Rimni, the older man didn't show it. He gave a low hum as he settled himself on the rock. He was close without crowding Alec, ready to offer support if needed. “It is one of our most scared places. Up in the mountains, over there to your right, there is a path that one may take that will lead them to the temple of Goddess. There, the Guardians of the Dark stay. Four beings who are acolytes to the Goddess. They speak with her there, and many have gone to get Her blessing.”

There was a quiet reverence to Rimni's words that had Alec turning just a little so he could look up at him. He'd never heard Rimni touch on the religion of the unseelie beyond their simple use of the word Goddess. They talked about her the same way that Shadowhunters spoke of Raziel. Like she was their Creator and their savior all rolled into one.

Rimni was staring off into the distance – toward the mountains he was speaking of.

“It is said that there are secrets held there inside the temple that are only made known to those that choose to pledge their lives to the Goddess. Much of what is in there is shrouded in mystery. But what we do know is that deep down inside the temple, there is a pool. A Cauldron, as you will. That pool marks a convergence of what I believe you would know as ley lines. Multiple powers from all the realms, fed into this one spot. There, great magic can be done, for the touch of the Goddess is said to be closer there than in any other place. It is in that Cauldron that you will be able to make the journey from who you are to who you are meant to become.”

That was – that was so much more than Alec had been expecting when he'd accepted Rimni's offer. The earlier explanation he’d gotten hadn’t talked about all this. Rimni had explained there was a magic pool, yes, and he’d talked about how it wouldn’t be easy, but they hadn’t had a ton of time to really get into the details. Alec hadn't realized just how big of a deal this was going to be. He should have, of course. This wasn't just a simple physiological change. They were going to be doing something big here, adding a whole other level of power to Alec beyond what he already had in him.

And Rimni had warned him, back when they'd been talking in Ragnor's library, that this was dangerous. That any attempt to change Alec right now would be dangerous. “With the amount of angelic power you've built up inside you, I do not know what any of these changes might do to you,” he’d warned Alec. “Vampire, wolf, Shadowhunter, fae, there is no telling what would happen. There is every chance that any one of them might kill you.”

“Is that you guessing, or your powers telling you?” Alec had asked.

The dark look in Rimni's eyes had been answer enough.

It seemed like no matter what Alec did he was going to be taking a risk. Better that he did it here, surrounded by magic users who'd be able to do their best to attempt to protect him and anyone around him, than out in the mortal realm where he might risk hurting so many more people.

This was the right choice. Not just for his wants, but for his safety, too.

Now, he just had to survive to get there.

* * *

Just under forty-five minutes went by before Virion and Aliri were back with the horses. For the first time in his life Alec found himself grateful for the equestrian lessons that his parents had forced him into. It was one of the few areas that he and his father had connected a little. Robert's family had owned quite a lot of property. The Lightwood home sat on many acres. Which meant Robert had grown up exploring them, and often riding on them.

He'd insisted that his children all learn. While Max and Isabelle hadn't taken to it, Alec _had_. Some of his best memories of Robert, back before the man went hard and distant sometime during Alec's teen years, were while they were on horseback.

Alec felt some of those old lessons coming back to him when he greeted the pretty little cobalt mare that Aliri brought to him. He took a second to stroke her nose and let her get a sense of him, and for him to get a sense of her. She was taller than any mare he’d seen, and a bit more fluidly built, muscle hidden in a lean, lanky form. Her coat was smooth, and her ears a bit more laid back than the horses Alec was more used to. Pointier, too, much like the sidhe.

All in all, she was different, yes, but also beautiful. Alec rubbed above her nose and smiled when she took advantage of that to stuff her nose into his armpit.

She stayed perfectly still when Alec went around to the saddle to climb up. He stubbornly ignored the hands that were there to help him. Alec placed his foot in the stirrup and pulled himself up through what was probably sheer determination and stubbornness. His movements weren't as smooth as they normally would’ve been, and his aching body protested quite vehemently to the movement, but he got up there and he kept his seat, though he did wobble a little from dizziness at the sudden shift in height.

When his gaze cleared, he found the others watching him with concern. “Why is he suddenly so much worse?” Virion asked, looking at the others like they might be able to give him some sort of answer.

It was Alva who voiced it, her own eyes dark with worry. “He's feeling the magic of the realm. It's triggering the angelic power in him even more. It doesn't know whether to relax or to fight, and so it churns around inside him, and his body is paying the price for that.”

None of them seemed bothered by the fact that they were standing there talking about him without actually talking _to_ him.

“Will he make it?” Aliri asked. She was giving Alec a look as if trying to assess him herself and figure out what to do if the answer to that was _no_.

Annoyance had Alec narrowing his eyes at them. Really. They should’ve known Alec better by then. He straightened up as best as he could in his seat and squared his shoulders.

“I'll make it just fine.” Without giving her time to say anything, or any of them really, Alec clicked his tongue and used his heels to nudge the mare under him. She responded easily, following his direction as if they'd been riding together for years. Alec walked her up to Rimni's side, the only other one of them already mounted.

He wasn't quite sure why the man was looking at him with an expression that almost seemed like pride. Whatever it was, Rimni said nothing on it, just nodded at Alec and then turned his own horse to the right. He set off in a diagonal path toward the mountains. Alec fell in place beside him, with the others spread out behind them.

* * *

It only took about an hour of riding for Alec to begin to question the validity of his earlier claim. His body was burning and aching in so many places. He felt like he'd been beaten all over again. Or sent through three days of intense training without a rest.

The pain reminded Alec of when he'd first been deruned, just minus the gaping hole where his parabatai bond had been. That ache of that was constant – less than it'd been back at the start, but still a part of him. But the rest of him? Raziel, it hurt! His muscles were burning and aching. Each step of the horse jarred through Alec in a way that had him gritting his teeth. It hurt in ways he wanted desperately to stop, yet knew he couldn't. All he could do was follow after Rimni and hope that this would be over soon.

At one point, Pyrr moved up alongside him, riding at Alec's side instead of a silent guard behind him. He didn't say anything, and yet Alec could feel _something_. The air around him grew cool. It brushed against Alec's heated skin, soothing down the burn and slowly, carefully, numbing down the ache. At the same time, Pyrr started to talk about the village up ahead, rambling off about the people there and how they grew “...the best batch of nipsi berries you'll ever taste. Once we're done, I'll take you there. They make a truly amazing wine that is probably just sweet enough for your tastes...”

As Pyrr talked, Alec snuck a look over at his friend. He found Pyrr staring forward like nothing at all was going on. One of his hands was up and waving around while he talked, a habit he didn't always indulge in. Only when he was really, really happy, or trying to play it up like he was.

Alec didn't call him on the act. But he did make sure to catch Pyrr's eye and sign **_thank you_** to him. He had no idea what his friend was doing, only that it helped somehow. Alec wasn’t pain free, but he could go on a little longer like this.

* * *

Eventually, not even Pyrr's help could make the ride bearable, and Alec lost his ability to hide it. He was bent over, clutching the pommel in an effort to keep his seat.

A low whistle came from behind him. Alec looked up and watched as Rimni turned, eyes scanning around. His gaze briefly settled on Alec before moving back to whoever it was right behind him. Whatever Rimni saw there had him nodding. Then he was drawing his horse further to the right, close to the cliff line they'd been following.

“What're we doing?” Alec asked. He followed, not quite sure what was going on but trusting in them.

Pyrr and Alva closed in on either side of Alec, using their horses to help nudge him along to where they needed him to go. “We've gone far enough for today,” Pyrr said.

Alva nodded her agreement. “Best to rest and wait for morning light before we set out again. Now that we're by the safety of the mountain, we'll be able to better set up a defensible camp.”

From a leadership standpoint, that made sense. Where they'd started out at had been open and exposed. This was a more easily defensible position to make their camp at. But Alec knew the only reason they were stopping to camp at all was because of him. He would’ve been angrier about it if he hadn’t hurt as much as he had.

Alec knew they were right to stop. He needed to rest before they went on. At the moment there was no way he was going to make it up any sort of mountain trail when riding across mostly flat land had hurt so much. That didn’t make it any easier to swallow his pride, though. Especially when Rimni came over and reached up to help him dismount.

“There is no one here to see you save us,” Rimni murmured to him, reading him just as well as he always seemed to. “Allow me to help you down?” He laid a hand on the saddle and waited patiently, not willing to reach out without Alec's permission.

Gritting his teeth, Alec finally nodded. It was likely going to be the only way he was going to get down.

Rimni’s touch was quick, efficient, and gentle. He got Alec down off the horse and steadied him. When he was sure Alec wasn’t going to fall, he drew his hands back, though he didn’t go far. He kept at Alec's side just in case he needed him while pretending all the while that that wasn’t what he was doing. Alec was pathetically grateful for it.

Together, they got over to the cliff wall where packs had already been set down, and Virion was getting a fire going. Alec let himself be led around toward the stone side, where Rimni helped brace him so that Alec could get down to the ground and recline back against the pack that Rimni nudged behind him. Though it was a bit embarrassing to admit, Alec couldn’t deny that sitting somewhere steady like this definitely felt better than being up in the saddle.

Rimni folded himself down to the ground at Alec's side. Long legs crossed underneath him, and with his hands in his lap, he still managed to look every inch the prince that Alec now knew him to be.

When Alec looked out at the others, he found them all moving around. Alva was taking care of his horse for him, something that had Alec grimacing. He wasn’t the type to just leave his chores to others.

But when he made as if to move, Pyrr nudged him back. He was squatted near Alec, putting some things into a pot that slightly resembled a teapot. “Don’t try and get up,” Pyrr said, one finger pointed at Alec almost chidingly. “I’m going to make you something to drink that should help you get through the rest of the trip. I hadn’t made it before because I didn’t want it interacting with whatever the spell was in you, but now that it’s out we can see about making you more comfortable. I should’ve done it before we ever came here, honestly. Sorry about that.”

“The rest of us can take care of things,” Virion chimed in. He flashed a grin Alec's way. “That’s our job, anyway. You just relax.”

Alec tried not to squirm uncomfortably under their looks. Agreeing to let them guard him was one thing. But this? “You guys don’t have to do everything. I can help.”

His words only had the others exchanging fond looks. But Alaion, who had been doing something on the other side of the fire that Alec couldn’t see, adopted a suddenly serious look. He pushed himself up to his feet only to come around the fire and then move into a squat right in front of Alec. He rested his arms on his knees, hands dangling into the open space in front of him between his legs, and fixed Alec with a sharp, steady stare. “Outside our realm we got away with much more lax behavior with you. While here, things are different. They have to be different.”

“Why?” Alec asked. He felt the furrow building between his brows. But he just, he didn’t understand.

He watched as Alaion sighed heavily and shot a look toward Rimni that was the most chiding look Alec had seen him show the man so far. “I thought you were going to explain this to him?”

Even more surprising than the scolding in Alaion’s words was the slightly shamefaced look that Rimni briefly wore. “Other things needed to be dealt with first. I have not had the time to make explanations yet.”

“He needs to know, sir. Especially while here. That is, if you meant it.”

Alec's eyebrows shot toward his hairline at the sharpness of those last few words. There were layers to the conversation that was happening in front of him that Alec was missing.

Judging by the thunderous look that overtook Rimni’s face, yeah, Alec was _definitely_ missing something. It was the most dangerous Alec could ever recall his friend being. “Mind what you say to me, Captain.”

Alaion didn’t miss a beat. He bowed somehow while still squatting. With a low, “General,” he moved away and went back to whatever he was doing before on the other side of the fire.

It left Alec turning curiously to look at Rimni. He said nothing, one eyebrow up in silent question, and the dark look on Rimni’s face faded underneath a small grimace. Then, looking at Alec, he sighed. “I will explain our conversation in a moment, little one. Once you have had your potion from young Pyrravyn. You should be as clear minded as possible while you pelt me with the questions you will no doubt have.”

The last bit was said with a hint of teasing to it. Alec recognized the teasing for what it was – an attempt at normality. He could give Rimni that if he needed it. From the sounds of things Alec would no doubt get answers shortly. He could wait. “You like my questions.”

Alec had judged his words right. A smile took away some of the stress on Rimni’s face, though not all. “I do. Though I have never quite met anyone who can ask as many questions as you once you became comfortable with me. You have an inquisitive mind, _Nitii_.”

“How am I supposed to know things if I don’t ask?”

That was something Alec had always wondered and never understood while growing up. No one had wanted him to ask questions about things. He was supposed to read, listen, learn, and accept that what he was taught was the absolute truth. Questions were not allowed.

Talking with Rimni had never been like that. He’d encouraged Alec to ask questions right from the get-go, and once Alec had realized he had permission, he’d never hesitated to ask whatever came to mind. The more that Rimni answered, and answered calmly and easily, the more comfortable Alec grew in asking.

A bright grin lit up Rimni’s face and briefly chased away some of the shadows there.

They were interrupted by Pyrr coming to kneel on Alec's opposite side. He held what looked to be a bowl between his hands, though it was no bigger than a regular mug back home. “Here,” Pyrr said, holding the bowl out to him. “Take this and drink it down in one go. It’s warm, but not hot enough to burn. You should be able to feel it take effect almost immediately. Or, I hope.”

Alec took the bowl and gave the insides a curious look. Whatever was in there smelled kind of like peppermint, though it was a dark, almost burnt orange color. Alec debated for just a second. Then he lifted the bowl up to his lips. Pyrr had said to drink it in one go, and so that was what Alec did. He tipped it all into his mouth at once and swallowed it down.

The instant it touched his tongue he knew why Pyrr had recommended drinking it that quickly. Alec lowered the bowl and fought against his gag reflex to swallow it all down. Only years of eating barely edible food kept him from throwing it all back up. “By the Angel,” Alec swore lowly, thrusting the bowl back at an apologetic looking Pyrr. “That tastes worse than the time Izzy tried to make a cabbage and apple soup.”

To this day Alec still had no idea what Isabelle had done to the cabbage or the apples before cooking them. It had been before she’d discovered recipes – back when she just attempted to throw together whatever was in the kitchen and hope for the best. It’d tasted absolutely horrible and Alec had managed two whole bowls of it with Max and Isabelle watching on with excitement and pride. They’d made the meal as a special birthday lunch for Alec.

“Sorry,” Pyrr said, somehow not sounding all that sorry. “It’s not the best tasting, but it’s one of the better restoratives. With a hint of a power-suppressant. It _should_ keep the angelic energy in control just a little bit longer.”

True to his word, the potion was already working. Alec could feel the difference. His body ached less, the tingling dulled a little, and the heat wasn’t as bad. Alec didn’t feel good, but he felt _better_ , and he had a feeling that was all he could ask for at the moment.

Alec smiled at Pyrr and gave him a small nod. “Thanks, Pyrr. I appreciate it.”

With a wide grin, and a quick wink, Pyrr gave a kneeling bow that was somehow respectful and ridiculous all at the same time. “Pleasure to be of service.” Another wink, and then he hopped nimbly up to his feet.

Everyone seemed to be doing something near the fire, contributing to whatever it was that was in the pot Alva had hanging there now, working together in a unit that was comfortable and quick. Alec snuck a look over at Rimni and found the man watching his people with fondness.

Red eyes cut over to Alec, and then they crinkled a little at the corners with his smile. Somehow Rimni managed to make his sigh slightly fond as he sank down to better sit at Alec's side. Their hips and shoulders were only a few inches apart, both their legs stretched out straight in front of them. It amused Alec to see how much further Rimni’s legs went than his. Even after all these years he wasn’t used to someone so much taller than him.

“I know that you want answers, and you have the right to them,” Rimni said abruptly, bringing Alec out of his thoughts and back to the present moment. “But first, I would ask you something else. I promise my reasons why will make sense by the time I am done.”

“What is it?” Alec asked.

He wasn’t expecting the question that Rimni put toward him a second later. “Have you thought about what you wish to do when you come out of the water, and your body is changed?”

Pushing aside his curiosity on how this was all connected, and what it meant, Alec focused his attention on the question at hand. He _had_ thought quite a bit about that, actually. He’d tried to distract himself during the horseback ride by picturing what he was going to do afterward. It wasn’t going to be as simple as just going on existing. Alec had been raised to be a politician, a diplomat. He knew well how to read the ramifications of almost anything. While he didn’t know the unseelie court as well as he should to try and make guesses, he knew enough to make him wonder and worry.

“A little,” Alec said slowly.

Rimni nodded and turned his attention back toward the fire. The others were settling in around the fire, quiet now as Rimni spoke. They weren’t getting involved, but they were clearly listening. “You will have a few different options. You can choose to live as some of the untethered do, with no ties or allegiance to our court. Though that would make your power weaker, and you would lose the strength and backing that the court can provide.”

While the freedom of that sounded appealing, it also sounded dangerous. Especially to someone new to the Court.

“Your second option is to tie yourself to the court and King and make a name for yourself. You would be Lightwood no longer, and there is no telling how much time may go by before you earn yourself a surname. It is not an easy process in our culture. Names are not a sign of lineage, but a sign of who you are. They mark you. Some earn them through deeds. Others have them granted to them in various situations. You could receive one from the Guardians, or you could get one a few centuries from now. But until you have those, you would be tied to no one. You would essentially be what I believe you would label a commoner.”

Okay, that didn’t sound great, but it didn’t sound bad, either. Alec could handle being a commoner to these people. Though he had a feeling he’d have to understand a bit more about this naming thing to make an accurate decision on that part. He wanted to make sure he fully understood the significance of it all.

Rimni shifted ever so slightly, almost unnoticeable. Then he went on in a voice just as calm as before. Still, Alec sharpened his focus. This right here was clearly going to be something important.

“Your last option is to be accepted into a family. To take their blood to you, and yours to them, and to tie yourselves together with the kind of bonds that would make you as close as any blood family. In the eyes of the fae, no one would deny you the same rights that a brother, father, nephew, son, would gain. You would have ties, a connection, and protection. How much would depend on the family you were taken in to.”

No one gave Alec any chance to do more than wonder. His brain was still spinning with the idea of that when Alva spoke up, calling his attention over the fire to where she was sitting. “You know any of us would take you in, Alec.”

“We’d love to have you as a brother,” Pyrr agreed.

Virion grinned at him. “Absolutely.”

Alaion smiled at him, and even Aliri gave a small nod, which shocked Alec even more than all the others.

But it wasn’t them that he ended up paying attention to. It was the man next to him who was looking at him with the same gentleness he had every time Alec had needed him. Whenever Alec was hurt, or scared, or when he’d dump his problems on Rimni’s broad shoulders. It was the look he wore when he held Alec's hand and pretended not to see the tears that would slide down Alec's cheeks.

“I would be more than honored to have you as a part of my family, Alexander,” Rimni said softly. “But I understand if my family is more than you want to take on, especially knowing what you know now.”

Alec wasn’t going to lie and say that Rimni being a prince wasn’t something he was hesitating over. Because it was a big deal. Though Rimni had said something about Alec's status being close to a prince in his culture, Alec knew that there was a vast difference between the position he’d held and the position a prince held. While they might’ve shared some of the same training, same expectations, Rimni’s life was undoubtedly much harder than anything Alec had had to put up with – and some days, Alec had barely been able to do it.

But he looked up at Rimni, and he just… if Alec had to pick someone outside of his actual siblings as family, it would be this man right here who was watching Alec with so much love and understanding.

Alec drew in a deep breath as he let the weight of his decision settle on his shoulders. “You’ve been like family to me for a while now, Rimni. No matter what, I’d think it an honor to be accepted into yours. But, I mean, are you sure you want this? I get the feeling taking me on isn’t going to be a popular choice. Especially for a prince.”

A soft smile had spread over Rimni’s features at Alec's declaration of _family_. It only softened even more the more that Alec spoke. When he answered, it wasn’t quite what Alec was expecting him to say. In what felt like a complete non sequitur, Rimni said, “Not once in the time we have known one another have you ever asked me what _Nitii_ means.”

Their conversation felt like it was coming full circle here. Alec had the feeling they were back to where they started – back to whatever point Alaion had been trying to make. It felt big, and important. Alec watched Rimni carefully. “What does it mean?”

“In the English equivalent, it is a term of endearment for a beloved son.”

Surprise had Alec's eyebrows shooting up. _What_? “Son?” he blurted out. Then the implications of that hit, and Alec flushed, ducking his head a little. _Ohhhh._ Suddenly there were a few things that made a whole lot more sense than they had before.

“You can’t tell me you haven’t seen the way he treats you,” Virion called out laughingly.

Well, of course Alec had, but he hadn’t placed it as _fatherly_. His own father had never done for him any of the things that Rimni did. Honestly, no one had, and that was what had always made it so extra special to Alec. But he just, he hadn’t placed it as something a father might do for their son.

Rimni reached out, lightly brushing his fingers over Alec's hand. He waited through the initial flinch, hand still there, until Alec gave in enough to at least hook their index fingers together. It was the best he could bring himself to do at the moment. He wasn’t even sure he could speak with the emotion that clogged up his throat.

Not that he had to. Rimni seemed to understand where Alec's thoughts had gone. “Peace, _Nitii._ Your heart spoke to you of brotherhood because, to you, the way I treat you is how an older brother treats their younger siblings. It is how you treated yours, never realizing that the love you gave them was what a parent should give. And while some aspects of what we share could easily be a brotherhood…” The finger connected to Alec's gave a faint squeeze. “When I look at you, I see everything I could have ever wanted in a son. Were my Imryll still around, she would have loved you dearly.” He paused there and flashed a bright grin. “Though she also likely would have claimed you years ago.”

The last words were said with a fond laugh. Yet in them was the same love Alec had heard every time that Rimni mentioned his late wife. Alec had never got to meet her – the way Rimni spoke, she had died a long time ago – but from what he’d heard, it sounded like she’d been an amazing woman.

But, callous though it may sound, she wasn’t around to protest or give any sort of opinion on this. There were other parts of Rimni’s family that _were_ , though. “What about your father? Isn’t he going to have something to say about you bringing me into the family?”

“Worry not about him,” Rimni said, waving his free hand. Though something on his face hardened, just the slightest bit, it was there and gone again in an instant. “A claim like this is not one taken lightly. As I said, to us it will be no different than if you had been born to Imryll and I. In the eyes of all, your ties to your previous parents will be gone, and you will be my son.”

A realization hit, and Alec froze. “What about Jace and Izzy? Max?”

“Your siblings are your own,” Rimni immediately reassured him.

Alaion’s voice broke in, reminding Alec that they weren’t alone here. “Siblings are different than parents. Our family dynamics are a lot different than mundane or nephilim families. By your standards, not a single person here is related to me, but by our standards my team are my brothers and sisters, and they’re treated the same as your people would treat the relationship between you and Isabelle.”

It sounded different, and a bit strange, but Alec had been trained on other cultures enough to not just dismiss the ideas that didn’t make sense to him.

However, this also brought home just how much Alec was going to have to learn. If he wanted to be a part of this culture, if he wanted to accept Rimni’s offer of being a part of his family, it would be expected that Alec would know these things. Especially as the child of a prince.

 _Raziel, am I really going to do this?_ Alec closed his eyes and rested his head back against the stone wall behind him. His mind was racing, everything he’d just been told and everything he’d learned twisting and turning around inside.

But through it all, Rimni’s finger stayed linked with his, a steady presence that helped keep Alec anchored even as his thoughts churned and the others began to talk quietly amongst themselves.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally wrote the last chapter (which means I get to work on the next stories shhhh) but that means that all that's left is editing these chapters. So expect the updates to continue coming quickly!
> 
> That said, I'm most proud and most nervous about this chapter and the next one, so please, let me know what you think!

How long they rested for, Alec wasn’t quite sure. But Alec napped against Rimni and the wall while he waited for food to be ready. Then, much to Rimni’s clear amusement at the so-obvious relief of the others, Virion came over with a bowl of food and convinced Alec to eat more than half of it.

Alec pretended not to hear the soft “I’m _so_ glad you’re back” from Alva when Virion brought over Alec's almost empty bowl. He wasn’t blind to the way that his friends watched just how much Alec did – or, more accurately, _didn’t_ – eat. Or that Virion was by far and above the best at getting food in him. Even when Alec _knew_ he was being played by the other man, it still didn’t change things.

Once their meal was dealt with, they once more gathered their things and loaded back up on the horses. Pyrr gave Alec one more potion, though he warned him, “If you start to feel like you’re falling asleep or get any kind of dizziness, let us know immediately.”

“I thought you guys weren’t healers,” Alec felt compelled to point out.

That got him a bright grin from his friend. “We’re not. But I did a little research on what might work before we came here. I might not be a healer, but we’re mages, so a little potion work here and there sort of comes with the territory. Though this is kind of a new situation. Don’t worry, though. Alva and I tested this recipe before we gave it to you.”

Alec stared at him for a long moment in an effort to try and process everything there. Even when he did, he still couldn’t quite believe it. “You… tested a potion on yourselves, two sidhe _mages_ , before giving it to a mostly mundane nephilim?”

“Technically, you’re not mundane at all,” Alva said cheerfully. She’d just finished attaching her saddlebag and was bracing to rise up into the saddle. She shot Alec a grin as she did. “Your runes make you a shadowhunter, and that’s all they took from you. It’s your blood that makes you a nephilim. They can’t take that away. So if you wanted to be specific about it, you should’ve said half-human, half-angel. Though just saying nephilim would be easier.”

“I feel like you’re completely missing the point I’m trying to make here,” Alec said dryly.

When that only got him laughter, Alec knew better than to try asking again. They weren’t going to give him a proper answer. Besides, he’d already taken the potion once before without any adverse effects. Alec trusted them to have his best interests in mind, either way.

Though it somehow seemed to taste even worse the second time around, the potion was likely the only thing that made it possible for Alec to make the ride ahead of them. He didn’t feel any dizziness but at the same time it didn’t quite feel like it worked as well as it had the last time. At the very least it cleared his head enough for him to make the ride and that was all that mattered.

Part of Alec couldn’t help but think that he’d like to make this ride when there was no threat hanging over them. As they reached a path that began to lead upward, there was plenty to look around and see. He could just imagine the sight would be a beautiful one. But they were in a hurry, and most of Alec's focus ended up on the path in front of him in the hopes that he might be able to keep him and the mare he rode from taking an unfortunate fall.

Not that the horses seemed to have any problems with it. They moved over the stone path with an ease that only furthered Alec's belief that these were more than just horses.

Alec lost track of how long they rode. His entire focus had been turned to making it to their destination that he found himself at a loss for what to do once the path opened up and they walked out onto a flat patch of rock bigger than the Ops Center back home. Alec ended up just sitting there staring up at the massive stone doors that looked somehow like they’d been carved into the mountain itself. They were wide enough they all could’ve ridden in on their horses, side by side, and tall enough to make Alec question if there were giants in the unseelie realm.

Someone caught the reins of Alec's mare and drew them carefully out of Alec's hands. He looked down and found Virion beside him, a solemn look on his face. Silent, the other man held the reins with one hand and reached up to Alec with his other.

Alec blinked a few times in an effort to try and clear his head. Okay, so no dizziness, but maybe a bit of fogginess. He felt like he was functioning half asleep. The world was sort of… muted. No, dulled. Even the fear Alec normally felt at touching someone was a distant thing when he reached down to brace one hand on Virion’s shoulder, or when Virion curled his hand around Alec's waist and steadied him on his trip down to the ground.

Once Alec was steady on his feet, Virion still kept a hold of him, and Alec didn’t really think anything of it. He kept his own grip on the other man, just to make sure that he was actually going to stay upright and not just sink straight down to the ground. “I…wow.” Alec blinked a few times. Things didn’t feel right. “Why is everything so fuzzy all of a sudden?”

“Is it the potion?” Virion asked. He subtly adjusted his weight until he was bracing Alec up a little bit more.

Alva came up and took the reins for Alec's horse from Virion’s hand. Her expression was calm, yet the way her eyes ran over Alec from head to toe made it clear she was a little worried, too. “Yes and no. His body’s reacting to the magic here, but the potion is dulling it.”

So, a little bit of both. Alec should’ve probably cared about that. He might have, if his attention hadn’t been drawn once more to the doors in front of him. The wind blew across them, and it seemed to carry the whisper of voices to it, soft and low. _Come in_ , they murmured to him. _Come to us. Come to your destiny, young nephilim._

Alec didn’t realize that he’d started to move forward. Not until Virion’s support disappeared from beside him and he almost tumbled. If it wasn’t for Pyrr and Alva coming up on either side of him and catching his arms, there was every chance Alec would’ve ended up on the ground. As it was, they just barely got to him in time, and Alec managed to keep his feet.

Still, not even tripping or trading out his support was enough to stop Alec. He found his feet carrying him toward those great doors without any clue as to how he was going to open them.

That was answered a second later by the two helping him. A wave of the hand from Pyrr and Alva both had the two doors shining bright for a moment, shimmering silver at the steams, and then slowly drawing apart just enough for the three of them to walk through. Alec didn’t notice that the others stayed behind. He didn’t notice much of anything. All of his focus was on that whisper that tickled across his skin.

 _Come to us,_ it said again, and drew him further forward. _We wait for you. Come to us._

How could Alec do anything else?

He had no sense of what was around him. Only the gentle breeze that carried him forward and the soft sigh of voices that drew him in, tugging him toward a place he knew he had to be. The power in his blood burned at the call, and yet the burn didn’t hurt.

Neither of the twins tried to speak to him. They simply held on to Alec and helped support him while he drew them forward. Together they walked through the main hall where many a person had come to offer prayer, seek guidance, or pay respects. The beauty in the carved stone and shining silver lights meant nothing to Alec. He walked straight ahead, stumbling only a little when he surprised Alva by twisting to the right instead of going up to the dais and the altar as all others did.

 _This way_ , the voices called to him, and Alec followed through a door to the side of the hall and down the stairs on the other side.

It felt like Alec was moving through water. There was a heavy feeling to everything while at the same time he almost felt weightless. All the while, that breeze kept blowing over him, whispers breathing softly against his skin, and firm hands that helped to carry Alec down, down, _down_ , until all of a sudden Alec felt the wind _stop_.

He froze in place, the twins keeping him there and upright. For what felt like the first time since he’d come inside Alec was able to blink his eyes clear of whatever had been fogging them.

Gone was the open mountainside that they’d stood on, or the stone chamber they’d walked inside of. This place… Alec took a look around him with faint awe. This place was dark and had the feeling of being deep inside the mountain. The air around them carried that same heavy feeling that Alec had waded through to get down here. But despite how heavy it felt, it was nothing compared to the beauty of it all.

They were in some wide-open cavern that felt natural and seemed to go on and on all around them. There were stairs behind them that would take them back up, and what looked to be others off to either side amongst the walls and caves. But what really caught Alec's attention more than anything else was the wide stairs in front of them that led up to some sort of platform, and the four women that stood at the very top of those stairs.

They stood together in a line, close enough to touch, though they kept their hands folded together in front of themselves. They were darker than any unseelie Alec had met so far. As dark as the shadows that seemed to reach out and drape over them like a shawl. Shining white hair felt like a waterfall down their backs to trail on the ground. In it, each one had a single red streak that seemed to run right down the middle, from the center of their forehead down to the bottom.

Alva and Pyrr dropped to their knees on either side of Alec. They didn’t tug him down with them, nor let go of him. Instead, they twisted their hands to brace him at his elbows and keep him upright while the rest of them was bent low, their other hand pressed palm flat to the ground.

“Guardians,” the twins said together. They bowed their heads, hair spilling down to the ground.

The four women didn’t move. Silver eyes blinked simultaneously. Though Alec was staring right at them, he didn’t see which one started to speak, nor could he keep up with it as they switched. It was almost as if one person was speaking with four different mouths.

“Welcome to the Cauldron,” the first Guardian said.

“We knew you were coming.”

“Fate led you to us.”

“The Goddess is wise. She felt the shift – a break in the rightful path the universe was meant to take.”

“Someone has messed with the natural order. They changed it, and Fate seeks to set it right.”

“By any means necessary.”

Alec blinked a few times as he tried to force his brain to process what they were saying. The air lightened just a little, less of a weight pushing him into place, but instead of making it easier it only made him feel untethered. Drifting. If it hadn’t been for the twins pushing in closer to his legs, Alec might’ve joined them down on the ground.

A low hum of something that Alec's brain vaguely recognized as _power_ grew around them – so much more than the power he was used to feeling in his friends, or in the few warlocks he’d known, thick and heavy and tasting like ashes and wet earth on the back of his tongue.

The women spoke again, one after the other, their voices echoing in the empty cavern.

“You were offered choices.”

“And you chose this.”

“But this is not a decision you can turn back from.”

“Fate will continue to try and return you to the path you were on.”

“By accepting this, you change that path and create a new one.”

“One where Fate and the Goddess will work together to use you for what you were always meant to be.”

“A leader.”

“A fighter.”

“A warrior.”

“A king.”

Their words felt important – so very important. Alec bent his arms and slid them so that he could grasp the hands that had held his elbows seconds ago. Those touches gave him the strength to keep on standing. They steadied him in more ways than one. With his grip on them, Alec was able to find his voice. “I’m not… I’m not any of those things.”

“You are.”

“You were.”

“You will be again.”

That wasn’t actually an answer. However, Alec had a feeling it was the only one he was going to get. Not that it mattered. Those weren’t the things Alec needed to focus on. Not yet. Later on he could handle trying to figure out what they meant by those titles and all their talk of what he was _meant to be_. At the moment Alec was a bit more concerned with another part of what they’d said. Their talk of _fate_. “What do you mean when you say someone messed with the natural order?”

The women separated suddenly, two to each side, and Alec got his first glimpse behind them. Only, there was nothing there. He couldn’t see anything behind them.

“Come and see,” one of the Guardians on the right said.

One of the ones on the left spoke next. “Come step into the Cauldron, Alexander Lightwood.”

“Let the Goddess show you.”

“Who you were meant to be.”

That feeling of power grew stronger. Alec could feel it whispering to him, urging him to take those few steps forward, to go up the stairs. What waited for him if he did? What was he going to find up there? This Cauldron, clearly, but he had no idea what that meant, and he suddenly wished he’d asked more questions before they came here. Rimni had been vague even back at Ragnor’s place when he’d explained what it was that Alec was going to do.

This felt like a much bigger decision than Alec had realized. Definitely bigger than choosing to become a werewolf or a vampire. Bigger, maybe, than going back to the Clave and becoming a mindless soldier once more.

Just thinking of what choices he had to go back to compared to what was ahead of him was enough to have Alec standing up a little straighter. That life – it wasn’t his anymore. Much as Alec had loved being a Shadowhunter, and he would miss it, that wasn’t _him_. Alec dared anyone to live a life on the run amongst mundanes and Downworlders and not have their whole worldview change.

It wasn’t just that they’d betrayed him. Yes, that was a part of it. Even knowing that a spell had caused it, that was still a major part of things for Alec. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to go and look at them and know what they’d done and _not_ hate them for it. It was also that he’d seen the effect shadowhunters had on the world.

Alec had had the chance to witness for himself what kind of reputation they had – and how well earned it was. Hearing the stories from the unseelie, seeing how they’d reacted after Virion’s assault, all paired up with the few stories Alec had heard while at Ragnor’s, all of that painted an ugly picture. One that left Alec with a slick feeling of shame in his stomach where once there’d been pride.

No, being a Shadowhunter wasn’t something he could go back to. But this? A different life, yes, and one that might be even more dangerous. Definitely a whole lot more political. Yet Alec already had people here who loved him. Who had accepted him when he was nothing more than the ex-Shadowhunter murderer. Who had been willing to stand by him no matter what decision he made. Who, even now, were waiting outside for him, were kneeling down on either side of him, ready for whatever choice he made. If Alec walked out of here now and wanted something different, he knew without a doubt they wouldn’t love him any less.

Alec took the first step before he realized he was going to.

He let go of the twins’ hands and slowly, carefully, made his way to the stairs. The closer he got, the more power he felt, and it was almost enough to make him stumble. Somehow, Alec caught himself, and he kept going. A voice inside was telling him that he had to make this walk on his own. He had to choose his fate all by himself.

When Alec reached the top of the stairs he was finally able to see what it was that they’d been talking about. The Cauldron.

It looked nothing like what he’d expected, and yet was so much more.

The Cauldron was a large circular stone pool in the middle of the dais filled with dark water that seemed to emit a faint light. At the part closest to Alec were dips in the stone that formed stairs, leading down into it.

“To become one of us is a true rebirth,” one of the Guardians on his left told him. They hadn’t moved except to turn and watch him. “You will go into the water as Alexander Lightwood, and you will come out reborn.”

Alec took a deep breath. _This is it. No turning back now._ “I just step in the water?”

He heard a faint hum from both sides that sounded vaguely like agreement. “You will step down into the water and submerge yourself.”

“My sisters and I will cast our spell on the water, and then we shall see whether you are strong enough to survive what comes next.”

“You will see what was…”

“…what is…”

“…what could’ve been…”

“…and what never should have been…”

“These will help you choose.”

“Whether you come out whole.”

“Or not at all.”

The power from before was stronger, and Alec could feel as the power inside of him responded to it as well. The rings pressing against his chest, hidden under his shirt, gave a warm pulse. One that seemed to say that everything was going to be okay. Alec brought his hand up and curled it around the rings, through his shirt, and smiled.

It was with that smile on his lips that he walked up to the edge of the Cauldron.

Without hesitation, Alec stepped down into the water. He wasn’t going to turn back. Not anymore. He was here, and he’d made his decision. This was what he was going to do. This was who he was going to be. Who _he’d_ chosen – not what someone else had decided he had to do. This was Alec's choice, Alec's life, and he was going to live it for _him_.

He was still smiling when he sank down into the cool water and let it close over him.

* * *

_There was a little spot up on the roof of the Institute where no one ever seemed to go. It was tucked around a corner, behind a little stone maintenance panel, and to get there you had to pass the panel, balance across a thin patch of stone, and then twist around the corner. There, one could find a flat spot wide enough to sit against the wall with legs extended just shy of the edge._

_Or, you could sit at the edge and hide in the shadows there, with no light to block anything or to show someone was where they shouldn't be._

_It was one of Alec's favorite places to sit. He sighed as he slumped down on the edge of the roof and let his legs dangle over the edge. It was no surprise when he felt the weight of his sister a second later when she dropped down on his right. Instinct had him lifting his arm up so that she could tuck down underneath it and curl up against his side._

_A second later there was a slightly more hesitant weight against Alec's left. The fact that Jace took the seat at all was a huge step from just a few months ago when he wouldn't have dared to sit this close to them. Hell, he'd barely wanted to play around with them back then, let alone sit and do something that could be considered_ cuddling _. But he sat at Alec's side now and even leaned in enough for their shoulders and elbows to brush against one another._

 _Alec let out another sigh, this one more of relief than anything else, and he let himself relax into the comforting presence of the two people he was closest to. With them on either side of him, and no one else around, for a little while Alec was free to just let go of a few things. To stop trying to be the best, look the best, act_ perfect _. He didn't have to pretend around them. Not much, at least. Maybe he couldn’t relax quite as much as they did, but there was a peace he found with them that he couldn’t find anywhere else. Even at sixteen, he knew that was rare._

_“I wish we could see the stars,” Isabelle said wistfully. She shifted a little more so that she could take hold of Alec's hand where it dangled in front of her chest. Once, when they were littler, she would've fiddled with his nails and painted them, even if just a clear coat. Her 'practice' for her own nails. But that had stopped years ago. Instead, she ran her own nail over his as if tracing the lines that the brush had once taken._

_Jace made a low sound in the back of his throat. “I used to watch the stars when I was little.” He paused, and Alec and Isabelle both stayed silent to allow him to find his words in his own time. “There was a tree I'd sneak out to sometimes and just, look up at the sky for a little while and try and count the stars.”_

_For a long moment no one said anything. Jace rarely ever spoke of his old home before them. The few times he had, it'd been after a nightmare when Alec was there soothing him down, coaxing him back to bed and back to sleep with drinks, maybe a little reading out loud, or soft music. He liked Alec singing to him just about as much as Isabelle did._

_It was Alec who finally broke the silence before it could get awkward. “How high did you get before you gave up?”_

_He injected just enough teasing into his words to make Isabelle snort and Jace give a low, laughing “Fuck you.”_

_When Alec snuck a look over, he found Jace grinning, and whatever tension had come into him with his story was gone._

_Smiling, Alec looked back out at the sky and, for just that one moment in time, felt at peace._

* * *

The images fractured, broke, and Alec felt like he was breaking with them. Parts of him were burning away while other parts of him clung even tighter. He held to that image of his siblings, that love he’d felt. Love that he’d been so sure was gone. That either he or they had forgotten.

Another part of Alec burned, cauterizing over a wound that had been bleeding for a long, long time.

Then it was changing again, swirling around him, and Alec was sucked away once more.

* * *

_“What do you think is taking so long?”_

_“This is not a simple process. What he is going through is something momentous, and it will take quite a bit of magic,” Rimni said calmly. He continued to twirl the small blade that he held in his hand in a casual motion that gave away his stress more than anything else he was doing._

_Virion let out a gusty sigh and slumped down onto the rock. “I still don't see why we couldn't go with them. It's not like we'd get in the way.”_

_From the rock next to him, Aliri reached over just enough to press her hand against his back, a soothing touch that she wouldn't share with just anyone. She didn't say anything. She left that to their Captain, who was standing casually nearby, watching the doors while trying to make it seem like he wasn't. All of them were keeping a careful eye on those doors while they waited for the missing members of their party to return._

_“This isn't the kind of thing we can be there with him for,” Alaion said, not turning to look as he did. He kept up his stance, one hand on the weapon at his waist and the other hanging loosely beside him, ready to reach out and grab whatever was needed. He was on alert, ready for trouble._

_Rimni made an agreeable sound. From where he leaned against the wall, well within all their sight while still seemingly_ apart _, he was able to look at them as well as the door. “Magic such as this is not something to be undertaken lightly. Nor is it something that all can be around. For Alexander to do what he is here to do, he is going to have to go deep within the caverns to the most sacred of places. There is a chance not even Alvaerelle and Pyrravyn will be allowed in there with him.”_

_That thought didn't seem to please any of them. Not even Rimni looked completely at peace with the idea of Alec going on alone. Yet, there was nothing they could do about it._

_All they could do was stand there and wait. Wait to see what happened. Wait for their friends to return._

* * *

His friends were out there waiting for him, worrying about him. Alec wanted to reach out to them and reassure them, let them know that he was okay, it was all okay, but the water was sucking him under again and there was nothing he could do to stop it as it took him away.

* * *

_A low laugh tumbled past Alec's lips. He spun outward, almost tripping over his own two feet, only to be tugged back in again and caught up by a pair of arms he knew would always be there to catch him. They curled around his waist, holding him securely even as he was dipped down low. Alec flung his own arms up to cling around Magnus' neck, making the other man laugh with him._

_“Problems, darling?” Magnus teased him._

_Alec let himself be drawn up until he was steady on his feet once more. Then he returned the favor by spinning them in a move that allowed him to twirl Magnus out and back in and dip him, same as he’d just done to Alec. He held Magnus there, grinning down at his husband’s face. “No, not at all. You?”_

_Magnus’ glamour was down, as it always was in the privacy of their loft, and his eyes were practically glowing with magic and love both. “Someone’s feeling cheeky.”_

_Drawing them both up, Alec pulled Magnus in close, molding their bodies together. “You started it.”_

_“And you love it,_ sayang _.”_

_Magnus took a step back and twisted, and Alec flowed easily with him – far easier than he once had. He’d come a long way from the young man who’d come close to breaking Magnus’ toes for how many times he’d stepped on them. Now he moved so much easier, though nowhere near as graceful as Magnus did._

_Going out and dancing in a club didn’t appeal to Alec. Especially not with their new positions. But in the privacy of their loft, the High Warlock of Alicante and the Inquisitor could put aside those parts of themselves, put aside the duty and responsibility that came with the titles, and just be Magnus and Alec for a little while._

_These were the moments he treasured. The ones that made every battle they’d fought to get here_ worth it _. So long as it meant that Alec got to hold this amazing man in his arms, it was all worth it._

* * *

Everything in Alec sang at those images. His heart felt like it was flooded with a thousand more. Months of them, a lifetime, an eternity, so very long and yet not long enough. Moment after moment, smile after smile, years turning into more years, one fading into the other. People came and went, making places in his heart and leaving holes as he was left behind to mourn them time and time again, suffering a grief stronger than anything he’d ever known. He watched his mother die, his sister, his parabatai, his _children_ , and he grieved them all, screamed at the pain of it.

And through it all was one person, one piece of them that might’ve fractured now and again but never broke, never left. Even when they took time apart, they always found their way back to one another. Always found their way to the only place that would always be _home_.

Magnus.

Magnus was there, always there, always with him, the very center of Alec's universe. Even when he wasn’t there, he was still _there_ , holding Alec together through it all, holding him together _now_.

His presence wrapped around Alec, held him tight, and whispered _you are not alone_.

With the warmth of Magnus’ magic in his hand, his heart, Alec sank into the water one last time.

* * *

_The street was alight with the flares of magic that were flying back and forth. Alec ducked down behind the nearest car, bow held tightly in one hand while he tried to figure out how the hell he was going to get a shot off without getting hit himself._

_Jace and Isabelle were ducked behind an overturned truck on the other side of the street. When Alec looked to them, they were both a bit banged up but okay. Isabelle’s hair was coming out of her braid, and she grinned at him as she brushed a bit of it back behind her ear._

_They’d been trying to contain this warlock for the past twenty minutes and nothing they’d done had worked. At best, they’d been able to get the mundanes out of the street, thanks to Clary and Simon. Sending them on mundane-duty had been a stroke of genius. Not only did it get the younger shadowhunter and the vampire out of the dangerous fight they were in, it also got the innocent bystanders out of the way. Plus, Alec had tossed his phone at Clary and told her to call Magnus over and over and not to come back until she got a hold of him._

_“You know,” Jace shouted out suddenly, his cocky grin easy to hear in his voice. “Whatever your problem, this doesn’t exactly seem like a healthy way of solving it!”_

_Another blast of magic hit the truck they were hiding behind and almost sent it toppling over. Alec watched as Isabelle and Jace hurried to brace it with their shoulders. At the same time, Isabelle shot a dirty look at Jace and kicked him. “Quit antagonizing the pissed off warlock!” she hissed._

_“We just need to hold off till Magnus gets here,” Alec called to them, hoping he wasn’t loud enough for the warlock to hear._

_Unfortunately, he wasn’t that lucky._

_All of a sudden the car Alec was hiding behind was ripped away from him. He had just enough time to twist and try to run before magic wrapped around him and yanked him down the street, his legs skidding across the ground until he was right in front of the warlock. Someone shouted behind him, but no one came forward. Alec was forced to dangle there as the warlock sneered at him. “No one’s coming to save you, shadowhunter. Not even your pet warlock.”_

_It didn’t matter that strange magic was holding Alec tight, or that it could snap his neck in an instant if the warlock wanted. No one got to talk about Magnus that way._

_Alec pulled out his best glare. “Magnus isn’t anyone’s_ pet _.”_

_“Isn’t he?” the warlock asked, sneering up at him. “And for a Lightwood of all beings. It wasn’t bad enough he had to have a Shadowhunter, but a Lightwood?”_

_Clenching his fist, the warlock tightened the power around Alec and forced him down to the ground, pushing until Alec was roughly shoved onto his knees. Alec’s bow was gone, lost somewhere between the car and here, and Alec couldn’t move his arms to reach for any weapon. All he could do was kneel there and glare up at the man that held Alec's life in his hands. “I love him, and he loves me. Not that I expect you to understand that.”_

_The warlock let out a sharp, bitter laugh. “What does your kind know of_ love _? You were raised by monsters who had no qualms about torturing_ children _.” He leaned in then, and in his eyes was a crazed light that scared Alec more than anything else had so far. In that look was a promise of pain, and a lack of any kind of sanity. “Your parents took my child from me. My beautiful little girl. They took her, and they tortured her. Handed her over to Valentine for his precious_ experiments _. By the time I got her back…”_

_His voice caught, and the words faded away._

_In that moment Alec felt a swell of pity for him. This wasn’t a man hellbent on causing destruction. It was a father grieving their child._

_“I’m sorry,” Alec said, his voice so much gentler than before._

_The warlock jumped like he’d been poked, and the grief on his face flashed brighter for a moment before it was shoved down, locked away under the madness that gripped him. “Not yet you’re not,” he said, leaning in toward Alec again. “But you will be. Your parents took my child from me, murdered countless other children, and never paid the price. Now, you’re going to pay it for them. I might not be able to reach them, but any Lightwood is as good as the next.”_

_Power gathered in the air, bigger and stronger than anything this warlock had shown so far and tinged in something that Alec thought he almost recognized. He watched it build in this warlock’s hand and knew he was watching his death._

_“I’ve been waiting a long time to do this,” the warlock said, grinning._

_A loud shout of “Alexander!” was the last thing Alec heard before the ball of light was pressed to his chest and the whole world exploded around him._

* * *

That pain carried Alec right out of the vision and back into the real world. He burst up out of the water with the pain still burning his chest, and his lungs screaming for air.

As the world returned to him in a blast of noise and pain. Alec scrambled to grab hold of something, to keep himself physically upright while the rest of him felt like it was still swirling around down in that water. His hands grabbed hold of something cold and just a bit slick – stone. There, Alec clung, sucking in breath after desperate breath while his heart pounded, and his head throbbed.

A gentle hand touched his hair. The touch felt soft, and so very tender. Like a silent benediction. From it came a sort of warmth that seemed to run down Alec right along with the water dripping from his skin, washing away the residual pain from that final attack by the warlock. Alec leaned against the stone and let the pain slowly fade away.

“The Goddess has spoken to you,” a voice said above him. “She’s shown you the way.”

Another voice came from his other side. “You made your choice, and She has accepted it.”

“Welcome,” the four women said together. Alec looked up to find that they were right there in front of him on either side of the top of the staircase. Hands reached out toward him, and Alec let himself take them, let them pull him up onto the stairs and out of the water. They drew him up and smiled at him, speaking together once more as they did. “Welcome, Alexander Shadewalker, Chosen of the Goddess, Guardian of Balance.”

This was a big moment – Alec knew that. He knew how important this was and how to respect the traditions of other cultures even if he himself didn’t quite believe them. Not that he didn’t believe _this_. It was hard to deny something he’d experienced. Alec had felt the touch of their Goddess in that pool, the same way he swore he’d felt the touch of the angel when he’d taken his first rune.

But there was so much else going on in Alec's head at that moment. Memories of a whole other lifetime that had been stuffed into his head – and that last one, the most important one of all. The warlock, standing there in the middle of a broken street, the magic he held being shoved into Alec's chest. Alec could focus on it now, as fresh as if he really had just felt it only moments ago. The memories still sat with him, but they carried a softness to them. Like they were edged in smoke.

If Alec concentrated, he could hear the words, the chanting above his head, and Magnus’ voice screaming out his name in the background.

The Guardians had told him he would see what was, what is, what could’ve been, and what never should have been. That would mean that those, they happened, right? And that last one…

Alec pushed himself up off the ground, completely ignoring everything else around him. He didn’t look toward where the twins waited at the base of the stairs. Instead, he turned his focus to the Guardians, the four women watching him with eyes that spoke of a wisdom he could never hope to reach.

“What I saw, was that real?” Alec asked them. It was the most important question he could think of.

The women on his right spoke together, their voices echoing around them. “What you see in the pool is truth.”

“What you choose to do with that truth is up to you.”

As if that was ever in question. Alec knew exactly what he was going to do. “How long will the memories remain?”

“You will always carry a shadow of them with you, but they will not stay strong. They will lessen, like faint memories of early childhood.”

That meant that he only had so much time to act. Hopefully it would be enough time for him to do what needed to be done. Alec grasped tight to the memories of that other life. He knew they were fueling him more than anything else right now. Those memories of a life where he’d stayed a Shadowhunter, where he’d met Magnus on a mission, and all the trials and tribulations they’d gone through before they’d ended up together, always together. High Warlock of Alicante and Inquisitor to the Clave. Alec and Magnus Lightwood-Bane.

No wonder they’d been so drawn to one another in this life. Because in another, they’d meant everything to each other.

Alec's heart throbbed in his chest strong enough to try and steal his breath away. With those memories came a certainty that was only growing stronger. Alec knew exactly what he had to do. Not just for his heart, but for so many other reasons as well.

He spared a moment to try and show these women the proper respect for what they’d done. With one arm folded in front of him, Alec gave a small bow to the left and to the right. “Thank you for your help and guidance.”

They bowed in return, a gesture that surprised him, but that was something to think about later. At the moment Alec had something far more important to handle.

His steps were steady and sure when he marched across the dais and down the stairs. Gone was the ache from before, the burning and tingling that had plagued him since his arrival here, as well as countless other aches and pains that had become so normal he barely even noticed them until they were gone. Alec moved with an ease he hadn’t had in years. Every step was sharp, confident, and he knew it showed in the rest of him.

Alva and Pyrr both stood waiting for him, yet they said nothing when Alec reached them. He didn’t think anything of it when the two fell into step just behind him. They just followed him up and out.

By the time they finally made it to the front doors once more, temper had built up inside of Alec, pushing away everything else. He felt it building inside of him like the storms he’d once loved to watch building out on the ocean. Dark, dangerous, and slowly gaining strength. Soon it’d reach the shore, and Alec knew exactly where he wanted to be when that happened.

The doors in front of Alec opened enough to let him out. He hadn’t even paused in his steps. He’d known he could trust his friends to open them and let him out.

When Alec took his first step out into the light, it was brighter than he’d expected, almost blinding. He hadn’t anticipated the eternal night of the unseelie realm to be so _bright._

A few gasps sounded nearby, and Alec heard his name being said almost reverently, but he didn’t focus on them as he headed toward his horse. He couldn’t. Right then, Alec had to focus on what needed to be done before he lost the ability to remember why it was so important.

“Here,” Pyrr said suddenly, moving up to Alec's side. They’d reached the horses by then, and Pyrr had apparently dug something out of his saddlebags. When Alec looked over, he saw the stack of dry clothes. Pyrr met Alec's hard stare with his own steady one. “You change, and we’ll prepare the others. We’ll be ready when you’re done.”

The steadiness of those words, the promise that Alec could hear in them, took some of the sharper edges of his anger and smoothed them down just a bit. “I don’t expect you to come with me. What I need to do…”

“Is exactly what needs to be done,” Pyrr said firmly. Then he grinned and shoved the clothes into Alec's hands. “You weren’t the only one blessed with the touch of the Goddess while in there. I might not know what you saw, but I’ve got a pretty good idea what you’re about to do. You get changed, and leave the others to Alva and I.”

He didn’t give Alec time to say anything about it. Once he was sure Alec had the clothes in hand and was neatly tucked behind the horse for some privacy, Pyrr turned around and stood shoulder to shoulder with Alva, offering yet another barrier so that Alec could change in as much privacy as he could get out there.

“What’s going on?” Virion called out.

“Give him just a minute,” Alva answered easily. “He’s a bit wet and in need of dry clothes.”

Trusting in them to stand there, Alec began to pull off his wet clothes so that he could swap them out for the dry ones. He did his top half first, trading his wet shirt for a tunic style shirt. He didn’t give himself time to marvel over the dark grey skin he found when he looked down at himself. A piece of him had known, from the instant he burst from the water, that the change had worked. He’d felt the difference in himself. Still could, if he focused. There was a sense of power that was unlike anything Alec had ever known.

He couldn’t focus on that yet, though. Alec turned his mind toward more pressing matters, and how he was going to accomplish them, while he traded his wet pants and shoes for a pair of breeches that looked like leather but felt soft against his skin, and a pair of boots that buckled up to just below his knees.

The last item he pulled on was a belt, which helped him tuck in the tunic and keep everything in place.

When Alec stepped out from behind the twins, dressed and more than ready to go, he found the others all watching him. Rimni stood closest, and his eyes were on Alec's from the minute he came into view. Something about him in that moment really brought it home for the first time that this man would one day be _king_.

Even with that air to him, his voice was still somewhat gentle when he spoke. “Alexander, _Nitii_ , what did the water show you?”

Alec didn’t hesitate to answer. “It showed me I’m damn well not going to wait five years for an idiot who never should’ve gone down to Edom in the first place. I’m going to go down there and get him back, kill his father the way I should’ve _already_ planned out how to do, and then we’re going to come back here and hunt down a certain warlock. Then I’m going to contemplate stabbing him with multiple arrows before _maybe_ turning him over to the Warlock Council. If Magnus doesn’t turn him into ash first.”

Okay, so the last part probably wouldn’t happen, but Alec could entertain thoughts of it to soothe himself for a little while.

No one said anything. Alec looked around at his friends, and he was pleasantly surprised to see that they weren’t ready to argue with him as he’d been afraid they would be. They were standing at attention in a way that Alec recognized. A team, ready to be commanded.

Rimni was the only one who showed any sign of surprise or displeasure at Alec's words. “You mean to go to Edom and kill Asmodeus?”

“I have to,” Alec said honestly. While he may not want to waste time, this was important too. Especially if what Alec was realizing proved right. “Not just for Magnus, but for everyone. Our problems were more connected than we realized.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The spell on me, the thinning veil, they’re connected. Asmodeus was the one to put the spell on me. It gave him a sort of tie to me, and one to the warlock who made the deal…” Alec paused for a minute, seething at the thought. He fought to control his impulse and force his voice back to normal. “With those ties, Asmodeus has been drawing power little by little, siphoning it down those links to himself. His plan was likely to kill me at some point and feed on the buildup of angelic energy inside me. But in the meantime, what power he got off my soul was enough for him to slowly build himself up.”

“He’s the reason the veils are so thin,” Virion said, horror showing in his voice. “He’s got too much power.”

Alaion let out a string of words that Alec didn’t know, but he was willing to bet they were curse words. His spine was straight, and his expression was dangerous. “No one’s heard from Lilith for a long time.”

It wasn’t hard for them to make the same leap that he had. “If he killed her and took her power as well,” Aliri said slowly. “It would only further explain the thinning veils. And now, with his son down there with him for Asmodeus to manipulate, to try and draw power from, it will only make it worse _faster_.”

“We need you to take this to the Court and prepare,” Rimni said immediately. “This needs to be taken care of immediately. We can arm ourselves and have a team there within the hour. If we do not succeed, someone else needs to be prepared to go in. Asmodeus cannot be allowed to continue on with that kind of power.”

Of all the people Alec expected to protest that, it wasn’t Alaion. Yet he straightened up and addressed his General with a calm “Begging your pardon, General, but this isn’t a mission you can go on with us.” At the stunned look Rimni turned his way, Alaion dipped his head, a sign of respect. “No offense meant, General, but this isn’t a job for you. You need to go to the castle and alert everyone to what’s going on while the rest of us go handle this.”

“I am not sending you down to Edom to take on _Asmodeus_ ,” Rimni protested. His voice was sharp like a whip, edged with the power of his rank. A furious prince making his displeasure known.

No one flinched. “You’re not sending us anywhere,” Alva pointed out. “The Goddess is. Alec is on a mission from the Goddess, and She’s charged us to uphold our oaths and guard him with our lives.”

The air fell quiet around them. Alec stood there with the twins on either side of him and he swore he couldn’t even hear the horses breathing. Everyone was focused on him, on him and Pyrr and Alva. Rimni was completely still. He stood tall, watching them, but none of them backed down. They were right there with him, all of them poised on the edge of some great cliff. Alec could _feel_ it.

Rimni must’ve been able to feel it, too. He didn’t back down, but his expression turned into something more serious, something far older than he looked. “And if, as your new Prince, I said you were not to go?”

“Then I’d tell you I’m sorry, but this needs to be done,” Alec answered softly.

A sigh slid from Rimni and he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he seemed to have regained back some of his control, that aged look replaced with the calm mask of a prince. “How do you plan on killing him?”

“I don’t know yet.” But he knew he’d figure it out. No matter what he had to do, no matter what it took, Alec was going to go down to Edom, and he was going to get Magnus back _deal free_ , and stop Asmodeus from tearing apart the veils between the realms and unleashing hell on every dimension.

Alec let his determination bleed into every inch of him. He let it fill him, strengthening his spine and giving him a courage he had felt like he’d lost so many months ago.

Holding on to that, Alec looked to Alaion and Aliri, the Captain and their tactician, the two who would be able to help direct them the most. Then he asked the only question that mattered.

“Where’s the closest place we can get through to Edom?”


	24. Chapter 24

Stepping back into a command role felt kind of like pulling out an old jacket that was just a bit too big. It still fit, but not quite the same. Alec knew how to lead people – he’d been trained for it his whole life – and he knew even how to lead people he considered family or friends. But doing it didn’t feel as natural as it once had. Nor was Alec so convinced it was something he had to do _alone_.

Every one of his friends stepped up to help out once. Aliri spoke up first, letting him know that the closest tear in the veil was a three-hour ride from where they were – and that was a hard, fast ride. Getting there would take a bit of preparation and some serious travel time no matter which way they looked at it.

Rimni tried to get them to slow down, to make other plans, or even to delay things. But there was no way Alec was going to delay. The fact that he’d left Magnus down there this long already was something that ate at him. Not like Alec could’ve actually done anything before – he knew that. He’d been a mundane, one who was in the process of _dying_. He hadn’t had the time, strength, or power to do anything about Magnus’ situation. But now he did.

“I cannot talk you out of this, can I?” Rimni asked as he stood at Alec’s side while the new sidhe put his things into his saddlebags.

Alec shook his head. He tightened the strap in front of him, a part of his mind stuck just slightly on the difference in the hand he was seeing in front of him. It was his – he knew it was his – but what he was used to seeing and what was there were two totally different things. Add in the ease with which his hands moved, something that had happened for so very long now, and it only made the feelings even stranger.

He had to forcibly push those thoughts away. _Later. You can freak out or panic or whatever later. Right now, Magnus is more important. Focus on him!_

“I have to do this,” Alec said, finally finding his voice enough to answer.

“Based on what, Alexander? A vision of a life that you could have led?”

Anger surged through Alec. He yanked hard on the strap in his hand, tightening it a little too much, and he twisted to glare at Rimni at the same time. “Based on the fact that I wouldn’t even be here right now if it weren’t for him. Magnus went to Edom, _for me_. He traded five years of his life into that hellscape with a man who terrifies him, _for me_. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t do everything in my power to help him?”

Rimni stared at Alec for a long moment like he was trying to process what it was he was saying. Then he left out a huff, and Alec watched as the serious look melted away to one of soft, fond exasperation. A look that Alec recognized because he’d worn it often enough when his siblings got away with doing something he thought was stupid. It wasn’t a look Alec was used to having turned his way.

“You remind me so very much of Imryll. She had the very same fire in her, and the strength and determination to see the right thing done no matter the consequences.”

That sounded like a compliment and a complaint all rolled into one. Alec wasn’t quite sure what to say, so he settled for saying, “Thank you?”

A bright grin lit up Rimni’s face. He lifted a hand and held it over Alec’s shoulder. Only when Alec gave a nod did he let his hand come down to clasp and squeeze lightly. “You are quite welcome.” The smile he wore faltered a little, and Rimni’s usual serious look took over. He stilled his grip and made sure Alec was looking right at him for his next words. “Your powers will be strong in Edom, and you do not yet know the strength of them, nor of your own abilities. But Edom is a place of darkness and shadows, which is our realm. Trust in your heart to lead you where you need to go. Remember, for there to be shadows, there must also be light. Find your light.”

With one last squeeze to Alec’s shoulder, Rimni broke away and strode straight for his horse. He mounted in one smooth, easy move.

“I will ride for the castle. Supplies will be sent ahead and waiting for you all when you arrive.” Gathering the reins in his hands, Rimni turned his stallion, giving them a quick, dangerous grin. Then he clicked his tongue and he and the horse were off like a shot, racing down the path they’d all ridden up earlier.

Alec watched him go, and then turned to look at the others. These people, his wonderful friends, who had stood beside him from the minute they’d met him. Even when they hadn’t actually been able to be sure that Alec hadn’t committed the crimes he’d been accused of. The spell hadn’t worked on them, true, but the only thing they’d had at the start to tell them Alec’s conviction was wrong was Rimni’s word.

They’d taken Alec in, given him a home, friends, _family_. These five amazing people had accepted Alec as a part of them like he’d always been meant to be there. They’d stood by him, supported him, and saved his life in more ways than one.

Now they stood in front of him, ready to head to Edom with him on his word and visions he’d seen in a magical pool, and Alec couldn’t see an ounce of hesitation on any of them. In fact, they were already moving, going to their horses and gathering themselves and their things.

Alec opened his mouth to tell them that they didn’t have to do this, to give them an out, only for him to get cut off by Alaion before he could even get out the first word.

“Come on,” the Captain said, command clear in his voice. He grabbed hold of the saddle and smoothly rose up into place. “We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, and a lot to figure out on the way. Virion, you take lead with me. You’ve been here more recently than the rest of us so you’ll have a better idea of the terrain. Pyrr, Alva, side guard. Aliri, rear. I want everyone on alert! If there’s even a _chance_ he knows we’re coming, any demons that break the line are going to end up coming right for us. Let’s not make ourselves easy targets.”

Everyone moved the instant they had their orders. Alec looked around, and he felt the need to say something. To do something.

Alva stopped by him, already astride her horse. The smile she gave him was somehow both fierce and gentle. “We have your back, Your Highness. We’re with you. All the way.”

Her words were a firm promise backed by a sense of power that Alec had never felt before. Likely had never been _able_ to feel. Added in with the _Your Highness_ that held a level of respect Alec knew he hadn’t earned, and he found he couldn’t even begin to argue with her.

“Don’t worry,” Pyrr said, moving up beside his twin. He wore a grin of his own that was just as fierce as hers was. “We’ll give you a sort of unseelie-101 on the way over. You’ll do great. For now, just think of it like you’ve got all your runes activated at once, and you’ll be fine. Now come on, we’re wasting time. Mount up, _Your Highness_!”

What the hell else could Alec do but listen? He climbed up onto his mare and settled himself so much easier into the saddle than he had before. There was no more ache, no burning, no painful tingles in his joints. Alec’s body moved and flowed easily in a way that he had thought he would never even come close to being capable of again. Pyrr had been right in advising Alec to treat it like all his runes were active. Even that felt a bit like an understatement. Alec felt _good_.

Seated on his horse, he took a second to look around at his friends again, to take in all their faces. They looked steady – still no hesitation, no doubt. Just a calm confidence in themselves and in _him_. Not just in his new title, though they were throwing that around readily enough – and Alec still wasn’t quite ready to address _that_ yet – but in _Alec_. They were putting their confidence in _him_.

Alec let that strengthen his spine and square his shoulders. It felt… it felt like he’d once imagined it would feel to stand in his parents’ place in front of the Institute and lead his people. At the same time, it felt like so much more. Because Alec had a feeling that his friends might be willing to ask questions and give their opinions, but that wouldn’t stop them from following him.

Gathering his reins in his hand, Alec tried to remember what it felt like to be that person, to be someone that others looked to for answers, to lead, not just the person they sought to protect. The idea of doing it was terrifying, and something he was definitely going to address with them later. Prince though he may have become, it in no way meant that he expected any sort of subservience from them.

For now, they had an important mission to handle, and no time to waste. “Let’s ride.”

* * *

True to their word Alec’s friends gave him a crash course in his body and his basic powers on the way to their destination. There wasn’t a ton of time for talking – it wasn’t easy to carry a conversation while on a galloping horse. But running a horse for three hours straight wasn’t possible. They had to walk them sometimes, especially in more harsh terrain, and that left them with at least a little bit of time to try and get Alec prepared.

Most of what they told him seemed to consist of things that they swore Alec would understand better once he was able to move and test them out. It was hard to describe strength or speed, for example, without being set up for him to actually test it out. Especially since those were things that the sidhe were just used to dealing with. Plus, Alec was holding out pretty well with those.

For the moment, they had to content themselves with trying to teach him the more important part – the magic.

“I doubt you’re gonna be able to do magic the way you probably think of it,” Alva told him bluntly when they were carefully crossing a dark orange river. Though Alec was fascinated by the color, the others didn’t even bat an eye. Alva was riding on Alec’s left, helping him to make sure he and his mare made it through okay, yet barely even paying any attention to the water itself. Her focus was on the horses, and on Alec. “You most likely think of magic in terms of what you see Magnus or Ragnor do, right?”

Alec shrugged in lieu of answering. That was pretty accurate.

Nodding, Alva steered them both a little more to the right and then up onto the bank. “Sidhe magic isn’t quite like that. All of us have it to some degree or another. You’ll be able to do little things, like summon something, maybe some warding magic. Nature magic, of course. Plus a few other things that are strictly unseelie. But you won’t be able to call it up the way that Magnus does. There’s going to be a lot that he can do that you won’t be able to, and some things that you can do that he probably can’t. Or at least, can’t do as easily. But you don’t feel like any of the other mages. So spells, charms, curses, things like that, those aren’t going to be your area of expertise.”

Pyrr nudged himself up to join them on Alec’s right once they were all out of the water. “Most of the time there’s no real telling how much power someone’s going to have until it manifests, which doesn’t happen usually until we’ve reached our maturity, but Alva’s pretty good at sensing what direction someone might go. If she says you’re not a mage, she’s probably right.”

“It’s not like it’s hard,” Alva said, rolling her eyes. “Individual powers are often a reflection of who a person is. Alec doesn’t scream _mage_ to me. But the Goddess’ touch is still too strong for me to sense anything yet. And there’s no telling when he’ll manifest, as he’s an adult in his terms, and physically, but not age wise in our terms. Who knows what rules it’ll go by?”

Leaning in toward Alec, Pyrr murmured “Translation – she has no idea and she doesn’t want to admit it.”

Where Alva got an apple from to throw at Pyrr’s head was something of a mystery.

They rode on and on, with new information coming at Alec from both sides until he swore his head was going to burst. But he did his best to take it all in because this was important. These were things he needed to know.

In the time that they were riding too fast to talk, Alec was left to try and plan ahead for what they were about to do. Rushing straight into Edom without a plan was a quick way to get all of them killed. Alec had to do his best to be prepared for whatever they might find when they went up against Asmodeus. He dredged up every bit of lore he could remember on the Greater Demon in an effort to make sure he was as prepared as possible.

Then they rounded yet another hill, and Alec could feel it all before he saw it. There were no sounds of fighting, no warriors or demons out on the loose, but a sensation like oil ran over him and Alec almost gagged from it. He could _feel_ that there was something wrong just up ahead. Something that desperately didn’t belong. A place where the balance of the world had been tipped heavily in the wrong way, and because of that it was slowly starting to seep its poison out everywhere.

When the scene opened up in front of him, he had to fight not to be sick for an entirely different reason.

There was a clear tear right in the air at almost ground level just outside of what clearly used to be a town – not much of the town was left standing. The tear was at one end, and the most damage seemed to be done down there. The buildings at the farthest end looked like they’d held up well enough. The animals and people outside them were clearly warriors, all of them unseelie. The look of them reminded Alec of the Institute when it was busy. When there were multiple demon attacks and everyone was running around doing what they were told and trying to keep control. On alert, edgy, and ready for trouble in an instant.

Alec could barely focus on that, however. Most of his attention was taken up by the miles long rip in the air, and the dark planes of Edom visible just on the other side.

This wasn’t just a portion of the veil that had thinned. This was a _tear_. And just staring at it left Alec feeling like something was crawling under his skin.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Pyrr murmured to him. He moved close enough that they were practically brushing against one another. When Alec looked over, he found that Pyrr looked almost as sick as Alec felt. HIs eyes were trained ahead on the tear as well.

“What do you mean?” Alec asked.

“It’s not fully torn, even if it looks like it. I can feel it. There’s an open spot in the middle, but there are mages shielding it, at least for now.”

“Some had to have gotten through, though. Look at the town,” Alva pointed out.

‘Look’ they did. As they rode up toward the town, it became easier to see just how many buildings on the far side had been destroyed. Even some of the ones on this end were getting pretty bad. Broken down buildings made of stone and brick. Some of them were clearly repurposed – Alec could see people going in and out of a few of them. Barracks, most likely. It’s what he would’ve done.

The largest building set back at the very edge of the town was very obviously their headquarters. Again, exactly as Alec would’ve chosen. It was large, still structurally sound in appearance, and would be able to house quite a few of them. It was two stories, and if both were intact, he’d personally put the supplies upstairs and out of the way, and the War Room and such downstairs. There was a building just across from it that was single story and still kind of larger. It was a good place to set up a medical center.

As they got close, more and more people turned to pay attention, and Alec found himself under quite a few curious eyes. Pyrr and Alva both moved away from him a little more so they could go back to what Alec was betting was a more _appropriate_ guard position. Aliri was close on his heels without being too close, and Virion and Alaion spread out just enough in front of him that everyone could see Alec while he was still kept within the protective circle they’d created.

Alec sat up a little straighter in his saddle. He looked around at the faces of soldiers that they passed. For that was what these were – soldiers. They’d clearly evacuated the town and were occupying it while they guarded the tear.

People moved out of the way for them. They cleared a perfect path right up to the command center.

Once in front of the building, the group of them came to a stop. Alec did his best to take his cues from his friends. When they dismounted, he dismounted, gathering the reins once he was on the ground so that he could walk his mare over with the others and – after a quick peek to see how they did it – he tied her to the post there. Then he turned once more to face the building in front of him.

So far the unseelie realm seemed to be this strange mix of modern and old. They’d passed small little villages on their way here that could’ve been around in any of the Knights of Camelot books Alec had used to sneak from the library. People rode horses, or other animals he hadn’t recognized, and there was so much lush land all around them. Yet at the same time their buildings looked modern, and, in some ways, a lot like what Alec might find in a more residential area of New York. At least with some of them. Brick and stone for some, wood for others.

This town might not have been much, but Alec was betting it’d housed more than a few hundred people.

That moment wasn’t the time to be studying everything, though. Alec had more important things to handle.

A look to Alaion, and a small gesture from him, and Alec knew where to go. _You can do this. You’ve met with plenty of Institute Heads, you held your own more than once in front of the Clave. Hell, you kept your chin up and refused to be cowed during your own TRIAL. You can handle this group,_ Alec reminded himself. _Plus, your team is around you, and they won’t let anyone close enough to touch you._

That reminder more than anything else helped Alec to find the strength to keep on going. There was still a bit of courage in him from what he’d seen in the Cauldron. He’d carried away a kind of strength that he was pretty sure wasn’t going to last.

If there was one thing Alec could say for sure that he’d learned recently, it was that trauma didn’t just go away, no matter what else changed in your life. His whole life had started to change for the better the instant he’d met the unseelie guards. Since then, they’d had their rough patches, but for the most part Alec had found so much good with them. But that didn’t mean the things Alec had gone through were no longer an issue. It didn’t mean that his little quirks or issues were no longer there.

Going into the Cauldron and seeing what he had, it hadn’t changed any of that, either. Alec knew those problems were still there, sitting just underneath the surface, ready to come back and bite him in the ass at the most inopportune time. But for the moment it was like he was riding a high. The courage and strength that Alec had felt in those strange memories of his other life, they were bolstering him up, making it easier for him to keep on going. Eventually that, just like the memories, would fade away to smoke, and it’d leave behind the same broken man he’d been before.

But he’d be damned if he was going to let that stop him. Alec was determined to ride this high for as long as he could – at the very least, until he got Magnus back.

That goal more than anything else was what kept Alec’s spine straight and his steps sure as he marched up toward the building in front of him. He felt his friends – his guard, right now – fall in easily around him. They’d drawn quite a crowd now of people who watched avidly as Alec ascended the steps and went straight for the door.

Alaion got there first, drawing the door open without even bothering to knock. He and Virion went in first, moving off to either side as they did, clearing the room of any threat. Alec went in next, with Alva and Pyrr right behind him, those two also breaking off to the right and left, and Aliri bringing up the rear once more.

Alec trusted in them enough that he didn’t focus on what they were doing, or what kind of threats might be coming up behind him. He trusted his team here to guard his back. It left Alec free to focus on the group of people just ahead.

The room they walked into was large. It looked to be the lobby for a small hotel or motel. There was a large desk against the far wall, and what would’ve clearly been sitting rooms to both the right and left. The one on the left held couches and the like for people to sit, relax, and maybe talk in front of the fireplace. But when Alec got a better look at the one on the right, he thought he caught a glimpse of a bar over there.

The room to the left was the one that was full of people, and it was the one Alec turned toward. As he walked over, he counted eight people in there, all of them already rising up to their feet the instant Alec came inside.

One of the people who rose was a woman, tall and slender, with slightly broad shoulders. Her white hair was shaved on the sides, and what Alec was betting was the underside as well in the back, and the rest of her hair had been gathered into three different ponytails, and then joined together in one at the back, where it was then split into tons of tiny little braids that hung all the way down to her knees.

Virion gave no one time to say anything or cause any trouble. He paused in the entryway between the two rooms and put his back to the doorframe, his spine straight and shoulders back as he spoke in a clear, steady voice. “Presenting his new Royal Highness, Alec Shadewalker, Chosen of the Goddess, Guardian of Balance – heir to First General Rimni Farseer, sworn of the Seven Shadows, wielder of the Sword of Darkness, Prince and heir to the Throne of Shadows.”

Shock was an easy emotion to read on everyone. Alec tried not to let his own need to squirm show after that little speech. He just kept on walking until he could pause in the doorway. Then he had to fight not to show his discomfort all over again when every single one of the sidhe in front of him bowed low.

They stayed there, and it took Alec a second to realize that they were going to keep staying bent over until he said or did something. _Raziel, I’m not prepared to deal with something like this_. Alec tried to channel his best _Head of the Institute_ voice, and he kept his posture firm and tall just the same way he’d always seen his mother as she addressed the Institute.

“Stand up, please.” Then, because he couldn’t quite help himself, Alec quickly tacked on “This is a military post, not a castle or a ballroom. There’s no need to stand on that kind of formality.” He wasn’t going to act like some Clave lackey coming in to take over an Institute. He was going to do his damndest to respect the people and their positions here, especially considering Alec had no idea how the unseelie military culture worked. If he was going to do his best by them, that meant he needed to first figure out who he was addressing. “Who’s in charge here?”

He wasn’t surprised when it was the woman who stepped forward, moving between her team and Alec’s. She came forward and – thank the Angel – didn’t reach for him, but she did give a quick, smaller bow than she had moments ago. “Welcome, Your Highness. I am Master Makilia, and I am the one in charge of this outfit.”

The hesitation in her silver eyes was clear, and Alec knew exactly what it was for. He couldn’t relax himself enough to smile at her, not while most of his attention was focused on the goal ahead of them - a goal he needed to complete soon. But he unbent enough that it softened his voice just the slightest bit. “I’m not here to cause trouble or try and take over, Master Makilia. I’m here on orders of my own. First General Rimni...” Alec almost forgot to use his title, something he had a feeling the people here might not be as understanding of as the others had been so far. “...said that he was going to send word to clear the way for us, as well as gear and supplies.”

Realization lit up Makilia’s eyes. Her eyebrows twitched like they wanted to rise, yet she kept her face under control. It was impressive for someone who looked like they were in their early twenties, though undoubtedly she was quite a bit older. Unseelie didn’t exactly age like humans or Shadowhunters did. _Another thing to think about way, way later._

“We’ve got your supplies right over this way, Your Highness,” Makilia said, gesturing off toward the back corner of the room where tables were set up that Alec had assumed held maps and other such things. Various items that a military group might need. But now that Alec looked, he could see the packs over there as well. One for him and each member of his guard.

A look from Alaion had Alva and Pyrr breaking away to go retrieve them. As they went, Makilia gave them a curious look and then looked back at Alec, a question clear in her eyes. One she apparently didn’t feel she could ask if her continued silence was anything to go by.

“Is there a problem, Master Makilia?” Alec asked her. He hoped it would prod her enough to speak her mind. He didn’t want trouble. The best way to prevent that sometimes was to just let others speak their minds.

That was a memory not of this timeline, but of the other, when Alec had led his Institute and then went on to become Inquisitor. Where people had looked to him to solve their problems and help them get answers. He’d led plenty of people into various battles during his years and had learned the hard way what it meant to be a leader. He tried to channel some of that as he faced this woman who had clearly made a career of the military.

Makilia gave another of those small bows, some of her braids sweeping down over her shoulder as she went. “Begging your pardon, Your Highness, but... is it true that you’re going through the rift into Edom? First General Rimni said that a team was coming, and we were to let them through if they wanted in, but I’ll admit I wasn’t sure if I could believe it.”

He appreciated her blunt words. Far more than the word games he’d had some leaders play with him. It prompted him to answer just as bluntly. “We are.”

Makilia stood up even straighter, and the look in her eye gave her away. Alec knew even before she spoke what it was she was going to say. “Begging your leave, Your Highness, but my people and I want to come with you.”

The thought of taking even more people into Edom to potentially be hurt or die wasn’t something that Alec wanted. He hated the thought of taking his friends in there. He didn’t want to take these people in there, too. Alec didn’t want anyone to die who didn’t have to. All he wanted was to go in there, take care of Asmodeus, and bring Magnus back home. However it proved necessary.

But Makilia didn’t give Alec time to protest or even to start saying _no_. She spoke on, her voice steady and sure. “We’ve been talking about it since the messenger and supplies arrived. I have a rather large company here to hold the line, plus more than a few mages. If half stay behind, with three mages to guard the veil and keep it sealed until we return, that leaves us with a group of twenty-five to follow you, sir. Three of which are also mages, though none of such a high caliber as your two.” She gave a respectful nod toward Alva and Pyrr, who nodded back. Then Makilia was focused back on Alec once more. “If what the message said is true, and you’re going after Asmodeus, you can use every body you can get. At the very least, to keep the demons of your back while you handle him. Your Highness.”

As little as Alec liked it, what she said made sense. A mission like this was definitely something that he’d do better taking a large group with rather than a small team. He and his team would best be able to get through Edom and toward wherever Asmodeus was holed up without being spotted, but they ran the risk of drawing the wrong kind of attention and then getting swarmed. With a whole _squad_ with him, their chances of safely making it there went up, though their chances of being spotted did as well.

Still, Alec’s mind was already spinning with ways he could make this work. Twenty-five more soldiers, plus the five in his team. Those were nice, even numbers. Alec could make five groups of five out of the others, with one person in charge of each group, and they could do a multi-faceted attack that would keep back any demons Asmodeus might be able to call to his aid. That would leave Alec and his team free to focus on Magnus and Asmodeus themselves.

It made sense. But Alec still turned toward Aliri, one eyebrow up in silent question. While Alaion might be the Captain, she was their strategist. She was the one who saw things others didn’t and put it together in a solid plan that worked. At least from what Alec had heard in all their stories.

If Aliri was surprised at being addressed, she didn’t show it. She just nodded her head at him as if she could see what question he was wanting to ask. Alec was pretty sure she had. Her eyes saw way more than any others.

Her approval was the last little nudge that Alec needed. Little as he liked the idea of leading other people into this, it was the smartest plan, and it was necessary. Even without the need to rescue Magnus, this was still an important mission. If what they suspected about Asmodeus and his power were true, he couldn’t be allowed to continue. If he did he’d tear the veils between worlds completely and they’d be left with a bigger, even more dangerous mess to clean up.

“Twenty-five,” Alec said to Makilia, his voice firm. “No more than that. They’ll need to be prepared to go in five groups of five, and I need them all to be willing to listen. I know I’m not who you’re used to dealing with, and you have no idea about my strengths or my skills, but I can’t go in there with anyone who’s not ready and willing to follow orders.”

The bright grin that lit up Makilia’s face reminded Alec so much of Jace, it was like a blow to the heart. His parabatai had always looked like that right before a fight. “Absolutely, Your Highness.”

Ignoring the ache in his chest, Alec gave her a sharp smile in return, the same way he would’ve given to Jace. People often forgot about the fact that the two men being parabatai didn’t just mean they worked to balance one another out – it also meant they had quite a few similarities. That hint of excitement before battle, the rush of adrenaline that they probably shouldn’t have enjoyed as much as they did. Both of them felt that, and it was worse when they were together.

“Good. Gather your teams then, Master Makilia, while my team and I gear up. We leave in fifteen minutes.”

With a quick bow, Makilia turned to her people and started snapping out orders, calling to them and sending them off here and there. Alec didn’t stick around to find out what she was ordering. He followed at a gesture from Alaion and left, back to the main room and then up the staircase that took them to the second floor which proved to be, as Alec had suspected, all guest rooms. It only took a moment for him to find them one that was clearly unoccupied.

Once they were all inside, Aliri shut the door and locked it behind them, and Alva went to one of the two double beds in the room and dumped down the bags she had, while Pyrr took his to the other beds. “All right, everyone, looks like the General really came through for us,” Alva told them, grinning as she tugged open the top of one bag. “There’s one here for each of us, and it’s got a bit of everything inside. Clothes, supplies...”

“And weapons,” Pyrr said, holding up the last bag. It was massive, definitely large enough to fit multiple weapons.

Alaion moved up to the space between the beds and began looking through the bags, tossing them to who each one belonged to. Alec was surprised and a little bit pleased to see that there was one for him, too. Why, he didn’t know. But it felt good when Alaion called his name and tossed one his way.

No one said anything about the fact that Alec took his bag over to the en suite bathroom to go and change. He wasn’t up to stripping down like that in front of everyone. It’d been hard enough to do earlier when shielded by horses and the twins. Now that he had a chance at privacy, he was damn well going to use it.

Alec shut the bathroom door behind him but didn’t bother locking it. He just set the pack down on the counter and unzipped the top.

He was about to reach in when, for the first time since he’d stepped out of the Cauldron, Alec looked up and found himself face to face with the new changes his body had undergone. Changes that he’d felt, and he’d sort of seen when looking at his hands. But seeing the difference in his hands and having the academic knowledge of what was going to happen were nothing compared to actually standing in front of a mirror and looking at himself. Though Alec knew they had a time limit and that he needed to get changed, get ready, he still found himself frozen as he stared at himself.

 _By the Angel._ There was so much that was different. His skin had become a deep, dark grey, like storm clouds over the night ocean. And his hair, which had gotten shaggy enough to almost reach his neck recently, had gone from dark black to a shocking white. Or, at least, most of it had. Just like Rimni’s hair, Alec’s was striped with red and black, something that he was pretty sure was as significant as the fact that his eyes were red just like Rimni’s and not the silver of all the other sidhe. Did the hair stripes mark him as royalty the same as Rimni had said the red eyes did? And how did that work? Was it all a monarchy that was run by lineage?

He had countless questions that now definitely wasn’t the time to answer.

Alec’s eyes drifted away from his hair, down to his face. If he could get past the cosmetic differences, he could see himself still in his reflection. Same cheekbones. Same mouth. Same _scars_. He grimaced a little at that last part. If his body was going to change, couldn’t they have at least taken the scars, too? He’d lost his runes in his transition from Shadowhunter to mundane. It would’ve been slightly poetic to lose the scars in the shift from mundane to sidhe.

 _Snap out of it_ , he scolded himself. He needed to stop worrying about scars and start worrying about what was important. And that was getting Magnus back and stopping Asmodeus.

Memories tried to push their way forward. Memories of a life that wasn’t his, a wedding that had never been, and a previous trip to Edom and the Heavenly Fire Isabelle had used to take out Lilith. But other memories were there, too, just as strong and just as important. Memories of sitting underneath a tree and holding on to the warm hand in his, feeling the firm metal pressing against him as their fingers tangled together. The soft smile on Magnus’ lips, the warmth in his eyes, the promise in his words. _“You’ve unlocked something in me. Something I’ve kept hidden for so long out of fear. Yet you – you make me feel safe. In ways no one else ever has.”_

All of that only helped Alec to yank himself back under control. It hardened his resolve. They had a mission, and he was damn well going to execute it as best as possible. He was going to take his team to Edom, rescue Magnus, take care of Asmodeus, and the rest could be figured out once they were all back safe and sound.

* * *

It only took a few moments for Alec to switch out some of his clothes for the ones in the bag. What Rimni had packed, or had others pack for him, was just like the uniform that Alec had seen Rimni wear more than once.

Pants, leathers over them, a tunic and light chainmail made of black metal that matched the black metal and leather on the over-armor, even gloves. It took a bit to figure out how to get everything on, and in which order. Alec had to base his guesses off of what he’d seen Rimni wear in the past. In the end, he was pretty sure he got it right. At least everything was on and felt comfortable.

The whole outfit was different than what Alec was used to fighting in, but close enough that he’d at least be comfortable. The only bit of his old clothes that he used were the boots he’d been given earlier. Once he had those on and buckled into place, Alec rifled through the bag one last time, taking in what was in there. A bit of food, some medical supplies, and a couple blankets.

There were also a few daggers, which Alec happily strapped here and there on his person. Once he was dressed and armed, at least somewhat, he zipped the pack shut again and slung it over one shoulder. Then he opened the door back out to the main room.

Everyone else had gotten ready in the time that he’d been in there. All five of them were in uniforms as well, though theirs were a bit different than his. A mark of station, no doubt, something that seemed important to them. They were all armed as well. Aliri had her dual blades on her back and her hair twisted up out of the way in a complicated swirl that all of them with longer hair had mimicked. Alaion had his sword at his waist, plus Alec was guessing a few others stashed here and there along his body.

Virion had a simple sword as well, though he had a dagger on the other side. His sword looked both longer and wider than Alaion’s.

Pyrr and Alva both had a long white staff in their hands. They were tall as them, with what looked to be a flat bottom, and at the top it appeared almost as if whatever the staff was made out of had grown upward in little tentacles, twisting and turning around something dark that swirled like water. It was mystifying to look at and made Alec's head ache if he concentrated too hard on it, so that he had to finally shake his head to force the thoughts away.

“Well look at you,” Pyrr said, giving a whistle and a wink. “All that leather’s a good look for you, Alec. Magnus is gonna _love_ it.”

That was enough to break some of the tension in the room, and even Alec found himself grinning.

Alaion had a grin as well, though he rolled his eyes at the same time. “Leave him alone, Pyrr.”

Over by the bed, Aliri called out a “Your Highness” that drew Alec’s attention her way. (He deliberately didn’t think about how easily he responded to that title) Alec started to tell her not to call him that, something that he had a bad feeling he was going to have to break everyone in this room of, only to cut himself off when he saw what it was that she had pulled up out of the weapons bag.

In Aliri’s hands sat one of the most beautiful bows that Alec had ever seen.

His eyes went wide at the sight of it. The bow was bigger than his last and looked sturdier in some ways. It was clearly made out of the same material that had been used to make Alva and Pyrr’s staffs. White wood that looked more like it’d grown into this shape than carved.

There was a slight shake to Alec’s hands when he reached out to take it from her. It’d been years since he’d last held a bow. Years since he’d been able to curl his hand around his weapon of choice and feel it underneath his fingers. This one, it didn’t feel like his last bow. There was no _zing_ of angelic energy that tingled across his runes as he touched it. But there was a definite warm _something_ that echoed through Alec straight down to the core of him. The bow felt like – it felt like _his_. Like a piece of him that he hadn’t realized was missing until he held it.

With reverent fingers, Alec shifted his hold, adjusting to the difference in size and weight. He brought it up, and _oh_ , there wasn’t even a twinge in his hand when he smoothly drew back the string in a motion his body hadn’t forgotten how to do. Alec shifted his stance to better accommodate it, slowly relaxed, and then twisted and drew again, testing out the feel of it.

When Alec lowered it once more, he found the others watching him, each one of them smiling. Aliri was as well – that small, private smile that no one outside of their group got to see. She held out the quiver in her hands, already full of arrows just as bright as the bow.

There were a thousand different words that Alec wanted to say. Questions he wanted to ask. In the end, all he could manage was a warm “Thank you.”

“Thank the General,” Aliri said simply. “It came from him.”

A wide, bright grin lit up Alec’s face, brighter than any of them had ever seen from him. In that moment Alec felt more like himself than he had in a long, long time. Like a piece of himself that he’d lost was finally returned to him and he was whole once more. Or, at least, far closer than he had been.

Alec pulled on his quiver and strapped it into place. Then he slung his bow over his shoulder. Everyone else stood ready, waiting for his orders. Alec felt the mantle of authority settle on to him just as smoothly as his quiver had. Drawing himself up, he nodded at his friends – his team. “Let’s go."


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay at such a shitty spot :P I hit a few rough days, and then found a whole missing scene in the middle of the chapter. But it's finally here! I hope you like it - this chapter isn't the type of thing I'm usually good at writing. So, enjoy? :D

When Magnus had agreed to come down to Edom, he hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect. With Asmodeus, there was no telling what exactly the man had planned. Some things Magnus knew were more likely than others – torture was a definite possibility. A ton of mind games to go along with it. Asmodeus wasn’t going to be satisfied in just bringing Magnus down to Edom. He was always going to press for more, for him to stay longer, for Magnus to use his powers in ways that Magnus had sworn he was never again going to do.

Magnus had tried to brace himself for it as best as he could. He gathered up everything that was good in his life into a spot right near his heart and he held it there, wrapping it up in protective magic. It would be something that could give him the strength needed to get through the next five years. Years in which he was going to be so very, very alone.

But once Magnus arrived in Edom, as ready as he could be, Asmodeus…hadn’t done anything. In fact, the only thing he’d actually done was to tell Magnus to make himself at home and get comfortable. Oh, sure, they dined together each evening, and sometimes Magnus ran into him if he wandered the broken down castle that Asmodeus called home, but for the most part the Greater Demon seemed content to wait Magnus out.

 _Maybe he figures he has five years, so why not play the long game?_ Despite what others might think about Greater Demons, Magnus knew that quite a few of them had more patience than any Shadowhunter or even warlock could understand. They were old beings who had seen the rise and fall of many different empires. Most of them had been around since the very beginning. They knew how to play the game. How to push and poke in the right spots and then sit back and wait for the results to finally come to what they wanted them to.

That was what worried Magnus even more than if Asmodeus had dragged him down to the dungeon and started torturing him. If Asmodeus was being good and mostly quiet, save for some small, cutting remarks over the dinner table, it meant that he had something else in mind. And it left Magnus on edge, always watching and waiting, trying to predict what was going to happen or when. Which was likely Asmodeus’ whole plan. Yet, Magnus couldn’t stop himself.

He’d taken to hiding out in his room the past few days. Or, well, what passed for days in the barren landscape of Edom.

Magnus had deliberately chosen a room as far from his father’s as possible. It wasn’t like he really had different _aesthetics_ to choose from. Or views. All the rooms were the same, and all looked out over Edom, so Magnus wasn’t really giving up anything by picking a room so far away.

He’d taken to sitting in the window of his room and staring out at the barren wasteland that was to be his home for the next few years. In some ways he couldn’t help but compare what he saw now to what he’d seen once, a long, long time ago. Back then, back when he was so very young, this had been his home, and though he hadn't liked it he hadn't yet realized just how much of a hell it truly was. He hadn't realized Asmodeus' game yet. Back then, Magnus had been so young and alone, so desperate for someone who loved him and who cared for him, someone with cat eyes just like his own. He would've done anything to have that connection that he'd seen so many others have but had only ever dreamed of himself.

He was older now, and far wiser than the child he'd once been. He hadn't come here blind to any of Asmodeus' faults. This time, Magnus walked into Edom with his eyes open wide, and he wasn't going to let her sink down into his soul the way she had last time. This time, Magnus had something to hold on to.

He closed his eyes on a heavy sigh and drew on the memories that were kept guarded so closely in his heart. With a bit of his magic, he reached down to where the anchor had used to sit inside him, and he touched on the faint edges of spell work – the one that gave him a link to the rings that he'd left for Alec. It wasn't enough for him to do much of anything. He wasn't going to be able to reach out through them and protect him. But with them, he would always be able to find Alec, and he could get a general sense of his wellbeing.

At the moment, Alec seemed to almost be radiating a sharp determination. Not long ago, there'd been a sense of peace, and then a surge of power that had echoed down to Magnus and rocked him back on his heels, even at such a great distance.

For a moment Magnus had been terrified that he was going to find Alec dead, that the angelic energy in him had swelled up and destroyed him, but the calm he'd felt afterwards, the peace, let Magnus know that wasn't the case. Alec was alive and well. And a Shadowhunter once more. It was the only thing that made sense. That had to be when Alec got his runes back.

The largest part of Magnus celebrated that fact. Alec deserved to have a chance to go back to his old life. To be with his family.

But a small part mourned, just a little. Because what use was a Shadowhunter going to have with a damaged warlock fresh out of Edom? _Not like you stood much of a chance anyway. Five years might be the blink of an eye to a warlock, but for anyone else not long-lived, that’s a long time. He’ll have undoubtedly moved on by then._

The reminder had Magnus wincing. He looked down at his lap, fiddling a little with the ring on his thumb. He'd known from the start that there was a good chance he would come back from this and find that he'd lost any sort of place in Alec's life. At least where their budding relationship was concerned. But…maybe they'd be able to be friends. It wasn't what Magnus wanted, and oh, it would _hurt,_ but it was something he was more than willing to take. He’d take whatever pieces of himself Alec was willing to give.

_How pathetic does that make me?_

The sound of a gong echoing through the castle broke Magnus from his thoughts and let him know that dinner was being served. While Asmodeus didn't have to eat the way that Magnus did, he apparently had decided that dinner time was their 'family time' and was insistent that Magnus show up for it.

He'd had food there every night when Magnus arrived, and every night Magnus snapped up his own food. Most warlocks might not be able to summon things here like that, but Magnus had a tie set up to his loft, and Edom gave him a boost of power that no other warlock would have. It was simple to summon food.

Rising from his seat, Magnus smoothed his hands over his pants and then pulled at his shirt to make sure it was lying straight. There was no avoiding these dinners. He just had to go down there, eat, and say not a word. He had no idea how long a plan like that was going to work, but he was willing to ride it out for as long as possible.

Magnus walked out of his room with his chin up and his head held high.

* * *

He didn’t return in quite the same spirit.

All the calm that Magnus had held onto had gotten him through almost the entirety of their dinner. He’d ignored Asmodeus’ attempts at casual conversation the same way he had at every other meal. Up until this time, Asmodeus had let him get away with it. It would seem that clemency was at an end.

It wasn’t until Magnus rose to his feet that Asmodeus said anything about it. He didn’t look up from his food, didn’t raise his voice, which really, made it all the worse as he calmly said “This petulance will end, my son. While I might not touch your precious broken toy, there are others in your life I can go after. I suggest you remember that if you’d like your stay here to continue to be so… accommodating.”

The threat is that was blatantly clear. Magnus bit back the sharp words that wanted to rise to his lips, as well as the furious magic that was burning to be released from his fingers, and locked them down under the cold shield that was the only thing saving him. “As you wish,” he said, voice as formal as he could make it.

Magnus kept control of himself all the way until he was back in his rooms and the door was shut behind him. Here, with his own wards that would prevent spying – the only wards he dared put up that he knew his father wouldn’t just rip down – Magnus let go of his masks and let himself _be_.

As soon as he did, it took a lot of effort not to just fling himself down on his bed and scream like the child he’d just been accused of being. How long had he been here now? A few days? A week? He couldn't let Asmodeus get to him like this already. Not if he wanted to be able to survive the next few years without going completely insane. He had to control himself somehow.

Still, Magnus gave in to dramatics enough to flop onto his bed on his back, glaring up at the ceiling as he did. He let out a heavy huff and sank down into the blankets.

“About time you got up here.”

The sudden voice where no one else should be had Magnus reacting instinctively. In an instant he'd rolled himself in the opposite direction. By the time his feet touched the ground, he had a blast of magic in his hand and his eyes were scanning the room around him. He didn't see anything, not right away, but that didn't mean anything in a place like this. “Where are you?” Magnus demanded, sharp and commanding – a prince in his realm. While he might not like it, he wasn’t afraid of using it to his advantage.

There was a soft chuckle and then someone stepped out from the shadows at the corner of the room. A tall, lean figure with dark skin and a shock of bright, white hair. Silver eyes sparkled in amusement over a bright smirk. Magnus stared in stunned shock as Pyrr materialized from the shadows, with Alaion a step behind him.

“Pyrr?” Magnus slowly lowered his hand, withdrawing the magic from it. “Alaion? What are you two doing here?”

Alaion moved toward the door, double checking that no one was coming. But Pyrr put one hand on his hip and rolled his eyes like he couldn't believe that Magnus had even asked that question. “Rescuing you – what does it look like?”

A thought hit Magnus, as hard as a punch, and his eyes went wide. “Alec...?”

“Is with the others,” Pyrr answered immediately. Unlike Magnus, who felt like the air had been stolen from him at that, Pyrr looked perfectly at ease with that answer. “Don't worry, he'll be fine till we get there. He’s got some extra backup making sure no demons creep up on us.”

Just the thought of Alec down there with anyone, potentially facing off against Asmodeus, was enough to make Magnus feel sick. How the hell was Alec even here?? He stood no chance against Asmodeus! “ _Don’t worry_? My father’s down there!”

“Like I said, he's got plenty of backup. Right now, our job is to get you out of here.” Despite his words, Pyrr wasn’t moving. In fact, he leaned on his staff and watched Magnus like he was waiting for something.

Magnus didn’t have time to think on what it was. All of his focus was on the fact that Alec was downstairs staging some sort of fruitless rescue mission, potentially facing off against Asmodeus himself, and with, what? Three unseelie sidhe for backup? Not even his usual _five_ backup, because he’d sent these two up to get Magnus away like some damsel in distress. As if Magnus was just going to retreat and leave Alec here to fight!

Drawing magic once more into his hands, Magnus straightened up, determination flooding him. Right alongside it was a fierce, sharp rage, something that he usually worked to keep locked away out of fear of what he might do if he let himself be truly angry. He wasn’t afraid now. Not with Alec in danger.

“If you two think I’m walking away while Alec is still here, you’ve got another thing coming,” Magnus warned them sharply.

“Alec wanted us to get you out of here,” Pyrr said calmly.

Judging by the looks on Pyrr and Alaion's faces, they knew what Magnus’ answer to that was going to be. Likely had since the very beginning. Magnus didn't even bother responding with anything but a scowl. Nor did he waste any more time. He strode straight for the door, which Alaion held open for him, and then he was through it and taking off down the hall at a quick pace. Maybe if he were lucky he’d get there before Alec and Asmodeus found one another.

The sound of loud voices and a sudden crashing told Magnus that hope was going to be in vain. He grabbed hold of the link between them – how in Lilith’s name had he _not_ noticed Alec getting so close??? – and felt the wave of anger and that defensive sort of fear that came out when facing an enemy. Especially one that had the ability to destroy you with a damn _thought_.

Magnus broke into a run and shot off down the hall and to the staircase, praying the whole time that he would make it there in enough time to stop whatever was happening before everything went wrong.

Based on the sounds he’d heard, Magnus had fully expected there to be a fight some sort when he reached the bottom of the staircase and took off through the doors to the main hall. His mind conjured up images of Asmodeus and Alec dueling against one another. Or of Alec being crushed, held down under Asmodeus’ hand, forced to wait so that the Greater Demon could torture him while Magnus and the others watched.

The sight that met him was nothing like what he was expecting.

Instead of pain, death, or torture, what Magnus found when he tore into the room was Asmodeus sitting calmly on his throne, legs crossed and arms relaxed on the armrests, staring with amusement at the four unseelie sidhe a few feet in front of him. He didn’t seem the least bit bothered by them despite the way those four were very clearly a threat. The group wasn’t backing down from him – one man stood in front of the others, someone clearly from the royal guard, with the remaining three standing at his back.

It took far longer than it should’ve for Magnus to realize that he recognized all of them. Not just the three at the back, but the one standing in the lead, too. There was something about the body that drew his eye. But it wasn’t until Magnus looked at the man’s face that he knew.

 _Alexander_.

Magnus hadn't had more than a second to even begin to think about how it was that Alec managed to be here in Edom when neither mundanes nor nephilim could survive down here. One look at the man who was undoubtedly his Alexander, no matter the changes, and Magnus had that answer. The sight almost froze him in place, and if the situation hadn't been such a terrible one, Magnus might've taken a second to whistle sharply at the image that Alec cut.

The changes he’d undergone were clear for everyone to see. Dark grey skin that almost seemed to draw in the shadows around him, like he was a part of them and they of him, and that bright white hair that marked the unseelie sidhe. But there were other changes, more subtle ones, that Magnus noticed just as much.

Magnus took in the royal uniform, the dark red eyes, and the stripes in Alec's hair with a sense of shock barely felt underneath the strength of everything else. _What the hell happened while I was gone?_

Alec had always been tall, but life had left him almost perpetually curled in on himself. Like Alec had taken so many blows he just couldn't stand up under them all anymore. Now? Now he stood proud and tall, a bow in hand and a fierce look on his face. A stern unseelie warrior, facing down their enemy. He was beautiful, and he was _here_. For _Magnus_.

Asmodeus broke the moment by letting out a low, deep laugh. The sound sent a chill down Magnus’ spine. “Well, well, well, look what we have here. Uninvited guests barging into my home. Magnus, my son, I believe you have visitors.”

Magnus tried to move forward, a part of him screaming that he needed to go and join Alec, stand at his side. He couldn’t let the other man face off against Asmodeus alone. Only, when Magnus tried to move, he found his feet firmly stuck in place. The rest of him was capable of moving, even his hands could wave around but his feet were firmly held on the ground. A look behind him showed that Pyrr and Alaion were frozen right behind him, their furious glares locked on Asmodeus. Not even the power of a mage like Pyrr was enough to break Asmodeus’ hold on him.

They were trapped, the same way Magnus was trapped. Forced to stand there and watch whatever was about to unfold.

When Magnus looked back again, he found Asmodeus smirking. His eyes briefly turned Magnus’ way and then focused back on Alec. “You should’ve sent ahead. I’m sorry, but it is rather late. What kind of father would I be if I allowed guests at this time of night?”

Alec didn't say anything in reply to the taunts. He simply stood up straight, his friends at his back, and met Asmodeus' smirk with a glare, not backing down. He made it clear without a single word that he wasn’t going to go anywhere.

“What's the matter, little Lightwood?” Asmodeus asked. He leaned in, and Magnus knew the magic he'd be flashing in his gaze, that bit of power he liked to show in a display of dominance that he loved to use to terrify demons and humans alike. “ _Cat_ got your tongue?”

Either the pun sailed right over Alec's head, or he chose to ignore it. The second option was most likely. Instead, Alec lifted his chin and spoke out, loud and commanding in a way that Magnus had never heard from him before. “I’m not in the mood to play word games with you. You know exactly why I’m here. You took something of mine, and I'm here to take it back.”

“Took something?” Asmodeus lifted one hand and laid it over his heart. “I took nothing. What I have here was given freely.”

The pang Magnus felt at that was something he barely kept hidden. It was a reminder that he was here – that Alec was here right now – because of _him_. He’d come down here to save Alec, and Alec had come down here to save him.

Asmodeus’ words didn’t seem to bother Alec in the slightest. In fact, much to Magnus’ shock, Alec snorted and actually _rolled his eyes_. At a Greater Demon! If the two of them got out of this, Magnus was going to have _words_ with Alexander about his self-preservation skills.

“Is it really freely given if you had to get it through tricks and coercion?” Alec asked bluntly. He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes a little more. There was something in that gaze, something different than the last time Magnus had seen him. A sense of… power? No. Alec had always had power whether he’d admitted it or not. This was… this was _knowledge_. It shone in Alec's eyes and rang clearly in his voice. “I'm not blind to what’s going on here, not anymore. I know what you're doing. The question is – does he? Does he have any idea what you've done?”

Magnus had no idea what it was Alec was talking about, but it was clear that Asmodeus _did_. His eyebrows shot up toward his hairline, and then suddenly any pretenses at being kind or even amused melted away into a more familiar sneer. One that never failed to make Magnus want to run. When Asmodeus spoke, his voice carried a venom that promised the kind of pain you could barely even begin to imagine. “You've been in the Cauldron.”

A little niggle in the back of Magnus’ mind told him that he’d heard that before. If he’d had time to think about it, maybe he would’ve figured it out. But his magic was churning away inside him, pushing against the bonds that were holding him in place, and the rest of Magnus’ focus was on Alec.

Alec, who stood there as calm as if he were having a debate over the dinner table instead of across the throne room of the King of Edom. The fear that Magnus was used to seeing on him didn’t show. For this moment, he was everything that Magnus knew he could’ve been if life and this spell hadn’t tried to destroy him. Alec stood tall and nodded at Asmodeus. “I have. I went to the Cauldron, and I sank in the pool of the Goddess. And do you know what She showed me?”

The whole room felt like it was holding its breath. Magnus could _hear_ his own heart pounding. Even his magic froze. This, whatever it was, it was _important_.

Alec lifted his chin in a defiant gesture. Behind him, his team braced as if they knew what was coming, and the tension in the room went up another degree.

“She showed me a warlock,” Alec said calmly. “One who was angry at Shadowhunters, but especially at me. One who decided that I'd defied the natural order of things by corrupting their High Warlock and daring to reach for what I shouldn't have. I saw the life leading up to that moment, and I saw those last moments where he lured a group of Shadowhunters out and used his power to cast a spell, one that would take a soul and mark it.”

Alec took a step forward, and the shadows seemed to move with him. He gathered power to him that seemed to spill out through the room, seeping out from him and from the very _walls_. It wasn’t magic, not like Magnus could do, and not like what Pyrr and Alva could do. This was something else. Something that Magnus had no name for. Yet he felt it against his own magic, felt as it reached out for him, and any fear he might’ve felt washed away. Because this power, this was _Alec_ , and Magnus knew without a doubt that Alec would never hurt him.

Another step forward brought Alec further away from his friends, and closer to the throne. It also guaranteed that Asmodeus was focusing on _him_ and not on anything else – a good thing, Magnus realized, as the shadows curled around his feet and pushed back the magic Asmodeus was using to hold him in place.

Alec spoke on, ignoring what he was doing, keeping Asmodeus focused on _him_. “That warlock thought he was punishing me with what he did. He pushed that spell into me, and he thought that it would turn everyone against me. That I would end up dying a horrible, painful death at the hands of the people I loved the most. But it didn’t quite work out like that, did it?”

The sneer on Asmodeus’ face grew more pronounced. Some of his glamour flickered and a hint of his True Form peeked through. The burnt skin seeping ichor like bleeding wounds fresh from his Fall. Dark wings rose up at his back, and a broken crown sat perched atop his brow. Then the light flickered and those images faded, leaving the simple shell of a man he liked to portray, watching Alec with shrewd eyes. “I see why Magnus always liked you. You're far smarter than most of your kind.”

“I've had amazing teachers,” Alec said honestly.

A faint sneer curled one corner of Asmodeus’ mouth. “So you think you have it all figured out?”

“It wasn’t hard, once I had all the information,” Alec told him. He spread his hands out to either side, and Magnus saw the faint tension in Asmodeus at that gesture. A telling sort of brace, as if he’d expected Alec to attack. Judging by the small curl at the corner of Alec's mouth, he’d seen it too, and he’d enjoyed it. But that was all Alec let show as he kept on talking in that same calm voice. “There was no way the warlock had that kind of power to do the original spell, let alone what it turned out to be. I don’t believe he meant to do what he did. Not without some help.”

Whatever they were talking about, it was past the point of any denial. Asmodeus waved a hand almost negligently through the air, putting on the false air of someone far more at ease than he actually was. “Yes, the little warlock called to me. Drew me out of Limbo where my beautiful son had sent me and asked for my help in _freeing_ him from the control of the pathetic little nephilim who’d defiled him.”

“He thought he was getting the better end of the deal. But you – you saw it as a way to fix all your own mistakes and correct it all before it even happened. Though, I didn't think even you had the power for time travel like this.”

Limbo? Time travel? Magnus’ eyebrows shot up, and he knew his mouth was hanging open, but he couldn’t stop it.

Asmodeus shrugged. “The power of a soul right at death is quite a lot. With the warlock’s death, I had just enough power to grab your soul and fling it back through time with me. Back to before you two ever met. Then I just let you go and sat back to watch as everything unfolded. He’d already put the spell on you, so I didn’t have to do that. All I had to do was _wait_. I knew you two would be drawn together eventually. Your souls were practically screaming for one another from the instant I dropped you here.”

“And you knew you could use that, and your tie to me, as a way to trap him down here,” Alec finished for him. He sounded like he’d just gotten the final pieces of the puzzle. “That’s a convoluted plan, even for you. There were a lot of different variables. What if I’d died before he ever found me?”

That got him a soft sniff. Asmodeus looked almost _offended._ “You wouldn’t have. The spell in you made sure of that. I could reach up just enough to stop things before they went too far, or to feed you a little energy instead of just feeding off of you. Did you never wonder how you healed from everything so fast?”

Alec wasn’t the only one who was putting things together. Magnus still wasn’t sure what the Cauldron was, or how it had shown Alec all this, but everything else – it all fit together so neatly, so perfectly, he felt like he was going to be sick. If what they were saying was true – and unseelie couldn’t lie any better than a seelie could – it meant that this life wasn’t supposed to be their life. In _their_ life, he and Alec had apparently been together, and they’d pissed people off by doing so. Bad enough that someone had felt the need to spell Alec, to put him through _torture_ , and to use Asmodeus’ help to do it.

The part Asmodeus’ played in this wasn’t surprising at all. Magnus could easily see it. As he’d thought before, Asmodeus was good at playing the long game. He would’ve seen something like this an opportunity. A chance to redo mistakes, to stop Magnus and Alec before they could become whatever they’d been in the future. A future where Magnus had apparently trapped Asmodeus in limbo.

All of this, it’d all happened because someone had hated Shadowhunters so much they couldn’t stand to see one happy with a warlock partner. _Corrupting_ was the word Alec had used. They’d thought that Alec was corrupting Magnus, defiling him, like he had no right to touch him, and they’d decided to punish him for it. To hurt him, because of their relationship.

Magnus’ magic twisted and sparked inside of him in immediate protest to anyone hurting Alec. It had recognized Alec in ways that Magnus hadn’t. As if it’d known what they’d once been to one another. While Magnus hadn’t time traveled, at least not from the sounds of it, Alec's soul _had_. It would explain why Alec's soul always relaxed when it felt Magnus’ magic. That soul had likely felt it countless times before in the future that should have been.

The sound of Alec's voice broke Magnus’ spiraling thoughts.

“The children?” Alec asked, and for the first time he showed some real emotion in his voice. A thickness that betrayed what he felt.

The grin that lit up Asmodeus’ face was chilling. “Oh, yes. That was a nice touch, wasn’t it? My demons were more than happy to take care of that for me. A few shapeshifters, and it was easy to set you up. And, of course, we had to take care of their families afterward. I couldn’t have you all finding out anything _too_ soon, now could I?”

Those words, more than anything else, lit a fire in Alec. Not just in him, but in Magnus and the others as well. To hear Asmodeus so casually discuss the murder of _children_ to further his plans, it made Magnus _sick_.

Alec's face hardened to stone. The shadows around him grew again, curling tighter around Magnus’ legs for a second as they broke the last of the spell just enough for Magnus’ own magic to push out and free him, while at the same time they stretched toward Asmodeus as well.

Again, that flicker of his glamour, longer this time, and those dark wings lifted up high in a clear threat. Slowly, not even bothering to try and yank up his glamour, Asmodeus rose to his feet, sharp teeth showing. “Mind yourself with me, _boy_. Don’t think your brand new power holds any chance of standing up against me. You’re a simple little fae. You don’t even have your angelic powers anymore.”

“And you forget what the sidhe truly are,” Alec shot back. In the blink of an eye he had an arrow from his quiver and sent it flying, a streak of white in the dark shadows.

Asmodeus ducked in just enough time to miss getting hit in the chest, but it left his wings exposed and the arrow tore straight through it like they were nothing, ripping a grunt and then a furious growl from the Greater Demon.

As Asmodeus gathered his power, Magnus launched forward and right for Alec's side. Like hell if he was going to stand back and let Alec do this on his own. He called up his magic, flinging out one blast and then the other, distracting Asmodeus enough that Magnus was able to come right up to Alec's side. He gathered more power, and in the light of it, saw Alec flash him a grin.

“You and I are having a long, long talk when this is over,” Magnus warned him.

Alec surprised him by laughing. “I can’t wait.”

There was no more time for words. Asmodeus lashed back with his own blast of power that shot out around him and sent them all flying back. Magnus managed to keep on his feet, planting them just enough that he slid instead of flew. It meant he was able to stay on his feet and recover much quicker. He threw a ball of power before the others had even pushed back up to their feet.

What came next was a series of blows that happened so fast it was hard to keep up with. Magnus had no idea what the plan was, or how they were going to take down someone like Asmodeus, but he didn’t let that stop him from fighting with everything he had.

Caught up in fighting, it wasn’t until the very last minute that Magnus saw what was going on, and realized that yes, there _was_ a plan, even if he wasn’t in on it. While he’d kept Asmodeus busy with blast after blast of warlock fire, and Alec continued to shoot at him, the others had been moving, spreading out to create a circle around them. Pyrr was directly across from Asmodeus, Alva and Alaion to the right, Alec and Virion to the left, and Aliri had vanished somewhere outside – _into another circle_.

Magnus felt it now. The sudden circle of power that had been created outside the hall, through the house and even out in the front courtyard. A whole ring of sidhe with more than a few mages out there, bleeding power into a containment circle.

“Now!” Alec shouted abruptly. And suddenly there was _power_. Not just in the containment circle, but pushing inward, toward them – toward _him_.

The basic form of the pentagram they’d all formed here created another, more powerful circle, and Magnus could feel as the power from outside was soaked in here, with them. Pyrr and Alva channeled in even more. They drew it from the others, Alaion and Virion, and then fed it toward Magnus. And then Magnus felt as Alec did the same. The brand new sidhe opened himself up, using the tie between Magnus and the rings that Alec wore under his shirt to open himself and offer up his strength in a staggering display of trust.

All that power was being fed to Magnus, fueling him, backed by the very power of Edom itself, a land who recognized her prince and who held no favorites with the king.

Asmodeus’ spun toward him, eyes narrowing down as he realized just how trapped he was. “Magnus, don’t do this,” he warned him, gathering his own power as he did. “You don’t want to pit yourself against me like this.”

“I’m done letting you rule my life,” Magnus told him. He drew on more and more of the power. It filled him until he swore he was _burning_ with it. It gathered around his hands in a swirling mass of black and dark red. Far more power than Magnus had ever felt in all his long years. He held it there, hands lifted on either side of him, and for one last time let himself look into eyes that were exactly like his. “Goodbye, Father.”

The sound of Asmodeus’ shout was drowned out by the concussive blast of power Magnus sent at him.

There was no shielding themselves from it. The force of the blast knocked all of them back. It broke both circles and sent them all flying back into the ground, tumbling and rolling a few feet before finally landing.

Magnus ached as he tried to gather himself. He could feel where he was definitely going to bruise from that fall. Yet he still shoved himself up, still tried to reach for power in veins that felt burnt just in case this hadn’t worked. But when he pushed himself halfway up off the ground he found that there was nothing to fight against. Where Asmodeus had stood moments ago there was now only a charred spot on the ground to mark where he had once been.

More than that, Magnus could feel it – feel the power of Edom swell up, gathering around him as it sought its new king. That more than anything told him that they’d done it. Asmodeus was gone. They were free.

“Magnus!”

The frantic shout of his name drew Magnus’ attention upward. He found Alec practically crawling across the dirt, scrambling to get to him. There was fear in his bright red eyes, and an exhaustion that seemed to make his limbs hard to move, yet he dragged himself right up to Magnus.

Magnus didn’t let himself think. He reached out and caught hold of Alec the instant he was close. One hand on Alec's bicep, meant to keep him balanced so he wouldn’t fall, and the other hand up to cup his cheek in a need to feel that he was real and he was _here_.

The instinctive flinch that Alec gave at the contact was almost enough to have Magnus drawing back. While it was clear Alec had changed in the time Magnus had been gone, he was still _him_. Trauma didn’t go away just because he changed species or whatever else had happened. But Alec didn’t let him retreat. He pushed his face into Magnus’ hand and closed his eyes, sighing heavily. The two of them knelt in the dirt and breathed in.

“You’re okay.”

“Thanks to you,” Magnus murmured back to him.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”

That drew a laugh from Magnus that was equal parts fond and exasperated. “Seeing as how I didn’t expect you to come at all, I’d say you did fine. Though don’t think that gets us out of talking about all this later.”

“A lot later?” Alec asked. He swayed a little, and Magnus felt a hint of alarm start to build.

“Alec?”

The young sidhe swayed more, his body getting just a bit heavier against Magnus’ hand. His eyes seemed to be drifting shut, and his voice slurred out a low, “’m fine.”

“He’s exhausted himself,” Pyrr’s voice said. He appeared on Alec's other side, hands out in a clear want to help while knowing that a surprise touch was the last thing Alec needed. His eyes were narrowed on his friend. The concern there was easy to read. “We need to get him out of here. And everyone else, too.”

It was on the tip of Magnus’ tongue to say that he could portal them to the loft. A flare of giddy joy lit inside of him at that realization. He could go _home_! But Pyrr’s presence, as well as the others coming forward, reminded Magnus that they weren’t alone here. Nor was it just this little team, whom Magnus would’ve been more than fine allowing into his home. They had a whole lot more people waiting outside.

As if he could sense what Magnus was thinking about, Alaion went down to one knee on Magnus’ other side, his gaze running over Alec as he did though his words were clearly directed at Magnus. “We came in through a tear in the veil not far from here. If I show it to you, can you get us there?”

A rumble built in the air around them. The power that Magnus had been feeling was buzzing against his skin now, demanding to be let in, and he finally realized why. Without a leader, the realm was crumbling. They hadn’t just taken out Asmodeus, they’d blasted away his seat of power. Either Magnus stepped up to that throne and took it for himself, let himself be wrapped up in the power of Edom and trapped here, or they had to get the hell out before it all collapsed in on them.

Magnus looked down at an exhausted Alec and gave a soft “I’m sorry, Alec.” Then he reached in with hands and magic and carefully gathered Alec's body to him. Exhausted the way he was, Alec just barely flinched, curling in like he’d curl away, while at the same time he almost sank into Magnus’ hold.

“We need to go,” Magnus told the others. He had to accept Pyrr and Virion’s help to get up to his feet without dropping the precious burden he held. Magnus didn’t wait once he was up, though. “We need to go now. This place is coming down.”

Someone took off outside, and they must’ve moved fast because by the time Magnus was out of the hall, there was a whole crowd of sidhe waiting for him.

“We’re all here,” one of the women at the front of the crowd announced.

Pyrr reached out to Magnus and curled a hand over his shoulder. A bit of his magic leaked out, and with it, he showed Magnus exactly where they needed to go.

In the next instant Magnus had a portal opened that would lead them there. He didn’t have to focus on leading anyone through it – Alaion took control of that, snapping out “Everyone through, now!” and then leading them all forward, ushering them through with quick gestures and sharp words.

The rest of Alec's friends stayed there with them and formed a loose circle, escorting Magnus and Alec to the portal, and through to the tear on the other side.

Magnus never once looked back as he felt Edom crumble and burn behind him. He walked through the portal, and then through the tear, with all his attention on the beautiful, precious boy in his arms. In that moment that was the only thing that mattered.

Alec had come for him. He’d risked everything to come to Edom and try and free Magnus from Asmodeus. He’d put himself in immense danger, and he’d done it for _Magnus_. More than that, he’d opened himself up to Magnus and offered everything he had, everything he was, without a single ounce of hesitation. This broken boy who’d been hurt by so many others, and by warlocks the most, had trusted Magnus with his very core. He’d allowed Magnus to draw from it and trusted that Magnus wouldn’t harm or kill him when he did.

If Magnus hadn’t already been half in love with Alec Lightwood before, this would’ve only guaranteed it. No one had ever done something like that for Magnus. No one had _chosen him_ that way.

As Magnus left Edom behind, and stepped into the unseelie realm with a guard around him and an unconscious Alec in his arms, he swore to himself to make damn sure that Alec never regretted his choice. Magnus was going to spend every day of the rest of their lives making absolutely sure that Alec knew how amazing he was, and how much Magnus cherished him.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it got a bit too long during editing so I had to split it into two chapters. So, you get one more than I planned! I hope you like these, and I'll get the very last chapter up asap :D Thanks for all your comments, love, and support you guys. It's been amazing!

The last thing Alec remembered before he lost the fight against exhaustion was the feel of strong arms around him and a steady sense of comfort from the body he was pressed up against. He remembered the way Magnus had held him, as if he’d weighed nothing, and the sounds of everyone all around them.

Safe, secure, and with the biggest threat gone, Alec hadn’t had anything left in him to fight with. He’d fallen asleep (passed out) with his head on Magnus’ shoulder and his team safely around him.

When he woke up, it was in stages, something so very out of the norm for him. Touch came back first, and Alec – half asleep – luxuriated in it for a bit. He didn’t open his eyes right away. The bed he was lying on was far too comfortable for him to want to move. The whole _world_ felt soft. Alec could've happily let himself sink back down into it with a soft little sigh. But there was something niggling at the corner of his mind. He wasn't sure what it was, but it wouldn't let him go back to sleep. There was something else... something important he should remember...

The more Alec focused on it, the more he found his mind waking up. Little by little he began to stir. He had… he had people he needed to check on, right? His team, and the others he’d taken into Edom with him, and Magnus. _Magnus_.

Memories of everything that had happened finally _really_ sank in. When they did, Alec tensed up for a moment, and then he sighed and let himself sink once more into the bed. His body curled inward just a little more as he relaxed. They’d done it – they’d taken out Asmodeus and rescued Magnus. Everything else could wait a little longer. Alec wasn’t ready to get out of bed yet, even if he was even more awake now.

So much had happened recently he found he wanted to just stay here for a little while where things were easier. He wasn’t quite ready to deal with the drama that waking up would bring with it.

A soft noise in the room around him drew Alec's attention out of his head and toward the fact that there was clearly someone else in the room. The fact didn’t come as a surprise – he’d been sensing something without realizing it the whole time he was lying there. Now that he noticed, he could feel it. Someone was in the room with him, right up close to the bed, and there were two others nearby. Likely standing guard.

Reluctantly Alec opened his eyes, still not quite ready to leave the softness of his sleep-hazy world. But, he needed to know what was going on and where he was. As well as what had happened after he’d passed out.

When he opened his eyes the very first thing he saw was Magnus, a fact that made him smile. Curled up on his side, it left Alec in the perfect position to be able to stare at his companion.

The warlock was sitting in a chair at Alec's bedside. He’d slid down low in it in what was a clear attempt to get comfortable. His feet were up on the edge of the bed, hands curled loosely in his lap, and his head was tipped back at an angle that was undoubtedly going to be painful later.

Though it was clear Magnus had changed since Alec had last seen him – he was in clean pants and a loose red shirt now – it wasn’t up to what Alec thought of as Magnus’ usual standards. He seemed far less put together than normal. His hair was a bit loose and lying back in a way that Alec was absolutely sure Magnus would _loathe_. Though it kind of made Alec want to reach out and touch it to see if it was as soft as it looked.

Even Magnus’ makeup looked a little less-than-perfect. There was no sparkle of the brighter, sunnier side that Alec had seen back in that coffee shop, or the darker and sharper lines that the warlock favored at other times. He had the bare minimum around his eyes, and it looked just the slightest bit smeared, like he’d rubbed his eyes without thinking about it.

Honestly, he was still the most stunningly beautiful man that Alec had ever seen, and that wasn’t just the old, _other_ memories talking.

Though Alec still knew some of them were there, it was like the Guardians had warned him. They were faint and faded like those of early childhood. More of a sense than an actual memory. Alec doubted he’d remember unless he focused on them, and even then there was no telling how much detail he’d actually be able to remember.

No, what Alec felt for Magnus was all part of _now_. It came from that soft, gentle warmth that had gradually built between them, through moments that were good, bad, and _theirs_.

Alec's lips curved up into a small, private smile. What they had was their own, different from what they’d created in another life but no less strong. No less beautiful. It was just…now, that part of Alec that he’d been holding back, the pieces of himself that he’d tried to keep locked away, convinced that Magnus would never want them, he was free to let go. If there was one sensation Alec carried over from those memories it was the overwhelming conviction that there wasn’t a piece of him that he couldn’t trust in Magnus’ hands.

How long Alec lay there staring, he wasn’t sure. But eventually he was able to watch as Magnus began to twitch here and there. Little movements in his feet, his hands, and then his head. Alec lay there and watched as, slowly but surely Magnus woke up.

The warlock lifted his head, groaning as he did at the tug to his neck, and then brought a hand up to rub at his face.

When Magnus dropped his hand the look on his face was almost enough to have Alec chuckling. Magnus looked utterly disgusted with the world and everything in it. But most especially his own body. His hand had gone from his face to the back of his neck where he rubbed at the crick he no doubt had there. At the same time, tired cat eyes gave a lazy sweep of the room that looked instinctive. They passed by Alec in a quick run down his body, only to snap back up to his face a second later.

“Alexander!” In a flash, Magnus’ feet were down on the ground and he leaned forward, reaching out like he wanted to grab Alec's hands only to hesitate at the last moment.

Alec pushed himself to move his own hand forward so that he could catch and cling to Magnus’. He ignored his own instinctive flinch and tried to push past it. Once he got past the knee-jerk reaction to touch, it was so easy to let their fingers lace together. To rest his hand against the warmth of Magnus’.

He felt a small spurt of pride in himself for being able to do it. For being able to give them both this kind of touch. Maybe it wouldn’t have been much to anyone else. But for them? For them, it was a lot, and the joy that shone in Magnus’ eyes eased any of Alec's fears about it. He didn’t know why he’d worried. Magnus understood, just the same way he always had. He’d been understanding every single step of the way. He’d let Alec set the pace and followed happily along with it.

It was only now, looking back over it, that Alec could actually see just _how much_ Magnus had been reaching out to him. How patient. He’d let Alec set the pace while making sure the whole time to keep himself _there_.

And now he was here, sitting next to the bed and holding Alec's hand, watching him all the while with a look to his face that Alec was hesitant to put words to. It was a look he wasn’t sure he’d done anything to deserve.

Magnus turned their hands just enough that he had the freedom to run his thumb over Alec's knuckles. He bent forward, elbows on his thighs, so that his face was a little lower, closer to Alec's. Then he smiled. “You know, I’ve been sitting here for hours trying to think of what I’d say to you once you woke up. I had a whole speech I was trying to plan out, and counterarguments ready to go. But now you’re awake and I can’t seem to remember a one of them.”

The corner of Alec's mouth curved up. He could easily imagine Magnus sitting there planning out the entire argument they were going to have. “Did I at least make some good points in our argument?”

The tease was gentle and just a bit hesitant. Yet it paid off. To Alec's joy, he got to watch as humor lit up Magnus’ eyes. “A few. But I countered them rather smoothly, if I do say so myself.”

“I’m sure it was impressive.”

The two stayed where they were for a long moment just smiling at one another. It felt nice, to be able to tease like that, to let go of a bit of the tension that had been such a constant thing since the moment Alec had realized where Magnus was and _why_ he was gone. That sense of peace had Alec sighing and sinking a little more into the bed. He was content to stay where he was just holding on to Magnus’ hand. But life, he knew, wouldn’t wait for them. It wouldn’t be patient. Soon, it would intrude on their quiet and Alec was going to have deal with… well, _so much_.

Just thinking about it was enough to have some of those thoughts pushing forward. Alec closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh.

He didn’t get a chance to speak. Magnus squeezed his hand and then surprised Alec into opening his eyes when he pressed a kiss against Alec's knuckles.

The young sidhe looked up at him with wide, surprised eyes, and Magnus smiled. “Whatever else I’d planned on saying, there was one thing that was more important than the rest,” Magnus said.

Alec licked suddenly dry lips. The way Magnus held his gaze, it felt important. This whole moment felt important. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Magnus’ smile grew until it brightened up his eyes. Then he gently squeezed Alec's hand. “ _Thank you_.”

Those two words eased a knot of something that had been trying to build in Alec's chest. That place inside of him where he’d been worried that Magnus was truly going to be angry with him about what he’d done. Alec had worried over and over that Magnus was going to be upset with him for so many different things. Upset that it took him so long to get there, maybe, or upset that he’d come at all. Upset at him for bringing in so many sidhe. Upset at the changes Alec had undergone to make it down there. Upset that Alec had overridden his choice and pulled him out.

Yet, looking at Magnus, all of those worries faded away as red eyes locked with gold.

There was no glamour in place to hide Magnus’ eyes from Alec. He was free to look right up into those beautiful cat eyes and see all the emotion in the world swirling there. A thousand different things that neither one of them could bring themselves to say quite yet. The words felt so close, like they were right there on the tip of Alec's tongue. He’d felt the stirrings of them for a while now, and he’d seen the start of it in Magnus’ own gaze.

Once, they’d come close to saying it. To putting word to what they felt. _You… matter to me, Alexander. There’s just something about you._ Those words gave Alec hope. A hope that maybe what he’d seen in that Cauldron, what he was sure he felt inside his heart, would happen one day.

Maybe they couldn’t say the words yet. That was okay. They’d get there one day. When Alec was doing better, and their lives were a bit more settled, and they had the chance to get to know one another outside the middle of a crisis. Then they would see.

For the moment, Alec was content to just lay there and hold on to the person who he was starting to believe had come to mean more to him than anyone else he’d ever known.

* * *

Alec was kind of surprised at how long the two of them were left alone in there. He got a chance to slowly wake up without anyone knocking or disturbing them. After a bit, Magnus even helped him to sit up against the headboard, an act that took a bit more strength than Alec liked.

When Alec glared a little about it afterward, Magnus rolled his eyes at him. “Don’t give me that face. Your body’s been through quite enough. Between the buildup of angelic energy, undergoing a serious physical transformation, and then traveling to a hell dimension and using powers you haven’t even had a chance to practice yet, not to mention capping it all by offering up your energy without a care to keeping your own self safe?” He put his hands on his hips and shot Alec a chiding look. “You’re lucky a bit of exhaustion is all you have to deal with.”

That touched very close to the argument they’d neatly avoided having at the start of this. One that Alec would happily _continue_ avoiding. With that in mind, he settled his hands in his lap and looked around the room in an effort to avoid Magnus’ gaze. Only, after a brief look, Alec furrowed his brow down and took a second, much more thorough look. What he found wasn’t what he’d expected.

A small part of Alec had half-expected to wake back up in Ragnor’s cottage. Some part of him had come to think of that place as their home base. Barring that, he’d thought to maybe find himself in the medical building outside of the tear where they’d first crossed over to Edom. Only… this room was far too nice to be either of those places.

The bed that Alec was on was massive, for one. Alec could probably fit five others in there with him. It was also a four-poster bed, with white silk drapes drawn back and tied off to each post. The rest of the room was just as, well, _opulent_.

There wasn’t just the big, fancy, four-poster bed, but also a large wooden armoire against the far wall, nicer even than the one Alec's parents had had in their room back at the Lightwood manor in Alicante. There was also a large table with some chairs, and a _fireplace_ with two more large comfortable looking chairs in front of it _._ Off to the other side Alec could see a sectioned off area that he had no idea what was hidden behind the standing screen.

Everything was done in stone, with wooden furniture and dark materials. Curtains, bedding, even the rugs, all of them were in dark blues and purples and silver, if not just black itself. It was like someone had taken the colors of a winter’s night sky and used them to make the room. The whole thing was beautiful, and just the slightest bit intimidating.

“Where am I?” Alec asked, giving the room one last sweep.

Magnus, who had been smoothing down the blankets he’d adjusted around Alec, gave them one last pat before settling down on the edge of the bed. “The royal castle.” At Alec's stunned look, Magnus reached out and laid his hand down on the bed. When Alec didn’t hesitate to take it, it brought a faint smile to the older man’s lips. He gave Alec's hand a squeeze. “After we got back through the veil, we took you to the medical bay they’d had set up in the town. I checked you over and assured them you were just exhausted, and that your body simply needed to rest.”

Those words were said with a chiding look. Alec flushed even as he rolled his eyes.

Smiling faintly, Magnus rubbed his thumb over Alec's fingers and moved on. “A few hours later, the General arrived with fresh troops. It would seem that Edom collapsing meant that the veil essentially repaired itself, which freed up quite a few of the realm’s warriors. With that done, the General gathered a group and set out for you. Once I assured him you would heal well with time, they brought you back here to rest and recover.”

That was – okay, wow. That was quite a lot to think about. Knowing what family he’d been accepted into was one thing. Seeing the results of that were something else entirely.

“ _So_ ,” Magnus drawled out, slow and heavy. He waited for Alec to look up at him and then raised one eyebrow. “Not just any old sidhe, hm? A _prince_.”

Embarrassment had Alec's cheeks flushing. He ducked his head and looked down at his lap.

Magnus let out a low chuckle. “I suppose I should address you properly, shouldn’t I? After all, I wouldn’t want to cause offense. Fae are very particular about those kinds of things.” His tone turned a bit more teasing, full of good humor that Alec would’ve enjoyed more if it weren’t directed at him. “You have my apologies, _Your Highness._ ”

The flush to Alec's cheeks grew worse. He glared up at Magnus without much heat. “Careful, or I’ll start to do the same.”

“I don’t think it counts when you’re prince to a fallen realm,” Magnus pointed out cheerfully.

“Knowing the sidhe and their need for formalities and titles? Somehow I doubt that, Prince Magnus.”

To Alec's surprise, a soft little shiver ran down Magnus at those words. Alec's eyebrows went up. He watched as Magnus let his own eyes close for just a moment, and then opened them up just a little to give Alec a heated look. One that quickly narrowed when he took in the look that Alec was wearing. “Don’t judge me, Alexander.”

Alec held up his free hand in an innocent, _I-wasn’t-going-to-say-anything_ sort of gesture.

The way Magnus grinned at that sent a spark of warmth through Alec. One that had him relaxing more against the pillows Magnus had used to prop him up. He sat there for a moment and just… looked at the man sitting with him. Someone that he’d been getting so close with before everything had gone south. Someone he’d been sure he wasn’t going to see again. Yet here they were, sitting and talking together, teasing one another, and it was just as good as Alec remembered. Better, even. More comfortable.

Going through the Cauldron hadn’t magically healed Alec. At least, not mentally or emotionally. But it seemed to have… steadied him. Maybe it was the memories that he’d seen in there that had given him hope and strength, or maybe it was the removal of the spell. Or maybe it was just that Alec was no longer weak and unable to defend himself. He was stronger now – steadier. He wasn’t just some weak, broken ex-shadowhunter being forced to live as a mundane. He was an unseelie sidhe now. Alec wasn’t powerless, and that… that meant _so much._

That came with its own set of dangers – Alec knew that. But he also knew that he was going to be have a better chance of facing them now. He’d be able to fight back and actually hold out some hope of it making a difference.

Whatever it was, one or all of those things, it gave Alec a small bit of his old courage back. A piece of himself that felt like it’d been missing since he’d first been dragged out into that alleyway and left for dead by his own people.

Alec looked up at Magnus, and he found the other man watching him, a faint hint of a smile on his lips. It was the same way Magnus had always watched him. Countless times he’d worn that look as they sat underneath their tree in Ragnor’s backyard and Magnus had so patiently waited for Alec to find his rarely used voice and pull together the words that came so hard for him. Magnus had always waited patiently. He’d always listened.

Looking at him, Alec realized that there were things he needed to share before the others got here. Before anyone disturbed them, Alec needed to tell him things. He owed Magnus some answers to a few questions he’d been lucky the other man hadn’t asked yet. Once more, Magnus had been far more patient than Alec deserved. He’d waited, not pressing where others might have, and he deserved answers.

“Did the others tell you about what led to, well, to this?” Alec asked, gesturing with his free hand toward himself.

“Pyrr and Alva gave me the rundown. At least until you guys got to the mountain. They said the rest was your story to tell.”

Alec felt a small wave of gratitude toward them for that. This part was something private. Something that was just between Alec and Magnus. Whatever the others knew of it, what they’d guessed about what Alec had seen there, that was their business. But the truth of it was something that Alec didn’t feel like sharing with everyone. Not even the people he loved and trusted as much as he did his friends. This part – this was for him and Magnus.

And so, with a deep breath, Alec told him. He told Magnus about everything that had happened after he’d walked into the sanctuary in the mountains. About the Cauldron, and what he’d seen inside of there. Alec held on and told Magnus everything. The memories of who they were, who they should’ve been, and what had happened at the very end.

“I honestly believe the warlock didn’t intend for, well, for all this,” Alec said, gesturing at himself. “I think he just wanted the, um, the base spell.”

“The one that turned everyone against you and forced them to hurt you,” Magnus said in a flat voice.

Alec winced a little at that tone; he couldn’t help it. By now it was almost instinct to duck away from a dangerous tone. But the fact that it was Magnus was enough for Alec to keep calm, and to keep speaking, even if he kept his eyes down on Magnus’ hand the entire time. “Yeah. But, uh. Asmodeus saw an opportunity to, I guess, _correct_ where everything went wrong, so he hijacked it, used the warlock’s life to help fuel it all, and left us with this. As you probably heard back there.” Asmodeus hadn’t denied any of it. He’d been far more open, in fact, than Alec had anticipated.

The sound that Magnus made was somewhere between a groan and a slightly high-pitched sound of pain. When Alec snuck a look at him, he found Magnus turned a little, eyes on the far window. “So, not only did my father help someone cast a horrific spell on you, he then used that warlock’s death to _rip out your soul_ and toss you both into the past, and then proceeded to murder children and their families so he could frame you, all in an effort to keep us apart or to manipulate me into coming down there with him. On top of that, he likely fed on the power he gained from the tie between you, and he then used that power to defeat Lilith, gain even more power, and almost rip apart the veils between realms. A plan that he seemingly wanted to use me for, if his efforts to get me to Edom were anything to go by.”

Spelled out like that, it only sounded even worse. The amount of thought and layers that Asmodeus had put into things – and likely all half-planned on the fly when the warlock had first summoned him out of Limbo to get his help – was kind of genius. Terrifying, but genius.

Yet Alec could see that Magnus was only seeing the bad side of it. More than that, he was seeing _guilt_ where there was none. He was already blaming himself for this. Alec could see it in his eyes, and in the way he was starting to slowly draw back.

Though it wasn’t easy, Alec tightened his grip just a little one Magnus’ hand. Enough to keep him there without hurting him. “Magnus, this isn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for it.”

Magnus let out a slightly bitter laugh. “You should.”

“But I don’t. You have no control over what Asmodeus chose to do. All of this, it’s on him, and the warlock who summoned him, _not_ you.”

There was every chance that Magnus could’ve continued arguing with him – something in Alec told him that this wasn’t the last time they’d be having this conversation – but Alec's words drew Magnus’ attention to something else. Something equally important in his eyes. “The warlock who did this – you remember who it is.”

That wasn’t phrased as a question. Yet Alec knew he had to choose his next words very, very carefully. Just coming right out and saying anything would only send Magnus racing out of here and that was the last thing Alec wanted. Not only did he not want those two to go up against one another alone, with no backup, he desperately wanted to be there to bring the other warlock in. He _needed_ to be there. Something that Magnus would understand… once he calmed down a little.

Alec opened his mouth, still not quite sure what he was going to say, only for Magnus to cut off with a sharp “Don’t lie to me, Alexander.”

Instead of being afraid the way he once might’ve, a glare darkened Alec's features. He sent a sharp look of his own up at the other man. “Don’t order me around.”

Those snapped words were enough to cut through some of Magnus’ temper. Alec could actually see it as Magnus forced himself to relax. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, drawing it in and then slowly blowing it back out. When he opened his eyes once more, they were still glamour free, thankfully, but they were definitely calmer. There was none of the crackle of magic that would’ve signified his temper. “I’m sorry,” Magnus said, surprising Alec just a little. He gave their joined hands a squeeze. “You’re right. That was uncalled for.”

Even after months of talking with Magnus, spending time with him almost every day – albeit under some pretty shitty circumstances – Alec still didn’t understand him. He didn’t understand _any_ of the new people in his life. Magnus, the sidhe – Alec had never met people so willing to admit when they were wrong, and who never hesitated to apologize for it. He was far more used to people not admitting anything, and then offering an apology in a roundabout way that was meant to show it without ever saying the words. If they even realized there was a need to apologize at all.

Hearing how easily Magnus said it took the wind out of Alec's sails. The young sidhe sighed out his own temper and sank a little more into the pillows. “It’s not like I could lie to you anyway,” he pointed out, a small hint of teasing at the edge of his voice. At the raised eyebrow look it got him, Alec held up both hands, including the one that was still holding on to Magnus’. “Sidhe, remember? That didn’t just change how I look.”

Magnus waved his free hand dismissively through the air. “As if you weren’t already quite practiced at the skill of saying something and giving away nothing. You’re a diplomat at heart, darling. It’s what you do.”

“I wasn’t going to do any of that with you. I just… can this just wait? Please?” They had enough to deal with right now. This was something important, and Alec was going to damn well take care of it once he was back home, but for now? For now, he just felt… he was still _tired_.

All of that must’ve been written on his face. In the next blink any remaining signs of temper or forced patience were completely gone from Magnus’ face. Only his affection and concern shone through. “Of course, Alexander. I’m sorry, you’ve got to be exhausted still, and you haven’t even had a chance to eat anything yet. Your body needs nutrients to recover. And carbs.” He drew Alec's hand up and pressed a kiss against his knuckles. “I promised your new father I’d refrain from magic outside these rooms, so give me a moment and I’ll go and fetch you some food. I’m sure the others would like to know you’re awake anyway.”

With one last squeeze to Alec's hand, Magnus was up and off the bed. He hurried over toward the door, leaving Alec shaking his head behind him.

The words ‘your new father’ threw Alec for a moment. It was a strange sentence, and the idea behind it even more so.

So much of this new life was something that Alec was going to have to adjust to. A new _species_ , a new home, a new family, new laws to learn and live by, new rules to run his life by. So many different things that Alec had to learn how to do.

Alec looked over toward the doorway and watched as Magnus leaned out the door. A second later, the door was opening wider and Pyrr, Alva, and Virion came stumbling in, their eyes right on him. Aliri stayed out by the door, though she caught Alec's gaze over everyone’s heads and gave him a smile and a nod. A silent understanding between two quiet people. Alec smiled and nodded back at her.

Then he was surrounded as his friends climbed right up onto the bed with him in their effort to get to him. There was one brief moment where Alec felt himself tense, his body reacting to something that would’ve spelled so much trouble in the past, but he forcibly pushed it down as far as he could and reminded himself that these were his friends. They were almost like family. And they wouldn’t hurt him.

Pyrr and Alva climbed up on either side of Alec. Thankfully he was in the middle, and the bed large enough, that they could flank him without actually touching him. It had swiftly become one of their favorite positions, he’d noticed, no matter where they went. Alva and Pyrr always put him in the middle of them. Like doing so would guarantee that no one could get to him – not without having to go through them, first. Alec felt kind of honored by it. The twins very rarely let anyone or anything between them.

Virion sat at the foot of the bed. Or, well, more like _laid_ on it, his body stretched out on his side and his head propped up in his hand, elbow on the bed. Despite Alec's height, with him sitting up and with the bed as large as it was it left plenty of room between Virion and Alec's feet.

Seeing them there, their excited voices overlapping one another, eased something inside of Alec that he hadn’t realized had been so tense and worried about them.

“Man, am I glad to see you awake,” Virion said happily, wiggling a little until he’d settled in. He tossed his hair back so it was out of his face. Then he flashed a grin up at Alec. “Pretty as you are, Your Highness, you’re much prettier to look at when you’re awake.”

“Not that we all stayed in here to watch you sleep,” Alva chimed in brightly, winking when Alec snuck a look her way.

Snorting, Pyrr shuffled a little closer, his body curved toward Alec so his chest was close to Alec's shoulder. “No, we left that up to your darling little warlock over there.” Pyrr winked at Alec and tipped his head closer, dropping his voice to a stage whisper. “He didn’t leave your side once.”

A glance over at Magnus and Alec caught the faintest hint of a blush on Magnus’ cheekbones. He only had a moment to enjoy the sight before Magnus grinned and rocked up on his toes, his hands pushed down into his pockets. It was that little bounce-shimmy that he only ever seemed to do when he was honestly _happy_ about something. “Someone had to stay to monitor you. It helped that the view was _spectacular_.”

“Monitor him, yeah,” Alva said, drawling out the words in a way that made her disbelief audible.

Virion wiggled his eyebrows in a move that reminded Alec so much of Jace. “Is that what humans are calling it these days?”

Even as Alec felt his cheeks flush at that blatant innuendo, one he once wouldn’t have even caught, another part of him clenched up at the thought of his brother. A brother who was likely worried about him by now. Alec glanced toward the window as if looking outside would somehow help him gauge just how long he’d been here – it couldn’t even accurately tell him the time of day. He hadn’t gotten used to how this realm worked in relation to night and day.

“How long was I out?” Alec asked, turning back to the people around him.

“Not long,” Alva answered, patting the bed next to Alec's leg. “Just a couple days.”

There was no chance for Alec to properly start to freak out about that. Magnus spoke up before the panic could really grip at Alec's gut and hurried to reassure him. “Time works differently here than it does in the mortal realm, Alexander. Don’t worry. While it’s been days down here, it’s been much less than that back home.” He paused and furrowed his brow, a little wrinkle appearing on the bridge of his nose as he clearly tried to think. “I’m not sure how long, exactly. I’ve never spent enough time to accurately figure out the conversion. Is it a week in a day? Or a month in a week?”

“A month in a week, I think,” Pyrr said thoughtfully, humming a little to himself. “But our days are a bit longer, too. So it kind of boils down to, um… four of our days to one of your days?”

That, okay, that wasn’t bad. If Alec had only been here a couple days – assuming they meant two by that – plus the time he’d already been here, he might be able to round it to three. Either way, that meant that a full day still hadn’t passed back home. _Thank the Angel_. Alec let out a heavy sigh and sank back into the bedding once more. If that was how time between realms worked, it meant he didn’t have to worry about rushing away to go and reassure everyone he knew was waiting back home to hear from them.

Not that there were a ton of people, really. Ragnor and Catarina were undoubtedly worried about Magnus, and Isabelle and Jace… hard as it was for Alec to believe still, Isabelle and Jace were likely worried about him. A thought that Alec still marveled over. But that was about it.

Magnus caught Alec's eye when he looked back up. There was understanding in his gaze, and a soft smile on his lips. “Don’t worry, darling. I already sent a few fire messages to Ragnor and Catarina. I’m sure they’ll pass things along to the others for you.”

“Thank you,” Alec said gratefully. He opened his mouth to say more, only to get cut off by a sharp knock against his door. There wasn’t even a chance for Alec to call out to anyone. It opened a second later, and a man and woman Alec didn’t recognize came into the room bearing trays that they brought to the table. The sight of them, and the way they’d just slipped in without any sort of permission, had Alec's body tensing once more.

He didn’t get a chance to speak up. The two had barely set the trays down when the door opened wider and Rimni himself came in, Alaion on his heels. The both of them were smiling the instant they saw Alec was not only awake but upright.

“Alexander.” Rimni smiled at him, wide and bright. He came right up to the bed, and though it was clear he wanted to reach out, he settled for stopping at the bedpost by Virion’s feet. Though none of that prevented him from giving Alec a thorough once-over. “I was so thrilled to hear that you were awake, _Nitii_. How are you feeling?”

Alec offered him a small smile. “Better. Hungry.”

“We figured you might be, so we had food brought with us.”

The two who’d brought the food – who, judging by their outfits and the quiet way they stood off to the side of the room in a pose that clearly said they were waiting, had to be servants – straightened up a little at Rimni’s gesture toward the table.

Pyrr, still the one closest to Alec, murmured “Would you like to try and eat over there, or do you want us to bring the food here to you?”

Like hell if Alec was going to sit in bed and eat while everyone else watched him. He shot Pyrr a look that had the man laughing lightly.

Holding up his hands, Pyrr grinned. “Okay, okay. Let’s get you up to the table then, _rst-ti_.”

Getting Alec to the table proved to be more of an ordeal than Alec had expected. He should’ve realized it would be. His body felt tired from just sitting there in bed. Actually standing up and then walking over to the table was bound to make that feeling worse. Yet it still surprised Alec when – after everyone cleared off the bed and he’d scooted himself down toward the end – he pushed stubbornly to his feet and almost immediately had to sink back down onto the bed.

Alec clutched at the bedpost to keep himself from just sinking the rest of the way to the floor, and he closed his eyes. _Dammit._ He tugged on the sleeve of the sweater Magnus had snapped onto him – along with a pair of what felt like sweatpants – catching it with his thumb so that he could pull it in and worry at it. The gesture was an old one, and one he didn’t often like to show in front of others, but it helped ground him enough that Alec could breathe past the heaviness that was tugging at his limbs.

There was a soft whisper of sound nearby. What, Alec wasn’t sure. Not until he opened his eyes.

He was surprised to find the room was almost empty. Everyone else had cleared out while Alec was sitting there regaining his composure. The only two people left were Rimni and Magnus. Even the servants had been sent out. It was just the three of them, with a heavy door to block anyone else from coming in. Alec had no doubt that his friends were out there standing guard over him. They’d make damn sure no one came in and bothered him.

Rimni came up to where Alec sat at the bed. Then, despite the rather formal uniform he was wearing, he moved into a squat right in front of Alec. He didn’t say anything, didn’t point out the obvious trembling to Alec's hands or the stubborn look on his face. Rimni just knelt there for a moment, and then held out one hand in front of Alec, a silent offer.

Sighing, Alec briefly debated the merits of staying where he was against the bedpost or letting Rimni help him over to the table. In the end, Alec knew which would be more embarrassing, and though he flushed as he did it, he reached out and laid his hand in Rimni’s.

Rimni rose to his feet and carefully pulled Alec up with him. When they got upright, his other hand was there to catch Alec's other arm at his elbow. Not for the first time, Alec felt like a child compared to this man.

“Just a few steps over to the table,” Rimni said softly, his voice pitched low enough that Alec doubted Magnus could hear it where he was just a few feet away at the table. Though that was probably helped by the sound of cutlery and dishes being laid out that suddenly happened. “Just focus here on me and we will get you there, _Nitii_.”

It was a slow walk from the bed to the table. Alec did as Rimni suggested and kept his focus on him. Their shuffle was rather pathetic, and Alec was grateful that the others had left instead of sticking around to watch. Rimni had to cup Alec's elbows while Alec clutched at his forearms just to brace himself enough to walk. Moving one foot in front of the other, it took a whole lot more energy than it should have, and it really brought home to Alec just how low on energy he really was. He’d sort of half thought that the others might be exaggerating.

They weren’t. They really, really weren’t.

By the time Rimni got Alec over to a chair, his legs were wobbling so bad it was a wonder he didn’t collapse on the last few steps. The fact that he managed to sit down and not just keep on sinking straight down to the floor was probably due to the fact his chair had armrests and a high back. It supported Alec so that he could lean into it and maintain balance without looking like he honestly needed the help.

Rimni moved away once he was sure Alec was settled. He slid down into the seat at Alec’s side, on his right, and Magnus had already taken the seat to Alec's left.

As much as Alec was grateful for having such a small audience to watch him make a fool of himself, he felt sort of awkward realizing that his friends had been booted out right when it came time to eat. Had they had the chance to eat yet? Were they just stuck standing outside Alec's door while he ate? That didn’t seem fair.

Alec blinked his eyes clear and pulled himself out of his thoughts. He looked up to find that Rimni was watching him with something that seemed like understanding on his face.

“Little though we may like it, things are different here in the castle proper than when we are out amongst the people or in other realms,” Rimni said. He leaned forward, reaching out for the platter of food in front of them, and lifted the lid off. Underneath was a plethora of finger foods. Meats, breads, cheeses, fruits, and some cooked vegetable dish that looked a lot like one of the ones Virion made for them now and again.

Rimni set the lid aside and then began to reach for things, offering them to Alec with a silent raise of his eyebrow while he continued to speak of other things. “You know enough of sidhe culture to know the formality we carry on things. While I may get away with sometimes being less prince and more First General, rank is very important to our people. You are now a prince of this realm, Alexander. At least where people may see, some things are going to change.”

Logically, Alec understood that. Emotionally, he wasn’t quite sure he liked it. These people were his friends and he hated the thought of having to change how they acted around one another.

Rimni took in the grimace on Alec's face and smiled at him in response. He set down a light blue roll, and then moved to pat Alec's hand. “Peace, _Nitii_. You will find that less changes than you fear. Plus, you will have plenty of time away from here where you will be able to be far more lax on such rules.”

“What do you mean?”

Before Rimni could answer, Magnus leaned in, drawing Alec's attention toward him. He smiled at Alec. “Why don’t we figure out that part of things later, darling, hm? Right now you can eat, and we can catch you up on what’s been happening while you’ve been asleep.”

As little as Alec liked the fact that he was clearly being nudged into ignoring something that was likely important, he couldn’t deny that he was exhausted, and that the food on his plate looked good. But even as he nodded his agreement, he made a mental note to come back to this once he was a bit more awake. For the time being, he let their voices drift over him.

* * *

Much as Alec hated to admit it later, he’d barely made it through that first meal before he was so exhausted he almost fell asleep in his plate. The less spoken about how Rimni had gotten him back to bed, the better. The only person who’d been there to see the older sidhe carrying Alec like a baby was Magnus, and he wasn’t going to say anything.

Recovery took a few days longer than Alec would’ve liked. By the time he was fully healed, it’d been almost a week since his arrival at the castle. Alec hated the fact that it’d taken so long. He always hated feeling weak and this was no exception. If anything, it was worse because he was a guest in someone’s home, no matter how much Rimni tried to insist that this was Alec's home now, too. It didn’t feel like it yet. It still felt like somewhere that he was visiting. A building full of strangers. And there was nothing Alec hated more than feeling weak or exposed in front of people he didn’t know.

Thank the Angel he didn’t have to deal with as much of it as he could have. Because living in a castle like this, Alec discovered, also meant _servants_. Servants who were used to coming and going without anyone thinking anything of it.

Between Magnus and the guards at the door, they got pretty good at making sure that no one came in unless absolutely necessary, and _never_ when Alec was feeling vulnerable or _weak_. They had to let them in sometimes, and as best as Alec could guess they’d been let in mostly while he was asleep. Otherwise, Magnus would meet them at the door and take food trays from them, or one of the guards would take the tray themselves and bring it inside.

Despite Alec's wishes otherwise, he had a constant guard outside his door even though he wasn’t planning on going anywhere, and no one was going to be brazen enough to come attack him here. That didn’t seem to matter to his friends. They kept up the same guard rotation they always had. Except here, the ones not on guard duty didn’t come in and spend time with him. They came in once in a while, talked with Alec sometimes, but never for very long.

“Things are different here,” Rimni reminded Alec on his fourth day there. Alec had graduated from sitting in bed to sitting in a chair by the fire and he and Rimni were there together, sipping on the tea Magnus had made before he’d left to go take a bath and whatever else he wanted to do while in private. That left the new father-son pair spending some quiet, quality time together.

“But why?” Alec asked. He understood to an extent that some things had to change. But why did this? Outside the rooms, yes, he could understand that. But in the privacy of his own rooms couldn’t he spend time with his friends?

Rimni gave him a small smile. One that said he understood what Alec felt, but it also made Alec feel kind of like a child demanding to know why he didn’t get to go out on patrol with all the grownups. “Here in the castle is the seat of royal power for the Unseelie Realm. Not just for the sidhe, though they are mostly who you have seen so far, but for all the unseelie fae. Here, more than anywhere else, we must show a certain image. You would not allow random people in your Institute to run up and speak directly to the Inquisitor, would you?”

No, he wouldn’t, though not because of some royal bloodlines or anything like that. But because Shadowhunters ran off of a very militaristic lifestyle. Anyone wanting to speak to the Inquisitor could send a request to do so, yes, but it was expected to go through the chain-of-command.

When Alec hesitantly explained that, Rimni nodded in understanding. “In a way, our royal family works the same. We try to stay connected to the people. But inside the castle walls there are certain roles that need maintained. Especially for the freshly announced prince. You have no assigned role yet, and you are new enough that people will be curious. If we do not show a sense of respect toward you now, it will set the wrong tone for how the people treat you in the future.”

It all made sense. Alec wasn’t going to deny that. But it felt so very complicated while still edged in a sense of familiarity that he wished he could deny. Alec knew political games. He’d played them since he was a small child.

He’d known what he was getting into, too. Alec hadn’t been blind in accepting Rimni’s offer of family. He’d known what it would mean, and he wouldn’t change that decision even if he could. But knowing and experiencing were two different things, and after so long being treated as _less_ , looked down upon by almost everyone around him, all of this felt strange. It was going to take some time to get used to it. Something which Alec now had plenty of.

But all of that was something Alec promised himself he was going to think about after. _After_ he dealt with the last little bits of his past that were still haunting him. _After_ this warlock was taken care of. _After_ Alec finally made his life his own once more.

Rimni understood that. As someone who’d known Alec since before all this happened, who probably knew him better than anyone else here, he understood more than the others just how badly Alec needed to go out and finish this. That he wouldn’t be able to find any sense of peace until he did.

On the day that Alec was finally ready to leave the unseelie realm, his energy back to normal levels and his body declared recovered from its changes, Rimni came bearing gifts to help Alec with his mission, along with some words of wisdom.

The Crown Prince had once more booted everyone out of the room. Even Magnus, who had only gone when Alec gave him a nod to let him know it was okay.

Rimni gave Alec a change of clothes, simple pieces that were still finer than anything else Alec had ever worn. They were draped over the top of the changing screen at the far side of the room. While Alec went behind it to strip out and put on clean clothes, he could hear as Rimni moved toward what sounded like the desk area.

“I have spoken with my Father these past few days, and while he expresses his sorrow over postponing your meeting, he understands that there are certain things that need to be taken care of before you are safe to settle anywhere,” Rimni said. Hard objects were shuffled around – books on the desk, most likely.

Alec tugged his shirt over his head, tossing it into the nearby basket, followed up by the loose pants he’d been wearing through most of his convalescence. “Thank you, _Marr_.”

The word still felt a bit strange on Alec’s tongue, but it was another formality Alec was going to have to get used to. In the eyes of the fae, both big and small, Alec was Rimni’s son now, and that came with a set of expectations that he needed to respect. One of which was the fact that Rimni had a title now and it was one people would expect him to use. If all it took was the use of their word for father, that was simple enough.

Plus, every time Rimni heard it, it clearly made him happy, and part of Alec enjoyed that. Just a little.

This time was no different. Alec could hear the smile in Rimni’s words as he answered. “You are very welcome, _Nitii_.” Then, with a soft sigh Alec probably wasn’t supposed to have heard, Rimni’s voice grew serious once more. “However, there are a few things the King wanted, and which I agree are precautions that should be taken. You are a child of royalty now, and as such that means you are precious to us, as you have always been precious to me. While the King and I both understand that you are a child of the mortal realm, first and foremost, you are also now one of ours. And as such, there are certain things we must do to guarantee your safety.”

A feeling of dread slowly grew in Alec's stomach. He froze, his shirt halfway on. “Is this your roundabout way of telling me I need a guard?”

Rimni didn’t let him stew for long. He barely gave Alec a moment to panic before he calmly said “Peace, _Nitii_. Have faith in your _Marr._ Alaion has requested and I have granted permission for his team to become yours.”

Oh, _thank the Angel_. If Alec was going to get stuck with a guard at least it was going to be people he liked and respected, and who liked and respected him.

“As I said, have a little faith in me,” Rimni said, sounding amused. “I would not put you with people you did not feel comfortable around. These five will watch over you all the better because of their love for you, and your love for them will hopefully guarantee you listen more. Plus, they are far better suited to the unique lifestyle you will lead. They enjoy the mortal realm and will have no trouble splitting their time between here and there.”

That was another topic entirely, and one Alec knew they were going to have to deal with in the whole _after_. Alec's education in being a sidhe, any training they could think of to help him adjust, and then whatever training and responsibilities came with being the son of a prince. Alec wasn’t going to be able to just go back home and forget all about this place. Nor did he want to, really. He wanted to know more about the realm and the people that he’d only ever heard stories of.

But for now, he had something else to focus on, and it was important. Important enough to need to be handled before anything else. Alec had to go and capture the warlock who’d done this to him. Someone who hated him and his family so much, they’d started Alec down this path, even if they hadn’t meant for it to go this far.

It was a tricky, sticky situation. Considering the warlock who had done this to Alec had _died_ in their original timeline, and the one in _this_ timeline hadn’t technically committed the crime yet. But Alec and Magnus had talked about this more than once since Alec told him everything. The kind of hate required to do something like that, it didn’t crop up out of nowhere. That was the kind of hate that festered for a long, long time before finally spilling out all over everyone and everything.

Alec didn’t tell Magnus the more personal reasons for what they were about to do. Reasons he knew would quickly become apparent once they arrived.

Alec pulled up his pants and tied them off at the waist with a gesture that was starting to become more natural. Most clothes down here didn’t have the zippers or snaps that Alec was used to. Some had buttons, but a lot of them simply had leather ties, or belts. Maybe not the most practical, but Magnus had grinned and told him they made a certain aesthetic he could get behind, which had only served to make Alec blush.

Once the pants were tied off, Alec pulled on the socks and then boots. Then he grabbed the loose shirt and pulled on that, the belt, and then over it all, a leather jacket that had been in the armoire. It was quite the image, Alec knew, and far from what he normally looked like.

Alec stepped out from behind the dressing screen and found Rimni sitting on the edge of his desk, legs kicked out and crossed at the ankle and his arms folded over his chest. He looked over at Alec, and a slow smile spread across his lips. “No matter how many times I look at you, I still find it new.”

Alec took a deep breath, and then reached down into himself the way that Alva had been teaching him. All these past months of meditation practice had helped prepare him for this, making it easier for Alec to reach down inside himself and pull magic over his body, washing away the dark skin and white hair until he looked just as he always had. He even, just because he could, pulled up the illusions of _runes_ on his skin.

Alva had told him that was something that no other sidhe could do. “It might be because you’re familiar with how they look, how they feel. You’ve got an intricate understanding of them that no other sidhe ever will.”

Whatever it was, Alec was able to replicate the look of them on his skin, something that he still had mixed feelings about. It was like looking at a part of himself that he’d thought he would never get back. A part that, no matter what he’d said to Jace and Isabelle, he still wanted and would miss. But wanting it didn’t mean that it would’ve been the right choice for him.

Rimni looked him over, taking in the glamour, and gave a small nod. “Impressive.”

“Alva still insists I won’t be any sort of mage, but she says I’m probably going to be on the higher end of the scale for the normal things that sidhe can do.” Which was apparently far more than Alec had realized. Glamour, he’d expected. He’d seen the others do it. Though Alva told him not every sidhe could. But there was a whole list of other magics that was natural to the sidhe, both seelie and unseelie, that he’d never realized. And some that weren’t a part of being sidhe, but _were_ a mark of his ‘royal blood’, such as his ability to control and use the shadows the way he had down in Edom.

“It’s not your personal power,” Alva had explained to him. “It’s something that seems to go through the family line. It’s a gift granted by the Goddess to the King and his rightful heirs. You’ll find your personal power later.”

Alec was snapped out of that memory when Rimni made a low sound in the back of his throat. “She would know,” Rimni said easily, nodding a little as he did. “The twins are some of our most skilled mages. You will be blessed having them on your team. You will find no better tutors in all the realms.”

“I look forward to learning from them.”

As Alec let go of his glamour, he looked down to watch it fade away, watch as the grey spread like smoke over him, growing darker and darker as it went until he was once more the color of storm clouds. Seeing himself that way, seeing the changes there, were still so strange. _New_ , as Rimni had said. They were new and different and Alec was still adjusting to it. Still trying to get used to the idea of seeing himself as someone new.

He looked up again to find Rimni watching him with curious eyes. “Do you regret your choice?”

Alec didn’t even have to think about that. “No.” This was the right choice for him. Strange though it may feel, it _was_ the right choice. He felt the certainty of that deep down inside him. Staying here these past few days, settling into himself and everything that had happened, that had helped Alec to really come to terms with that part of things. Being a Shadowhunter had been something Alec loved – helping other people was a calling he couldn’t ignore. As was taking down demons. But the rest of it? What the Clave had turned it all into? No, Alec couldn’t be a part of that anymore.

This was his life. His new life. Alec didn’t regret it, and he wasn’t going to waste time thinking about what could’ve been. Especially not when he had more important things in front of him.

The two men looked at one another and shared a smile.

Their moment was interrupted by a low knock against the bedroom door. After a look at Alec, who nodded, Rimni called out “Enter!”

The doors opened and Magnus came walking in, with Alaion on his heels. Though Alec almost didn’t see Alaion. His attention was too caught up on Magnus, who had clearly taken their time apart to fully pull himself back together. His hair was back up into its usual perfect style, not a bit of it out of place, and his makeup was dark and sharp. A perfect match to the razor sharp lines of his outfit. He was done up in blacks and reds, with tight pants, heeled boots, and a form fitting jacket that hung down in points over his thighs and down the back of him. It had a few different chains on it, silver, and was further accented by the silver jewelry on his fingers and around his neck.

All in all, he looked _stunning_ , and Alec was reminded all over again just how beautiful and out of his league this man was.

Magnus came right up to Alec, and for as dark as his clothes were his smile was as bright as ever. “Well now, don’t you look stunning?” Magnus murmured when he reached him. He held a hand out in what was fast becoming a familiar gesture between them. They’d grown closer these past few days. Touches that Alec had barely dared for before were fast becoming the norm.

There were still times that Alec _couldn’t_ , times where just the idea of someone touching him made his skin crawl, but Alec was discovering that the more he and Magnus touched, the easier it became.

It helped that Magnus never pushed for more. He acted like having Alec hold his hand was the greatest gift he’d ever been given each and every time they did it.

Now was no exception. Alec reached out, lightly curling their hands together, and Magnus beamed up brightly at him. Seeing that smile directed at him had Alec blushing just a little.

Movement to his left had Alec looking up. He found that Rimni had pushed off of the desk and was standing tall beside him. His expression was still that gentle one that only ever seemed to come out when he was looking at Alec. He didn’t reach out, didn’t touch Alec, but he gave him that smile that felt like a touch. “I will leave you three to your plans. Magnus, you have the permission of the Crown to portal out of here. Alexander.” Stepping in a bit closer, Rimni lifted a hand, hesitating with it beside Alec's head until the younger man nodded at him. Then he used that hand to stroke a bit of Alec's hair back. “When you are done with your business, take some time to see your family, and then send a fire message. I will come and get you, and we will talk plans for the future.”

There was a lot there they needed to discuss. Alec knew his life was going to change. Quite a lot.

But before it could, there were a few things he needed to take care of first.

Rimni had barely left the room, the door just shut behind him, when Alaion turned to Alec. “So, what’s the plan?”

For days now ‘the plan’ was something that Alec had been thinking almost nonstop about. He’d gone over everything he could remember from the Cauldron, everything about the spell itself, and he’d tried to piece it all together into something that made sense. There was a large part of himself that had reminded him there was no way they could punish someone for a crime they hadn’t yet committed. But there were other crimes as well, ones that were just as bad, though they, too, fell under this murky umbrella.

If they wanted this to work right, if they wanted to be able to figure out what was the _right_ thing to do, they were going to have to do it carefully. And the only plan Alec had been able to come up with was one that he knew the others weren’t going to like.

“I don’t like that look on your face,” Magnus said abruptly. He was watching Alec with a narrow-eyed look, eyebrows drawn down. “What do you have planned?”

“You’re not going to like it,” Alec said with a sigh.

“Why don’t you tell us first, and let us decide that for ourselves?”


	27. Chapter 27

Alec was right – they didn’t like his plan. It took hours of talking to them, all of them, before Alec managed to finally convince the whole group that not only was this the right way to do things, but that it was the _only_ way to do things. And that he would do it whether they liked it or not. It was the only way they were going to be able to get the information they needed, and it was the only way Alec was going to find any sense of closure. He had to face his demons head on. Even when they weren’t actually _demons_.

That didn’t mean that he was looking forward to it, though. One thing Alec had well-honed over the past couple years was a self-preservation instinct. Being raised a Shadowhunter meant that he’d always had an intimate understanding of danger and had been taught to not back down from it. As a leader, he’d been taught not to just run into it, but to assess the risks beforehand and make a solid plan that had minimal risk for everyone involved.

After living a life as a mundane and surviving in situations where he felt like he was one of the weakest people in a world full of monsters, Alec had come to respect the need to sometimes give a strategic retreat. He understood that sometimes it was okay to turn and run like hell. Granted, so much of that pain he’d been under, that others had inflicted, had been caused by the spell on him, and that was gone now. But… that didn’t take away the fear, or the things that fear had taught him.

Alec planned very carefully for what he wanted to do, and Magnus and his friends had added even more precautions to the list.

“We just want you safe, darling,” Magnus had said. How could Alec argue that?

None of that seemed to help as Alec sat down in the middle of a Downworlder coffeeshop and waited for their guest to arrive. He had pulled up a glamour to make himself look like his mundane self, and it made Alec feel far more exposed than he’d expected. Like pulling up that glamour was somehow slipping back into the skin of the person he’d been before. He had to keep reminding himself that he wasn’t this person anymore. He wasn’t alone and cursed, with no one on his side.

No matter how he fought it, Alec found himself flinching a little every time someone walked by. Thankfully the place wasn’t too full, for which Alec was more than grateful. Though he knew he didn’t have to worry about the spell he still found himself curling inward as if to hide from the people around him. Something he knew would only lend credence to his act.

 _“You’re going to be all right,”_ murmured the voice in his ear. Alaion, speaking over the little mundane bits of technology that Aliri had brought, and that Magnus, Alva, and Pyrr had cast magic over to guarantee they would not only stay hidden but would still work even with any wards that might be put up. “ _We’re right here with you, Alec. No one is going to hurt you.”_

That was easy for them to say.

Alec bit back the bitter urge to snap those words at them. His mood wasn’t their fault. They hadn’t forced Alec to do this. They’d fought against it. Being here was his own fault. He wasn’t going to make them pay for his decisions by being an asshole to them.

Thinking that brought a small ghost of a smile to Alec's lips. How many times in his life had he heard Isabelle say that exact thing to him when he’d snuck out of the Institute with her and Jace so he could keep an eye on them? “Don’t punish me by being an asshole just cause you’re not happy with something _you_ volunteered for.”

She’d be so proud to know he was self-aware enough – and cared enough – to actively stop himself from doing it. Maybe her words had finally sunk in after all these years.

 _“Whatever has you smiling like that, I can’t wait to find out,”_ Magnus said cheerfully. It was the most cheerful he’d sounded since this whole thing started.

Magnus hadn’t been happy about quite a bit of their plan. But he’d especially hated the part where he wasn’t able to be right there with Alec. Unlike the others, who could easily blend in here, Magnus was too easily recognizable. Seeing him there would likely throw their whole plan out the window before it even got started. Which was why he was a few blocks away, waiting to portal in as soon as it became necessary.

So how he knew Alec was smiling was a bit of a mystery. One that Alec wasn’t even going to bother trying to solve.

Something suddenly prickled across Alec's skin. That sense of _danger_ that he’d honed so well. He tensed and instinctively drew in on himself a little more. When his eyes lifted, he wasn’t surprised to see who was coming toward his table.

It didn’t matter that Alec had backup waiting for him both inside the coffeeshop and out. Just the sight of that man walking toward him was enough to send Alec crashing back to the young, terrified boy he’d once been, and the broken one he’d left as.

A bright smile lit up Corbin’s face as he came right up to the table. He didn’t bother even stopping before he slid down into the seat across from Alec. His grin was wide and just a bit smug, like he’d only been waiting for Alec to get a hold of him. As if he’d known Alec would. That smug superiority showed through in his voice when he smoothly said, “Well now, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, beautiful?”

The world went still around Alec for that brief moment in time. He stared at the man across from him – the man who had been cause for some of Alec's more terrifying nightmares for quite a while now. Who had taken advantage of Alec at his most vulnerable and did his level best to _destroy_ him beyond all recognition. This man was the main reason Alec still flinched when people tried to touch him. Why Alec couldn’t handle people coming up behind him without warning, because Corbin had loved to go out of Alec's line of sight and then pop up with something _agonizing_. He was the reason that Alec felt so damn _filthy_ he sometimes wondered if he was ever going to get clean.

That familiar tightness had built in Alec's throat. He knew there was no point in even trying to say anything. Nothing would come out. Any strength he’d found, any progress he’d made in healing, all of it felt like he was gone as he faced the one who had started Alec on the downward spiral that had helped change him from the man he’d been to the broken one he was now.

It would only lend credence to his story, though. Alec didn’t try to fight it. He let his trembles show, just a little. Let the fear leak into his face. All the while, he kept a tight grip on the glamour that hid his new skin from sight.

The whole thing must’ve been working, because Corbin’s grin grew, and he leaned forward to rest his weight on his arms on the table. When Alec flinched back – something that, unfortunately, _wasn’t_ an act – Corbin chuckled. “Aw, not feeling too chatty today, are we? You’re the one who asked _me_ here, handsome. You’re gonna have to speak up if you want something.”

 _Oh, you bastard._ Corbin always took great pleasure in pushing Alec when he knew Alec wasn’t able to speak. He liked to taunt him with it. Offer relief from things, if only Alec would just say stop. _“If you really wanted me to stop, you’d say it. I guess this means you must like it, huh?”_

A shiver ran down Alec's spine and he drew back just a little more from the table. _You’re here for a reason,_ he reminded himself. _Just do what you have to do._ Holding on to that, Alec lifted one hand and tugged at the top of his shirt, which he’d changed into the instant they were back in the mortal realm. This meeting had to be done as Alec – that’d meant changing into Alec-clothes.

Not that Corbin was paying much attention to Alec's clothes. His eyes went to where Alec was patting at his neck, showing that it was bare. His necklace was gone. Magnus had sent it somewhere for him with the promise that he’d thoroughly destroy it so Alec would never have to see it again.

The lack of necklace was their test. It was an opening – one that they needed to see if Corbin was going to take. What he’d done to Alec in this timeline, how he’d treated him, that could all be attributed to the spell. They needed to see how he was going to react without the spell pushing him. Would he be a different person? Had it all been just the spell? Or had the spell just given him an excuse to do what he wanted?

They didn’t have to wait long for an answer. Eyes on Alec's neck, Corbin’s look sharpened into something predatory that stole Alec's breath even more. “I’d wondered what happened there.” His eyes lifted to Alec's face again, and a shiver ran down Alec's spine at the dark pleasure he saw there. “No wonder you called me. You’re all _alone_ , vulnerable to demons. You poor thing.”

 _“Do I get to stab him at some point?”_ Virion asked, his voice low in Alec's ear and dangerous in a way that Alec hadn’t known it could get. He sounded well and truly _angry_.

He wasn’t the only one.

Magnus’ voice was practically a snarl. _“Not if I get to him first.”_

Hearing their voices in his ear even though they were angry was enough to remind Alec that he wasn’t alone. His friends were here with him. They were in the coffeeshop and hanging out nearby. _He wasn’t alone_.

That reminder gave Alec the strength and courage to keep on. He let his fear still sit on his face to make his story all the more believable, but he patted at his neck again and tried to add an extra layer of desperation. It felt sort of strange to do it – to feel the bareness of his neck where, for so long now, he’d worn that necklace to protect him from demons. And then he’d replaced it with the one from Magnus. The weight of those rings against his chest was something Alec had fast grown used to. Now, they sat in his pocket, waiting for when this was over.

Corbin smirked at him. He wasn’t even trying to look worried or fake any sort of kindness. He made it clear all over his face just how happy he was to have Alec here, begging for favors.

“Why don’t we talk about this somewhere else?” Corbin suggested. When Alec hesitated, the other man’s eyes sharpened a little, and they flashed with magic. “This isn’t exactly a public kind of spell, as I’m sure you remember. Though, I mean, if that’s what you’re after we can definitely discuss it. But I figured we’d at least go back to my space for some privacy. Unless, of course, it’s _too much_ for you.” A hint of a mocking sneer was evident in those words. Corbin waved a hand dismissively between them, his eyes flashing with barely contained pleasure when it made Alec flinch. His tone went a little darker. “I can leave you here for whatever warlock or demon finds you if you think the price is too high to pay for your _life_. The choice is yours.”

That said, Corbin pushed up to his feet and made toward the doors of the coffeeshop. He knew full well that Alec was going to follow him. If it’d been a few months ago, back before Alec found his friends, before he’d found Magnus again, before his life had changed so very much, Alec knew he _would_ have followed Corbin immediately. For a chance to replace the necklace that kept him alive? Alec would’ve agreed to just about anything.

“ _Don’t worry,”_ Alaion said as Alec pushed up to his feet. _“We’re right on your tail, Alec.”_

 _“We’ve got enough for the Spiral Labyrinth to start to look into this,_ ” Magnus said firmly. _“He’s made his intent clear. It’s enough for them to hold him and question him about the necklace, at the very least. He’s shown that he’s willing to do the same even without the spell pushing him. Go with him to the alley, and we’ll detain him there.”_ Magnus’ voice gentled just a little into that warm, soft tone that Alec so loved to hear sometimes. “ _You did well, darling. It’s almost over.”_

They’d talked about how this would go down beforehand. Magnus had explained that, while they couldn’t charge someone for a crime they hadn’t yet committed, something like this could be looked into if they had any sort of indicator that the problems that led to it were current.

“Time travel isn’t common, not even among those with the power to do it,” Magnus had explained. “There are too many tricky side effects to navigate. As you can see. Plus, fate has a way of trying to put everything back on track in the fastest way possible. But we’ve had experiences with warlocks who’ve tried in the past, and there are laws we have that help us navigate crimes like this. Especially if he shows any sort of sign that the feelings that were behind the actions in the future are still there in the present. He’s not gonna just get off scot free, darling, I promise you that.”

Alec held on to all that as he walked out of the coffeeshop and followed Corbin into the nearby alley. It was the only thing that gave him the strength to keep on walking.

They barely made it two steps into the alley when magic wrapped Alec and shoved him up against the wall. Corbin was there a second later, his body plastered to the front of Alec's, and oh, _Raziel_ , Alec could feel just how _hard_ Corbin was. How much the whole thing had clearly turned him on.

There was a split second in which Alec was pinned there with the hard wall against his back and Corbin against his front. A second that felt like an hour as Alec sucked in a breath that didn’t want to come, and he felt the familiar tickle of panic crawling up his spine. In that moment, he forgot all about his backup, all about the people who would step in and help him, all about the strength that he’d started to find after his trip through the Cauldron. The only thing Alec could think of was that he was trapped again and he couldn’t get out, couldn’t get away, he couldn’t _breathe…_

All at once the weight against Alec was gone. He dropped down to the ground and didn’t even give a damn about it when he hit. The urge to get up and run was so strong, Alec almost darted away, every instinct in him screaming to _get the hell out of there_.

The only thing that kept it from happening was the presence of someone crouching down close to him without actually touching him. They didn’t say a word, they just crouched there, and Alec went still with an animal instinct that insisted he freeze. The only part of him that moved at first was his eyes. They lifted, seeking out the threat he knew was there.

Only, what he found wasn’t what his panicked brain had insisted he would find. Alec had to blink a few times to realize just who it was crouching beside him. His eyes seemed stuck on small details at first. The short white hair with two black stripes in it. Long limbs, suggesting someone tall. A bump in the nose where it looked like maybe it’d been broken at one point. Light, light grey skin, just barely the beginning of storm clouds, and shining silver eyes. Alec's brain took all those in and then slowly pieced them together until, suddenly, it clicked. _Aliri_. That was Aliri squatting in front of him, her swords showing over her shoulders, arms resting casually on her knees while she watched him and waited. No, not watched. _Guarded_.

Alec looked up over Aliri’s shoulder and found the rest of his friends spread out between him and the far end of the alley. Being on the ground – when had he gotten to the ground?? – meant that Alec could see past their legs to where someone else was lying on the ground. Or, well, pinned to the ground, it looked like, by bands of orangish-red magic. _Corbin._

It was like that name worked as the key to unlock everything else. Alec swore he heard the click in his brain and then everything came flooding back. The coffeeshop, meeting Corbin, going to the alley, him attacking, and then – then the others had clearly come in and saved him. Just as they’d promised they would.

Alec let out a shaky breath. He caught Aliri’s eye again, and though she didn’t say anything her question there was clear for him to read. He gave her a small nod in response. He wasn’t okay, not really, but he was well enough for now.

When he reached out and braced a hand on the wall, Aliri didn’t even try and stop him from rising. Nor did she offer help. She just stayed where she was, watching Alec carefully, and as he pushed up to his feet she rose with him, keeping her body in sync with his so that she’d be able to reach out at any time and help if it proved necessary.

Thankfully it didn’t. Alec reached his feet without any issue. Once he did, he turned to the others, who – at a murmured word from Aliri – parted just enough for Alec to step up and join them.

What Alec found on the other side of the human wall his friends had made was exactly what he’d expected after his glimpse from the ground. Corbin was pinned to the ground by bands of magic. However, it wasn’t Magnus who was holding him there. Magnus stood off to the side with his hands held loose and at the ready at his sides, and he watched as two other warlocks restrained Corbin. One of them was reading what sounded like a list of rights while the other used the bands around Corbin to start to draw him up to his feet.

The one holding Corbin turned to look at Magnus, and he gave a small bow. “Thank you for your assistance today, High Warlock Bane. You’ll receive a message once all evidence has been assessed and the convicted is to receiving sentencing.”

“Good,” Magnus said flatly. He lifted his hands and twisted them until a portal formed off to the side. Magnus never once looked away from Corbin as he did it, which only made it seem all the more powerful. A blatant display meant to show who was stronger here. Once it was up, Magnus let his lip curl a little and he ran a disgusted look up and down Corbin. “Now get him out of my sight.”

Alec watched as the two warlocks didn’t hesitate to take Corbin away through the portal. A second later, it winked out behind them, and the alley fell silent.

In an instant Magnus closed the space between him and Alec. Gone was the hard sneer that he’d shown the others. The straight shoulders, the arrogant tilt to his head, little things that Alec was guessing was all part and parcel of his High Warlock persona. In its place was the softer version of Magnus that had Alec instinctively relaxing.

He came right up to Alec and, though it was clear he wanted to, he refrained from reaching out. Magnus kept his hands curled in front of him while he ran his eyes over Alec's body as if searching for any kind of injury. “Are you all right?”

Alec waited until Magnus was looking at his face once more before he nodded. He wasn’t ready to start talking again quite yet. Nor was he sure the words would even come.

The way Magnus nodded said that he caught those unspoken words underneath that nod. “Why don’t we head to my loft for a little while, the whole group of us? We can have some lunch and figure out our next steps once everyone’s a bit calmer.”

Alec nodded again, though he was barely aware of it. His eyes kept drifting to the space where Corbin had just vanished. He didn’t even notice at first when Magnus called up the new portal, or when the others moved. Not until Magnus moved into his line of sight and broke Alec's stare. He had to blink his eyes a few times to get them to finally focus on Magnus’ face.

The warlock stood in front of him with a look so full of understanding it put a lump in Alec's throat. “I know touch is probably the last thing you want right now,” Magnus said softly, a pretense at their words being private that they both knew was fake. But the illusion of it helped. “But you’ve never been to my loft, so I need to guide you. It can be a simple touch, just our fingers, or I can put my hand on your shoulder or your back. Whatever you’re comfortable with, darling. Even if that means waiting here a little while longer, first.”

The fact that Magnus was giving Alec a choice in how they did this made it easier for Alec to lift his hand and let it settle in Magnus’. He curled his fingers, and felt one of the cold places inside him warm a little at the brilliant smile Magnus sent his way.

Together, the two moved toward the portal, their friends at their back, and they left behind that cold alleyway.

* * *

When they reached Magnus’ loft everything seemed to buzz around for a little bit. Alec found himself tucked down into a comfortable chair out on Magnus’ balcony – the need to be outside and not confined at the moment had prompted Alec to try and disappear there when they’d first stumbled in. Magnus hadn’t seemed to have a problem with it, and neither had the others. They’d all just piled out there together.

Alec got a comfortable rocker/recliner in the corner closest to the door, with a view both out over the cityscape and inside to Magnus’ home. A home that was rather beautiful, done up in warm woods and exposed brick, and even warmer colors.

The others sprawled out around him despite the fact that the balcony was, at best, made for three to four people with the furniture that was there. They made it work, though. Alaion and Aliri took the chaise lounge on the other side, Magnus conjured up a chair for himself in the middle, and Virion leaned back against the balcony with his back to the city. That left Pyrr and Alva, who had no qualms whatsoever about sitting on the edge of the cement wall that made up the balcony.

Having their presence around him felt smothering and comforting in equal measure. Alec knew that likely wouldn’t make any sense to anyone, yet it was what he felt. He wanted them all as close as he could possibly get them while at the same time he felt like he might come right out of his skin and start screaming if someone actually touched him.

Alec curled himself in a little in his seat. He drew his legs up so that his feet rested on the edge and his knees were up toward his chest. The glamour he’d been wearing was gone. He hadn’t even dropped it in front of Corbin like he’d planned. Hell, he hadn’t done _anything_ quite like he’d planned. Alec had wanted to use that time to stand up to Corbin a little. To show him that he didn’t have any more power over him. Instead, he’d been just as weak as always. Silent. _Broken_.

A sudden sound had Alec looking up just in time to watch as a fire message came whipping in. Magnus caught it when it got close to him. After a second, Alec watched a faint smirk touch his lips. “They’ve got Corbin sequestered in a null-room in the Spiral Labyrinth and are beginning proceedings.”

“That’s fast,” Virion commented, eyebrows going up just a bit.

Magnus burned the last of the note with a flick of his fingers. “They’ve already been running the trial on their own. What they’re doing now is taking his testimony. From there, they’ll deliberate a while on the evidence, their verdict, his punishment, and any other sort of consequences.” He turned his head enough to look over at Alec, so kind and so damn sympathetic. “It’s highly likely they’ll offer you some sort of restitution for what he did to you.”

 ** _I don’t want anything,_** Alec signed at him.

Magnus nodded like he’d expected that. “And that’s your choice. But they’ll offer it all the same. Not just for what the future version of him did to you, but for the necklace he gave you as well. That, in and of itself, was a crime. One that he won’t be able to back out of.”

“They’re not gonna try and pass that off as just the spell?” Virion asked, his tone just a bit sharp.

His words didn’t seem to offend Magnus, even though they’d already gone over this part. He shook his head no and explained it once more. “The spell put on others the compulsion to cause Alec harm, yes, but all of you saw the way that played out. There was no preplanned thought to what anyone did. The attacks, they were always straight forward, correct?”

Just thinking about them was enough to have Alec shivering. He took a calming breath and nodded.

“What Corbin did – that wasn’t just a simple, straightforward attack. His actions showed he had the mental capacity to think beyond that need to ‘attack now’ that the spell caused. He held it together enough to be able to come up with a whole plan and exact his pain in a specific way, and he showed the control to walk away after, He was also able to come and go again in the future. He might’ve been pushed to higher heights by the spell, but at the base of it, those actions were his own.”

A small part of Alec was absurdly glad about that. It made it easier to hate him. The others… Alec couldn’t hate them. Not when he knew that a spell had caused them to do what they did. And that was _so hard_. Because part of him _wanted_ to hate them all. He wanted to hate all those people for what they’d done to him. The scars they’d left behind. Alec wanted to lash out, to hurt them the way they’d hurt him, and he _couldn’t_. Because it hadn’t been their fault.

But Corbin? Oh, how Alec hated _him_ , and knowing that it wasn’t just the spell behind his actions was like a silent permission telling him that it was _okay_ for Alec to hate the warlock. That he was justified.

It was so much easier to just hate him. Maybe it wasn’t healthy, to feel that much anger toward one person.

But damn, did it feel good.

* * *

None of Alec's friends – or whatever he wanted to refer to Magnus as, which was something Alec was going to do his damndest not to actually think about – let Alec mope while they waited. Nor did they really admit that 'waiting' was what they were doing. Food was delivered, drinks were had, and for little bits and pieces of the afternoon Alec was able to pretend that he wasn't sitting around waiting for a verdict on what was going to happen to the man who haunted his nightmares.

They were through the afternoon and heading toward evening when a fire message came racing towards them. At some point they'd moved inside, once Alec was more comfortable being confined behind walls again, and they'd sprawled out through the living room. Alec was on the couch with Magnus, their feet brushing against one another on the middle seat, their bodies turned in toward each other.

Alec watched as Magnus reached up and caught the note. The journey his expressions went through had Alec's stomach clenching. Surprise, worry, annoyance, worry again, and then his eyes darted up to Alec. Whatever he saw there had him sighing. “It's not about Corbin.”

Alec didn't bother relaxing. Whatever it was, it wasn't good, even if it wasn't about Corbin.

“It's from Ragnor,” Magnus said. He didn't make Alec ask what was going on. Lowering the note, he explained it calmly, his eyes never once leaving Alec's. “He said your siblings keep bothering him about whether or not he's heard from you, and he wants to know what you'd like to do.”

 _Oh_. Alec winced a little at that. Did it make him a bad person to admit that he hadn't... well, he hadn't actually thought about his siblings in a while? There'd just been so much else going on. After his initial worry that his recovery time in the unseelie realm would keep him away for too long, he'd just sort of pushed thoughts of them to the back of his mind. He hadn't been looking forward to seeing them and dealing with their reactions to the choice he'd made. And he'd... he'd sort of gotten out of the habit of including them in any of his thoughts for what he was doing at the time, or for his immediate future. Thoughts of them were always in reference to the past anymore.

Alec pressed his lips together and dropped his gaze down to his lap. _It’s not their fault_ , he reminded himself. _They didn’t actually want to leave. The spell made them do that._

Knowing that didn't make it any easier. It should have, but it didn’t. At the same time… Ale knew he also couldn't keep punishing them for it. That wasn’t fair.

“You can tell them they can come over,” Alec said quietly. “If, um... if you're okay with it.”

The way that Magnus watched him left Alec feeling like the other man understood far more than Alec wanted him to. He didn’t push, though. He just nodded at Alec and reassured him, “I'm perfectly fine with whatever you want, _sayang_.”

“You don’t have to do this yet, Alec,” Alva said kindly as she looked up from where she was sitting down on the ground nearby. “They can wait. Everyone can wait.”

She meant it, too. Alec knew that each and every one of them would keep back any visitors that might come for him. But Alec shook his head at the offer. If he waited, he might lose the courage to do it, and his siblings didn't deserve that. Especially considering what he was about to do to them. Alec might have told them that he didn’t want to be a Shadowhunter anymore, but seeing what choice he'd made, it wasn't going to be easy. Not for Isabelle, and definitely not for Jace.

Magnus didn't make Alec speak up again. He'd only just gotten his words back, and Magnus was so very good at not only not forcing him to talk but respecting what words he _did_ say. “All right. If you'd like, I'll send them a fire message now. I'm sure it won't take them long to run here with their runes active.”

No, it wouldn't. Alec watched the fire message get sent and began a mental countdown. He couldn’t be sure exactly how long it would take them to run to Brooklyn, but he was pretty sure it wouldn't be too long, depending on where exactly they were at the moment.

They had to have been closer than just the Institute. It only took about ten minutes before Magnus looked up, eyes going to the door, and Alec sucked in a breath. _They were here_.

There were two ways that they could do this, and Alec knew, he knew, that one was smarter than the other. But he didn't want to do it. He'd already had to confront one hard situation mostly alone today. Did it make him a coward if he didn't want to do another?

Alec stayed where he was, arms tucked into his waist, as Magnus waved a hand in the direction of the door and called out a clear “Come in!”

It was hard, so fucking hard, to just sit there and wait as footsteps quickly made their way inside. The click of Isabelle's heels, the stomp of Jace's boots. Alec listened to them like they were bringing his doom. All the worries and fears that he'd had when he first made this choice, those little secret things that he hadn't wanted to admit even to himself, those all came rushing back. It stole Alec's breath from his chest and left him feeling like he was suffocating. His body wanted to get up and run, but he knew he couldn't, and he knew this wasn't something he could _fight_ either, which left him with _freeze_. Alec went completely still as his siblings raced into the room.

He swore he could hear his heart pounding as he watched the way they looked all around the living room. There was panic on Isabelle's face, bright and open for everyone to see, and deep in Jace's eyes underneath the hard mask that, _Raziel_ , Alec hated! He hated that _he_ was the one responsible for putting that look back on his brother.

Jace was the one to find Alec first. He scanned the room quickly, and whereas Isabelle's eyes drifted over Alec and then away, Jace's locked right on him. Alec was able to see as his eyes briefly flared wide, and then narrowed down. Realization hit, shock showing brightly, with grief a close second. It had Jace's lips pressing together tightly, and his body tensing up and rocking back, like he was waiting for a blow. Or had just taken one. “Alec?”

That single word, just Alec's name, delivered in a low croak, it broke something in Alec. A feeling that only got worse when Isabelle’s eyes came back to him and she took another look, her expression slowly turning to a stunned one. She sucked in a sharp breath, and Alec could see the way her mouth trembled a little when she opened it.

Then she made to step forward, clearly intent on coming right up to him, and four different people moved at the same time to block her. Alaion leaned in, one hand on his sword, while Alva shifted from sitting by the coffee table near Alec to up on one knee right beside him. The air crackled around her with power that Alec wouldn’t have been able to sense before.

At the same time, Aliri focused on Jace, her stance going just a bit defensive. Even _Magnus_ reacted. He turned, hooking his foot against Alec's ankle almost like he was trying to keep his balance, and that air of power was around _him_ , too.

“Woah,” Isabelle said. She'd gone completely still the instant everyone moved. Instead of getting defensive, as Jace clearly was, she stayed where she was and held her hands up on either side of her head in a calming gesture. “Everyone take a deep breath. I wasn't going to do anything.”

Alaion looked to Alec from the corner of his eye in a silent question. One that Alec answered after a short pause by giving a small nod. They didn't need to keep Isabelle back. While Alec wasn't exactly open to being touched at the moment – the foot hooked around his ankle was the best he was able to give at the moment, and even that was pushing it – he couldn't deny his sister.

Thankfully, though Alec didn't have his voice once more, he _did_ have more than one person around him who'd gotten quite good at reading him without him having to say a word.

Magnus sat back in his seat, though he kept himself twisted just enough that he could still see the two Shadowhunters. The smirk he wore was a bit dangerous and very much part of the persona that Alec knew he put out there. “Pardon us, we're all still a bit touchy. A few things have happened since you two last saw Alexander, as you can clearly see. Why don't you come in and take a seat, and we'll talk?”

The way he phrased that made it clear it wasn't exactly a request. And how the others moved, the way they shifted to spots closer to Magnus and Alec while deliberately leaving open the loveseat furthest from Alec, was just as clear of a message as Magnus' words. They were telling Alec's siblings that they were allowed in, but they weren't allowed near Alec. Not until _he_ gave permission.

Alec hated himself a little for how grateful he was for that. He wanted to reach out to them, he really did, but he wasn't sure he could handle it at the moment. Not while he felt like this.

The look Isabelle gave him was one of sad understanding. It left him wondering if she'd just guessed what his life had been like, or if maybe Catarina had done more than explain the basic parts of the spell to them. He wasn't sure which option he preferred.

Jace's look was stonier; cold, hard, and with nothing showing through. Yet he followed Isabelle over to the loveseat and sat down at her side. Not once did he take his eyes off of Alec. “Is someone gonna explain to us what the hell is going on here?” he asked flatly.

The tone of his voice had Alec flinching.

Before anyone could say anything, Isabelle reached out and smacked Jace, glaring at him. “Knock it off! You promised you were gonna listen!”

“Yeah, well, what's there to listen to?” Jace shot back heatedly. He gestured toward Alec. “It looks like he's already made his decision about what he wants to do. And who he wants in his life.”

“Alec choosing this doesn't mean that he's not choosing to have you around,” Magnus protested immediately. His tone had cooled a little, and oh, yeah, he was definitely unhappy. That High Warlock tone was back. “He chose what was best for himself. It had nothing to do with either of you.”

This was going to go so badly, so fast. Alec was sure of that. He could see it all devolving already. Jace was pissed, Isabelle was worried, and the others were already getting defensive. But Alec didn't have the words yet to speak up and put his own two cents in. He wasn't going to be able to put himself in the middle the way he'd once done and take it all on himself so that nothing happened to anyone else.

But – he did have one option. One that he'd sort of forgotten about.

It was hard, but Alec made himself reach out and brush just the tips of his fingers over Alva's shoulder. That was all it took. She immediately turned around and lifted her eyes to his. Alec drew in a breath that shook a little too much for his own comfort. Then he drew his hands up and asked **_translate?_**

Alva flashed a bright smile at him that set something in Alec at ease. “Absolutely, Alec.”

In smooth, graceful movements, Alva moved up to a squat and easily shifted toward the other end of the coffee table. It kept her kind of in the middle while it allowed her to see Alec's hands. At the same time, Pyrr moved in, taking her spot right in front of Alec.

 ** _I’m sorry_** , was the first thing Alec signed. Though he knew Alva didn’t like it, her soft sigh made that clear, she translated his words immediately. What was better, she did it properly, not deviating a single bit from what he said. She never tried to paraphrase his words if she was translating, like Virion could sometimes do. She just said what he signed and that was it, no matter what she felt about what he was saying. **_I know you two probably have a lot of questions, and I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about this beforehand. But there wasn’t much time._**

To their credit, neither of his siblings stalled for more than a moment at the sign language, even though it was new. They were both used to the times Alec would stop talking while stressed. Though only Jace, who’d been able to _feel_ it, really understood. Either that understanding was still strong now or the need to know what the hell was going on won out over everything else. Whatever it was it kept the two quiet long enough for Alec to take in a heavy breath, and then start his explanations.

It wasn’t an easy topic to talk about. Even though Alec just had to move his hands to tell his story – occasionally finger spelling something that he didn’t know the sign for – it wasn’t much easier. Alec tried to focus on just his signing as he worked his way through it all.

He told them a little about his conversation with Rimni in Ragnor’s library, and vaguely about their trip to the Cauldron. What he found there – **_There are some things I can’t explain. Some things that aren’t my business to explain_** , he told them. **_But the how isn’t really important. What’s important is that you know that I chose this. It was what I wanted._**

“Are you sure?” Isabelle asked slowly. She looked like it hurt her to say those words. Yet she didn’t flinch away from meeting his red eyes, something that Alec was a little proud of her for. Isabelle had always been the most tolerant and understanding of them all.

Alec pressed his lips together and nodded. **_I told you guys before. I don’t want to be a Shadowhunter anymore. I can’t._**

That seemed to be the final straw for Jace. “Why not?” The words practically exploded out of him as he finally let them free. He shoved up to his feet and glared down at Alec with the hurt so bright in his eyes it was painful to see. “Why the hell couldn’t you come back? It’s where you belong!”

“Jace,” Isabelle murmured. She reached out for him, only for Jace to jerk away from her touch.

Jace kept his eyes locked on Alec. His best friend – his parabatai. The person they were both supposed to be able to count on. “I don’t care what the Clave has to say about you, or about what they did or anything else. I don’t even care if you, if you come back and don’t want to be my parabatai again. I’d get it if you’re pissed with me. But you’re supposed to come _back_!”

The crack in Jace’s voice on that last word was enough to put another break in Alec's heart. He curled his hands into fists while he stared up at the other man. Was that what Jace thought? Did he really believe that Alec didn’t want to come back because of, what? Because of _him_? Like it was the idea of being parabatai with Jace once more that was keeping him away?

Alec looked at him and for a split second all he could see was the terrified little boy who’d once sat against Alec's headboard and whispered quietly about the things his father had done to him in the name of punishment. How he’d just wanted, more than anything in the world, to have someone want him around. “I’m not stupid,” Jace had whispered that night. “I know he doesn’t… he doesn’t care about me. He probably blames me for Mom’s death, too. But I just, I just wanted him to, you know? To… to want me.”

After that night, Alec had made yet another silent promise. This one to always do his best to make damn sure that Jace knew he was loved and wanted. If not by others, than at least by him.

That promise was what gave Alec the strength to pull away from the others and push up to his feet. There were so many words he wanted to say as he walked around the coffee table toward his brother. Words that would help chase away the fear and the pain that were so clear in Jace’s eyes. But Alec's throat was still too tight, and he couldn’t force them out no matter how much he wanted to. That never helped. Instead, he had to hope that two years apart hadn’t changed Jace’s ability to read the words behind Alec's actions.

Alec came to a stop right in front of Jace. Then, without breaking eye contact, he held his hand out. Not for a handshake. No, he could see that Jace understood exactly what it was that Alec was doing. The emotion shone clearly in his eyes when he reached out and clasped Alec's forearm. It was the very same hold, the same stance, the two had taken during their parabatai ceremony. The same one that they’d used off and on since then when they needed to ground in one another.

A shiver ran down Alec's spine at the touch. Along with it came an ache deep down inside where the bond should’ve responded with them but didn’t. Alec did his best to ignore that. He held on to Jace and tried to say with that touch, with a look, all the words he couldn’t say. He wanted Jace to know that he was still _here_. Even though they weren’t going to work together anymore, even though there was no rune that tied them together, in their hearts they were always going to be parabatai. That was something that no one could take away from them.

Judging by the emotion in Jace’s eyes, he understood, loud and clear. There was so much more they had to talk about, they knew, but in that moment they had one another, and that counted for something.

* * *

When everyone settled back down in their seats some of the tension that had been there was gone. The fear Alec had been carrying with him so deep down inside that he hadn’t even noticed it was there was now gone. Alec felt lighter than he had in a long, long time.

How could he not? He was sitting in Magnus’ home with the warlock right next to him, their bodies close enough this time that Alec could feel the heat of Magnus against his whole left side. He’d made the deliberate choice to sit beside Magnus, not so far away from him this time, and though it made his skin tingle a little it felt _good_.

Alec's friends – his guards – were spread out around him, smiling and laughing and talking like they hadn’t been able to lately with everything that had been hanging over their heads. And two of his siblings were there with them, smiling at Alec and _not hating him_. It was everything he could’ve ever asked for.

Asmodeus had been dealt with, Corbin was being taken care, of and Alec trusted Magnus when he said no matter what they chose to do to him, the warlock wouldn’t be coming after Alec. The spell was off Alec, the angelic energy was no longer trying to kill him, and he was surrounded by people that loved him. Alec looked around him and felt his lips curve up into a soft, private smile.

He’d never thought in all his wildest dreams that he’d be able to have something like this. Hell, there were days Alec had been convinced he’d never have any sort of family ever again. Or any real connection to anyone beside Rimni. Even that, Alec had been sure would only be an occasional thing. He hadn’t wanted Rimni to see what a mess he’d made of his life, and he knew that the sidhe already had his own life to deal with.

Now Alec looked around the room and he saw so many people all in one space – and all there or _him_.

The baby sister he’d thought he would never see again, who would grow up thinking her brother a murderer, was talking with the twins who had become some of Alec's closest and most trusted friends. Nearby, Jace was telling some story about their early training days, laughing so hard he could barely talk, while Virion, Aliri, and Alaion were listening and laughing along with him.

There were still things that needed to be said. Alec had sent his siblings off before to talk his case with the Clave and try to clear his name – not to get his position back, but to make damn sure no one thought Alec had done this terrible thing. He wanted everyone to know _it wasn’t him_. Alec knew he needed to ask about that, find out what was going on there and what had happened. He also knew they’d want to know more about how he’d changed and become what he was now. Alec would have to give them a basic idea of what had happened, and about his new role in life.

He was also waiting on whatever ruling the warlock council ended up giving in regards to Corbin. Magnus was sure he would get some sort of punishment. It was just a question of _what_.

But here? Now? They were together and things were relatively peaceful. Alec had his friends, the family members that mattered the most, and a beautiful man who had seen him at his lowest and hadn’t walked away. What more could he ask for?

The soft press of fingers against his own was a silent answer to that question. Alec looked down to where Magnus had nudged close, not pushing but _offering_. When Alec lifted his eyes, he found Magnus smiling. It was a look that was so soft and warm. One that spoke of a depth of emotion that they both knew they couldn’t put words to yet, not after just a few short months of knowing one another in a hellish situation.

But not saying it didn’t mean it wasn’t there. Alec felt the warm flush of love when he twisted his hand and firmly slid his fingers together with Magnus’. The press of Magnus rings was echoed this time by the press of the two rings that Alec wore on his own fingers. A physical reminder of the love and care that Magnus had offered him even when he hadn’t been sure that Alec would ever be able to return it.

Alec held on and felt Magnus’ hold back just as tightly. Maybe there were still a few things to deal with, and Alec knew that he was a long way from _okay_ after everything that had happened, not to mention the changes his new life was no doubt about to bring. But in that moment, with Magnus’ hand in his, those things seemed just a little less scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it folks! That's the end of the first part of Alec's journey. As you probably see, I made this into a series - I already have the next story half plotted. I make no promises on when it'll be out, as I want to get it mostly written before posting, and I've just started back at work. But it IS coming, so hold on to that. I've got a story about Alec's gradual slide toward healing, and then one that touches on the start of canon.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your love, all your kudos and reviews, it really really helped me keep this going! <3 You guys are wonderful!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading - be sure to let me know what you think!
> 
> If you'd like to join a Multifandom server on Discord, come hang out [HERE](https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD) in the Fandom Playhouse with me and a group of amazing people!
> 
> Also, though I'm rarely on there, you can find me on tumblr [HERE](https://to-the-stars-writing.tumblr.com/) and say hi, send an ask, or even leave me a prompt if you'd like :)


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